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Old 04-07-2013, 12:18 PM   #1
Skip2MyLou
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Another etiquette thread

I just had to share this one, I am still shaking my head. As a invited guest, what would your reaction be?

(In the interest of privacy, I am changing names & leaving out actual ages)

The majority of this played out on Facebook. Gotta love it!

Ed has a birthday coming up. A big birthday. He is single (divorced for several years) and has 1 adult daughter.

His sister Julie creates a Facebook event Surprise Birthday Party and calls the rest of the relatives that are not on Facebook to invite them. Julie hosts the majority of family parties because she has the space for it and enjoys it.

His daughter Anna RSVPs to that FB event that she will come & makes a comment that of course she will be there. Then she goes to her personal Facebook page and updates her status to something along these lines: I'm an adult with a full time job and no one lets me do anything. I'm going to do it anyway for someone I love and everyone else can go #$%& themselves! (I paraphrased most of it, again for privacy, but the last part of the sentence is her words but actually using the swear word). Everyone can read this, including her Aunt Julie

Julie's feelings are hurt and she cancel's her event page.

A few weeks go by and Anna creates an Event page for a surprise party for her father. Its in the early afternoon at a bar. Young kids are invited also. She gives the details and tells everyone to please invite any family members that are not on her list or she may have forgotten. She does not send out actual paper invites and does not call family not on FB. Some of the older generation does not get this. This is a large family. After a few weeks The RSVPs confirm approximately 50 guests.

The day before this surprise party, Anna updates her Facebook Event page. The guest list has grown more than she expected. She is asking everyone, other than the guests of honor's mother & siblings, to contribute $8 a person to pay for the food. Someone asks when she will need this money...the conversation continues and comes out that her wedding is more expensive than she planned, so that is why she can't afford the party now.


How would you feel, as a guest to this party?
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Old 04-07-2013, 12:21 PM   #2
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I wouldn't feel great about it.

Edit: I feel bad for Anna's soon to be husband. He has a long road ahead, assuming they stay married.
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Old 04-07-2013, 12:21 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Skip2MyLou View Post
I just had to share this one, I am still shaking my head. As a invited guest, what would your reaction be?

(In the interest of privacy, I am changing names & leaving out actual ages)

The majority of this played out on Facebook. Gotta love it!

Ed has a birthday coming up. A big birthday. He is single (divorced for several years) and has 1 adult daughter.

His sister Julie creates a Facebook event Surprise Birthday Party and calls the rest of the relatives that are not on Facebook to invite them. Julie hosts the majority of family parties because she has the space for it and enjoys it.

His daughter Anna RSVPs to that FB event that she will come & makes a comment that of course she will be there. Then she goes to her personal Facebook page and updates her status to something along these lines: I'm an adult with a full time job and no one lets me do anything. I'm going to do it anyway for someone I love and everyone else can go #$%& themselves! (I paraphrased most of it, again for privacy, but the last part of the sentence is her words but actually using the swear word). Everyone can read this, including her Aunt Julie

Julie's feelings are hurt and she cancel's her event page.

A few weeks go by and Anna creates an Event page for a surprise party for her father. Its in the early afternoon at a bar. Young kids are invited also. She gives the details and tells everyone to please invite any family members that are not on her list or she may have forgotten. She does not send out actual paper invites and does not call family not on FB. Some of the older generation does not get this. This is a large family. After a few weeks The RSVPs confirm approximately 50 guests.

The day before this surprise party, Anna updates her Facebook Event page. The guest list has grown more than she expected. She is asking everyone, other than the guests of honor's mother & siblings, to contribute $8 a person to pay for the food. Someone asks when she will need this money...the conversation continues and comes out that her wedding is more expensive than she planned, so that is why she can't afford the party now.


How would you feel, as a guest to this party?
I think Julie and Anna should work together to throw a party. I think ED luck he doens't have FB page at this time LOL LOL
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Old 04-07-2013, 12:31 PM   #4
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So Julie cancelled the party because of snot nosed comment by "the adult kid" on Facebook?

Anna wants to host the party at a bar & wants people to pay for it.

I think that Julie wussed out and should have gone through with the party.

Since she did wuss out, you have to suck up go and pay or not go.

In essence sounds like par for the course for Anna since she posted nasty comments on FB in the first place. I would not expect much "etiquette" from someone like that.
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Old 04-07-2013, 12:40 PM   #5
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Julie's a wuss for not calling Anna and saying "What's with the FB business? If you want to help throw the party then you can help throw the party. Here's what I need you to do".

