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Old 01-22-2013, 05:18 PM   #31
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Originally Posted by Rosiekins View Post
Hello OP here.

Thank you all for your feedback. I think I am feeling a little better about addressing the situation. I love the idea of having coffee (or Tea!) to talk itineraries or or getting together to set some rules for how we hope the trip will work out. I also think instead of bluntly saying something I might be better off just stating what I am willing to do like another poster said in conversation when it comes up in conversation, like I know we will have fun baby swaping so we all get to ride everything or something to that effect. If it still seems that she is demanding from me I will address that issue right away. When she said it before I was taken aback and stumbled on what to say. I know the words seem innocent enough but the tone and attitude they were presented with are really what raised issues.

There seems to be some confusions so I thought I would clarify a few things. First when we started planning the trip a few years ago we didn't realize the issues so she was invited before we knew them. We know them now but I wouldn't uninvite her and I am sure we are going to have fun I just wanted some advice on how to handle things now so on the trip we could focus on the good stuff.

There is for sure one other child coming, and possibly 4 more so he will not be the only one. It is not a couples trip at all. Most the people going have kids. We are aware that the pacing will be different and that is fine. My husband and I are staying a few days longer then our friends so we can get our couple time in then.

The little boy is a handful but he is a cute kid and we love him, I don't want to paint the picture that he is a complete monster. He is mostly just all boy all the time and can have listening and boundary issues sometimes. I think she gets overwhelmed with him easy and perhaps that is why she is looking for childcare where the others are not? Like I said we planned on offering a hand while we are there with ride swaps, or potty breaks and helping keep an eye out for him (and the other kids) in a busy place. But as long as these task are happening with his mother and not in place of her. I don't think it should be demanded of us that we help her with childcare and I think I need a better definition of her terms on that.

We do plan on doing most things together. I figured we would end spending 90% of our time with each other. I am looking forward to making plans of things for us all to do together. The concern is that I want to make sure we can separate if needed for a little while, an hour here or there. I don't want to feel we have to wait for them in the morning cause they like to sleep in and we like rope drop. Or that we have to head back to the hotel when they are tired, or that they feel like they have to keep going instead of going back. I figured we might separate for a bit if we wanted to do different things, or even if we just need a little space. I am talking an hour or so apart a day or maybe a dinner one or two nights.

I have not intention of hiding my plans from her cause I think that is mean and I don't want to exclude her. I was just concerned the deluxe plan would be too much for a 5 yr old, well this 5 yr old anyhow. I am happy to have her along on the signatures and him too, however I don't think we should have to cancel if he just can't make it. That is a place where I think the ability to separate is important they can do something else and we can continue to dinner.

Do you think it would be helpful to sit down and go over our dining plan? We can talk about the meals that would be great to do together like O'hana, Crystal Palace etc and then maybe suggest that she tuck him in the one of the kids play places so she can join us for a grown up dinner the nights we are doing signatures? Or make some suggestions of meals they may enjoy together like Chef Mickey that are not on our list?

