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Old 02-07-2013, 09:54 AM   #91
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Originally Posted by Janepod View Post
That's not the issue. The issue is that your son has repeatedly said he does not want to, but your husband insists on it for his own selfish reasons. A mother forcing a daughter to share her bed against the daughter's wishes would seem creepy and weird too.
Although in this case, it seems the daugther is a forgotten family member. No posts about her PP's DH missing his daughter when he is at work all day or worrying about her. Surely, the daugther notices that she is the only one not sleeping in the "family" bed - is she not part of the family?

And, the possible excuse of "she doesn't want to sleep there" is not valid here given the fact that the son is "begged" to sleep there.
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Old 02-07-2013, 09:55 AM   #92
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Originally Posted by DisneyATlast View Post
"repeatedly" said he does not want to?

Before you know it, this will morph into a story about a child who kicks and screams every night as he is forced to sleep somewhere he doesn't want to.

I said he is "perfectly fine sleeping in his own bed" which is way different than "repeatedly" saying you don't want to do something. I'm perfectly fine sitting at home watching TV, but that doesn't mean I'm FORCED to go out to eat and watch a movie. Wow.

Some people have waaaay too much time on their hands. No wonder some of you can't fathom using bedtime as bonding time.

On the other hand, we both have jobs and a life outside of looking on the DIS for posts where we can bash every parenting choice we can come across. What is the deal with that on this forum? It's everywhere.

Anyway. Done. Y'all have a blast. (Blast isn't literal. Don't put on your space suit).
All we have to go off of is what you have posted on this thread. You have eluded to there being multiple times your son has said he wants to sleep in his bed and your husband does not accept this. Many of your posts raised red flags for multiple posters for various reasons. Here are some of them.

Quote:
Both of my kids slept in their own cribs/beds as infants and babies. My husband started dragging our second child (son) into the bed with us when he was 1-2 years old and STILL does it now that he's almost 7! My son is perfectly fine sleeping in his own bed (as my daughter has always done) but my husband will practically beg him to come sleep with us or even go get him and carry him to our bed after he's asleep! I can't say I have regrets about that either as it's not really a "problem" but more of a preference. I actually like co-sleeping most of the time, until I start getting smacked across the head!
Your son doesn't want to sleep in the same bed with you and your husband. He is trying to set a boundary and your husband won't respect it by guilt tripping your son into sleeping in your bed or by physically putting him there.

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Originally Posted by DisneyATlast

I don't think it's bizarre.

He's not molesting him or something. We sleep together. He just likes "holding" him as he says and has been doing it for years now.

It's funny because he shied away from doing things like that with our daughter (taking baths as a baby, sleeping together, etc) so he wouldn't ever be in a position to be accused of anything funny, but even sleeping with our little boy, there are people who will think there's something wrong with it.
So your husband does know that there is something odd about his behavior at least enough to make him not want to behave this way with his daughter. He continues to do it with his son, though.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DisneyATlast
I forget that people take the written word so literally. When I said "begs" I'm sure you must be envisioning a grown man kneeling down, bribing a child who is kicking and screaming, and saying something like, "Pretty please? I'll give you candy."

It's more like, "Are you going to sleep in our room tonight?" ...."No."...."Why not? I'll keep you warm." ....."Okaaay," and then he goes to our room. We stay up for awhile. The end.

I've also been known to say things like, "I'm torturing my kids with 80's music," but that doesn't mean I have them locked in a room, causing damage to their ear drums, and dripping water in between their eyeballs while playing, "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun."

If and when my son starts resisting sleeping in our bed, which I'm sure will be soon, then it'll stop.

Maybe nobody assumed anything sexual, but I just thought if it were a mother who said she simply liked having her 6 year old daughter sleep with her even though she was able to sleep alone, nobody would raise a brow.

I think it's sweet. My husband didn't have a dad when he was growing up, and even though he's the definition of a "manly man," he acts like a teddy bear when it comes to his child. Maybe he has daddy issues from his own childhood, or maybe he just misses his son after spending 14 hours at work and not getting to see or hold him other than when he's asleep? Who knows.
So your son doesn't want to stay in your room and has to be talked into it.

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Originally Posted by DisneyATlast View Post
Wow, a shimmer of logic.

He thinks it's too cold in his room for one thing. It is cold in his room, but I'm sure that's not the only reason. It's probably a mixture of wanting to hold him because he doesn't see him all day when he's working. Some men miss their kids. There might be a little "fear of something happening" to him too. I'm only making assumptions.

