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Old 01-28-2013, 07:27 PM   #46
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My second marriage was definitely not less significant -- 29 years later (just last week) it lives on. We have a 28 year old daughter which makes it even more significant.
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Old 01-28-2013, 07:32 PM   #47
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Not so much. Most of the second ones don't make it.

Note: my Dad was married three times 7, 7 & 40 (I was from the first, my Mom ran away ). I've been married just once for 33 years. I've got a bunch of step brothers and sisters I have no contact with. One of which was a serial killer (second marriage, also a step sister a convicted prostitute, now dead) Another a convicted drug dealer (first marriage, my true sister). 3'rd marriage both step brothers very successful bankers. Me? Honorable retired cop.

What a mess.
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Old 01-28-2013, 07:44 PM   #48
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Dhs parents divorced after 15 years and went in to marry other people. The second marriages have lasted at least 32 years.
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Old 01-28-2013, 07:48 PM   #49
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I work with a young lady, less than 30. She just had her 3rd big wedding (white dress and the whole nine yards) in 5 years. Too be honest, I don't get it but, to each their own.

I will say, if I was her relative...I would NOT be attending her weddings. I would not be sending a card or buying a gift.
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Old 01-28-2013, 07:59 PM   #50
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DVC-Don View Post
Not so much. Most of the second ones don't make it.

Note: my Dad was married three times 7, 7 & 40 (I was from the first ). I've been married just once for 33 years. I've got a bunch of step brothers and sisters I have no contact with. One of which was a serial killer (second marriage, also a step sister a convicted prostitute, now dead) Another a convicted drug dealer (first marriage, my true sister). 3'rd marriage both step brothers very successful bankers. Me? Honorable retired cop.

What a mess.
So what exactly is the point here? That if you are married more than once your kid will become a serial killer, prostitute, or drug addict? Or if you are married more than once your kid will turn out great? I'm not sure I get it.

I don't get why 2nd weddings are less important than first. Everybody deserves to celebrate their special day. Should you not celebrate your 2nd (and subsequent) birthday? Or anniversary?

In regards to the gift thing, you aren't obligated to give a gift, at any wedding.
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Old 01-28-2013, 08:14 PM   #51
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Originally Posted by badblackpug

So what exactly is the point here? That if you are married more than once your kid will become a serial killer, prostitute, or drug addict? Or if you are married more than once your kid will turn out great? I'm not sure I get it.

I don't get why 2nd weddings are less important than first. Everybody deserves to celebrate their special day. Should you not celebrate your 2nd (and subsequent) birthday? Or anniversary?

In regards to the gift thing, you aren't obligated to give a gift, at any wedding.
Lol, no need to cover the "plate?"

I am all about supporting my friends and family and am pro marriage in general. But I think after the first, you lose the pull of the extra people. If I remarried I wouldn't invite the old ladies from my moms church who attended my first wedding.

Others can feel differently and invite whomever they choose. And those people can decide whether to pony up for a gift again. ( because not gifting when you attend is rude.)
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Old 01-28-2013, 08:15 PM   #52
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Originally Posted by quentina View Post
I work with a young lady, less than 30. She just had her 3rd big wedding (white dress and the whole nine yards) in 5 years. Too be honest, I don't get it but, to each their own.

I will say, if I was her relative...I would NOT be attending her weddings. I would not be sending a card or buying a gift.
It's a bit of a joke by a third marraige- I wouldn't attend either!
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Old 01-28-2013, 08:22 PM   #53
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Quote:
Originally Posted by quentina
I work with a young lady, less than 30. She just had her 3rd big wedding (white dress and the whole nine yards) in 5 years. Too be honest, I don't get it but, to each their own.

I will say, if I was her relative...I would NOT be attending her weddings. I would not be sending a card or buying a gift.
If I loved her, even if I thought she was whacked I would attend to support her. Or a best friend. Otherwise no, I wouldn't go.
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Old 01-28-2013, 08:37 PM   #54
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My brother had a big wedding, it lasted 10 years, divorced, 1 son. He then remarried with a smaller wedding, lasted 2 years, divorced. He was planning a third wedding at a small venue and was concerned that our cousins would be upset that he couldn't invite them. I said I don't think they will be upset. That one didn't even make it to the altar, broke up. My other brother said he was refusing to be best man again.
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Old 01-28-2013, 08:42 PM   #55
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My first marriage but DH's second. His first lasted 2 years. 16 years and two kids later, his second one is still going strong.
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Old 01-28-2013, 10:19 PM   #56
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Lol, no need to cover the "plate?"