So we do plan on spending most of our time together, we just want to be able to separate for a bit if needed here and there. And the issues that popping started becoming apparent after we asked her along. I hope this clears things up a little.
I think sitting down with her to go over the itinerary is a great idea, and honestly I wouldn't even tell her it's a get together to decide the itinerary of everyone. I would approach more of a this is what we're doing (leaving the hotel in the morning for rope drop, going to this or that meal etc.), let her see it and she can choose for herself if it's something that they want to do with you guys or not. I'd let her know up front and maybe a few times while you're going over everything, that you're totally fine if they'd rather do something else, and that if they don't want to do rope drop, they can just call you when they get to the park etc. I don't think there's any reason for you to feel like you guys can't do rope drop, or that you have to come back when they do or you can't have meals that they don't want to do, but I just wouldn't tell her that she couldn't join you- or the group (unless it's something special for just your DH and yourself etc.) either. If she's not a big planner, I'd show her some things that she may want to do with her ds, that you may not necessarily do and I would just tell her up front that you're not doing it, but that you wanted to show her in case she decided it'd be something they'd like to do etc.
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Old 01-22-2013, 05:47 PM   #32
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I would recommend a group meeting. Make it just for all the adults and make it fun. Fix some WDW themed food or drinks. Since you are doing the planning take the lead. Be sure everyone understands the needs and wants of everyone else. I would suggest a park for each day. Each family group can decide what time to come and what time to leave.No one waits for late people and you simply meet up later. I would be very clear in making sure everyone understands what ADRs need to be made and held with an CC. I am not sure if you can divide the CC hold on one reservation but I would NOT use my CC to hold anyone else ADR. Way too easy to bail out if she (or anyone in the group) decides not to go. I would address the fact that losing kids at WDW happens most often when people so not know who is watching the kid and that it will be the responsibility of each parent to know where their kid is at all times.
Reality is a 5 year old at WDW is EASY and I love having time alone there with my little one. A 5 year is capable of doing DXDP and signature restaurants and ours loves it but she needs to understand that the group WILL attend all meals planned and she will just need to bow out if necessary. If you present these guidelines to the whole group, it will still be clear and less directed at her.
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Old 01-22-2013, 06:35 PM   #33
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I don't think you addressed this, but how many people total do you think are going? Have they all been to WDW?
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Old 01-22-2013, 06:52 PM   #34
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OP, has your friend ever been to WDW before?

I think your idea of getting together to discuss the trip is a good one. If she's never been, she may not realize the importance of getting to parks at rope drop, or how tired her little one may be by dinner time.

We have 3 kids and we've travelled with friends with and without kids. What works best for us is to plan a basic itinerary (which parks on which days and some must-do ADR's) and use that as a base. Everybody always wants me to plan the basics, so after I do, I let them know the general plan. I also make it clear that people don't have to stick with this plan.

I always stress that we need to do what works for us (especially as far as meal times, rest times, etc to avoid meltdowns) and that they need to do what's best for them. We don't want to have cranky kids on vacation.

We typically end up together 85-90% of the time, but at least everyone knows that splitting up is an option for anyone, anytime.

Good luck!
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Old 01-22-2013, 07:28 PM   #35
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Well, I wouldn't wait for the subject to come up, I would do it as soon as possible. Be as positive as possible with her and basically have the "outline" of the trip in front of you. Also, questions for her regarding the time at Disney..what is she expecting help with ...not what you are planning to do..have lots of questions from the resort departing every day to dining. She may be nervous and not sure what she will be doing..by asking her what she is thinking etc then you can direct your concerns to her. But, I would do it soon..just my little insight...good luck and magical times to you..
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Old 01-24-2013, 02:13 PM   #36
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OP, regarding waiting for your friend and her son...that is the one area that drives me crazy when we travel with others. It seems to happen most often when we are supposed to meet in the lobby to go to an activity, dinner, etc. It's so frustrating, especially when it's someone who we can't just say, "OK, meet us there when you're ready" to (older family member). Since you're traveling with people who can get around on their own, OP, you could let them know ahead of time that you'll leave when you want to, and that you'd be happy to catch up with them in the park if they're running late.
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Old 01-24-2013, 04:05 PM   #37
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosiekins View Post
Hello OP here.

Thank you all for your feedback. I think I am feeling a little better about addressing the situation. I love the idea of having coffee (or Tea!) to talk itineraries or or getting together to set some rules for how we hope the trip will work out. I also think instead of bluntly saying something I might be better off just stating what I am willing to do like another poster said in conversation when it comes up in conversation, like I know we will have fun baby swaping so we all get to ride everything or something to that effect. If it still seems that she is demanding from me I will address that issue right away. When she said it before I was taken aback and stumbled on what to say. I know the words seem innocent enough but the tone and attitude they were presented with are really what raised issues.

There seems to be some confusions so I thought I would clarify a few things. First when we started planning the trip a few years ago we didn't realize the issues so she was invited before we knew them. We know them now but I wouldn't uninvite her and I am sure we are going to have fun I just wanted some advice on how to handle things now so on the trip we could focus on the good stuff.

