Disney Information Station Logo

Go Back   The DIS Discussion Forums - DISboards.com > Just for Fun > Community Board
Find Hotel Specials & DIScounts
 
facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS UpdatesDIS email updates
Register Chat FAQ Tickers Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read





Reply
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 02-06-2013, 06:45 AM   #1
castleview
I'm on my 103rd attempt to grown my bangs out
I'm too impatient with the skillet
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 5,324

Sports Vent - am I handling this the right way?

By not handling it at all?

DD13 plays on three basketball teams: rec, travel and middle school (not as hardcore as it sounds). During rec she plays a lot, during travel (the best coaching and play) she also gets a good amount of time, during school she's gone from getting two minutes - which I was fine with - to getting no time at all. The other day, she was the only kid to not get playing time at all. I've been biting my tongue very hard for a while and want to let it play out rather than speak to the coach. I'm not one to yell at the coach or the ref during the game and I sometimes wonder if that hurts my kid. But most parents of non-starters (even some starters) are frustrated because they can't figure out how this coach works. I like her and she preaches character. But at the last game I saw one starter mouth off to the ref, two mouth off to the coach, and one who had been out sick all week and skipped the previous day's practice to rest STAY in the game. In the meantime, I wondered what exactly some kids had to do get taken OUT of the game. My standards for coaching kids that age are obviously different.

I plan on keeping quiet about this for the rest of the season (which ends next week), but this is so frustrating for my kid. She has shown up all the time, listened, did what she is supposed to do, maintained straight As, etc. and gets nothing but confusion and somewhat humiliation. The only lesson she has learned is that some coach's just bite. I've talked with DD about this many times and told her to keep moving along, what goes around comes around, etc. Next year is a different story. But DD thinks the coach has written her off by ignoring her and she might not even make the team next year.

Anyway, am I being mousy by keeping quiet? Or have I made the right decision by letting it fall into place? Sorry to vent…but I have to do it somewhere! LOL
castleview is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-06-2013, 06:56 AM   #2
PollyannaMom
I was a click-clack champ!!
 
PollyannaMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,607

I think you're right not to say anything, especially with only a week left in the season. I would just drop this team next year. It sounds like she's doing well on the other two, and this one isn't fun for her.
__________________
"It's all about balance."
"Look for the good in people. Make rainbows. Play the glad game."
"The business of life is the acquisition of memories." - Carson (Downton Abbey)

me, DH, DS(13), and lots of pets
PollyannaMom is offline   Reply With Quote
|
The DIS
Register to remove

Join Date: 1997
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 1,000,000
Old 02-06-2013, 07:07 AM   #3
Sabeking
DIS Veteran
 
Sabeking's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: NC
Posts: 1,244

Good old sports! Sometimes harder for us parents than the kids. We had a similar situation. It was hard watching my DD get passed over. I decided if she wanted to play more she needed to take the responsibility and ask the coach what she could do to get in the game more. She did and he mentioned a couple things she could work on. One was really bringing it in practice. (6:30 am) which was hard; she is definitely not a morning person! Things changed some and she did get a little more time after that. As you said it could be the coach too, maybe a lesson learned. I just wanted to make sure my DD approached the coach and took responsibility for all she could do on her end. Good luck!
__________________
Rock-n-Roll Marathon 2014
Flying Pirate Half marathon 2014- Kitty Hawk
Sabeking is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-06-2013, 07:26 AM   #4
eebadeeba
Mouseketeer
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 275

Do all of the girls play on other teams also? Does the coach know your daughter plays rec & travel as well? If the answers are no and then yes, maybe she feels that this is the only time the other girls get to play in games, while your daughter gets other opportunities.

Not saying that is how it should be handled, but maybe that is her reasoning.
__________________
Me DD9 DD5 DS3

2004 Swan
2005 Swan
2006 October offsite
2007 January POP
2007 Summer - almost weekly to Disneyland Paris
2007 October Swan
eebadeeba is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-06-2013, 07:29 AM   #5
MEK
DIS Veteran
 
MEK's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Middletown, DE
Posts: 18,120

I have older kids now who played school and representative soccer since they were in third grade. I know that a kid can be really well liked by their outside coach and not be as well respected by their school coach. My older son lived this out in high school. It is a very difficult position to be in and creates a lot of confusion.

