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Old 01-25-2013, 09:06 AM   #16
a1tinkfans
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Personally I find nothing Offensive when it comes to anyone explaining or describing why they feel the way they do. I dont walk in her shoes but reading thru her post actually broke my heart. To you and yours .

We can only do what we can and try try again....As a parent I too know what it can be to try so hard , to teach and re-teach, to be involved, to aggressively pursue every option available, to advocate, and sometimes, to be disappointed and hit a brick wall. I dont judge anyone.
AS in an older child comes with different situations and challenges, some very difficult ones and PROUD moments as well ...it is often difficult for people outside the immediate situation to "see" the real situation/world because it is often masked with ...for lack of a better word, normalcy of situations and responses..
No disrespect to anyone that is in the situation of having a child/young adult or adult with Aspergers, but each stage can be very different and again, comes with its own set of challenges. To one and all, continue to be the best supportive parents you can. We're all so very blessed.....Nuff said.
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Old 01-25-2013, 09:28 AM   #17
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Wow, this on the other hand I do find offensive. My daughter is not "impaired" and she does not have an "ugly condition" and frankly I don't want her to be "normal" (in my house, we embrace the term weird and strive to be unique individuals who are confident in being different and thrive on our uniqueness). She's extra-ordinary. She's brilliant. She's compassionate. She's wonderful. Yes, she does have struggles that neuro-typical people don't have. Yes we have a lot of extra things to work on and life isn't easy but that doesn't mean having AS is a nightmare.
I'm sorry that you find that offensive, but it's my own personal experience that I speak of.

I may have responded more like you when my son was 14 or 15. Unfortunately, dealing with my son as an adult has changed my perspective.

Thought I would add a couple of statements. I LOVE my son very much. I support him in every way possible. I show infinite patience to my son because I know society doesn't. I make his home a place where he can be comfortable being himself. I hate Aspergers because it has robbed my son of a normal life. I don't take that out on him in any way. I know it's not his fault. Although I accept the fact that my son has Aspergers, I don't embrace it. I just can't do that after all how difficult and painful it has made all of our lives.

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Old 01-25-2013, 09:30 AM   #18
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Originally Posted by a1tinkfans View Post
Personally I find nothing Offensive when it comes to anyone explaining or describing why they feel the way they do. I dont walk in her shoes but reading thru her post actually broke my heart. To you and yours .
Thank you. Seriously. From the bottom of my heart.
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Old 01-25-2013, 11:42 AM   #19
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Since he has not been officially diagnosed, I don't want to place a label on him that may not truly apply. If he is officially diagnosed, then I will have no problem letting others know, but there are people on these boards I know in real life, and we have not opened discussed the possibility of this diagnosis with everyone we know yet-- only our close friends and relatives know. The irony of your question in relation to your screen name is not lost on me, however .
Haha! Actually, my screen name had nothing to do with me wanting anonimity. I felt I needed a "mouse" name, and my husband's first pet growing up in England was a mouse named Anonymouse, so I went with that.

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Old 01-25-2013, 01:31 PM   #20
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I can't speak from personal experience with Asperger's, but I am very familiar with living with autism (my younger brother is on the other end of the spectrum) and I taught self-contained classes for children with autism for six years. There is no real "poster child" for autism. Each person presents with different symptoms, quirks and abilities/impairments. Your son may have Aspergers/high functioning autism, or he may fall just outside the "spectrum" and just be a little quirky. If he is very close to that end of the spectrum, it's feasible that you might not have noticed any problems. Heck, some people aren't diagnosed with Asperger's until they're adults!

School and home are very different. It's natural for us to make accommodations for our kids without even thinking about it. If kids don't like tags in their shirts, we cut them out; if they don't like their foods touching, we get divided plates; if they don't like surprises, we don't surprise them. We say, "Oh, that's just one of his/her things," and we forget about it. Parents start to notice when they have to make *big* changes, lots of changes, or things just don't seem right.

Schools are different. When you've got 20-30 kids in a classroom that all need to keep up with the others and meet the same objectives at the same pace, it's easy to pick out someone who is "different" and may need some intervention. I'm sure you saw it in the classroom yourself, so you probably know what I mean. Don't beat yourself up if the tests show he has Asperger's and you didn't know it. It means he copes really well if you make some small accommodations for him, which is great news!

