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Old 02-04-2013, 02:57 PM   #16
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At 17 months old, with another new baby coming (here?), I don't think she's on her way to making him a special snowflake. Just trying, and losing the battle apparently, to accomodate a friend. Feel free to look at this thread in about 2 years.
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Old 02-04-2013, 02:57 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StitchesGr8Fan View Post
Sigh, I know. And I will make mistakes. It's just frustrating to get text after text saying " I haven't slept through the night since he was born" and "he pitched a fit because we forgot his iPad for the restaurant" and " I have no friends and never get to go out" day after day. I'm always supportive in my responses even though she criticizes my decisions during my pregnancy.
There is no way that I would get my daughter up when she was a year and a half old just to change her diaper. And there is really no way that I would stay up and play with her until she fell asleep. I have friends who will lie down with their children and stay with them until they fall asleep. That isn't for me, either. When I put my daughter to bed, that is my time that I like to spend with my husband. But, I try to tell myself that what works for me doesn't work for everyone and that just because I wouldn't do it, doesn't mean others don't find it works best for them. Not an easy mindset for me to achieve since I am one of those people (re: humans) who has to work hard at realizing I'm not right all the time.

I would be annoyed with my friend constantly cancelling on me, even though I completely agree that I wouldn't want to wake a sleeping baby. It would annoy me because, well, I am viewing things from my perspective and I had plans, likely bowed out on other things, and now I'm sitting at home doing nothing. Maybe, instead of making definitive plans, you could suggest that the two of you plan to go to dinner but don't set a time. Tell her to call you when the baby wakes up. That way, she isn't always cancelling on you and she can also let the baby sleep.
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Old 02-04-2013, 03:01 PM   #18
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I would let some of these things go.

Can you plan to have coffee or bring a snack to her house? That would take care of her canceling as you can let the baby sleep while you visit.

As for not sleeping through the night, well, I have one who didn't sleep through the night until he was 4 years old. It happens. Second child slept through the night at about 8 weeks. All kids are different.
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Old 02-04-2013, 03:03 PM   #19
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It is tough. Based on your information here it seems she may not understand that she isn't helping herself. For example, if the child gets up to be changed (if she is waking him to change him I don't know how to work around that -- my kids don't have sensitive skin) she should not be playing with him. It is best to keep the environment dark and quiet and quickly move through the change. As far as he knows.. every night at 1am is party time.. he doesn't know better.
As pp have said it is part of the learning curve but I understand it can be frustrating to be supportive and understanding.
On the flip side.. it is easy to judge when you are not dealing with the issues. Granted I see a few things that I would do differently than her but doesn't make it right.. just right for me and my kids.
Good luck.. don't let it get you too upset because it could bubble up and cause an issue between you two.
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Old 02-04-2013, 03:04 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StitchesGr8Fan

Sigh, I know. And I will make mistakes. It's just frustrating to get text after text saying " I haven't slept through the night since he was born" and "he pitched a fit because we forgot his iPad for the restaurant" and " I have no friends and never get to go out" day after day. I'm always supportive in my responses even though she criticizes my decisions during my pregnancy.
Sound like the issue is less about her spoiling her son, and more about how she treats you and her having martyr syndrome.

Moms who are confident in their parenting decisions don't worry about what everyone else thinks or what anyone else is doing with her own kids.
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Old 02-04-2013, 03:17 PM   #21
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OP, I have raised two kids and I will agree that your friend sounds like a wackadoodle!

Just remember these things when your own gets here. Don't let the child take control of every situation. Sometimes it's hard not to let that happen, and sometimes some parents seem to relish it.
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Old 02-04-2013, 03:19 PM   #22
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"Never wake a sleeping INFANT"...sure! But at 17 months, after 2.5 hours I'd have no problems waking my DD. In fact I have once or twice (and she's not even 1 yet). I let her sleep as long as posible but if I have to go somewhere and she's not up yet, sometimes I gotta do it. She's been cranky but no full-on melt down either.

I hate the "just wait until you have kids, you'll see" remarks because I did have a kid...and it went about as I expected. I'm the type of parent I figured I would be. Then again I didn't have any unrealistic expectation either, maybe that's the key?
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Old 02-04-2013, 03:20 PM   #23
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I have two kids. So I guess that makes it okay to say the following: My kids had definite times of the day that they would be tired and nap. I knew when those were and would make plans accordingly. A - because it wouldn't be fair to my kids to deprive them of a nap. B - because depriving them of said nap would be difficult for all involved later. C - it made it easy to make plans with friends.

OP - I understand your frustration. My SIL was like your friend. And when #2 came along things changed for her as reality set in. Luckily her head didn't explode - she just mellowed out and realized she had been doing it all wrong.
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Old 02-04-2013, 03:20 PM   #24
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Thanks. Due in July. I'm her only friend that will still listen to her or try and work around her schedule to meet her. Our mutual friend who has 2 kids about his age won't even answer her texts anymore, or try to set up play dates.

The worst part is that the boy is smart and sweet. The sleeping and fussing issues don't happen with the grandparents or godparents. Only mom. She has said he won't get much attention when his sibling is born so she letting him do what he wants now for sleep and behavior because she feels bad.
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Old 02-04-2013, 03:37 PM   #25
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I'd question the whole friend concept if you think friends go on MSG boards and talk about you being a crappy parent.
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Old 02-04-2013, 03:43 PM   #26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Granny square
Ok I just don't get why her criticizing you is bad and you ragging on her is appropriate.
I'm partially venting, partially looking for advice on how to deal with the situation without ruining the friendship. I never say anything to her because I know it is her first kid and I know she is hormonal and pregnant and doing her best. And I know I will do some things in parenting my friends will scratch their heads at.

But I like the different perspectives on here. I'm learning ways to adapt, like letting her call me when he wakes up. And I'm learning if these things are normal and I didn't get the memo cause I'm not a mom, or if they are over the top.
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Old 02-04-2013, 03:45 PM   #27
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I think the OP is more frustrated than anything else. It is frustrating to have someone cancel on you again and again, and even more so if they are the one picking the time to meet! And if the OP's friend is complaining to her all of the time about her lack of sleep, but doesn't want to do anything to try and change that, I can see that getting frustrating as well. Better she vent here than say anything to her friend!
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Old 02-04-2013, 03:47 PM   #28
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If you care about your friend you will stop judging her parenting having never walked in her shoes. And not call her kid a snowflake. That isn't how friends treat one another, IMO. You talk about her being critical but at least she says what she thinks to your face.
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Old 02-04-2013, 03:53 PM   #29
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Granny square
If you care about your friend you will stop judging her parenting having never walked in her shoes. And not call her kid a snowflake. That isn't how friends treat one another, IMO. You talk about her being critical but at least she says what she thinks to your face.
You are right. If I wanted advice I should have worded the post differently. Lesson learned.
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Old 02-04-2013, 03:59 PM   #30
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StitchesGr8Fan View Post
You are right. If I wanted advice I should have worded the post differently. Lesson learned.
I understand your frustration. I wouldn't worry about a poster who posts over and over on a single thread to call you out.

I have a friend who lives in the home state I grew up in. When I used to go up to visit, she wanted to get together often, but had a child that she had to plan around. It was an hour and half drive from her home to my Mom's where I was staying, and she would only want her child to nap in his own crib and she would never wake him. If it were me, I would put him in the car and drive over and let him nap in the car, but she insisted that he only sleep in his bed.

Her kid, her way, but it did hamper the time we got to spend together on my visits. I tried to be more flexible with my own kids, but all parents have their own way.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.
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