I know for sure that I'm not an itty bitty thing and with 3 people in a queen sized bed + a dog...you'd have to be paralyzed not to feel someone pull the blanket, much less miss someone being abused. Once again, if he were older than I might lean towards creepy, but at 6...I don't see it as creepy at all. "Co-sleeping" which is exactly what it is actually is very common. It's also very controversial and people get heated over it. I didn't realize what I thought was a simple comment amongst other comments was going to start a battle. I'm seeing a trend though.
But you have said that your son isn't cold and doesn't like it when you put a blanket on him. And as far as missing him goes, your husband isn't this way with your daughter. I am wondering how your daughter feels about all of this. Does she feel like daddy loves her brother more than her? I can certainly see how she would think that. Is she perfectly happy with daddy wanting her brother around but not her? If so, that would make me question why she feels that way as no child should ever be content with the idea that their sibling is the favorite.

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Originally Posted by DisneyATlast View Post
My daughter's room is warm. My son's room is colder than any room in the house. I don't know why. It just is. Does he complain about the temperature? No. He wouldn't complain if we let him wear shorts when it's snowing either. He refuses to cover up with blankets. If you cover him when he's asleep, he kicks the blankets off immediately. I personally think if he was cold enough then he'd cover up. My husband worries about him being cold though. Either way, I don't see it as a big deal really. Plus, I think it's a factor in why he doesn't want him to sleep in his room, but not the only factor. He misses him.

My daughter did sleep in the bed with us for a long time. She was trained to sleep in her own bed as an infant, started sleeping with us when she was a baby/toddler, and went back to her own room around 5 years old because I got tired of being kicked. She'll sleep with us every blue moon (if I tell her to crawl in bed so we can talk/cuddle and we just fall asleep) but she's older/bigger, is fine sleeping on her own, and our queen bed is just too crowded for my liking with 4 people and a dog. The bed was a lot bigger when they were 2 and 4. I'm probably about to kick my son out too because he kicks more/harder as he gets bigger. He can sleep on the couch for all I care.

OR..my husband could go sleep in our son's room and my son could stay in the bed with me. There would be enough room that way, and nobody thinks there's anything weird about mothers sleeping with their children or even spouses having separate bedrooms. Go figure.
Here is where you said that your son isn't cold but your husband still says this is why he wants the son in bed with him. Your husband is not listening to your son and is only in tune with what he wants. Your son has said that he wants to sleep in his room and your husband practically begs him (your own words) or even practically drags him (again, your words) into bed with you. That is very selfish. And, again, he isn't this way with your daughter which shows that he is more concerned with your son than your daughter. I can assure you that she had noticed and it either bothers her, which should bother you, or it doesn't bother her, in which case you should question why.
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Old 02-07-2013, 09:58 AM   #93
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Originally Posted by crashbb View Post
Although in this case, it seems the daugther is a forgotten family member. No posts about her PP's DH missing his daughter when he is at work all day or worrying about her. Surely, the daugther notices that she is the only one not sleeping in the "family" bed - is she not part of the family?

And, the possible excuse of "she doesn't want to sleep there" is not valid here given the fact that the son is "begged" to sleep there.
No...Her DH was supposedly careful to not be in any "funny" situations with the daughter.(Something about not bathing with her when she was a baby.) I'll see if I can find the post.
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Old 02-07-2013, 10:01 AM   #94
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Or not since it was deleted and I can't quote a quote.
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Old 02-07-2013, 10:07 AM   #95
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Or not since it was deleted and I can't quote a quote.
Got it for you in my post above.
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Old 02-07-2013, 10:10 AM   #96
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That's not the issue. The issue is that your son has repeatedly said he does not want to, but your husband insists on it for his own selfish reasons. A mother forcing a daughter to share her bed against the daughter's wishes would seem creepy and weird too.
I agree. Gender has NOTHING to do with this as far as I am concerned. A child, of either gender, wanting to sleep with one or both parents (of either gender) and being allowed to would not raise any red flags for me . A child (of either gender) who is heading to his or her own bed happily, being asked/convinced to instead go to a parent's bed (by a parent of either gender) and being carried there after falling asleep if they DO go to their own bed, so that the parent (of either gender) can enjoy "cuddling" them through the night--even though the child has expressed no desire to do so. THAT is the issue.