I am all about supporting my friends and family and am pro marriage in general. But I think after the first, you lose the pull of the extra people. If I remarried I wouldn't invite the old ladies from my moms church who attended my first wedding.

Others can feel differently and invite whomever they choose. And those people can decide whether to pony up for a gift again. ( because not gifting when you attend is rude.)
You know, I am from the northeast. I have lived here all my life, and never, until the Dis, have I ever heard of the "cover your plate" thing. I was always under the impression that you gave what you could, and that brides and grooms invited people because they wanted them to celebrate their special day with them. I guess my thought on things is that if you can't afford it, you don't do it, you don't invite guests hoping to recoup your expenses.

I digress, but my 1st wedding (yes, I'm one of those) I had a good friend, who, at the time, was having a very difficult time financially. (single mom, deadbeat dad, etc) her gift to me was a Yankee candle. She later admitted being embarrassed by it. To me that was nonsense, just the fact that she was there was important to me. I actually loved that darn candle because she actually thought about it, even on a limited budget, because she knew I always have candles burning. Honestly, something like that is more significant to me than money shoved in an envelope to "cover the plate."

I'm with a PP, if it were someone I love, I would be there to support them, fortune or folly, even if it was a 5th, 6th, or 7th wedding.
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Old 01-29-2013, 01:01 AM   #57
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I think, societally, the rise of the big wedding started in the 20th century when people were marrying young. Big weddings became a milestone for young adults into grown up society and almost a requirement. (They really weren't before.)

Things have changed now, but we still have big weddings. Based on that, even though most brides and grooms are now in adult society before their weddings, I'd say it just depends on a lot of factors. Personally, I think if it's either the groom or the bride's first wedding, or the first marriages were short term debacles that everyone would just as soon forget about, a big fancy wedding is entirely appropriate.

If not, then it's up to the bride and groom to realize that it is totally their right to have a big wedding, but that, well, a lot of people won't consider it as important to attend. Not that they consider the marriage unimportant, but the wedding. . .well. Hmmm.
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Old 01-29-2013, 05:52 AM   #58
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I don't get why 2nd weddings are less important than first. Everybody deserves to celebrate their special day. Should you not celebrate your 2nd (and subsequent) birthday? Or anniversary?
I think many people are missing that no one is saying a 2nd (or 3rd, 4th, or 5th) wedding isn't special to the couple. It's the guests who see a drop in "importance". Do couples celebrate their 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc. anniversaries they same way they do the first?

Regarding birthdays, when our oldest had her first birthday, we had grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends. One aunt and cousin even flew in from New York. Since then, "not so much". I know my parents haven't been to one birthday party for our youngest. Our middle child had one birthday where it was us, one aunt, and one friend (and mom). Does that mean their birthdays aren't special to them and us? No. Were we hurt & disappointed? Yes. But I do think subsequent celebrations "drop" in importance.
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Old 01-29-2013, 06:04 AM   #59
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Quote:
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I think many people are missing that no one is saying a 2nd (or 3rd, 4th, or 5th) wedding isn't special to the couple. It's the guests who see a drop in "importance". Do couples celebrate their 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc. anniversaries they same way they do the first?

Regarding birthdays, when our oldest had her first birthday, we had grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends. One aunt and cousin even flew in from New York. Since then, "not so much". I know my parents haven't been to one birthday party for our youngest. Our middle child had one birthday where it was us, one aunt, and one friend (and mom). Does that mean their birthdays aren't special to them and us? No. Were we hurt & disappointed? Yes. But I do think subsequent celebrations "drop" in importance.
Absolutely. Right down to the kid's birthdays!
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Old 01-29-2013, 06:04 AM   #60
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This is a question based on the response that I saw in another thread from people who think second marriages/weddings are not as significant as the first.

If someone is getting married for the second time, they should know what to expect and be better prepared than they were the first time. We learn from our mistakes, right? (most of us anyway)

So with that logic, if someone is getting married for the second time, wouldn't the second marriage be more significant?
Well, I do not think ANY marriage is less significant or ANY wedding is less significant to the the couple.

That being said, BIG WEDDINGS with all the hoopla is a bit much for your guests if you are on your 3rd marriage.

Second wedding, you can get away with doing it as a BIG WEDDING all over esp. if it is a "first" for the other half.

However on a 3rd wedding and up, you do have to understand that it can be a burden for people to continue to put out their cash, time, and effort for you even if it is a "first" for your other half.
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