Let me ask - Does this coach have a child or relative that they are coaching on the team? I have found that coaches who coach their own kids/relatives on a school team automatically have biases.

Secondly, what is the age of your daughter in respect to the other kids on the team? If she is in, say 7th grade, and there are a lot of 8th graders on the team, they are likely to be the ones with the most playing time.

Lastly, I have found that in a situation like this it works best if the child speaks up. I know this is difficult, but if you daughter can ask to speak to the coach at the end of practice and flat out ask what she can do to get more playing time, that basically says it all. It tells the coach that the kid is interested and it makes the coach evaluate exactly how much time they are giving to that child.

If your daughter is going to be playing middle school basketball again next year, then I would actively encourage her to speak with the coach and say, "Mrs.........I would like to play for the team again next year, can you suggest ways that I might be able to improve my playing time in the future?"

Sports can be very frustrating and, in the end, only a very few of these kids go on to play in college. I would remind her that this is, unfortunately, one of life's lessons and she has to continue to do her best at all times. If she wants to play in high school she should not give up middle school basketball.

Good luck to your daughter. I feel your pain.
__________________

The Empty Nester's Magical Mystery Tour I Told You Driving Was Bad for Your Health

Sorry Gaston, They are MUCH More Interesting than You!
Will You Chill Out if I Sprinkle You With Pixie Dust?

Remembering 9/11:MEK Original
Why Not Just Queue Up Another Disney Trip?
How Do You Think We Stay So Happy?
Inching My Way Closer to the Castle Sept 10 TR
Wheeling & Dealing at the WL May '10 TR
Play'in It at Pop Sept 09 Anniversary Trip
JUNE 09 TR...KICK'N IT AT KIDANI DH & I do Disney Solo! DEC 2008 June 2008 tripreport
My Trips 2002-Offsite 2003-POR 2004-Royal Pacific/Daytona Bch 2005-CBR 2006-Pop, SSR 2007-ASM 2008-Pop, Vero Bch/SSR, POFQ/SSR 2009-Kidani/CSR, Pop 2010- VWL, BLT 2011-POR/BCV, Disney's HHI Resort, OKW2012-Treehouse villa/BWV, VWL/BWV 2013-HHI, Secret off site location;BWV/AKL 2014- Tampa, ASSp/BCV, OKW
MEK is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-06-2013, 07:29 AM   #6
jrmasm
Last time I checked, it was still the thought that counted
Wanna debate that topic?
So elegant but goofy!!
 
Join Date: May 2000
Posts: 7,059

Has your daughter spoken to the coach? She should ask what is impacting her playing time and what the coach thinks she should work on to be more successful next season.
__________________
What?
jrmasm is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-06-2013, 07:31 AM   #7
sam_gordon
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 9,351

Quote:
Originally Posted by castleview View Post
By not handling it at all?

DD13 plays on three basketball teams: rec, travel and middle school (not as hardcore as it sounds). During rec she plays a lot, during travel (the best coaching and play) she also gets a good amount of time, during school she's gone from getting two minutes - which I was fine with - to getting no time at all. The other day, she was the only kid to not get playing time at all. I've been biting my tongue very hard for a while and want to let it play out rather than speak to the coach. I'm not one to yell at the coach or the ref during the game and I sometimes wonder if that hurts my kid. But most parents of non-starters (even some starters) are frustrated because they can't figure out how this coach works. I like her and she preaches character. But at the last game I saw one starter mouth off to the ref, two mouth off to the coach, and one who had been out sick all week and skipped the previous day's practice to rest STAY in the game. In the meantime, I wondered what exactly some kids had to do get taken OUT of the game. My standards for coaching kids that age are obviously different.

I plan on keeping quiet about this for the rest of the season (which ends next week), but this is so frustrating for my kid. She has shown up all the time, listened, did what she is supposed to do, maintained straight As, etc. and gets nothing but confusion and somewhat humiliation. The only lesson she has learned is that some coach's just bite. I've talked with DD about this many times and told her to keep moving along, what goes around comes around, etc. Next year is a different story. But DD thinks the coach has written her off by ignoring her and she might not even make the team next year.