As I said before, it is like your son is a comfort item for your husband. Your son should not be that--it is a burden (at a minimum) for a child to be "needed" so strongly by a parent--this is the reverse of how things should be, and wholly unfair to the child.
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Old 02-07-2013, 10:12 AM   #97
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"It's funny because he shied away from doing things like that with our daughter (taking baths as a baby, sleeping together, etc) so he wouldn't ever be in a position to be accused of anything funny, but even sleeping with our little boy, there are people who will think there's something wrong with it. "

This is a quote of a quote.


To me........This says a lot. Why would he even THINK he would be accused of anything "funny"?

Because she's a girl? That's not even something that should have gone through his head! How did he feel about changing her? Or buying her underwear? I would be worried that he sees those things(the bathing...sleeping...) as something others would worry about.
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Old 02-07-2013, 10:22 AM   #98
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"It's funny because he shied away from doing things like that with our daughter (taking baths as a baby, sleeping together, etc) so he wouldn't ever be in a position to be accused of anything funny, but even sleeping with our little boy, there are people who will think there's something wrong with it. "

This is a quote of a quote.


To me........This says a lot. Why would he even THINK he would be accused of anything "funny"?

Because she's a girl? That's not even something that should have gone through his head! How did he feel about changing her? Or buying her underwear? I would be worried that he sees those things(the bathing...sleeping...) as something others would worry about.
I agree that that is strange.
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Old 02-07-2013, 10:25 AM   #99
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UHHHH.....

Is that a joke?

Have you read this thread?

Wow, you people are nuts.

Yeah, who in their right mind would ever make accusations of a man who sleeps with his child, bathes his child, etc. Duh.
Yeah I read it...

Your DH thought it inappropriate to do those thing with you DD because people would get the wrong idea. RIGHT??? Even though those are mundane parenting things...

SO...Why wouldn't people get the wrong idea about the boy?
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Old 02-07-2013, 10:25 AM   #100
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Originally Posted by DisneyATlast View Post
UHHHH.....

Is that a joke?

Have you read this thread?

Wow, you people are nuts.

Yeah, who in their right mind would ever make accusations of a man who sleeps with his child, bathes his child, etc. Duh.
Not sure if you are really obtuse or just pretending but...

It is not sleeping in the same bed as your son that people think is strange, it is cajoling him to do so when he doesn't want to (while ignoring your daughter) that is strange.
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Old 02-07-2013, 10:25 AM   #101
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Originally Posted by DisneyATlast View Post
UHHHH.....

Is that a joke?

Have you read this thread?

Wow, you people are nuts.

Yeah, who in their right mind would ever make accusations of a man who sleeps with his child, bathes his child, etc. Duh.
So, to review: You can see how someone would think a husband was odd for bathing his daughter when she was a baby, but not think a husband begging his son to sleep in bed with him (not to mention physically moving him there) is odd?
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Old 02-07-2013, 10:33 AM   #102
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So, to review: You can see how someone would think a husband was odd for bathing his daughter when she was a baby, but not think a husband begging his son to sleep in bed with him (not to mention physically moving him there) is odd?
And don't forget he wants to hold him. Um, really? Why can't he be holding his wife in bed?


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Old 02-07-2013, 10:51 AM   #103
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I didn't say he thought it was inappropriate. Why does everyone keep making up words?

I said he shied away from doing those things. That doesn't mean he didn't do them, but he'd be more comfortable letting our 2 year old son into the shower with him than he would our daughter. Edit: Oh god. Let me be clear. He didn't take any showers with our daughter. Ever. Jesus.

Any idiot knows that men can abuse/molest boys, but if you want to pretend like people aren't automatically more suspicious when it comes to the opposite sex then you are doing just that - pretending. If your daughter had a friend who wanted her to sleep over and it was going to be the friend, your daughter, and the friend's mother then you probably would think, "cool, sounds like a fun girl's night."

Keep everything in that scenario the same except instead of the friend's parent being a mother, let's make the parent a single dad. Still think it sounds fun? You're lying if you say you wouldn't have reservations about letting your child stay all night with a man even if you'd be okay letting her stay with a woman.

This is universally true and part of the reason there are so few male daycare providers. I worked with a male provider and he took heat CONSTANTLY.

Anyway, this is like talking to a wall. Really bored, weird walls. If you would pay attention to things that were actually said such as "practically begs" which is a figure of speech and "perfectly fine sleeping on his own" which got turned into "repeatedly says he doesn't want to sleep in the bed."

