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Old 02-01-2013, 01:08 PM   #16
Mac4life30
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OK, Im Hispanic, a female, and from down here as well. I can tell you that when I decided to move from Dade county to Broward, my mother had a fit! I totally relate to your situation. My parents, however, wouldn't make me feel ungrateful, but they ARE EXTREMEMLY grateful that we all live in S Florida.

I think we all know you aren't ungrateful . Im going to assume your parents are Cuban (but I might be wrong). You know how Cuban. They were raised with uncles, aunts, nieces, nephews, etc. Its hard for older Cubans to understand how it can be different.

If you really want to move, you just need to do it. Eventually, they will calm down , although at first it will be a fight LOL. They may give you a hard time but at the end of the day, their hispanic roots would never just ignore you. They will get over it. Just be prepared for guilt trips at each holiday if you don't come down to visit LOL!
Oh yes they are cuban
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Old 02-01-2013, 01:14 PM   #17
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Oh yes they are cuban
So how does it work in your extended family? She may be wanting to save face somehow. (You wouldn't happen to be a doctor, right? )

Anyway, from a parent's perspective, let me tell you about my co-worker. She's filapino. She has two grown daughters, both graduated from either a bachelor's or master's program and both found jobs in another city and were planning to move together. My co-worker is fine with it, but her family is telling her she must have done something horrible to her girls that they want to move away from her instead of moving back in with her. She had not even thought about it until her sister said something. So it may be that your mom is getting pressure from her family about it.
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Old 02-01-2013, 01:19 PM   #18
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I stayd put and my parents moved

They do come back in Summer though

My sis moved 1,000 miles away for a few years. We missed them, but nobody thought she was ungrateful, or doing it out of spite.
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Old 02-01-2013, 01:24 PM   #19
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Simple question that I am currently dealing with.

If your kids decided to move away from home at an appropriate age would you consider them ungrateful? If they were moving to a different city/state/country would you consider them to be even more ungrateful?

My question comes as a Hispanic male son who is considering moving from Miami to Orlando. I however am getting all sorts of guilt trips from my Hispanic mom. The reason is that the mentality from a Hispanic is your kids live with you till they get married, they then move out but live no more than 10 miles from you and weekends are always spent together.
No. I will encourage them to fly. If that means living on the other side of the world, I will support them.
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Old 02-01-2013, 01:28 PM   #20
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I'm Irish and my siblings and I are close knit (parents are deceased). One niece is finishing up her masters in geology and will be moving with her boyfriend (also a geologist) once they have jobs.

She tells her the places they might end up are Ohio, TX, Colorado and Scotland. One of my sisters (not niece's parent) is giving her grief about moving. The rest of us think it is a great opportunity for them.

My 19 year old daughter has made it clear she doesn't want to live in our small town after she graduates college, she wants to be in the city. DH and I are amused by this since we grew up in the city and moved to get away from it.
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Old 02-01-2013, 01:28 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mac4life30 View Post
Simple question that I am currently dealing with.

If your kids decided to move away from home at an appropriate age would you consider them ungrateful? If they were moving to a different city/state/country would you consider them to be even more ungrateful?

My question comes as a Hispanic male son who is considering moving from Miami to Orlando. I however am getting all sorts of guilt trips from my Hispanic mom. The reason is that the mentality from a Hispanic is your kids live with you till they get married, they then move out but live no more than 10 miles from you and weekends are always spent together.
I totally understand what you are talking about here. My wife is hispanic and we deal with this every single day. My wife's whole family is in MA and they all live within a mile of each other. We, however, live 100 miles away in RI and my wife is constantly getting grief from her Mom, aunts, uncles, etc. Not 1 phone call goes by without something being said...especially now that grand kids are involved.

That being said she wanted her own life. We visit about once a month and they have come down to our house a few times.

I think ungreatful is a little strong of a term for it....I can't think of a better way to say it, but to me ungreatful doesn't quite fit.

It's been 15 years for her...guilt is still there, but it gets better with time. Good luck to you.
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Old 02-01-2013, 01:29 PM   #22
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Such a thorny issue when it's culturally ingrained like that. Seems logical that the children(grown adults, but child of the parent) need to pursue the life that will make them happy and prosper. To the parent/family it is probably scary and threatens what they have always known as the best, safest, happiest, etc. way to live and the way they were raised.

Be firm, but try to do it in the kindest way possible. I doubt your family wants you to remain with them or nearby because they want to ruin your life. I'm sure they want the best for you and for you to "break away" scares them and feels like rejection. Remember they love you.

Good luck. I've seen a lot of that with Polish families. It's so hard.
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Old 02-01-2013, 01:46 PM   #23
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I would love it if they stay in the same general area, but they need to do what they need to do. I want them to be happy and successful.

But, if they want me to help out with any grandchildren then they do need to be close by.
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Old 02-01-2013, 01:54 PM   #24
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As a self-supporting adult... No, parents should not dictate.

Cultural differences should not ignore healthy personal boundaries for children, women, etc... Whether Hispanic, Asian, Muslim, etc.... It is not right to say that lack of respect for personal boundaries and freedoms is okay 'because it is cultural'.

PS: I have had a bit of similar experience, while not cultural, the same boundaries and control and expectations and issues definitely applied.
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Old 02-01-2013, 02:06 PM   #25
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Thank you all for taking the time to write
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Old 02-01-2013, 02:09 PM   #26
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Nope. When I was 18 I got married and moved from Detroit to Tucson. Granted, my now ex-husband was military so we didn't have a choice, but my parents were very supportive. I was about to move back last year when going through the divorce, but started dating someone here and chose to stay. They were still supportive.

My DB now is Air Force, so as long as we're together I could end up anywhere...closer to home, farther, another country even. I know they;ll always support my choices for my life, and find a way to visit or get me home for visits.

If I ever have kids, I'll encourage them to do what they feel is right, support them in it, and help them get back home if and when it's needed.
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Old 02-01-2013, 02:12 PM   #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gumbo4x4 View Post
I stayd put and my parents moved

They do come back in Summer though

My sis moved 1,000 miles away for a few years. We missed them, but nobody thought she was ungrateful, or doing it out of spite.
I was just about to post the same thing!! My parents moved 1800 miles away!
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Old 02-01-2013, 02:23 PM   #28
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um, no. Might be a culture thing, but not IMO that doesnt make you someone a bad or ungrateful kid.

I love my kids, but I sure don't expect them to live with me all their lives (or even within a 10 minute radius) of me.

They will lead their life and live wherever that life takes them.
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Old 02-01-2013, 02:33 PM   #29
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mac4life30 View Post
Simple question that I am currently dealing with.

If your kids decided to move away from home at an appropriate age would you consider them ungrateful? If they were moving to a different city/state/country would you consider them to be even more ungrateful?

My question comes as a Hispanic male son who is considering moving from Miami to Orlando. I however am getting all sorts of guilt trips from my Hispanic mom. The reason is that the mentality from a Hispanic is your kids live with you till they get married, they then move out but live no more than 10 miles from you and weekends are always spent together.
No. Once my DD graduates from college I HOPE she finds a job and is able to move away from home. I would be grateful that I was able to raise her to be self sufficient.
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Old 02-01-2013, 02:40 PM   #30
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I would not consider them ungrateful, but to be completely honest, I would be very unhappy. I understand that sometimes job circumstances require a move and you do what you have to do, but the thought of it depresses me. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have my girls nearby. I do think that if all of them moved away, we would move as well to be close to at least one of them.
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