There is for sure one other child coming, and possibly 4 more so he will not be the only one. It is not a couples trip at all. Most the people going have kids. We are aware that the pacing will be different and that is fine. My husband and I are staying a few days longer then our friends so we can get our couple time in then.

The little boy is a handful but he is a cute kid and we love him, I don't want to paint the picture that he is a complete monster. He is mostly just all boy all the time and can have listening and boundary issues sometimes. I think she gets overwhelmed with him easy and perhaps that is why she is looking for childcare where the others are not? Like I said we planned on offering a hand while we are there with ride swaps, or potty breaks and helping keep an eye out for him (and the other kids) in a busy place. But as long as these task are happening with his mother and not in place of her. I don't think it should be demanded of us that we help her with childcare and I think I need a better definition of her terms on that.

We do plan on doing most things together. I figured we would end spending 90% of our time with each other. I am looking forward to making plans of things for us all to do together. The concern is that I want to make sure we can separate if needed for a little while, an hour here or there. I don't want to feel we have to wait for them in the morning cause they like to sleep in and we like rope drop. Or that we have to head back to the hotel when they are tired, or that they feel like they have to keep going instead of going back. I figured we might separate for a bit if we wanted to do different things, or even if we just need a little space. I am talking an hour or so apart a day or maybe a dinner one or two nights.

I have not intention of hiding my plans from her cause I think that is mean and I don't want to exclude her. I was just concerned the deluxe plan would be too much for a 5 yr old, well this 5 yr old anyhow. I am happy to have her along on the signatures and him too, however I don't think we should have to cancel if he just can't make it. That is a place where I think the ability to separate is important they can do something else and we can continue to dinner.

Do you think it would be helpful to sit down and go over our dining plan? We can talk about the meals that would be great to do together like O'hana, Crystal Palace etc and then maybe suggest that she tuck him in the one of the kids play places so she can join us for a grown up dinner the nights we are doing signatures? Or make some suggestions of meals they may enjoy together like Chef Mickey that are not on our list?

So we do plan on spending most of our time together, we just want to be able to separate for a bit if needed here and there. And the issues that popping started becoming apparent after we asked her along. I hope this clears things up a little.
Definitely sit down and go over the dining plan. From what I understand, as long as someone shows up for an ADR, there is no penalty for the people who don't (except prepaid situations) so if she decides that it's too much for her and her son, she can opt out at the last minute.
I would be clear with her about your expectations. If there's a particular meal that you want to be alone for, then say that. In that case, I don't even think you need to let anyone else know where you're eating, just that you'll be spending that time apart.

The fact that her spouse is not coming does complicate things. Under normal circumstances you could separate for "girls only" meals or whatever, but it really does not make sense for her son to be thrown in with a group of males that he may not be familiar with.

Definitely go over some of the other expectations as well.
Childcare is a big deal, so I understand why she's concerned about it, while others might not be. She won't have the back up of a spouse to pick up the slack should a non-kid activity come up. Hopefully, she'll realize that she has to be the one that loses out, but some people just don't get that their children are extensions of them. There isn't a lot you can do if that's the case.

Beyond letting her know you're expectations, you have to decide where you draw the line. It sounds to me like you're willing to assist in the normal ways, but what will you do if you're watching him while she goes on one ride, then she doesn't come back for 3 hours? (I'm sure that's where your concern lies) Will she cross that line, or will she be content to pout while everyone gets to do what they want? Which would be worse?
If you figure out the worst case scenario and figure out how you'd respond, then it may help you adapt better should something arise.
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Old 01-24-2013, 09:51 PM   #38
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Hi I've read through the entire thread and just wanted to ask a few questions,

If your thinking thy she and her son should not do the deluxe plan but she can join you at a few signatures, have you thought that doing it this way will
1. Use up her credits quicker
2. Cost her a fortune in child care? Plus not every child likes to bed left in a strange place with people they don't know!

Why can't your friend just get the same plan as you and if the child is tired then she can stay in the room with him or go for a swim at the resort, there is NO penalty for her not turning up as long as somebody on the booking turns up!

Regarding the other children and family's have you told them not to do the deluxe plan your doing? Or is it just her as you don't think her child would handle it?

