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Old 01-15-2013, 11:08 AM   #61
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Originally Posted by pacrosby View Post
You do realize that the responses you get are most likely to be not much more than defensive arguments for whatever choices people made for their own kids, right?

Bottom line is that there is no 'right' way to do this. You have to consider what your child 'really' wants and what 'you' can really handle. You also do need to consider your other kids. And you don't have to justify your pov to anyone.

Fwiw I have 4 kids btw 7-12 so I get it and it's not easy. I'm finally at the point where those who aren't going anywhere themselves can be left home for an hour or two while I shuffle off whoever needs to go where but back when I was carting around the whole troop......THAT was stressful.
Yes she does have to consider the other kids but on the flip side its not fair to say her dd cant play because her other child doesnt want to be at the field.
My dd is a competitive gymnast, when she was a lot younger i would stay at the gym for her 3-4 hr practices, her little brother was with me, he adapted, played with the other little brothers. We jokingly say they have their own little brother of a gymnast club.
The biggest issue i see is you having to do it all. You both work full time so a sit down with hubby to hash out the details, which do not involve using vacation time, is something you guys should do.
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Old 01-15-2013, 11:11 AM   #62
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Sounds like your mind was made up before you posted this. You just needed ways of telling your husband.
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Old 01-15-2013, 11:16 AM   #63
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Originally Posted by npmommie View Post
Yes she does have to consider the other kids but on the flip side its not fair to say her dd cant play because her other child doesnt want to be at the field.
If the child was all gung-ho about the activity I'd agree with you. In this case it's sounds like she's a bit lukewarm. I see absolutely nothing in the OP's posts that suggest that this is a favorite activity for this child. Do you?

Quote:
My dd is a competitive gymnast, when she was a lot younger i would stay at the gym for her 3-4 hr practices, her little brother was with me, he adapted, played with the other little brothers. We jokingly say they have their own little brother of a gymnast club.
Thank you. You just proved my point. This is what "you" did.

Fwiw My dd dances and I see loads of little kids who are spending too much time in the lobby waiting for their siblings. The truth is that staff members and other parents sometimes don't think that those little kids are quite as cute and unintrusive/nondistracting as their parents seem to.

Quote:
The biggest issue i see is you having to do it all. You both work full time so a sit down with hubby to hash out the details, which do not involve using vacation time, is something you guys should do.
The biggest issue to me seems to be that she is knocking herself out trying to accomodate the schedule for an activity this child may not really be all that enthused about. What's the point of that?

Last edited by pacrosby; 01-15-2013 at 11:37 AM.
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Old 01-15-2013, 11:23 AM   #64
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If my child REALLY wanted to play, I would do what it takes to let her. However, if it's "I guess I'll play..." then we'd have to have a real heart-to-heart.

I would also need to talk to DH and find out why it's so important to him that she plays travel. IMHO, a kid who shows up for the travel team but doesn't really want to be there isn't going to further her "career" much more than a kid who puts her heart and soul into rec because she really wants to be there. (I'm not saying there's not a value to travel teams *if* the child is committed... just that if the child's commitment isn't there, you're not going to get the value.)

My son is "stepping back" from tournament hockey this year. In the past, he's played on a "select" team and a rec team. This year, he didn't make the Select team at the level he'd hoped. ( ) He was offered a spot on a less competitive team. He didn't seem gung-ho for that -- he "guessed" he'd play, wanted to know who else was playing, etc. We sat him down and said "If you want to play in tournaments, this is your option to do it. If it's something you really want, we'll support it. However, it's too much of a time/financial commitment for the rest of the family if you're not going to be enthusiastic about it. Think about it before you make your decision."

He decided *not* to join that team. He's only playing rec hockey this year, but he's also playing basketball for the first time. Only time will tell if it was a "fatal error" regarding his level of hockey skill... but I still think it was the right decision for our family.
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Old 01-15-2013, 11:49 AM   #65
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She is old enough to make up her own mind. If she wants to play softball, maybe she should consider rec ball again. TDBIASWS.
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Old 01-15-2013, 11:56 AM   #66
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I agree with most of the prev. posts - family discussion is needed to see what she wants to do. That's the deciding factor (as their are truths in points brought by the both parents.)
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Old 01-15-2013, 11:58 AM   #67
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By the way, this is completely false. Do you research on this and you will find that the opposite is true. Even the best of the best will end up paying for most of their college degree. Playing a sport may help you get into a certain college, but you probably have to pay unless you have great grades.
I think it depends on more than grades and here in central Ohio, we have a group of schools who come up with good money for scholarly athletes-women and men. That said- I don't think 10 is the time to take your daughter out of a sport. Find another parent who can take her to practices or just drop her off. Skip a game once in a great while; take her 1/2 hour early instead of an hour once in a while. Find someone to take care of your one year old a few times. If you do all of these, your burden will be lessened quite a bit. I have a friend with four children. They are all double sport athletes; she's a single mom because her ex left town for a better job. Her friends help her. We know she can't do it all but that her children still need to do things and get places. Do you not have friends who can help you out once in a while? Pkups, drop offs? Another sport parent who would be willing? Find someone wth One child to help then invite. Put out an S.O.S. and let your daughter know she needs to put some effort into her game. It's social now but later she might be fierce and we ALL love those fierce girls!!
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Old 01-15-2013, 12:07 PM   #68
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Originally Posted by pacrosby View Post
If the child was all gung-ho about the activity I'd agree with you. In this case it's sounds like she's a bit lukewarm. I see absolutely nothing in the OP's posts that suggest that this is a favorite activity for this child. Do you?



