Disney Information Station Logo

Go Back   The DIS Discussion Forums - DISboards.com > Just for Fun > Community Board
Find Hotel Specials & DIScounts
facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS UpdatesDIS email updates
Register Chat FAQ Tickers Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 01-14-2013, 05:42 PM   #16
"Mare", DISing since '99; prefers being tagless
MaryAnnDVC's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: RGBBLA
Posts: 15,433

Originally Posted by kimblebee View Post
I REALLY hope you are joking.
I'm guessing yes.

Earning My Ears

Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: too far away
Posts: 34

To the OP. I'd talk to her and try to get a truly honest answer, with the understanding that IF she is chosen, and if chooses to join the team, that she MUST attend all practices and games (except for any important family events). If she doesn't want to do that, then I wouldn't push it.

I told my kids that when they commit to a team, they must play out the season...they can't leave the team hanging. (For full disclosure...except for DS and football, when the commitment was 5 nights a week of practice and a weekend game, it was DS's first (and last) year playing and was told first year kids would get little to no playing time, and there were about 40 kids on the team.) I also told my kids that schoolwork didn't come "first" in the sense that they had a commitment to BOTH, and it was up to them to manage their time, not wait until the last minute to do homework and projects, and couldn't just toss out "I have homework" as an excuse.

I have 3 kids and each of them spent a lot of time at each other's sports practices and games. I just always went prepared. I still have "The Homework Box" that I kept in the car (my youngest is now 20)...pens, crayons, markers, paper, ruler, folders, labels, etc...so that, for the most part, the other kids had what they needed to work on homework. Too bad if my kids ever thought it wasn't fair to them...their time came; sometimes real life gets inconvenient. As for a one year old, they can be entertained. Softball = outside. A walk in the stroller, outdoor toys, etc. It can be done, unless you just really don't want to.

I'd also wonder if your DD is concerned about going through a tryout and NOT getting picked. That can be tough on a kid.
MaryAnnDVC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-2013, 05:52 PM   #17
DIS Cast Member
hey! I've got two college degrees and a steady job. if I wanna watch mindless TV, so what?
DIS Official Rum Taster
I used to be in the all-natural camp.
minkydog's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: North GA
Posts: 16,504

Originally Posted by lillygator View Post
I would like to read others take on this situationa as it reallys seems me vs him regarding this issue.

Our DD, 10 used to play softball on a rec team and a travel team. Her travel team disbanded and she took off the fall ball season. Tryouts for spring are this week. DH wants her to play, I don't. Her thoughts - she could really take it or leave it. Not once during the fall did she ask about playing, ask to practice, etc. I think she is telling us both different answers based on what she thinks we want to hear. She is afraid to disappoint her dad and afraid I will get mad if her grades slip - which I would. My Dh says I am "maniuplating" the situation....

She also is not one who gives 110%, doesn't really care for the warm up runs, etc. You see other kids giving their all and she plays and almost seems to be there to chat up her buddies.

Dh says if she doesn't play this spring, it's over (her softball career)??!!

Why don't I want her to play - well, it isn't just her that is being committed to the team, it is me as well. There is a weeknight practice/game and a Saturday practice/game. We have 2 other children ages 7 and 1. My Dh is a retail manager - so his schedule does not allow him to do much of the carting of the children so to speak.

Dh goes in before 6am, which means I have to get all the kids to school, at 8, meaning I can't leave work all that early to do all the pick ups and drop offs in different places. He gets off anywhere from 4:30 - 6 or so depending on what is going on. He works on Saturdays as well.

The weeknight game is only an issue with me as far as the time goes, we wouldn't get home until 9pm and that is just too late for the baby and when she was playing before it was a constant fight to get her to finish her homework on those nights. The field is on the other side of town and takes a good 30 min to get to from our house. During the last season, DH usually handled the weeknight game and I wouldn't even go out to the field. The only time I would go is when Dh had a game the same night and I'd have to go pick her up. Of course she would always throw in, "how come you never come to my games..."

Now, here come Saturday's.....they want you there for an hour prior to the game, the games last an hour and a half and then 30 min to get home.....that's a huge chunk of the day for me and my other to children to have to commit too. Trying to keep a 1 year old entertained that long in a stroller? I've tried coming home in between but it seemed too rushed. There is nothing really in the area for us to "go do" aside from shopping. Plus the wonderful consession duty, which would fall to me too.

Dh offered to take HIS VACATION time to take Saturday's off, which I am like - wow, you'd give up vacation time that we take as a family together to spend time with one child on an extra curricular activity?