If it was me going without my Dh I would also be worried that it might get too much for me, and that I won't be able to go on anything that he doesn't want to ride!
Maybe she just wanted reassurance that as a friend who invited her in the 1st place she would have somebody to help her out, I'm sure she isn't expecting anyone to have him while he goes out!

If you haven't been on your own before you may not realise that not everyone feels comfortable eating in a restaurant on their own with just their child for company!
We take our children to signatures ( not every single night) but we always see loads of kids and trust me some act like little animals!

You could still have her to do the deluxe plan and join you for dinners etc but let her know that you would like to make sure you have couple time too! And so your going to schedule a few nights alone time!
I'm not sure I seem how long your going for? But say out if a wk you could do 2/3 meals on your own.
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Old 01-25-2013, 12:28 AM   #39
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We have taken friends several times. I'm always amazed that before we go, no matter how much I try to include them in the planning, they always say that anything we want to do is fine, they say that we are the Disney experts. Fast forward to when we get there, we say let's do this, do you want to do that and we get No, we already rode that, no we just want to walk around, no we just want to sit in the room. That being said, they would not go back to the room on their own, or stay at the resort when it was time to leave for the park. Long story short, they didn't get why we had to have dining adrs (it was Easter week) or use fast passes, and make lots of little digs about it. We won't be traveling with them again, and don't even really see them anymore (the wife went off in our suite in front of my kids and blew my husband out).
I guess my point is that if you are already upset/stressing about this, trust me, it will get much worse before you leave and while you are there. Be very clear about what you are comfortable with. We certainly will in the future.
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Old 01-25-2013, 01:08 AM   #40
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I would go over the ADR's you have planned and ask her what ones she likes. Give her some examples of the food each one serves and let her know how long the meals usually last. She may not realize some of your Signature dinners are going to be 1 1/2-2 hrs. Offer some suggestions of other places if she decides they don't want to do certain ones.

I have travelled with a friend and her family. We ate some TS meals together and others seperate. Once we had the same TS place but were eating at seperate tables.

I was travelling alone with my niece and they had some extended family also with them. We sometimes met up at certain parks, usually not planned. Sometimes planned so I could ride a ride that my niece wouldn't go on. I never expected them to watch her. We did arrange that I would take their younger son one day so they could attended US Halloween Horror night and they took my niece one evening so I could ride some rides at MK that my niece wouldn't ride.

I thought it was a great mix. Not too much together time. Oh and I took both kids to the buffet at the Beach Club and it worked out fine. They sat us very close to the buffet since I was alone with two 5 yr olds.
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Old 01-25-2013, 01:41 AM   #41
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I don't think you addressed this, but how many people total do you think are going? Have they all been to WDW?
There are at least 7 people going 5 adults 2 kids with a possible of up to 15, 10 adults 5 kids but I doubt everyone who is thinking it over will show.

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Originally Posted by laughinplace199 View Post
OP, has your friend ever been to WDW before?


We have 3 kids and we've travelled with friends with and without kids. What works best for us is to plan a basic itinerary (which parks on which days and some must-do ADR's) and use that as a base. Everybody always wants me to plan the basics, so after I do, I let them know the general plan. I also make it clear that people don't have to stick with this plan.

I always stress that we need to do what works for us (especially as far as meal times, rest times, etc to avoid meltdowns) and that they need to do what's best for them. We don't want to have cranky kids on vacation.

We typically end up together 85-90% of the time, but at least everyone knows that splitting up is an option for anyone, anytime.

Good luck!
Thanks for the advice. I am most likely (and happily) suggesting a plan for everyone. Knowing our other friends who are def going they will want to make some of their own plans as they like to plan too. I was planning on suggesting a few things this friend and her son could do if she didn't want to keep up all the time.
Our touring style isn't too kid unfriendly though we do park hop like crazy for meals, EMH and such. We love meeting characters and character meals. We don't love lines so we tend to skip the long ones. Also we do Rope drop to close almost everyday, I will make sure to point out to her that she may not want to keep up with that schedule. We do however head back to the room in the afternoon most days for swim and rest. I guess my biggest concern is that if she refuses to do anything alone (like head back to the room) they will be totally wiped out by the end. I will take your advice and stress that splitting up sometimes is fine if she wants to do something else. Maybe I will make a point to tell her that it won't hurt our feelings, maybe she is thinking that she make me feel bad if we split up?