Thank you. You just proved my point. This is what "you" did.

Fwiw My dd dances and I see loads of little kids who are spending too much time in the lobby waiting for their siblings. The truth is that staff members and other parents sometimes don't think that those little kids are quite as cute and unintrusive/nondistracting as their parents seem to.



The biggest issue to me seems to be that she is knocking herself out trying to accomodate the schedule for an activity this child may not really be all that enthused about. What's the point of that?
I agree the child has to want it.
My dd is so passionate about gymnastics that i would never take it away and any other gym parent knows how time consuming gymnastics is. My DS is into soccer, he doesnt play on a travel team, just rec, but his sister is there for him , she brings her music and hangs out at the field goes for walks, etc. she likes to watch him.
But when there is a conflict my dh can and does help out.

I also agree about the sibs in the waiting area. It could get loud! Ours is actually set up with toys, games, legos, books etc so there is lots to do, but at one point there were a lot of little brothers and it could get really loud. Luckily we have all been together for years on this gym ride and people are understanding. And very laid back.
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Old 01-15-2013, 12:23 PM   #69
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Quote:
Originally Posted by npmommie View Post
The biggest issue i see is you having to do it all. You both work full time so a sit down with hubby to hash out the details, which do not involve using vacation time, is something you guys should do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by pacrosby View Post
If the child was all gung-ho about the activity I'd agree with you. In this case it's sounds like she's a bit lukewarm. I see absolutely nothing in the OP's posts that suggest that this is a favorite activity for this child. Do you?

The biggest issue to me seems to be that she is knocking herself out trying to accomodate the schedule for an activity this child may not really be all that enthused about. What's the point of that?

note - this is not travel ball....a couple posters seem to think it is.


"doing it all"...is really my biggest issue. Neither she or Dh seems to grasp that at all. Dh is the manager so his schedule is not all that flexible and when things go wrong at the store, he has to stay late or do whatever. But the burden pretty much always falls on me for just about everything. He did coach last spring and that was a disaster. He was able to take his "lunch" for the game, but that still meant I had to load everyone up, bring them there and then bring them all home. Nice for him, he just got to show up and leave.

Reading back, I do sound negative and I'm not trying to be. If she had been asking about playing and saying hey dad lets practice before try outs, I wouldn't really question it but Dh has been prompting her, so to speak, if that makes sense.

for the parents that spend 3-4 hours at the gym, how many nights a week do you do that?
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Old 01-15-2013, 12:27 PM   #70
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Here is how I would handle it. First off, I will admit my kids are in a lot of sports and I enjoy watching them play and grow in their sports. I also am a firm believer that a minimal interest at 10 doesn't mean, it will not blossom into a larger interest as she gets older. I also agree that if she leaves the sport, then decides to go back, it is often harder. Especially if your daughter feels like she isn't as good as her friends anymore due to the time off.


1. You don't seem so sure if your daughter wants to really play or not. Lay down some rules regarding homework. If she isn't getting the homework done at aftercare, she will not be able to play. Homework always comes first in my house. If she wants to play, she will get it done. If she shows any hesitation about this rule, she doesn't play.

2. Don't go to all her games. I think 3 hours is a lot especially for the 1 year old. Split up the games and only go to some of them. See if someone will be willing to give your daughter a ride to the games. Let your daughter know ahead of time that you can't make all the games so you don't get the "why are you not at my games??". Again if she wants to play, this will be fine.

3. Practices...I'm not so sure about that. I think 9 is late to get home. My 11 year old has a practice from 8-9 and it is late for her and her school starts later than most. I don't really have a good suggestion for this one. It stinks, all around. I wouldn't stick around for practice though. Only some of them and I would find something to do with your other 2 kids (go to a park, special treat during that time). Make your daughters softball time, special time for the other 2.

Another option is ride share to practice. You have a concern about the 1 year old getting to bed. See if you can drive your daughter and a friend to practice and someone else can drive them home. That way your other kids get a regular night at home.