He's six. He can walk. He goes and gets into OUR bed (which I am present in) on his own. Does his dad prefer it? Yes. Is he forced to do it? No. Obviously, if he were being forced against his will to co-sleep then there would never be a night where my husband would have to bring him into our bed after he falls asleep because he wouldn't be allowed to get into his bed in the first place. These accusations are so wild that they are contradicting themselves. He's a six year old boy. He falls asleep on the couch, in the floor, you name it. I never said after a long, heated BATTLE that he wins and gets to sleep in his BED and then is taken out of his bed and taken to ours against his wishes. I said he brings him to our bed after he falls asleep...as in....puts him in our bed instead of his own bed.

Whatever. That was too ridiculous not to respond to.
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Old 02-07-2013, 10:54 AM   #104
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I didn't say he thought it was inappropriate. Why does everyone keep making up words?

I said he shied away from doing those things. That doesn't mean he didn't do them, but he'd be more comfortable letting our 2 year old son into the shower with him than he would our daughter. Edit: Oh god. Let me be clear. He didn't take any showers with our daughter. Ever. Jesus.

Any idiot knows that men can abuse/molest boys, but if you want to pretend like people aren't automatically more suspicious when it comes to the opposite sex then you are doing just that - pretending. If your daughter had a friend who wanted her to sleep over and it was going to be the friend, your daughter, and the friend's mother then you probably would think, "cool, sounds like a fun girl's night."

Keep everything in that scenario the same except instead of the friend's parent being a mother, let's make the parent a single dad. Still think it sounds fun? You're lying if you say you wouldn't have reservations about letting your child stay all night with a man even if you'd be okay letting her stay with a woman.

This is universally true and part of the reason there are so few male daycare providers. I worked with a male provider and he took heat CONSTANTLY.

Anyway, this is like talking to a wall. Really bored, weird walls. If you would pay attention to things that were actually said such as "practically begs" which is a figure of speech and "perfectly fine sleeping on his own" which got turned into "repeatedly says he doesn't want to sleep in the bed."

He's six. He can walk. He goes and gets into OUR bed (which I am present in) on his own. Does his dad prefer it? Yes. Is he forced to do it? No. Obviously, if he were being forced against his will to co-sleep then there would never be a night where my husband would have to bring him into our bed after he falls asleep because he wouldn't be allowed to get into his bed in the first place. These accusations are so wild that they are contradicting themselves. He's a six year old boy. He falls asleep on the couch, in the floor, you name it. I never said after a long, heated BATTLE that he wins and gets to sleep in his BED and then is taken out of his bed and taken to ours against his wishes. I said he brings him to our bed after he falls asleep...as in....puts him in our bed instead of his own bed.

Whatever. That was too ridiculous not to respond to.

That's weird
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Old 02-07-2013, 11:00 AM   #105
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I think it's way more creepy and weird when men go to work all day, never see their kids, and everyone thinks it's "normal" because mom's there.
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Are you mental?

I know many people on this forum have expressed that they have separate bedrooms and don't even sleep with their spouse. So, maybe I should clarify that it's ME, our SIX year old son (not 13 year old), and my husband sleeping in the SAME queen sized bed.

Danger? Get real. I have a degree in early childhood development and a bachelor's in nursing. If I can sleep in a queen sized bed with my son in the middle and not know there's "danger" then I would need to be shot.

Of course, I'm being judged by people who don't sleep in the same beds or even rooms as their spouses, don't let their children cry, and think that men serving as banks while they play parent is "normal."
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Wow, a shimmer of logic.

He thinks it's too cold in his room for one thing. It is cold in his room, but I'm sure that's not the only reason. It's probably a mixture of wanting to hold him because he doesn't see him all day when he's working. Some men miss their kids. There might be a little "fear of something happening" to him too. I'm only making assumptions.

I know for sure that I'm not an itty bitty thing and with 3 people in a queen sized bed + a dog...you'd have to be paralyzed not to feel someone pull the blanket, much less miss someone being abused. Once again, if he were older than I might lean towards creepy, but at 6...I don't see it as creepy at all. "Co-sleeping" which is exactly what it is actually is very common. It's also very controversial and people get heated over it. I didn't realize what I thought was a simple comment amongst other comments was going to start a battle. I'm seeing a trend though.
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Originally Posted by DisneyATlast View Post
My daughter's room is warm. My son's room is colder than any room in the house. I don't know why. It just is. Does he complain about the temperature? No. He wouldn't complain if we let him wear shorts when it's snowing either. He refuses to cover up with blankets. If you cover him when he's asleep, he kicks the blankets off immediately. I personally think if he was cold enough then he'd cover up. My husband worries about him being cold though. Either way, I don't see it as a big deal really. Plus, I think it's a factor in why he doesn't want him to sleep in his room, but not the only factor. He misses him.