Anyway, am I being mousy by keeping quiet? Or have I made the right decision by letting it fall into place? Sorry to vent…but I have to do it somewhere! LOL
I think you're doing the right thing. HOWEVER, I think DD should approach the coach and simply ask "What do I need to work on in the off season to get more playing time next year?" This is assuming she wants to be on this team next year. This is around the age you need to start letting her fight her own battles. I had to do this in MS softball for my DD. She wanted me to go with her to the coach, but I kept my mouth shut... it was all on her.
__________________
Oasis of the Seas W. Caribbean June 8-June 15, 2013
Barcelo Maya Palace June 29-July 6, 2012
Bay Lake Towers, WDW June 1 - June 6, 2011
Polynesian, WDW Dec. 29, 2008 - Jan. 3, 2009
Wilderness Lodge, WDW, June 2005
Polynesian, WDW Sept. 7 - Sept. 14, 2001
Caribbean Beach, June 1993
sam_gordon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-06-2013, 07:34 AM   #8
Praying Colonel
DIS Veteran
 
Praying Colonel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Louisville, KY
Posts: 4,015

Quote:
Originally Posted by jrmasm View Post
has your daughter spoken to the coach? She should ask what is impacting her playing time and what the coach thinks she should work on to be more successful next season.
+1
__________________
Praying Colonel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-06-2013, 07:35 AM   #9
penn19
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Anywhere but here
Posts: 1,191

No real advice, but I feel your pain! I think some of the other posters have some good advice with your daughter approaching the coach. But I know that is probably hard to do at her age.
penn19 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-06-2013, 07:46 AM   #10
castleview
I'm on my 103rd attempt to grown my bangs out
I'm too impatient with the skillet
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 5,324

Quote:
Originally Posted by eebadeeba View Post
Do all of the girls play on other teams also? Does the coach know your daughter plays rec & travel as well? If the answers are no and then yes, maybe she feels that this is the only time the other girls get to play in games, while your daughter gets other opportunities.

Not saying that is how it should be handled, but maybe that is her reasoning.
Most of the girls play rec and a few play travel. I don't think the coach knows who does which.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MEK View Post

Let me ask - Does this coach have a child or relative that they are coaching on the team? I have found that coaches who coach their own kids/relatives on a school team automatically have biases.

Secondly, what is the age of your daughter in respect to the other kids on the team? If she is in, say 7th grade, and there are a lot of 8th graders on the team, they are likely to be the ones with the most playing time.

Lastly, I have found that in a situation like this it works best if the child speaks up. I know this is difficult, but if you daughter can ask to speak to the coach at the end of practice and flat out ask what she can do to get more playing time, that basically says it all. It tells the coach that the kid is interested and it makes the coach evaluate exactly how much time they are giving to that child.

If your daughter is going to be playing middle school basketball again next year, then I would actively encourage her to speak with the coach and say, "Mrs.........I would like to play for the team again next year, can you suggest ways that I might be able to improve my playing time in the future?"

Sports can be very frustrating and, in the end, only a very few of these kids go on to play in college. I would remind her that this is, unfortunately, one of life's lessons and she has to continue to do her best at all times. If she wants to play in high school she should not give up middle school basketball.

Good luck to your daughter. I feel your pain.
The coach is not related to anyone, but she coaches two other teams at the school that DD doesn't play on. She has irritated some parents because she chose kids for one team who did not make all three tryout dates and chose a few girls who didn't seem the best but who had older siblings whose parents were very helpful during the season.

DD is in seventh and mostly the eighth graders play…which is fine. Usually the seventh graders get a few minutes in each game though. And for at least two games, she was the only seventh grader to not get any time in. I have told her she can ask the coach, but during practice (they have very few), she and another seventh grader have been put in a group with the sixth graders and pretty much ignored.

I was a gymnast all my life and DH played college football so we know the reality of sports and we sit calmly while some other parents shoot their mouths off as if their kid is inline for a Division 1 school (suppressing the thought "how many times does your kid have to pass to the other team before the coach pulls her out?" or course)