Anna is obviously not as much of an "adult" as she thinks she is.

If you like the birthday boy, your choice is to suck it up and go and pay the $8. If you don't like the birthday boy, you can have "another commitment" and send a card later.

I have said it before and I will say it again...if I am throwing a party, I am paying for it. If I can't afford to pay for it, I don't throw it OR I scale the party down to one I can afford.
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Old 04-07-2013, 12:53 PM   #6
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I agree, I think they could have worked together. When I asked Aunt Julie why she cancelled the party she said she felt like she overstepped and should have called his daughter first. Her feelings were hurt so her gut reaction was to cancel it and tell Anna to have at it. She hosts a lot of our family functions and she is good at them. I can't blame her for having hurt feelings.

I am out of state & could not get time off of work, otherwise I would have loved to be there. I guess I am lucky that I just got to watch this all unfold on Facebook. The party was this weekend, and to my understand it was a nice event and the people who attended had a good time. Many people did suck it up and pay the money. Several people did not go.
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Old 04-07-2013, 01:08 PM   #7
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How would you feel, as a guest to this party?

I would feel bad for the Aunt that seemed to be doing a very nice thing for her brother and handling it well. I would think the Adult daughter needs more time and guidance before she is considered an adult. As far as the asking people for $8.00 that is just tacky. The cursing tantrum on facebook beyond tacky.

Hope the guy has a nice birthday!
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Old 04-07-2013, 02:49 PM   #8
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As the guest, I wouldn't be too happy.

I think Julia & Anna should have gotten together and planned the party before anyone posted anything on Facebook.
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Old 04-07-2013, 03:00 PM   #9
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That was handled poorly on both ends. Before deciding to throw a suprise party Julie should have talked to those closest to her brother, that is courteous. BUT Anna's reply was rude and WAY over the top. If I was close to Ed as a guest I would suck it up, if I wasn't I probably wouldn't go. Who wants to deal with that drama?
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Old 04-07-2013, 03:06 PM   #10
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Anna ruined the party. Many guests will probably skip it knowing it will be a poorly planned train wreck. I feel bad for the birthday boy as he would have had a much nicer party with a better turn out had Julia hosted. Anna needs the reality check of no one showing up. And now that she alienated jūlia, she may have a few less guests at her wedding. Sounds like the whole family has some growing up to do. Julia should have called Anna after the Facebook garbage .I would skip the party and instead take the birthday boy out to lunch or dinner. Much less drama.


Sit back and stay tuned I am sure the wedding is going to be equally entertaining to watch.
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Old 04-07-2013, 04:24 PM   #11
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This type of thing has happened in our family.
To be honest, the aunt should have spoken to the daughter first before throwing a party even though she is skilled at it.

The daughter should have spoken to the aunt, expressed her desire to do something for her dad and offered to help the aunt. But, none of that happened.

I think the aunt put the guests in this position. I know, probably the wrong side of the fence with everyone else on here. Once someone gets married and has kids, those are first priority and a sister comes after that. The sister (aunt) should have spoken to the adult daughter first and I can honestly understand the daughter's feelings. The daughter blew it but I think she just wanted to be treated as an adult within her own family (dad and her). Maybe suggest to the aunt that next time, get together and show the daughter her tips on throwing a party so she can do it right next time.

As a guest, I would wonder why the aunt was throwing the party and not the daughter.
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Old 04-07-2013, 04:48 PM   #12
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Did Julie contact Anna before she setup the event? If not, that was rude to go around the daughter rather than call the daughter and ask what the plan was and if she could help.

I would pay the $8/person for Ed and then reduce my wedding gift by the amount I had to pay to attend the party that was going to be free.
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Old 04-07-2013, 04:49 PM   #13
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As a guest I would opt not to attend after all. Who needs the drama?
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Old 04-07-2013, 04:56 PM   #14
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I think the sister should have called the daughter before taking it upon herself to plan a party. However I think the daughter's response was pretty rude and immature. As far as the $8, its not really the amount requested that bothers me, its the principle of it. If you are going to invite people to a party, you are the host and should be responsible for paying for that party. I think the dd should have limited her guest list to an amount she could afford instead of making it an open invite type thing.
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Old 04-07-2013, 05:05 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Skip2MyLou View Post

[B]How would you feel, as a guest to this party[/B]?


I wouldn't be a guest at this party, I don't use facebook and don't have a facebook page.

At least once a week posts on this board tell me I am right not to use facebook.
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