Also I think she has been a few times before but when she was kid.

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Originally Posted by danceintherain View Post

Definitely go over some of the other expectations as well.
Childcare is a big deal, so I understand why she's concerned about it, while others might not be. She won't have the back up of a spouse to pick up the slack should a non-kid activity come up. Hopefully, she'll realize that she has to be the one that loses out, but some people just don't get that their children are extensions of them. There isn't a lot you can do if that's the case.

Beyond letting her know you're expectations, you have to decide where you draw the line. It sounds to me like you're willing to assist in the normal ways, but what will you do if you're watching him while she goes on one ride, then she doesn't come back for 3 hours? (I'm sure that's where your concern lies) Will she cross that line, or will she be content to pout while everyone gets to do what they want? Which would be worse?
If you figure out the worst case scenario and figure out how you'd respond, then it may help you adapt better should something arise.
This is really hitting the nail on the head as far as my husband's biggest concern, she will disappear on us while we are watching him for a minute and we will miss a reservation or he will have a meltdown.

My concerns have more to do with having gone shopping with them and having them hang out at my house while we are working on a project. (both situations were experienced after they were invited) When we go shopping I end up watching him while she shops, she does things like call me out of my dressing room to take him to the potty...every time he has to potty she finds a way to get me to take him, when he climbs on the things I pull him down etc. She does this to her other friend who is out with them a lot too. I just don't go shopping with both them really anymore. When they are at my house just the two of them I end up doing everything for him and cleaning up his mess when they leave. I find it frustrating at home but I am not not willing to deal with it on vacation. I was a nanny for years and I am used to dealing with kids, sometimes I wonder if that is why she expects me to do so much for him. Cause it is my job or old job?
I am also concerned she will just demand we watch him cause she can't take him anymore. I don't mind helping but I don't want to get stuck with every aspect of his care. And I want to help cause I want to and it is a nice thing to do not because she demanded it of me.


Quote:
Originally Posted by tinkerpea View Post
Hi I've read through the entire thread and just wanted to ask a few questions,

If your thinking thy she and her son should not do the deluxe plan but she can join you at a few signatures, have you thought that doing it this way will
1. Use up her credits quicker
2. Cost her a fortune in child care? Plus not every child likes to bed left in a strange place with people they don't know!


Regarding the other children and family's have you told them not to do the deluxe plan your doing? Or is it just her as you don't think her child would handle it?

If it was me going without my Dh I would also be worried that it might get too much for me, and that I won't be able to go on anything that he doesn't want to ride!
Maybe she just wanted reassurance that as a friend who invited her in the 1st place she would have somebody to help her out, I'm sure she isn't expecting anyone to have him while he goes out!

If you haven't been on your own before you may not realise that not everyone feels comfortable eating in a restaurant on their own with just their child for company!
We take our children to signatures ( not every single night) but we always see loads of kids and trust me some act like little animals!

You could still have her to do the deluxe plan and join you for dinners etc but let her know that you would like to make sure you have couple time too! And so your going to schedule a few nights alone time!
I'm not sure I seem how long your going for? But say out if a wk you could do 2/3 meals on your own.

I don't mind if she wants to do it, I just think it might be too much for them. I am also concerned that it is expensive, and if they just back out of to many dinner they will loose money. Or if he is in childcare and she is at dinner his credits will get wasted. They may be better off paying OOP.

I don't care if they join us for every meal. I care if she demands we miss one cause they have to. But I think pointing out that someone has to show for the ADRs might the the solution to this. The other people traveling with us will most likely not be doing Deluxe and we may have one meal a day with them, as a group. I was going to suggest some character meals for us to do as a group.

