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Old 01-28-2013, 02:20 PM   #16
Granny square
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Statistically speaking second marriages have a higher failure rate.

http://www.remarriage.com/Remarriage...marriages.html

But each situation is different. I wouldn't have thought my dads third marriage would be a success but they have celebrated their 25th anniversary.

A second wedding, not so much. I will support my friends but have no desire to go to my bosses daughters second. (Went to the first) or to buy anything huge gift wise if I bought for the first!
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Old 01-28-2013, 02:24 PM   #17
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I dont feel that a second "wedding" is as important as the first. (im talking about a "wedding" not "marriage"). I will do my best to attend the wedding, but if I cant, I wont go out of my way or feel bad about it.
I'm not picking on you specifically goofyintoronto, but you made an interesting point.

If someone is getting married for the second time, why do people not really "care" whether they attend the wedding, as much as they would if it were a first wedding?
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Old 01-28-2013, 02:24 PM   #18
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If I ever have to do it again, it would be a destination wedding.
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Old 01-28-2013, 02:24 PM   #19
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No, I do not believe a second wedding/marriage is less significant than the first.
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Old 01-28-2013, 02:26 PM   #20
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Quote:
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If I ever have to do it again, it would be a destination wedding.
Still married but same here. I'd fly out the major players and have a ball.
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Old 01-28-2013, 02:28 PM   #21
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I am on my second marriage. It is my husband's first. The fact that anyone would consider our marriage or wedding "less important" slights him. Yes I had a big wedding the first time (controlled and paid for by his family, probably part of the reason he is an ex). My current husband was not there. Why should his happiness and ideas of his perfect wedding be controlled by what I had already had?

Now if we had both already had huge weddings, then I am sure I would be looking at it differently.

That being said, we did not do a big wedding. We did a destination wedding that we wanted, with only 5 family members in attendance. We had an open house type reception when we returned where we showed the video and pictures. But that was his choice. I was ready to do the wedding again, if that had been what he wanted. My family and friends were supportive of it.
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Old 01-28-2013, 02:29 PM   #22
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Still married but same here. I'd fly out the major players and have a ball.

This is what we did. Had a ball in Vegas. Did the whole wedding dress/tux thing up and down the Strip.
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Old 01-28-2013, 02:32 PM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ennazus8810
I am on my second marriage. It is my husband's first. The fact that anyone would consider our marriage or wedding "less important" slights him. Yes I had a big wedding the first time (controlled and paid for by his family, probably part of the reason he is an ex). My current husband was not there. Why should his happiness and ideas of his perfect wedding be controlled by what I had already had?

Now if we had both already had huge weddings, then I am sure I would be looking at it differently.

That being said, we did not do a big wedding. We did a destination wedding that we wanted, with only 5 family members in attendance. We had an open house type reception when we returned where we showed the video and pictures. But that was his choice. I was ready to do the wedding again, if that had been what he wanted. My family and friends were supportive of it.
No one is "his happiness and ideas of his perfect wedding be controlled by what I had already had?"

His wedding happiness shouldn't be controlled by the feelings of others.

Do you think people who made a big deal about your first and bought expensive gifts should be guilted into doing so again so that your husband doesn't feel bad?

Obviously general "you" since you did not have a big second wedding. Just easier to ask the question that way!!
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Old 01-28-2013, 02:49 PM   #24
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No one is "his happiness and ideas of his perfect wedding be controlled by what I had already had?"

His wedding happiness shouldn't be controlled by the feelings of others.

Do you think people who made a big deal about your first and bought expensive gifts should be guilted into doing so again so that your husband doesn't feel bad?

Obviously general "you" since you did not have a big second wedding. Just easier to ask the question that way!!
No one should be guilted into any kind of gift for ANY wedding. I'm not sure what your point is? I wouldn't expect any level of gift from anyone anytime ever.

And when DBF and I get married it is probably going to be a big wedding (his choosing). It is his first and would be my second. I got divorced in 1997 if that matters.
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Old 01-28-2013, 02:51 PM   #25
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Depends on why it's a second marriage.

DH's cousin First marriage at 22. "Grew apart". 2nd marriage at 24 we were rolling our eyes. Whoops "Grew apart". 3rd marriage at 28 we declined to attend. Nope sorry - you just are not taking this thing seriously so stop doing it or at the very least stop inviting people to tag along on your "adventures". At Christmas we were taking bets on round 4 because yup he's divorced again.
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Old 01-28-2013, 04:01 PM   #26
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As many have said marriage no, wedding maybe. My second wedding was way more low key and I loved it for that!!! We threw tradition to the wind and did what we wanted. Wrote our entire ceremony, I wore a red dress and we had an awesome party with all our friends. No flowers or garter etc. I think with a second wedding the pressure is off as far as how you do it .
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Old 01-28-2013, 04:11 PM   #27
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I'm willing to give everyone a mulligan on their first wedding/marriage.


Quote:
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The marriage isn't, but I do think sometimes a second wedding can be less significant. Say the bride's parents all ready dropped a ton of money for a first wedding, should they be expected to do so again?

Also weddings don't happen all the time. Should your relatives spend tons of money on gifts, flying in, etc when they just did it for you say 3 years ago? I think it just depends on the situation.

But no any MARRIAGE is significant but the wedding, maybe not so much.
This is pretty much how I feel. I wouldn't spend tons of money, or alter family (kids and dh) plans to attend someone's second wedding ceremony.
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Old 01-28-2013, 04:14 PM   #28
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I don't think the marriage is less significant, but I don't believe people should go all out for the wedding. However, I think all weddings are a huge waste of money anyway, so my opinion is probably biased.
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Old 01-28-2013, 04:14 PM   #29
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My father had his fourth wedding a little over a year ago. It was her third. There was a lot of pressure to attend, for reasons I still can't fathom. Between the two of them these vows have been proved false, what, 5 times? I'm sorry, I'll give you a second wedding... But by number three and four (particularly when it's the other persons third or fourth!) just go to the court house. Stop with the whole church and dress show. I'm pretty sure even God doesn't really believe you at this point.
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Old 01-28-2013, 04:16 PM   #30
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Here is a conversation with a family friend who was getting married for a second time:
FF - "we are having a low key wedding since this is our second. Not spending that much this time around."
DFIL - "great! What are the plans?"
FF - "we got a great package at a resort in Jamaica. The wedding package will only cost us $2k! And don't worry, we blocked out rooms for our friends and family. Only $5000 per couple, plus whatever your airfare costs! And it can be your vacation for the year!"

In other words, it was cheaper for the couple getting married, but every guest had to pay $3k or more to get down there and stay at the resort to participate in the activities they had planned.

Don't tell me you are doing something low-key to save money then expect me to shell out $$$ to show I support you.
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