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Old 01-28-2013, 04:29 PM   #31
wgeo
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A good friend got married a few states away, I was in the wedding and went very happily at some expense to my self.

She just had wedding 2 last Thanksgiving, again 2 states away and wanted me to attend, but even though her kids (her classroom she's a teacher in a private school) were singing at the wedding, she had invited over 200 people and so decided that our kids were not invited. I didn't even realize this and as were talking I mentioned that my DH may not be able to get time off but perhaps DD and I would attend and she told me that kids weren't invited and she just thought my parents would watch the kids and DH and I would attend. Well, my parents live 5 1/2 hours away, so no that wasn't really a reasonable request in my opinion. I could have gone by myself but driving 10 hrs each way and 2 hotel nights was just too much to do by myself.

I didn't go, and I felt bad (and my friend cried and made me feel guilty) but I wish brides would be a little more understanding of what they are asking people to do. Honestly though if it had been her first wedding I probably would have paid for it and gone by myself.
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Old 01-28-2013, 04:31 PM   #32
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Originally Posted by StitchesGr8Fan View Post

In other words, it was cheaper for the couple getting married, but every guest had to pay $3k or more to get down there and stay at the resort to participate in the activities they had planned.

Don't tell me you are doing something low-key to save money then expect me to shell out $$$ to show I support you.
I went to one of those "be-your-own-travel-agent" dealies a few years ago. The lady doing the presentation bragged about how she had completely paid for her Jamaica destination wedding (and even had some money left) over by the commissions she earned booking her family and friends who were coming to attend the wedding. Well, I guess that's one way to do it. I wonder if they knew she was making money off them.
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Old 01-28-2013, 04:32 PM   #33
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I married for the 3rd time 3 years ago, it was his 1st. I had everything I wanted, big frock, coach and pair, he chose the reception venue and we saved 2 years to pay for it all. My mum walked me down the aisle (dad did it last time) and my two daughters gave me away and gave the daughters of the bride speech. Not a dry eye in the house! From saying 'never ever again' I have now got the most wonderful life with my best friend. The day was made so much more by sharing it with family and friends. My mother was of the opinion that 'well it's not your first time! ' but it was for him and he wanted to celebrate, so we did! I made mistakes, kissed frogs, and a few toads, but now I have my Prince. Who, incidentally is taking me to wdw in 12 days
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Old 01-28-2013, 04:39 PM   #34
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The marriage isn't, but I do think sometimes a second wedding can be less significant. Say the bride's parents all ready dropped a ton of money for a first wedding, should they be expected to do so again?

Also weddings don't happen all the time. Should your relatives spend tons of money on gifts, flying in, etc when they just did it for you say 3 years ago? I think it just depends on the situation.

But no any MARRIAGE is significant but the wedding, maybe not so much.





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Originally Posted by StitchesGr8Fan View Post
Here is a conversation with a family friend who was getting married for a second time:
FF - "we are having a low key wedding since this is our second. Not spending that much this time around."
DFIL - "great! What are the plans?"
FF - "we got a great package at a resort in Jamaica. The wedding package will only cost us $2k! And don't worry, we blocked out rooms for our friends and family. Only $5000 per couple, plus whatever your airfare costs! And it can be your vacation for the year!"

In other words, it was cheaper for the couple getting married, but every guest had to pay $3k or more to get down there and stay at the resort to participate in the activities they had planned.

Don't tell me you are doing something low-key to save money then expect me to shell out $$$ to show I support you.
LOL- yea that would not happen- even for a first wedding! Sorry but I decide where I am going on vacation for the year, its not decided by someone elses wedding.

I think second weddings should be low key and immediate family, not a big deal like the first wedding- lots of gifts, lots of people- those people already gave you a wedding gift, why should they have to give another because you decided to do it all over again.
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Old 01-28-2013, 04:49 PM   #35
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My father had his fourth wedding a little over a year ago. It was her third. There was a lot of pressure to attend, for reasons I still can't fathom. Between the two of them these vows have been proved false, what, 5 times? I'm sorry, I'll give you a second wedding... But by number three and four (particularly when it's the other persons third or fourth!) just go to the court house. Stop with the whole church and dress show. I'm pretty sure even God doesn't really believe you at this point.
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Old 01-28-2013, 05:51 PM   #36
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My biological mom has been married 4 times.


The first marriage lasted 10 years, he is my sister and brothers father. They remain friends.

The second guy she married after a month. Lasted 2 years. He left her high and dry. And with a lot of mental health issues.

The third marriage, was to the first husband. It didnt work the first time and it didnt work the 2nd. They are now roommates and friends. Weird.

The fourth guy I met after coming home from a spring break trip with my aunt and uncle (my adoptive parents). He was from turkey. He used her for a green card.

I would never take her serious if she said she would get married again. Luckily now she realizes she likes being alone.

After one and two-- just be life long partners. Lol
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Old 01-28-2013, 06:28 PM   #37
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Yes, *the marriage* is very important and significant to the couple involved, but I don't think the *wedding* is as important in terms of gifts, going to the expense of a large ceremony, etc. The gift giving/showers should not be an issue. Congratulations are certainly in order.