Maybe she is just looking for reassurance, and I want to make sure she gets to ride rides and stuff. I am just really concerned by her attitude and tone when she brought up childcare that she is expecting much much more.
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Old 01-25-2013, 01:55 AM   #42
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LVSWL View Post
We have taken friends several times. I'm always amazed that before we go, no matter how much I try to include them in the planning, they always say that anything we want to do is fine, they say that we are the Disney experts. Fast forward to when we get there, we say let's do this, do you want to do that and we get No, we already rode that, no we just want to walk around, no we just want to sit in the room. That being said, they would not go back to the room on their own, or stay at the resort when it was time to leave for the park. Long story short, they didn't get why we had to have dining adrs (it was Easter week) or use fast passes, and make lots of little digs about it. We won't be traveling with them again, and don't even really see them anymore (the wife went off in our suite in front of my kids and blew my husband out).
I guess my point is that if you are already upset/stressing about this, trust me, it will get much worse before you leave and while you are there. Be very clear about what you are comfortable with. We certainly will in the future.
This, add watching their kids the entire time and this is our nightmare!

Quote:
Originally Posted by squirrel View Post
I would go over the ADR's you have planned and ask her what ones she likes. Give her some examples of the food each one serves and let her know how long the meals usually last. She may not realize some of your Signature dinners are going to be 1 1/2-2 hrs. Offer some suggestions of other places if she decides they don't want to do certain ones.

I have travelled with a friend and her family. We ate some TS meals together and others seperate. Once we had the same TS place but were eating at seperate tables.

I was travelling alone with my niece and they had some extended family also with them. We sometimes met up at certain parks, usually not planned. Sometimes planned so I could ride a ride that my niece wouldn't go on. I never expected them to watch her.

I thought it was a great mix..
And this is our dream, but with spending a little more time together.

Hopefully everything will work out and we will find a nice comfortable medium that leans a little closer to the dream.
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Old 01-25-2013, 09:52 AM   #43
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosiekins View Post
This is really hitting the nail on the head as far as my husband's biggest concern, she will disappear on us while we are watching him for a minute and we will miss a reservation or he will have a meltdown.

My concerns have more to do with having gone shopping with them and having them hang out at my house while we are working on a project. (both situations were experienced after they were invited) When we go shopping I end up watching him while she shops, she does things like call me out of my dressing room to take him to the potty...every time he has to potty she finds a way to get me to take him, when he climbs on the things I pull him down etc. She does this to her other friend who is out with them a lot too. I just don't go shopping with both them really anymore. When they are at my house just the two of them I end up doing everything for him and cleaning up his mess when they leave. I find it frustrating at home but I am not not willing to deal with it on vacation. I was a nanny for years and I am used to dealing with kids, sometimes I wonder if that is why she expects me to do so much for him. Cause it is my job or old job?
I am also concerned she will just demand we watch him cause she can't take him anymore. I don't mind helping but I don't want to get stuck with every aspect of his care. And I want to help cause I want to and it is a nice thing to do not because she demanded it of me.
That's definitely an unfortunate precedent, and gives me reason to expect that she very well may cause problems for you.
Definitely sit down with her, and let her know your expectations from the get go. That you will be willing to trade off watching him for the bigger rides (how tall is he by the way?) but that's it. She will be responsible for his care for everything else. One way to handle it, is when you child swap YOU go with her to ride the ride first, while he stays with your husband, then you'll at least have visual control over her, and can easily guide her back to where they are. Then you can ride with your husband on the switch pass, leaving her with her kid.
If she or her child has a problem with this, then she can ride with your husband first, then switch. You could also do something different if someone else you trust is available to "babysit" her.
Basically, use the fact that the rider switch lets someone ride twice to your advantage. Don't let her use it to hers.

Alternatively, maybe be flexible with your plans the first few days, and if she bails, don't offer to watch her kid again for the rest of the trip.
Give her a chance, and if she fails to live up to your expectations, then let her live with her own poor choices.

Ultimately, at some point, she has to realize that she's the one who has to make sacrifices for her kid. If she's unwilling to make a slight concession on his behalf (maybe, skipping a ride he can't go on) then it really isn't fair for you to be the one who does it. She's the only one who can decide whether she's comfortable going on the trip with or without help. If she opts to go knowing that she needs 24 hour assistance, then that's her own fault (and partially her husband's).

