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Old 02-01-2013, 03:46 PM   #31
NYEmomma
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My kiddos are all very young, but I'm pretty sure that if they grow up & move far away, I'll be crushed. I'd work very, very, very hard to make sure they never see me upset about it though. Missing them is MY issue to deal with, not theirs.

I'd be proud of them for being so independent though, as I'd never be able to move away from my parents and it's a personality trait that I wish I could change a bit. But I'd still sob like a little baby over it.
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Old 02-01-2013, 03:51 PM   #32
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I stayd put and my parents moved

They do come back in Summer though

My sis moved 1,000 miles away for a few years. We missed them, but nobody thought she was ungrateful, or doing it out of spite.
We did the same thing to DD#1. She lived with my sister and BIL and attended college in Maryland while we packed up with DD#2 and moved half way around the world to Istanbul, Turkey!

This same sister tells people that our parents moved while she was on vacation and didn't leave a forwarding address! Partially true, we all knew their forwarding address.

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Old 02-01-2013, 03:54 PM   #33
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My DD24 moved from CA to ID when she was pg with my DGD3, I don't consider her ungrateful, I consider her successful. She and her husband have purchased a home, they both work great full time jobs and they are 24.
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Old 02-01-2013, 03:57 PM   #34
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It really isn't about parents not wanting you to become independent. It's not about holding you back . Culturally , Cubans were raised that life IS about family. You do become independent but that is beside your family not away from it . They cannot imagine life not surrounded by family and can't figure why anyone would want to be away.

OP, the best you can do is thank them for raising you to be strong and secure enough to feel confident tools this move. Make sure you keep telling them that you are forever grateful for their love and support. It might not make it better but it can't hurt.

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Old 02-01-2013, 04:34 PM   #35
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Simple question that I am currently dealing with.

If your kids decided to move away from home at an appropriate age would you consider them ungrateful? If they were moving to a different city/state/country would you consider them to be even more ungrateful?

My question comes as a Hispanic male son who is considering moving from Miami to Orlando. I however am getting all sorts of guilt trips from my Hispanic mom. The reason is that the mentality from a Hispanic is your kids live with you till they get married, they then move out but live no more than 10 miles from you and weekends are always spent together.
No, I would not consider them ungrateful. I raised my kids to go and have their own life.

Considering you "ungrateful" is a way to stop you from moving out and also getting "mad" is a way of "preparing" herself for you to leave.

Basic psychology.
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Old 02-01-2013, 05:52 PM   #36
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Hispanic female here( Puerto Rican) and I feel ya.. I have like 100 family members in queens and my immediate family 5 min away and no one has moved except one ! And that was my brother who moved to Ohio. He's been gone 3 years, married bought a house, my mom still cries about it and asks what she did wrong?? I am going thru the same thing but I am married with kids. Hubby had a job offer in fl( we re in jersey) - told my mon and she had a mini breakdown so we didn't go.. I regret letting her guilt us like that. You will build up resentment - trust me- especially if things are not going good for you here. Do what is right for you.
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Old 02-01-2013, 07:00 PM   #37
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The drive between Miami and Orlando isn't very far. I've done two round trips in one day on an occasion or two. And there's ways to do it without taking the Turnpike. Maybe once she realizes that you're still within driving distance, it might not be so bad.

A good high school friend, also Cuban, he went into the Marines after high school. His two younger brothers also followed in his foot steps and their mom is proud of them, even though they don't live near Miami any more.
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Old 02-01-2013, 08:49 PM   #38
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If both of my kids end up within 3 or 4 hours from me, I would be thrilled. It's a big country and they could end up so much farther away.

I don't mean to be snarky, but I really hope neither of my kids marry into a family with those kinds of expectations. I want to them to be able to make their own family where it is best for them.
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Old 02-01-2013, 09:18 PM   #39
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Definitely a Hispanic thing. I did the Disney college program, my roommate's family was very over-the-top connected (they were in Miami, us in Orlando)...always up there, doing her laundry, daddy watching over her, etc.

My brother's current girlfriend is Cuban, and her parents won't let her spend the night at my mom's house (about 30 minutes from their house south Florida)...but they both go to college all the way up in Tallahassee...and they're 24!!!!