Quote:
Originally Posted by jrmasm View Post
Has your daughter spoken to the coach? She should ask what is impacting her playing time and what the coach thinks she should work on to be more successful next season.
I agree with this, but trying to convince a 13 year old to do this is probably more exhausting than the current frustration. I'll keep telling her that, though.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sam_gordon View Post
I think you're doing the right thing. HOWEVER, I think DD should approach the coach and simply ask "What do I need to work on in the off season to get more playing time next year?" This is assuming she wants to be on this team next year. This is around the age you need to start letting her fight her own battles. I had to do this in MS softball for my DD. She wanted me to go with her to the coach, but I kept my mouth shut... it was all on her.
Word to remember! Hopefully, DD will say something eventually. Right now she's just dejected. But maybe DH can convince her to just ask. She is a quiet girl which probably doesn't help.
castleview is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-06-2013, 07:47 AM   #11
familyoffive
DIS Veteran
 
familyoffive's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: CA
Posts: 3,309

I can't see any player being on 3 teams at the same time! In many states, high school athletes cannot participate on non-school teams during the season if they are on the school team. I realize that your daughter is in middle school but you should look into the rules for high school athletes in your state.
familyoffive is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-06-2013, 07:51 AM   #12
castleview
I'm on my 103rd attempt to grown my bangs out
I'm too impatient with the skillet
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 5,324

It's a middle school travel team and the rec league ends at eighth grade.
castleview is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-06-2013, 08:12 AM   #13
mjkacmom
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 15,735

At this age, I believe it's up to the child to ask the coach what she needs to be doing in order to get more play time. My kids have been on dozens of teams throughout the year (usually up to 8 each season combined), and after 5th grade or so, we get our kids to games and practices, and watch from the sidelines.

This is a middle school team - I know 4th grade girl travel basketball players who play only one minute in a game (fortunately, not mine - she just does rec). You are never doing your child a favor by speaking to the coach. Different people coach differently.

If we ever approached a coach of dd14's, when he was in middle school, he would be so embarrassed! I think a few parents called the freshman soccer coach last year, and the coach had a BIG talk with his players, that if they had any questions, to talk to him, and not have the parents call. Ds told us to please never ever talk to a coach on his behalf (he was a starter, played the entire game, every game, so believed us when we told him we'd never do that).
mjkacmom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-06-2013, 08:21 AM   #14
wiigirl
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 15,974

Quote:
Originally Posted by penn19 View Post
No real advice, but I feel your pain! I think some of the other posters have some good advice with your daughter approaching the coach. But I know that is probably hard to do at her age.
Really hard I bet.
__________________
For the love of Disney...
wiigirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-06-2013, 08:26 AM   #15
sam_gordon
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 9,351

Quote:
Originally Posted by castleview View Post
Most of the girls play rec and a few play travel. I don't think the coach knows who does which.



The coach is not related to anyone, but she coaches two other teams at the school that DD doesn't play on. She has irritated some parents because she chose kids for one team who did not make all three tryout dates and chose a few girls who didn't seem the best but who had older siblings whose parents were very helpful during the season.

DD is in seventh and mostly the eighth graders play…which is fine. Usually the seventh graders get a few minutes in each game though. And for at least two games, she was the only seventh grader to not get any time in. I have told her she can ask the coach, but during practice (they have very few), she and another seventh grader have been put in a group with the sixth graders and pretty much ignored.

I was a gymnast all my life and DH played college football so we know the reality of sports and we sit calmly while some other parents shoot their mouths off as if their kid is inline for a Division 1 school (suppressing the thought "how many times does your kid have to pass to the other team before the coach pulls her out?" or course)



I agree with this, but trying to convince a 13 year old to do this is probably more exhausting than the current frustration. I'll keep telling her that, though.



Word to remember! Hopefully, DD will say something eventually. Right now she's just dejected. But maybe DH can convince her to just ask. She is a quiet girl which probably doesn't help.
My DD was nervous about talking to the coach. I told her I'd go with her, but she had to do the talking. I was just there for "moral support". I think it helped.
__________________
Oasis of the Seas W. Caribbean June 8-June 15, 2013
Barcelo Maya Palace June 29-July 6, 2012
Bay Lake Towers, WDW June 1 - June 6, 2011
Polynesian, WDW Dec. 29, 2008 - Jan. 3, 2009
Wilderness Lodge, WDW, June 2005
Polynesian, WDW Sept. 7 - Sept. 14, 2001
Caribbean Beach, June 1993
sam_gordon is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply



Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS Updates
GET OUR DIS UPDATES DELIVERED BY EMAIL



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:10 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

Copyright © 1997-2014, Werner Technologies, LLC. All Rights Reserved.