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Old 02-06-2013, 05:25 AM   #31
LoserMomma
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I give new moms only two pieces of advice based on my own experiences. 1. Don't listen to advice from anyone, do what you think is right. 2. Sleep at every opportunity when they're young because it will be years (if ever) before you get enough sleep again.
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Old 02-06-2013, 05:43 AM   #32
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jodifla View Post
I wish I hadn't listened to all the endless hype about breastfeeding.

One of the happiest days of my life is the day I stopped. My son was happier, too.


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Originally Posted by Pixie Dust for Me! View Post
In my case, I wish that I had listened to my mom (a nurse) rather than the LaLeche League consultant who told me that mother's always produce enough milk for their children. Finally, after 6 weeks of trying so hard...even arguing with my pediatrician...I finally decided to supplement with formula. I had a much happier (and less hungry) baby and I was a much happier mom!

I won't even begin to tell you all of the things I tried to produce more milk. Let's just say it was enough to make me cry...while feeling like a "failure as a mother." I wanted to do everything right for this baby. I had so many miscarriages in the past that I wanted to be the "perfect mom."

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I tried and tried and tried- just never had any milk come in- I pumped and pumped and pumped and nothing. Everyone talks about their milk coming in and breast getting hard and hurting, I never had any of that! Was so much easier formula feeding anyway, so it worked out for me.

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I bought a lot of things I never used like change table, a rocking chair and lots of toys. Babies don't really get as fascinated by toys in real life as they do in the commercials.
I agree- I did use the changing table all of the time though but a rocking chair, boppy pillow, toys- all a waste of money.

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Originally Posted by Soldier's*Sweeties View Post
I wish I would have let someone watch them occasionally just to ease the separation anxiety. I can count on one hand how many times I left them before they started Pre-K. I think that made it really hard on them when school began.

:
This is my feeling exactly. I always said I should have put her into day care at least 2 days a week and at least part of the day from the time she was little to get her used to it. Her first try at preschool was a nightmare, she cried so much they told me I had to take her out of the program and try again the next year!
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Old 02-06-2013, 06:21 AM   #33
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My oldest daughter is 18...there is not enough space on the page to list all of the mistakes I think I made.
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Old 02-06-2013, 06:28 AM   #34
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Similar to a PP, my biggest regret from the early years is that I spent too much buying things before my first was born, that really ended it up sitting idle.

I hardly ever used the changing table, never used the onsies, etc.
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Old 02-06-2013, 06:32 AM   #35
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Biggest regret so far (hope this counts) is not spending enough alone time with my husband for these almost 9 years and 3 DD's. I think if we (had) carve more time out for us one on one, we would be even better parents. And it will show the DD's that our relationship is really really important too. Therefore making us better parents.

Sorry re-read this, not very grammatically correct, still finishing my coffee!
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Old 02-06-2013, 06:33 AM   #36
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Soldier's*Sweeties

I know...

Should have just bought a few extra KONG toys. That's what they really wanted.
Hahahahaha! So true!!

I bought too much stuff and bought the hype. By the third I realized that babies just want to be loved, fed and clean. And to have a dog. All of my kids first word was the dog name. I guess we were always saying it!
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Old 02-06-2013, 06:52 AM   #37
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Hmmm. With the first one, I was perfect. Just kidding. My regret would be that I thought too darn much regarding nursing. I didn't have a mom or MIL that nursed and had no clue. I bought the book Babywise which was a little too rigid and I basically tried to treat nursing like scheduled bottle feeding (not every four hours of course, but still I tried to "stretch" the feeding times. My regret with the second one was that I ended the nursing too soon. The third one, I was finally relaxed for. But my regret with him will always be that his life has absolutely no structure because his life revolved around the girls' activities until he started his own and that I am just not the mother to him as I was his sisters. Much less baby pictures, more low key birthday parties, and a mom forgetting many things.
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Old 02-06-2013, 07:13 AM   #38
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Hmmm. With the first one, I was perfect. Just kidding. My regret would be that I thought too darn much regarding nursing. I didn't have a mom or MIL that nursed and had no clue. I bought the book Babywise which was a little too rigid and I basically tried to treat nursing like scheduled bottle feeding (not every four hours of course, but still I tried to "stretch" the feeding times. My regret with the second one was that I ended the nursing too soon. The third one, I was finally relaxed for. But my regret with him will always be that his life has absolutely no structure because his life revolved around the girls' activities until he started his own and that I am just not the mother to him as I was his sisters. Much less baby pictures, more low key birthday parties, and a mom forgetting many things.
I bet your DS wouldn't trade you for any other model!!
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Old 02-06-2013, 07:24 AM   #39
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I wish I had enforced chores and done a better job of teaching DD about cleaning up as you go. Neither she nor her father have ever mastered this skill, so I spend a lot of my time cleaning up after both of them.