I would do my best to go into the evaluation process with an open mind. Maybe they'll find he just needs some accommodations for academics and he'll be fine otherwise. Maybe they'll think he needs more. Just remember: it is *not* anything you did/didn't do, and you do *not* have to agree to what they recommend! You can get a second opinion and you can work together to figure out what will help your son most. They do *not* have the right to develop an IEP and expect you to sign off on it. You have the right to speak your mind and disagree with them if you choose to. I really suggest checking out wrightslaw.com; they provide excellent advice on special education law in easy-to-understand terms. Hopefully, it won't come to that and everything will be just fine.
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Old 01-25-2013, 05:42 PM   #21
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My son is 9 1/2 years old and saw a developmental pediatrician a year ago and she did not diagnose him with anything but said he had "asperger tendencies". It's funny reading the other kids with aspergers, because it fits my son so well. At my son's last teacher's conference, the first thing the teacher said was "your son is very sociable". I have seen him at school interacting at school with the kids and gets along but would also rather read, play his ipod or watch godzilla or play legos. He is friends with one boy on the block and they play once or twice a week but to be honest, I think he would be just as happy playing with himself. It's funny, he just loves being home with his family and doing "his things". He plays nicely with his twin sister and 3 year old brother. He got a A+ in science and loves social studies, his writing is very poor and he's not a good speller. He is not really coordinated and has a bit of low muscle tone and is not interested in sports (I think mostly because he's not good at them). He will talk to me about his ninjagos and other hero factory figures and at times go on and on about them. He doesn't make good eye contact with strangers either. I think he may be asperger's or just have it slightly but definetely has some of the characteristics of it. He is a funny kid and is super loving and I am proud to be his mom. PS I held my son back when he was in 2nd grade (along with his twin sister) because I thought it would be beneficial since he had some learning issues and his sister was struggling a bit as well. I have never regretted it. Glad I did it. He matured more and doesn't struggle with the school work.
Thanks for sharing how repeating 2nd grade worked out for you guys. I've been really stressed about dd repeating 1st. I understand where the school is coming from, but I'm so worried about the social aspect. As luck would have it, she and another first grader are the only kids at our bus stop. He bullied her in Kindergarten (and got totally busted by the teacher and principal for it).

Anyway, I'm very relieved to hear it worked out for your son and daughter; thanks again.
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Old 01-25-2013, 05:45 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by a1tinkfans View Post
Personally I find nothing Offensive when it comes to anyone explaining or describing why they feel the way they do. I dont walk in her shoes but reading thru her post actually broke my heart. To you and yours .

We can only do what we can and try try again....As a parent I too know what it can be to try so hard , to teach and re-teach, to be involved, to aggressively pursue every option available, to advocate, and sometimes, to be disappointed and hit a brick wall. I dont judge anyone.
AS in an older child comes with different situations and challenges, some very difficult ones and PROUD moments as well ...it is often difficult for people outside the immediate situation to "see" the real situation/world because it is often masked with ...for lack of a better word, normalcy of situations and responses..
No disrespect to anyone that is in the situation of having a child/young adult or adult with Aspergers, but each stage can be very different and again, comes with its own set of challenges. To one and all, continue to be the best supportive parents you can. We're all so very blessed.....Nuff said.
Agree!!! It's hard to be candid about seeing your child struggle to make sense of the world. And for him/her to reject what you've spent a lifetime trying to instill, must be beyond belief. We all have a right to our own feelings.
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Old 01-25-2013, 06:08 PM   #23
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I think it's important to remember that there is a wide spectrum. My DD, while never diagnosed, I think probably is very high functioning. She gets great grades and has friends but if friends go off and play without her, she thinks they don't like her anymore and won't go with them. She also has to have all tags cut off clothes and will only wear cotton stretch pant or sweatpants. She does not like change at all and can be very OCD. Her new thing is hand washing. Her hands keep getting red raw from it.

I also have two close friends with children with Asperger's. They both present very differently. One won't go anywhere without her mother. The other will go with anyone, even stranger so it's very scary. They are both 10 like my DD.

Good luck OP. Just know there is a lot more knowledge and support out there than used to be and lots of children with Asperger's go on to live very seemingly normal lives.

Best wishes to you.
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Old 01-25-2013, 06:47 PM   #24
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I am dealing with this now with my 4 year old. I am also a teacher. First let me say that I am amazed that the school would say something like that. We have to be very careful because that is medical and not educational. The same with ADHD and ADD. My son has a lot of sensory issues. We have worked with the Birth to Three program and now we are working with the school. He is that child just does not "fit" any one category. I have seen improvements with adding supplements and vitamins and so on. We are now going to Health South for extra OT because he needs more than what is "educationally necessary. Just send (((HUGS))) and know that you are not alone.
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Old 01-25-2013, 07:33 PM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by a1tinkfans View Post
Personally I find nothing Offensive when it comes to anyone explaining or describing why they feel the way they do. I dont walk in her shoes but reading thru her post actually broke my heart. To you and yours .