Kudos to you for being the kind of friend who will help her at all. She's lucky to have you. If she doesn't realize that, she has a problem.
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NEXT TRIP: SoG Dec 28-Jan 4, 2015 ~ POFQ Apr 13-20, 2013 ~ CBR: Nov 7-12, 2010 ~ Doubletree Guest Suites: July 8-14, 2009 ~ AKL: Jan 4-13, 2009 ~ Off-Property: New Year's 2006-2007, Spring Break 2001, Florida Resident 1991
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Old 01-25-2013, 01:53 PM   #44
Rosiekins
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Quote:
Originally Posted by danceintherain View Post
That's definitely an unfortunate precedent, and gives me reason to expect that she very well may cause problems for you.
Definitely sit down with her, and let her know your expectations from the get go. That you will be willing to trade off watching him for the bigger rides (how tall is he by the way?) but that's it. She will be responsible for his care for everything else. One way to handle it, is when you child swap YOU go with her to ride the ride first, while he stays with your husband, then you'll at least have visual control over her, and can easily guide her back to where they are. Then you can ride with your husband on the switch pass, leaving her with her kid.
If she or her child has a problem with this, then she can ride with your husband first, then switch. You could also do something different if someone else you trust is available to "babysit" her.
Basically, use the fact that the rider switch lets someone ride twice to your advantage. Don't let her use it to hers.

Alternatively, maybe be flexible with your plans the first few days, and if she bails, don't offer to watch her kid again for the rest of the trip.
Give her a chance, and if she fails to live up to your expectations, then let her live with her own poor choices.

Ultimately, at some point, she has to realize that she's the one who has to make sacrifices for her kid. If she's unwilling to make a slight concession on his behalf (maybe, skipping a ride he can't go on) then it really isn't fair for you to be the one who does it. She's the only one who can decide whether she's comfortable going on the trip with or without help. If she opts to go knowing that she needs 24 hour assistance, then that's her own fault (and partially her husband's).

Kudos to you for being the kind of friend who will help her at all. She's lucky to have you. If she doesn't realize that, she has a problem.
He is pretty tall and I am pretty sure he can ride most things if not everything. However he is only 5 and I hate to assume that he will ride everything, cause he may end up being too scared of the rides. Though I am going to encourage her to not mention to him he might be scared and to approach each ride like it is the most fun thing ever. I was going to suggest they watch youtube videos of the rides, do you think that will help him not be afraid?

I was thinking that about the rider swap, we will just make sure one of us goes with her. Me! lol we can sneak some girl time in line, maybe that will make her more relaxed dealing with him? If she sees she can have fun too. Also I am sure she wouldn't want to just ride alone, she will be happy if I ride with her. He is fine with my husband, we love him and have spent oodles of time with him. My husband however is concerned (justifiably) of spending time alone with him in such a busy place because of the listening and boundary issues. I think they will be fine alone for the length of a rider swap.

I should also point out that I am sure we will rider swap with our other friends too so they can ride together. However I know they will come right back because they wouldn't want to impose too long on us. And also cause knowing them they will not want to miss a second of their sons first trip to Disney. Also I hate to compare children to each other but their son is like the most laid back kid I have ever seen (and I have taken care of many, many children) Watching him for a short time means a completely different thing then the other boy. Same goes for the third family if they choose to come along. I know we will swap cause we will offer so they can ride together. They have 3 spunky kids, (Including twins) but they are well disciplined, they will behave because they know there will be consequences if they don't. Not that they won't have fits or melt downs but most likely not with us and both other sets of parents have very set methods of dealing with them quickly. We will swap and help a little with all the families because we want too, the difference is that 2 families will be happy with whatever offer and not ask us to do anything while she is demanding we help. Also the other families understand what you said about they are the one who sacrifices for their kids, I am not sure she gets that.