The other issue would be to listen to my gut instinct when DD was 8 or 9, and followed through with testing for ADD. I would start the process, but back away for some reason. When DD was a senior in high school, she came to me and said she felt her brain worked differently than other people's and she wanted to be tested for ADD. She was put on medication and the difference it made in her was amazing. I think elementary and middle school would have been a different experience for her had I followed my guts.
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Old 02-06-2013, 07:31 AM   #40
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Originally Posted by Sabeking View Post
I bet your DS wouldn't trade you for any other model!!
Aww thanks. He went to a sleepover the other day and the girls got mad because they weren't allowed to at that age. So I guess there are trade offs. My neighbor was the youngest of six kids. He said by the time he was in high school, his mother's rules had dwindled down to "don't get anybody pregnant and don't come back dead."
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Old 02-06-2013, 07:37 AM   #41
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I know another! I cannot remember how many times I got irritated with a kid only to have the child feverish by evening. There were also a couple of times I should have advocated more for my child. I didn't want to look as though I thought mine was perfect or could do no wrong.
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Old 02-06-2013, 08:01 AM   #42
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I have one regret and another that I wouldn't call a regret, but I know I would do differently if I ever have a second child.

Regret: We hadn't planned my daughter and my husband was still in grad school finishing up his PhD when she came alone. This meant that I had to go back to work (I had always intended to be a SAHM) and left my daughter with my mother. Now, that's not my regret as my mother was excellent with her. However, I was a teacher and my principal wasn't the best with new and nursing mothers. She was certain that there was no way I could do both my job and be a new mother, so she was in my classroom multiple times a day asking me if I was sure I was getting my lesson plans done (I always got them turned in on time), randomly quizzing my kids (who, btw, always passed her stupid little quizzes), and just micromanaging me. She also decided that she wanted me to try co-teaching with a general ed teacher, but coudln't make up her mind which class period I would be in her classroom. My schedule was constantly changing which made pumping on schedule next to impossible. My final schedule ended up with me having my conference period and my lunch period back to back. I tried pumping on my conference period, but I shared a classroom so I needed a private place to pump. She took issue with this and told me that I needed to do that on my own time and not during working hours. So then I was only able to pump during my lunch break. By this point, the stress and the inconsistent pumping led to low milk production. My doctor suggested that my daughter come up to the school during my lunch break to nurse as babies can always get more than a breast pump can. My principal took serious issue with this. Now, understand that multiple teachers had their husbands, parents, friends, or children join them for lunch on multiple occasions as this is supposed to be our own time. My principal said that my situation was different because none of them were requesting a private place - they all just sat in the lounge. I wanted a room to nurse my daughter so I didn't have to take my breast out in front of teachers, children, and such. The stress and inconsistent pumping/nursing really did a number on my production. However, since I was nursing exclusively at this point and not pumping, I didn't realize how much until we noticed my daughter was losing weight. At her seventh month check up, she was diagnosed with failure to thrive due to her weight loss. We had to supplement with formula, which I was fine with except for the realization that she was on formula because I wasn't standing up for myself and my child. I met with HR in early November and was able to leave mid-semester and still get paid for the year. I always wished I had spoken up earlier instead of just trying to keep the peace.



Differently: For the first few weeks of my daughter's life, I was absolutely terrified of SIDS. Like most infants, she didn't want to sleep in her crib. We had her sleep in her carrier/car seat and that worked well for her. Unfortunately, I was a nutty first time mother who was convinced that my little baby, who couldn't even hold her own head up, would be able to roll over and smother in her carrier. So, at night, I would sit up watching her sleep to make sure that her blanket didn't creep up over her face and that she didn't roll over and smother. I was exhausted. I would stay up until someone else in the house (we stayed at my parents the first few weeks) was up. Then, I would ask them to watch her and I would get about an hour to an hour and a half of sleep before I had to get up to feed her. I was absolutely exhausted.
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Old 02-06-2013, 08:35 AM   #43
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JennaDeeDooDah View Post
I have one regret and another that I wouldn't call a regret, but I know I would do differently if I ever have a second child.

