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Old 01-14-2013, 07:14 PM   #31
kim929
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I am another one that feels you need to sit down with your dd and dh.
It sounds like your burnt out and this year really can't handle the practices and games which I can totally understand.

Now I only have my youngest in sports he plays baseball, he is on a LL team and a travel team. Right now Wed nights he has batting and hitting lessons, thursday nights and Sat am he has strength training, then sat night practice.
When games start, he will have double headers every sat and sun late afternoon.
Then LL games on Tues and Sat am (of course by then the above will have stopped) and practices I believe on frid afternoons I would never be able to handle all of that with out my dh help.
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Old 01-14-2013, 07:38 PM   #32
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mickeyluver37

I am also in the same boat, and it's tough dragging the little one every where. DS 13 has actually been in travel baseball since 8, so younger DS was just a few months old at a time. However, DS LOVES baseball, and I can't imagine ever taking that away from him. Travel baseball has been a huge commitment for us, but we have also gotten to know most of these families over the years so carpooling when we are in a bind is always an option.

I disagree with most of the replies here- I think this is more DD's choice than anyone elses. I'd find out if she really wants to play or not, without the pressure from either parent, or implying that it's an inconvenience, and then I'd go from there.

I feel like I've seen 50 different fileds over the years, and not once did I have to keep my little one strapped in a stroller, OP. There is always a playground, some closer to the field than others, and sometimes we even pack a picnic. It's good to have a reason to be outside.
Until the child can drive and pay, her choice should not carry the most weight.
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Old 01-14-2013, 08:30 PM   #33
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If she loved it I would think you would know. When my dd8 wants something I need a staple gun to not hear about it. Maybe your dd is a little different but I suspect not to much. More likely your DH is hoping she wants it. I would not fight tooth and nail for something the was not wanted that bad also not a chance I'd let him give up our sat from full family time . I'd be greedy with it. It is so rare and so precious , I'd be angry. And hurt he offered our family time to take 1 kid out and watch her play soft ball instead of a day at 6 flags or a day at the beach. This would end with steamy words so sorry op. I'd go with my gut n be honest why
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Old 01-14-2013, 09:05 PM   #34
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If she really wants to play, I do not think having the younger kids to deal with should be a reason to say no. I have kids 6 years apart and that is just what happens.
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Old 01-14-2013, 09:09 PM   #35
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Originally Posted by PollyannaMom View Post
Is there any way you can have a third party (grandparent, aunt, etc.) talk to your DD to find out if it's really something important to her?
This is what I would do. It sounds like it's the only way to get an honest answer out of the daughter so that she won't feel like she's letting her dad down or being a burden to her mom. A trusted third party can get her true feelings and see if she really wants to play.
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Old 01-14-2013, 09:22 PM   #36
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More than that..

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Originally Posted by StitchesGr8Fan View Post
By the time your daughter is in college, you will have spent $60-80k in gymnastics if she truly makes it to level 10 or elite. And there is the possibility she won't get a scholarship. If you invested that money you could put more than one kid through college.

If she loves it, fine. But to push her at 5 so she can get a scholarship is ridiculous.

Also be realistic. Every parent wants to believe their kid is the next Olympian, and most coaches will let you think that so you keep paying money.
For 4 nights a week, competitions, and uniforms we were up to about 8k a year. That would put you at over $100,000 by 18. But once you get to a higher level and you're doing TOPS out of state, regionals and nationals it will be much, much more.

Gymnastics is not a sport you can "push". If a child does not love it they will only get themselves hurt. Also, no coach wants a gymnast there who is not in it 110%. Their time is too valuable to waste on drama.

Good luck! DS loved it for awhile too and was a state champion. He decided one day he was not going to compete anymore. I drove there but could not get him out of the car. The few times I did he just stood in the gym. A lot of people (myself included) were very disappointed because he is so talented. But he was much happier and in the end that is what was important.

To the OP: DH wanted DS to try soccer. I had enough on my plate so it was pretty much, "fine, you want him to do it you figure it all out" and he did. I know this isn't completely possible for you, but if DD wants to do it could you work out some carpools?
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Old 01-14-2013, 09:22 PM   #37
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This requires a conversation between the three of you. I've always told my kids that as long as you want to participate and give it your all, I'll back you up 100%. I'll pay the fees, get you to the field, make sure you have all the equipment. However, the moment you complain about going to practice or don't want to participate, then it's game over for me.

If she only wants to halfway particpate, then maybe a low level rec league is the way to go and see if you can get a carpool going. Explain that you and Dad may not make all the games.

Dad also needs to cool down a bit. I can understand his disappointment of her not wanting to play at a level he feels she should. BUT, he really needs to step back and consider all that goes into getting Susie to practice and the impact it has on the ENTIRE family. Actually, let him spend a Saturday at a game trying to entertain a 1 and 7 year old. That will nip this in the bud!

Good luck!
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Old 01-14-2013, 09:27 PM   #38
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My dd is 13 and lives, breathes softball. She got anxious during Christmas break because she was not playing/practicing. If your DD is truly not that interested then no it is not worth it...but...is she truly not interested or is she picking up on your not wanting to take up too much time for her sport.
I do not go to many of my dd's games because while her and DH are at softball on the weekends..I am with her sister at dog shows...yes we spend almost every weekend apart as a family because of our daughters different hobbies
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Old 01-14-2013, 09:27 PM   #39
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Originally Posted by newMrs.Robinson View Post
I agree with your husband. If she sits out she will be behind. There is a lot of scholarship money that goes to athletes. My daughter is 5 and is being conditioned to be a competitive gymnast. She loves it and as I speak we are at the gym. When she doesn't want to come we still push it because she can't stop now and then decide she likes it later. The more you push the better.