This is how I would handle it, if your decide to let her play.
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Old 01-15-2013, 12:51 PM   #71
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lillygator View Post
note - this is not travel ball....a couple posters seem to think it is.


"doing it all"...is really my biggest issue. Neither she or Dh seems to grasp that at all. Dh is the manager so his schedule is not all that flexible and when things go wrong at the store, he has to stay late or do whatever. But the burden pretty much always falls on me for just about everything. He did coach last spring and that was a disaster. He was able to take his "lunch" for the game, but that still meant I had to load everyone up, bring them there and then bring them all home. Nice for him, he just got to show up and leave.

Reading back, I do sound negative and I'm not trying to be. If she had been asking about playing and saying hey dad lets practice before try outs, I wouldn't really question it but Dh has been prompting her, so to speak, if that makes sense.

for the parents that spend 3-4 hours at the gym, how many nights a week do you do that?
You sound like you just need some help. Doing it all yourself is a lot. I know, I have in the past felt the same way. Make a list of what your needs are and then see if you can find a solution. If they can't be met, then you will either have to deal with the crazy schedule on your own, or put your foot down and say no way.

Just remember you do have a choice.
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Old 01-15-2013, 12:51 PM   #72
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Originally Posted by lillygator View Post
note - this is not travel ball....a couple posters seem to think it is.


"doing it all"...is really my biggest issue. Neither she or Dh seems to grasp that at all. Dh is the manager so his schedule is not all that flexible and when things go wrong at the store, he has to stay late or do whatever. But the burden pretty much always falls on me for just about everything. He did coach last spring and that was a disaster. He was able to take his "lunch" for the game, but that still meant I had to load everyone up, bring them there and then bring them all home. Nice for him, he just got to show up and leave.

Reading back, I do sound negative and I'm not trying to be. If she had been asking about playing and saying hey dad lets practice before try outs, I wouldn't really question it but Dh has been prompting her, so to speak, if that makes sense.

for the parents that spend 3-4 hours at the gym, how many nights a week do you do that?
Fwiw my dd spends 18-20 hours at the dance studio. This is over 5-6 days and like you we drive a distance...it's 35 minutes from door to door. Most weeknights she is there 3-4 hours. and, you know, I do come home and then go back (if it's not one of those nights when I'm just making the rounds for another kid or two and their activities). It's a pain yes, and puts alot of miles on the car (and takes a lot of gas!) but I could never just sit there for that length of time.

When the boys were younger (she's the oldest) and she had dance once a week for 2-3 hours, I always tried to find an activity nearby that they could do. Fortunately for me the YMCA was 10 minutes down the street which had a variety of classes and a large indoor play space. Sometimes it pays to do a lot of research as to what else might be available in the area. Maybe even a grocery store....kill two birds with one stone. Sitting around waiting, especially with other kids in tow, can make you crazy (and cranky)

But again I think it really comes down to whether it's worth it. Learning how to juggle will serve you well eventually but there's no need to be juggling for an activity a child isn't enthused about. I don't care what kind of scholarship 'might' be available down the line. The things that other parents are willing to put themselves, and their children, through for the sake of that "possible" scholarship is just mind boggling to me..

Last edited by pacrosby; 01-15-2013 at 01:49 PM.
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Old 01-15-2013, 01:12 PM   #73
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Maybe the conversation you need to have with DH is that YOU can't do it all and need help. Maybe if he has to come up with solutions he will rethink the idea.
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Old 01-15-2013, 02:37 PM   #74
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I'm going to get flamed for this, I know, but what about what you want for YOUR life? What you want counts, too, and not just what you want for your kids, but what you want for yourself. You are a member of the family and a breadwinner; what you want should count for something, too.

If you want (for example) to declare Tuesdays as Mom's night off, and the practices are Tuesdays, then she either finds some other way to get there, or she doesn't get there. (You could compromise and take a different day, of course, but I hope that you see my point.) IMO, if your DH is not willing &/or able to take responsibility for the logistics of this sport participation, then he is ENTIRELY in the wrong for attempting to insist on it.

Also, FWIW, it's SOFTBALL, for crying out loud. Probably the number-one still extant informal pickup sport in the US. If you want to play softball just for the fun of it and/or for exercise, it is always easy to find somewhere to do it.
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Old 01-15-2013, 02:38 PM   #75
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Wow, I have to applaud some of you parents that work full time and are stil able to spend a few hours each night out of the house doing these activities. I'm a wimp. I couldn't do it. My cousin, who worked full time, had a kid in travel hockey and one in competitive cheerleading. She was out every night of the week and gone most weekends. She spent her days at work with migraine headaches and being sick in the bathroom!
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