Regret: We hadn't planned my daughter and my husband was still in grad school finishing up his PhD when she came alone. This meant that I had to go back to work (I had always intended to be a SAHM) and left my daughter with my mother. Now, that's not my regret as my mother was excellent with her. However, I was a teacher and my principal wasn't the best with new and nursing mothers. She was certain that there was no way I could do both my job and be a new mother, so she was in my classroom multiple times a day asking me if I was sure I was getting my lesson plans done (I always got them turned in on time), randomly quizzing my kids (who, btw, always passed her stupid little quizzes), and just micromanaging me. She also decided that she wanted me to try co-teaching with a general ed teacher, but coudln't make up her mind which class period I would be in her classroom. My schedule was constantly changing which made pumping on schedule next to impossible. My final schedule ended up with me having my conference period and my lunch period back to back. I tried pumping on my conference period, but I shared a classroom so I needed a private place to pump. She took issue with this and told me that I needed to do that on my own time and not during working hours. So then I was only able to pump during my lunch break. By this point, the stress and the inconsistent pumping led to low milk production. My doctor suggested that my daughter come up to the school during my lunch break to nurse as babies can always get more than a breast pump can. My principal took serious issue with this. Now, understand that multiple teachers had their husbands, parents, friends, or children join them for lunch on multiple occasions as this is supposed to be our own time. My principal said that my situation was different because none of them were requesting a private place - they all just sat in the lounge. I wanted a room to nurse my daughter so I didn't have to take my breast out in front of teachers, children, and such. The stress and inconsistent pumping/nursing really did a number on my production. However, since I was nursing exclusively at this point and not pumping, I didn't realize how much until we noticed my daughter was losing weight. At her seventh month check up, she was diagnosed with failure to thrive due to her weight loss. We had to supplement with formula, which I was fine with except for the realization that she was on formula because I wasn't standing up for myself and my child. I met with HR in early November and was able to leave mid-semester and still get paid for the year. I always wished I had spoken up earlier instead of just trying to keep the peace.



Differently: For the first few weeks of my daughter's life, I was absolutely terrified of SIDS. Like most infants, she didn't want to sleep in her crib. We had her sleep in her carrier/car seat and that worked well for her. Unfortunately, I was a nutty first time mother who was convinced that my little baby, who couldn't even hold her own head up, would be able to roll over and smother in her carrier. So, at night, I would sit up watching her sleep to make sure that her blanket didn't creep up over her face and that she didn't roll over and smother. I was exhausted. I would stay up until someone else in the house (we stayed at my parents the first few weeks) was up. Then, I would ask them to watch her and I would get about an hour to an hour and a half of sleep before I had to get up to feed her. I was absolutely exhausted.
HUGS to you!! Especially for the bolded!! Yes we act a bit nutty with our first. I did too, and lots of people won't ever let me forget it. Pretty hard to forgive yourself for it, when others never will let it go.
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Old 02-06-2013, 10:37 AM   #44
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When both our daughters were young, we would make sure they were warm, covering with blankets, clothes, coats, mittens etc. When my younger DD was old enough to speak she told us she was always hot! So we left off some layers and she was happy. It is only this past winters (now 17) that she feels the cold in the winter.

For both my girls I felt bad that I worked and went to school at night. DH worked full time so I would drive the girls to the college with me and DH would meet us there. He would get in my car and drive the girls home while I went to class.

Because of this I always stressed to my girls that they should do college right after high school and before having children.
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Old 02-06-2013, 10:47 AM   #45
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HUGS to you!! Especially for the bolded!! Yes we act a bit nutty with our first. I did too, and lots of people won't ever let me forget it. Pretty hard to forgive yourself for it, when others never will let it go.
HUGS back! I can't believe that people are still giving you a hard time about the nutty things you did. Of course you did nutty things! You were 100% responsible for another human being who was completely incapable of not only taking care of him/herself, but couldn't even vocalize what was needed in the first place. I will say this, though. Nothing has ever raised my self esteem like having my daughter. Knowing that I am responsible for another human and that she relies on me 100% to provide for her, and seeing that she is provided for really helps me to feel good about myself. Nothing I ever did at school or work compares to that job well done. Have I screwed up? Yeap. Is my daughter alive, well, and thriving? Yeap. Maybe you can use that to help you, too. I mean, sure you did nutty things. But look at your child and how well you have actually done!
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