We can only do what we can and try try again....As a parent I too know what it can be to try so hard , to teach and re-teach, to be involved, to aggressively pursue every option available, to advocate, and sometimes, to be disappointed and hit a brick wall. I dont judge anyone.
AS in an older child comes with different situations and challenges, some very difficult ones and PROUD moments as well ...it is often difficult for people outside the immediate situation to "see" the real situation/world because it is often masked with ...for lack of a better word, normalcy of situations and responses..
No disrespect to anyone that is in the situation of having a child/young adult or adult with Aspergers, but each stage can be very different and again, comes with its own set of challenges. To one and all, continue to be the best supportive parents you can. We're all so very blessed.....Nuff said.
You're right, each stage is very different. My son was diagnosed at aged 8 and is now 19. The struggles with homework over the years were painful for both of us! In hidesight I wish we had tried homeschooling but school was his only opportunity for social interaction outside the family. Even though he didn't have a best friend I felt it was enough to justify keeping him enrolled. It wasn't until high school that he found a group he could tolerate
Now that he's older we have to push him to stay involved socially but there's only so much we can do at his age.
I'm so thankful that's he's very high functioning and not more severe. When we received the IQ test results as part of the initial age 8 testing I had visions of class president, ivy league college, etc but reality was different. Now I just want him to be happy in life and to find someone to share it with.
As we all know, each of our children are special in their own way but I'll always worry over him a little more as he struggles to find his way through college, career and hopefully, love.
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Old 01-25-2013, 09:29 PM   #26
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OP, Asperger's and Pervasive Developmental Disorders fall under the umbrella of Autism. The DSM (The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) is often used by psychiatrists to diagnose disorders. The DSM-V is about to be released and Aspergers is being dropped as a separate condition. This CBS article talks a little about it: http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-204_162-...iation-manual/

Previously, someone mentioned that it is a medical diagnosis and not an educational one. Some school districts have autism teams that use the Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule (ADOS) to diagnose.

One common statement is: If you've met one child with autism, you've met one child with autism. Autism is a spectrum disorder meaning that there can be a wide variation from one child to another.

Here is the Diagnostic Criteria for Aspergers in the current DSM-IV, if you would like a bit more information.

Hope this helps you some.
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Old 01-25-2013, 09:30 PM   #27
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Boy, I feel so thankful after reading these posts, because I have never once wished my children were neurotypical, I have totally embraced these 2 autistic boys I have as special gifts from God. I enjoy every second with them, and know I am the perfect Mother for them. I wish everyone could experience the same sense of peace I have.

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Old 01-26-2013, 06:54 AM   #28
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We have 3 boys on the spectrum, The oldest is 20 and had been diagnosed Aspergers. He's a high school graduate, has a job at Target (they are amazing with special needs employees!) and just got his driver's license last week. The two younger ones are both high functioning but we haven't gone for an official diagnosis because it's not necessary. We already get all the services we need with just a general autism diagnosis. I wish every single day that my kids were typical. Do I love them less because they're not? Of course not, but I also know how they struggle and I'm not going to apologize for wanting more for them.
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Old 01-26-2013, 10:37 AM   #29
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Boy, I feel so thankful after reading these posts, because I have never once wished my children were neurotypical, I have totally embraced these 2 autistic boys I have as special gifts from God. I enjoy every second with them, and know I am the perfect Mother for them. I wish everyone could experience the same sense of peace I have.

Midnightred

For me it isn't about wanting DS to be typical. Home has always been, and always will be, his soft place to fall, where he's completely accepted as himself..quirks and all (well, I DO have to remind his sister daily to have patience : ) Any regrets I have are my own regarding my actions through the years. I wish I had known more, took chances for him, etc. In the end he's a wonderful, sensitive, intelligent young man who I'm proud to call my son and who I wouldn't change for world. That doesn't stop me from worrying though!
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Old 01-26-2013, 11:33 AM   #30
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I wish I could be more positive, but the best thing you can do is pray your son (and your family) are spared this ugly condition. It's a nightmare. Because Asperger's victims look normal and are of normal or high intelligence, people expect them to act normal. They just don't understand like they would with an obviously impaired person.
I find this offensive as well. I respect that FortForever has had experiences that may differ from mine, but the above quote was generalized to the entire AS community. My DS is challenging, but not "ugly", a nightmare" or a "victim", and FortForever has no right to label him as such.

To the OP, good luck finding the supports that your child needs.
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