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Old 01-28-2013, 01:40 PM   #1
smkiya
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Spinoff: Do you think a second marriage is less significant than the first?

This is a question based on the response that I saw in another thread from people who think second marriages/weddings are not as significant as the first.

If someone is getting married for the second time, they should know what to expect and be better prepared than they were the first time. We learn from our mistakes, right? (most of us anyway)

So with that logic, if someone is getting married for the second time, wouldn't the second marriage be more significant?
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Old 01-28-2013, 01:50 PM   #2
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The marriage isn't, but I do think sometimes a second wedding can be less significant. Say the bride's parents all ready dropped a ton of money for a first wedding, should they be expected to do so again?

Also weddings don't happen all the time. Should your relatives spend tons of money on gifts, flying in, etc when they just did it for you say 3 years ago? I think it just depends on the situation.

But no any MARRIAGE is significant but the wedding, maybe not so much.
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Old 01-28-2013, 01:51 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smkiya View Post
This is a question based on the response that I saw in another thread from people who think second marriages/weddings are not as significant as the first.

If someone is getting married for the second time, they should know what to expect and be better prepared than they were the first time. We learn from our mistakes, right? (most of us anyway)

So with that logic, if someone is getting married for the second time, wouldn't the second marriage be more significant?
I saw that, too, and wanted to comment. For me, my FIRST wedding was my husband's second. You better believe my entire family thought his second wedding was significant.

All weddings should be important. Even for those Liz Taylors of the world. No one gets married thinking it will end in divorce.
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Old 01-28-2013, 01:51 PM   #4
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I'm willing to give everyone a mulligan on their first wedding/marriage.
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Old 01-28-2013, 01:53 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Wise One View Post
The marriage isn't, but I do think sometimes a second wedding can be less significant. Say the bride's parents all ready dropped a ton of money for a first wedding, should they be expected to do so again?

Also weddings don't happen all the time. Should your relatives spend tons of money on gifts, flying in, etc when they just did it for you say 3 years ago? I think it just depends on the situation.

But no any MARRIAGE is significant but the wedding, maybe not so much.
Exactly!

Yes, the second marriage is important & significant to the couple. The second WEDDING to friends and family? Eh, not so much IMO.
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Old 01-28-2013, 01:55 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smkiya View Post
This is a question based on the response that I saw in another thread from people who think second marriages/weddings are not as significant as the first.

If someone is getting married for the second time, they should know what to expect and be better prepared than they were the first time. We learn from our mistakes, right? (most of us anyway)

So with that logic, if someone is getting married for the second time, wouldn't the second marriage be more significant?
With the logic the third would be more significant than the second and the fourth would be more significant than the third........
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Old 01-28-2013, 01:55 PM   #7
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I fail to see what one has to do with the other?

Each marriage is a separate entity, and should only be analyzed in comparison to the other, in respect to the individuals involved. I would hope each would autopsy their prior marriage, so as to learn for the second.

That being said, one should not be more important than the other, as they are two different events.

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Old 01-28-2013, 01:57 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janepod View Post
I'm willing to give everyone a mulligan on their first wedding/marriage.
Good one.

If I someone is important to me (family member or friend) and they are getting married for the 2nd time, I'd happily go. I'd hope that they learned from the mistakes of their first marriage and will be better prepared to make a "go" of this one. Often 1st marriages happened when the participants were very young and I have often felt that most people are not quite ready to choose a life mate at the age of 18 or 20. And before all you who got married at the age of 18 or 20 write to tell me about your long-term successful marriage, please note that I said most people. And congratulations!

That being said, when someone starts to be getting married 3, 4, 5 times then I truly think it's time to tone down the whole "white dress blushing bride wedding" thing and have a smaller celebration that celebrates the commitment being made in light of greater life experience.

I'm still on my 1st DH but if something were to happen God forbid, and I ever married again, it would not be me in a poufy white dress with 200 people eating a chicken (or prime rib) dinner, band, toss the garter, toss the bouquet wedding like I had in my (late) 20s. It would be more along the lines of "we are thrilled to have the good fortune to have found one another and are thrilled that you love us and want to be here". Small, intimate, simple.... This is how my DB & DSisIL did it when they got married (2nd wedding for both)...about 25 people at their house with a simple ceremony and it was quite lovely.

These decisions depend on the circumstances as well though. Someone who is on their 3rd or 4th spouse who just isn't "getting it" in terms of commitment...I might be less apt to be anxious to attend. It almost has to be a case-by-case basis depending on the individual situation.
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Old 01-28-2013, 01:59 PM   #9
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It depends on the circumstances if the first divorce and the second wedding. If the person I was there to support has a bad track record and this looked like another bad decision, then no, I'm not going to go all out to support it. If the first marriage ended for a valid reason (not just "I rushed in to this, I'm bored, or other lame reason) and the second marriage looked like a good match, then yes, I would fully support as much as I can.
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Old 01-28-2013, 01:59 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Wise One View Post
The marriage isn't, but I do think sometimes a second wedding can be less significant. Say the bride's parents all ready dropped a ton of money for a first wedding, should they be expected to do so again?

Also weddings don't happen all the time. Should your relatives spend tons of money on gifts, flying in, etc when they just did it for you say 3 years ago? I think it just depends on the situation.

But no any MARRIAGE is significant but the wedding, maybe not so much.
Can't add to this==sums up my opinion perfectly!!
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Old 01-28-2013, 01:59 PM   #11
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So what if it is his first wedding and her second? Where does that rank on the "importance" scale? Is it important for him but not so much for her? What are the "rules" in that situation?
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Old 01-28-2013, 02:00 PM   #12
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Any marriage is significant.

Weddings? Depends on many factors. From the thread, I'm seeing people saying second weddings are not as significant. Not second marriages.
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Old 01-28-2013, 02:07 PM   #13
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I suppose every single marriage should be as significant as the first. Including the third, fourth, fifth, six and seventh and eight. Not sure where I stand on the ninth though.

The bride or groom must eventually get tired of repeating the vows "Till death do us part" or "As long as we both shall live".
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Old 01-28-2013, 02:12 PM   #14
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I dont feel that a second "wedding" is as important as the first. (im talking about a "wedding" not "marriage"). I will do my best to attend the wedding, but if I cant, I wont go out of my way or feel bad about it.
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Old 01-28-2013, 02:15 PM   #15
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No. Most second marriages I've seen last much longer than the first so they are probably more significant if you want to put it that way. Second weddings, however, they are not that significant to me.
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