Sort of like the second child. The birth of a new baby is *very* important and exciting, but showers and such are usually given for first babies, and with the second child a lot less is needed. Close family usually give gifts, but others cards or such to congratulate.
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Old 01-28-2013, 06:46 PM   #38
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Sort of like the second child. The birth of a new baby is *very* important and exciting, but showers and such are usually given for first babies, and with the second child a lot less is needed. Close family usually give gifts, but others cards or such to congratulate.
Exactly
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Old 01-28-2013, 06:53 PM   #39
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The second plus marriages are important and if I didn't go to the first wedding I would probably go to the second and buy a gift and all that. If I went to the first wedding, bought the gift and all that I think I did my part. People can get married as many times as they like. They should also understand that if their parents paid for the first wedding its not fair to expect them to pay for the second. If their relatives spent good money to be at the first wedding its not fair to make them do it all over again. I feel like its my responsibility to be supportive of my family. One day I will want them at my kids weddings. So I go. But if it got to the point where it was all just too much I wouldn't go. Like for example just last summer my nephew got married. He lives in Sweden. We went. It's not cheap. We got home and maybe two weeks later his brother proposed to his girlfriend. They were getting married in December. I couldn't afford the cost, vacation time and toll the jet lag takes to return after only four months. I didn't attend. I don't really feel bad. I showed my support for that branch of my family tree. I think it's too much to ask. The same way I think it's too much to ask guests to come to a big wedding where you know they spent a lot of money so the expectation of a gift is there when the same guests just did all this with you not so long ago.
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Old 01-28-2013, 07:22 PM   #40
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Originally Posted by Ember View Post
My father had his fourth wedding a little over a year ago. It was her third. There was a lot of pressure to attend, for reasons I still can't fathom. Between the two of them these vows have been proved false, what, 5 times? I'm sorry, I'll give you a second wedding... But by number three and four (particularly when it's the other persons third or fourth!) just go to the court house. Stop with the whole church and dress show. I'm pretty sure even God doesn't really believe you at this point.
REALLY?? Vows are false by the 3rd or 4th marriage? Let me tell you my story. First marriage- way too young and naive to be married. Divorced after 4 1/2 years.
Marriage #2- Ex abandoned me after 4 months never heard from him again. So technically a divorce.
Marriage #3-Married 13 years when my husband dies suddenly. I'm 46 at this point.

After 5 years of being alone I meet and fall in love with a wonderful. He too has been married 3 times. We decide to marry. We couldn't be happier. I hate to tell you, but our vows mean just as much to us now as those who are marrying for the 1st time.

Don't judge those who have been married multiple times until you know the whole story.
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Old 01-28-2013, 07:24 PM   #41
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I know lots of people that have huge showers for a 2nd baby or wedding. I don't really get it, so I politely decline the invitation.

I'm on my second marriage (DH first) and our wedding was bigger than my first. But that's because I was having major 2nd thoughts about the first one and we ended up canceling and going to the justice of the peace. Guess that should have clued me in. That one lasted 1 year, DH and I are about to celebrate #10!
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Old 01-28-2013, 07:28 PM   #42
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Originally Posted by Ember View Post
My father had his fourth wedding a little over a year ago. It was her third. There was a lot of pressure to attend, for reasons I still can't fathom. Between the two of them these vows have been proved false, what, 5 times? I'm sorry, I'll give you a second wedding... But by number three and four (particularly when it's the other persons third or fourth!) just go to the court house. Stop with the whole church and dress show. I'm pretty sure even God doesn't really believe you at this point.


My friend married a guy that had been married 5 times--I had to shake my head when they were getting divorced and she was actually surprised about it LOL---ummm---you would think the 5 time track record would have clued you in a bit LOL.
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Old 01-28-2013, 07:28 PM   #43
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So, my take away from this thread is since it's my first marriage and his second, all the gifts belong to me. After all, it's apparently more significant for me. But wait, he was a widower, so wouldn't have been available for a second marriage normally. Does that increase the significance?


Before you jump on me, those were his words, not mine, and he offered me custody of his children along with the gifts. (It's been one of those days around here.)
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Old 01-28-2013, 07:34 PM   #44
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ember
My father had his fourth wedding a little over a year ago. It was her third. There was a lot of pressure to attend, for reasons I still can't fathom. Between the two of them these vows have been proved false, what, 5 times? I'm sorry, I'll give you a second wedding... But by number three and four (particularly when it's the other persons third or fourth!) just go to the court house. Stop with the whole church and dress show. I'm pretty sure even God doesn't really believe you at this point.
LMAO. Funny! I agree with you thou. By the 3rd or 4th, just get married at city hall and skip the big show. Or like another had said, be life long partners. Lol. Just my opinion.
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Old 01-28-2013, 07:48 PM   #45
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I know someone who is working on marrige number 3 and is planning a huge blow out wedding. Her Pinterest is nothing but wedding stuff. Apparently, this one is her "soul mate." I find that funny because she isn't even legally divorced from her last soul mate yet (and yes, that's what she called #2 until the separation). I admit to inwardly rolling my eyes when I hear about it. I wish her well, but I think it's silly to have a big old wedding when you have already done it twice before.

The marriage, love, and commitment is no less important but I don't get the reason behind the big "show" of a wedding. Just go make your vows to each other, honor them, and be happy. Save the money. But people are going to do what they are going to do. I guess it's none of my business (unless I'm asked, like here, then I'm going to say what I think!)
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