I love his girlfriend, her parents are very nice people, but definitely overbearing. On the weekend of my baby shower (my brother is my only sibling, this is is first niece or nephew and the first baby in all of our families lately), here parents knew where they were, but were still mad at them for not coming over to their condo in Tampa for the whole weekend. Really? Give them some space, and realize there are 2 families involved!

So, from my experiences, I would say...I think it's a cultural thing that is slowly changing. You need to do what works for you.
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Old 02-01-2013, 09:48 PM   #40
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Originally Posted by okeydokey View Post
If both of my kids end up within 3 or 4 hours from me, I would be thrilled. It's a big country and they could end up so much farther away.

I don't mean to be snarky, but I really hope neither of my kids marry into a family with those kinds of expectations. I want to them to be able to make their own family where it is best for them.
I agree on both counts! My husbands family has given us some grief about not moving "home." We met here, we married here, this is our home! I guess they thought, that despite the fact that DH's career choice literally doesn't exist in their area, that we would come "home." He chose his career before he met me, but somehow I'm to blame.

In their case it has nothing to do with ethnicity, but rather the culture of spending their entire lives in a small town and not thinking beyond that.
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Old 02-02-2013, 07:09 AM   #41
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Of course I would love my kids to always be by me, but I know that's not realistic. I have 2 good friends who's parents were born in Cuba, and the rest are Italian. I get it. My mom grew up in a city, Irish Catholic parents, and all of her cousins lived blocks away. I understand the culture, since many people I know still live it. However, things change, and at best, I hope for one to be nearby!
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Old 02-02-2013, 10:06 AM   #42
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I spent 18 years getting my kids ready to leave home, so it was only natural that they did.
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Old 02-02-2013, 10:41 AM   #43
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When I was a kid my mom always wanted me to go to college, but she wanted me to make sure that I chose a career that I could find around my hometown. She actually said, "Make sure you choose a job that you don't have to leave home to find". As a kid I never realized how bizarre this was. I followed her advice and went into nursing because you can find a job anywhere and now I regret and despise this choice. Nursing never was a good fit for my personality, the only way I'm managing is that I really enjoy kids and I have a job where I work with kids. If I ever have to work in another speciality I'll probably wait tables instead.

As a parent now, DS is in high school, I encourage him to follow his dream and do whatever in the world will make him fulfilled and happy. It has NOTHING to do with me and his dad!

I have huge issues with my mother and this is one of the many reasons, your mom may be creating a problem between you two and doesn't realize it.

Oh, and I'm white, just live in a very small southern town that people rarely escape from!
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Old 02-02-2013, 11:02 AM   #44
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No because they need to have there life also. My oldest wants to join the Coast Guard so he'll be all over the place. My kids are growing up military brats so they don't really know what it's like having family just down the street. Now my youngest who knows what he'll do.
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Old 02-02-2013, 01:15 PM   #45
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smitch425

I feel pretty certain that not every Hispanic person lives within 10 miles of their parents. As an adult, you need to do what is best for YOU. That's how life works. Parents should want their children to be happy. If you would be happy in Orlando, then go and be happy.

ETA: DH and I moved to another state very suddenly before our one year wedding anniversary. Our family was not thrilled, but they knew DH had a great opportunity here and that we needed to take advantage of it. They used to bug us about moving back home, but now they know that we'd be crazy to give up the life we have now, so they don't even mention it anymore.

It's not like your moving to the moon. You'd still be in Florida, and you can always visit each other.
We did too. DH comes from a close knit Greek family. If you've seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding, those are his folks. Nobody in the family had ever moved away. Several of them lived on the same street. When DH was offered a job 400 miles away they just about went into shock. And even 32 yrs later we get the "you need to move back home" speech. Um, no. We ARE home.

We remind them that Papou left Greece at 17 and came to America. He never went back. He raised his family in Florida, with a big Greek community. We are different in that we can &do go back to Florida for visits. And we have not had the advantage of having aunties and grandparents nearby. Still, we have jumped thru hoops to stay connected.

Do not feel guilty. I understand about your family. But, you have live your own live and you get to choose where you live now.
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