My daughter did sleep in the bed with us for a long time. She was trained to sleep in her own bed as an infant, started sleeping with us when she was a baby/toddler, and went back to her own room around 5 years old because I got tired of being kicked. She'll sleep with us every blue moon (if I tell her to crawl in bed so we can talk/cuddle and we just fall asleep) but she's older/bigger, is fine sleeping on her own, and our queen bed is just too crowded for my liking with 4 people and a dog. The bed was a lot bigger when they were 2 and 4. I'm probably about to kick my son out too because he kicks more/harder as he gets bigger. He can sleep on the couch for all I care.

OR..my husband could go sleep in our son's room and my son could stay in the bed with me. There would be enough room that way, and nobody thinks there's anything weird about mothers sleeping with their children or even spouses having separate bedrooms. Go figure.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DisneyATlast View Post
"repeatedly" said he does not want to?

Before you know it, this will morph into a story about a child who kicks and screams every night as he is forced to sleep somewhere he doesn't want to.

I said he is "perfectly fine sleeping in his own bed" which is way different than "repeatedly" saying you don't want to do something. I'm perfectly fine sitting at home watching TV, but that doesn't mean I'm FORCED to go out to eat and watch a movie. Wow.

Some people have waaaay too much time on their hands. No wonder some of you can't fathom using bedtime as bonding time.

On the other hand, we both have jobs and a life outside of looking on the DIS for posts where we can bash every parenting choice we can come across. What is the deal with that on this forum? It's everywhere.

Anyway. Done. Y'all have a blast. (Blast isn't literal. Don't put on your space suit).
Quote:
Originally Posted by DisneyATlast View Post
UHHHH.....

Is that a joke?

Have you read this thread?

Wow, you people are nuts.

Yeah, who in their right mind would ever make accusations of a man who sleeps with his child, bathes his child, etc. Duh.
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Originally Posted by DisneyATlast View Post
I thought you were being a little crazy with your obsessive post by post analyzation, but this statement right here confirms that.

Cuh-razy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DisneyATlast View Post
I didn't say he thought it was inappropriate. Why does everyone keep making up words?

I said he shied away from doing those things. That doesn't mean he didn't do them, but he'd be more comfortable letting our 2 year old son into the shower with him than he would our daughter. Edit: Oh god. Let me be clear. He didn't take any showers with our daughter. Ever. Jesus.

Any idiot knows that men can abuse/molest boys, but if you want to pretend like people aren't automatically more suspicious when it comes to the opposite sex then you are doing just that - pretending. If your daughter had a friend who wanted her to sleep over and it was going to be the friend, your daughter, and the friend's mother then you probably would think, "cool, sounds like a fun girl's night."

Keep everything in that scenario the same except instead of the friend's parent being a mother, let's make the parent a single dad. Still think it sounds fun? You're lying if you say you wouldn't have reservations about letting your child stay all night with a man even if you'd be okay letting her stay with a woman.

This is universally true and part of the reason there are so few male daycare providers. I worked with a male provider and he took heat CONSTANTLY.

Anyway, this is like talking to a wall. Really bored, weird walls. If you would pay attention to things that were actually said such as "practically begs" which is a figure of speech and "perfectly fine sleeping on his own" which got turned into "repeatedly says he doesn't want to sleep in the bed."

He's six. He can walk. He goes and gets into OUR bed (which I am present in) on his own. Does his dad prefer it? Yes. Is he forced to do it? No. Obviously, if he were being forced against his will to co-sleep then there would never be a night where my husband would have to bring him into our bed after he falls asleep because he wouldn't be allowed to get into his bed in the first place. These accusations are so wild that they are contradicting themselves. He's a six year old boy. He falls asleep on the couch, in the floor, you name it. I never said after a long, heated BATTLE that he wins and gets to sleep in his BED and then is taken out of his bed and taken to ours against his wishes. I said he brings him to our bed after he falls asleep...as in....puts him in our bed instead of his own bed.

Whatever. That was too ridiculous not to respond to.

Yikes! Sorry OP, but I really think you have your head in the sand. And as far as letting my daughter sleep at a single dads house, I wouldn't have a problem with it at all. I don't have a daughter mind you, just 4 boys, who I guess better not ever have daughters and become a single dad or their kids are doomed.
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