Your pushing a 5 year old.
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Old 01-14-2013, 10:04 PM   #40
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The time commitment that your other 2 kids have to put in, really doesn't bother me at all. To me, it's just part of life. My dd has spent a good chunk of her life at my older ds's multiple practices/games/tournaments for his multiple sports. I just make sure we pack stuff for her to do or stay entertained with and maybe a few healthy snacks...honestly during football season, we just keep a bag packed as we're gone every night. Is there a park nearby? So that wouldn't even be part of the conversation for me.

Not sure why your 7 year old couldn't do an activity at some point during the year, but you stated it was a different conversation, so I wouldn't consider that either.

Your time commitment and getting homework done etc...I know it's a lot, and there are times that I feel like all we do is spend time at my ds's practices/games etc., but he really really loves it and would play sports 24/7 if he could. As far as homework, you said it was a 1/2 hour away? She could always do homework, study in the car...that's what my ds (10) does and we've been doing it that way for years. As long as he keeps his grades up I'm fine with it.

I think some kind of activity is good for kids, but if your dd doesn't want to do it, I wouldn't make her, however I would encourage her to keep playing if she's just on the fence about it. You never know, she may end up really liking it and having a strong passion for it and as crazy as it sounds, I can relate to your DH saying that if she doesn't play this year, she's basically done. Yes, it's weird, but that kinda how it seems to be. The kids miss out on a lot and it takes a lot to catch up if they miss a season or two.

Obviously you have to do what works best for your family as whole, but those are just my thoughts.
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Old 01-14-2013, 10:14 PM   #41
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Seriously, I would take her out. It isn't worth it!! Find something the kid really wants to do and something that is less of a time drain.
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Old 01-14-2013, 10:26 PM   #42
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Originally Posted by brockash View Post
The time commitment that your other 2 kids have to put in, really doesn't bother me at all. To me, it's just part of life. My dd has spent a good chunk of her life at my older ds's multiple practices/games/tournaments for his multiple sports. I just make sure we pack stuff for her to do or stay entertained with and maybe a few healthy snacks...honestly during football season, we just keep a bag packed as we're gone every night. Is there a park nearby? So that wouldn't even be part of the conversation for me.

Not sure why your 7 year old couldn't do an activity at some point during the year, but you stated it was a different conversation, so I wouldn't consider that either.

Your time commitment and getting homework done etc...I know it's a lot, and there are times that I feel like all we do is spend time at my ds's practices/games etc., but he really really loves it and would play sports 24/7 if he could. As far as homework, you said it was a 1/2 hour away? She could always do homework, study in the car...that's what my ds (10) does and we've been doing it that way for years. As long as he keeps his grades up I'm fine with it.

I think some kind of activity is good for kids, but if your dd doesn't want to do it, I wouldn't make her, however I would encourage her to keep playing if she's just on the fence about it. You never know, she may end up really liking it and having a strong passion for it and as crazy as it sounds, I can relate to your DH saying that if she doesn't play this year, she's basically done. Yes, it's weird, but that kinda how it seems to be. The kids miss out on a lot and it takes a lot to catch up if they miss a season or two.

Obviously you have to do what works best for your family as whole, but those are just my thoughts.
MTE. Mom of 4. DH works an hour away and referees high school soccer in the evenings and has evening meetings. I am responsible for a huge chunk of kid activities. I have hauled younger kids since they were tiny to their siblings activities. No biggie. They often actually enjoy it. I am the one who finds it a drag. But I do it for my kids. They truly grow up fast and before you know it it's all a blur and you miss these times.

The issue is the 3 of you need to sit and talk about this together. If softball isn't the activity for your DD then find something else.
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Old 01-14-2013, 11:25 PM   #43
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V - girls engaged in sports do better in life - yes it's hard - but it's your life & your know it - tell him you need more help - ask your girl friends for more help - they are there to support you - you need to ask & Sam doesn't know the value of what she is giving up at this point - she can't make an adult choice as a child.

Do the best you can.

Remember - it is hard the first couple of years with a new baby and add to that 2 other children and full time jobs and a marriage and a life.

breathe baby. Blink and it is gonna be over before you know it

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Old 01-15-2013, 12:39 AM   #44
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Originally Posted by newMrs.Robinson View Post
I agree with your husband. If she sits out she will be behind. There is a lot of scholarship money that goes to athletes. My daughter is 5 and is being conditioned to be a competitive gymnast. She loves it and as I speak we are at the gym. When she doesn't want to come we still push it because she can't stop now and then decide she likes it later. The more you push the better.
2 girls who are friends with my daughter had moms who thought like you do.

One girl had a nervous breakdown at 15. The other moved with her mom to study with Nadia Comenci's coach, Bela Károlyi, because she was that good. She shattered her ankle and had to work very hard to even walk again. She was 17.
These girls were excellent athletes. If your daughter loves gymnastics, let her enjoy it. Watch out for coaches who just want your $$$.

OP, our daughter was a competitive cheerleader for 6 years-lots of after school practices and traveling for competitions. Both my husband and I said that if there had not been such a large age gap when she started with her being the baby at 9 and her brother 19 and in college, there's no way she could have done it.
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Old 01-15-2013, 05:55 AM   #45
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Regarding college scholarships for kids...

I don't think there's anything wrong with thinking about scholarship $$ for a child. HOWEVER, it should be on the same level as "when I win the powerball". It's a dream, it's a hope. If you're "pushing" a child who's a decade from college BECAUSE of the possible scholarship, that's too far IMO. Let kids be kids.
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