I think that maybe as good solution is to make some kind of blanket thing to all families saying something to the effect that we are excited to travel with you all, here is how we are willing to lend a hand. That way everyone knows it and she isn't feeling singled out by anything. Also I like your point of entering in to it more flexibly, we should be more relaxed going in and not just expect the worst. But have a plan if the worst happens.
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Old 01-25-2013, 04:15 PM   #45
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosiekins View Post
He is pretty tall and I am pretty sure he can ride most things if not everything. However he is only 5 and I hate to assume that he will ride everything, cause he may end up being too scared of the rides. Though I am going to encourage her to not mention to him he might be scared and to approach each ride like it is the most fun thing ever. I was going to suggest they watch youtube videos of the rides, do you think that will help him not be afraid?

I was thinking that about the rider swap, we will just make sure one of us goes with her. Me! lol we can sneak some girl time in line, maybe that will make her more relaxed dealing with him? If she sees she can have fun too. Also I am sure she wouldn't want to just ride alone, she will be happy if I ride with her. He is fine with my husband, we love him and have spent oodles of time with him. My husband however is concerned (justifiably) of spending time alone with him in such a busy place because of the listening and boundary issues. I think they will be fine alone for the length of a rider swap.

I should also point out that I am sure we will rider swap with our other friends too so they can ride together. However I know they will come right back because they wouldn't want to impose too long on us. And also cause knowing them they will not want to miss a second of their sons first trip to Disney. Also I hate to compare children to each other but their son is like the most laid back kid I have ever seen (and I have taken care of many, many children) Watching him for a short time means a completely different thing then the other boy. Same goes for the third family if they choose to come along. I know we will swap cause we will offer so they can ride together. They have 3 spunky kids, (Including twins) but they are well disciplined, they will behave because they know there will be consequences if they don't. Not that they won't have fits or melt downs but most likely not with us and both other sets of parents have very set methods of dealing with them quickly. We will swap and help a little with all the families because we want too, the difference is that 2 families will be happy with whatever offer and not ask us to do anything while she is demanding we help. Also the other families understand what you said about they are the one who sacrifices for their kids, I am not sure she gets that.

I think that maybe as good solution is to make some kind of blanket thing to all families saying something to the effect that we are excited to travel with you all, here is how we are willing to lend a hand. That way everyone knows it and she isn't feeling singled out by anything. Also I like your point of entering in to it more flexibly, we should be more relaxed going in and not just expect the worst. But have a plan if the worst happens.
That definitely sounds reasonable. It's possible that "girl time" with you, even if it just involves the wait in a line and a ride, might improve her experience enough that nothing else becomes an issue.

From my experience (and I don't have a lot, my oldest kid is 2 1/2 and I have 4 younger siblings) most kids behave better, when their parents aren't around. Also, if they're being obstinate, it's because they think their way is the better one, or they need attention. If you run off for girl time, and leave him with your husband (I'm focusing on your family unit, because you can't control what the other people do) then I don't see any reason why he can't get his way for that 30 minutes or whatever. I'm not saying your husband should bow to his every demand, but if he (or whoever else may be chaperoning at the time) approaches the situation by asking the kid "what do you want to do now?" with a few suggestions, then that will likely go over better than "we're going to ride Dumbo now."
The number of things an adult can do with a child at Disney is limited such that there isn't really a "bad" option other than maybe something that would involve waiting in a longer line than you would like or spending money where it isn't your place to do so.
It definitely would be better worth your time to wait in an hour long line at Star Tours, than it would to argue for 45 minutes with a 5 year old about going to see the Beauty & the Beast show.
If it's a situation where there are other people influencing the decision, then it can be more difficult, but a kid at 5 should at least have some idea of what it's like to take turns.
Also, young boys are usually easily swayed by the opinions of older boys and men.
If your husband makes going to Club Cool is the coolest thing that he's ever done in his life, it would be hard for the 5 year old to think any differently.
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Well Begun is Half Done...When Plans Go Awry: April 2013 Trip Report
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NEXT TRIP: SoG Dec 28-Jan 4, 2015 ~ POFQ Apr 13-20, 2013 ~ CBR: Nov 7-12, 2010 ~ Doubletree Guest Suites: July 8-14, 2009 ~ AKL: Jan 4-13, 2009 ~ Off-Property: New Year's 2006-2007, Spring Break 2001, Florida Resident 1991
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