If I felt she really loved it, had a passion for it, etc, then I would suck it up and do it, but I don't feel that she does. I also don't think it is fair for my other 2 kids to have sit at the ball park for hours. My other dd constantly mentioned during the last season why her sister got to do an activity and she didn't - but that is another conversation. Also another conversation, but this is a child who does nothing arund the house to help out, etc. I feel that an extra curricular activity should be treated kind of like a reward.

How do you handle things on which you don't agree?
I'm on your side. When one child's extracurriculars have the potential to overwhelm the family schedule, there better be a way bigger payoff than what you're describing. It sounds like Dad likes the idea of his DD being in sports, even though she seems to be lukewarm about it. Since YOUR schedule is the one most impacted, I'd say gives your opinion more weight.

I am not a fan of making a kid stay in an activity when they have clearly moved on. It seems like your daughter enjoys softball, but not enough to really give her best. It sounds like more of a social event for her. Nothing inherently wrong with that, as long as you have the time to spare for her social calendar. I would have a hard time making this commitment for a child who seems kinda "meh" about it.

When my kids were younger, they were allowd to participate in 1 extracurricular, plus our church activities. As the got to be middle and high schoolers, I let up on that some because they didn't require transportation(activities were held at school and they could walk home.) My kids never played fall or spring ball because I knew that with my work schedule, Christian's doctor and PT appts, and my husbands long hours it was never going to work. The kids got over it and actually, they really enjoyed being able to just play with their friends after school instead of kicking a ball around with a bunch of acquaintances.
Never underestimate the determination of the mother with a handicapped child
minkydog is offline   Reply With Quote
Register to remove

Join Date: 1997
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 1,000,000
Old 01-14-2013, 05:58 PM   #18
DIS Veteran
lovin'fl's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 4,004

Mom of 2 select (club) softball players here. I kind of think in this instance the mom has the most say but needs to take DDs thoughts/wishes into consideration...DD has next percentage of say (pretty close to her mom) and DH has very little. But the edge goes to the mom who has to do all the work (driving, dealing with siblings, making sure she's dressed and has equipment and ready to go on time, helping with team stuff like fundraisers and parties and secretarial type stuff...etc). Given everything OP stated, I'd say no softball for DD this season.

My situation, DH has the most say (he's always helping coach, so he takes them to everything and I go to about 2/3 of the tourney days) with my DDs closely behind him and then me...I state my opinion and then stand aside and let them decide. They play county basketball right now too and this will be the last year for that (if they want to try out in HS next year...for basketball or soccer or volleyball...that's up to them, but we will continue the club softball and they are planning to try out for the HS softball team too...but club is more important than HS). Now as far as scholarships...for softball...that is VERY VERY unlikely. Your DD would have to be on one of the best club teams already at 10 and maybe since 8...FL has some tough competition. Here in MD none of our club teams have much of a chance at producing the next Keilani Ricketts. MD is just not a softball state, lacrosse and soccer take away from our athletic talent pool. And there are just so few scholarships for girls sports and for softball. And we will have spent way way more to play club ball- from ages 10-17- than we will ever ever have a chance of getting in a scholarship (if my DD was the next Keilani Ricketts).

For my DS, who used to play rec baseball, he was not too into it and would rather pick daisies and was way more interested in what the snack was than what the score was. We let him play rec a few years and called it quits. He also made his rounds with soccer, basketball, boy scouts and karate. When he was little and my DDs were toddlers, he played all those sports and then when the DDs started to play, we cut DS back to one sport and Boy Scouts...then he quit Scouts and stuck with soccer until he went to HS. Once in HS, we told him he was on his own to make a team or join a club...and so now we're 2 years without doing anything.
DVC since 2006
Next trip(s): Jan 24-26 at HHI
Aug 1-8 at BWV & AKV

Last edited by lovin'fl; 01-14-2013 at 06:04 PM.
lovin'fl is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-2013, 06:03 PM   #19
DIS Veteran
Wendy31's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Neverland
Posts: 2,908

I don't have any real advice... just posting to say I'm in the same boat, & I understand exactly what you're saying.

There are only 18 months between our older 2 children; however, our older DD is 9 1/2 years older & our older DS is 8 years older than their younger brother.

DH works rotating 12 hour shifts (w/ those shifts falling on 2 weekends of the month), & his place of employment is an hour away from where we live - meaning on his scheduled work days, he's away for 14 hours/day. At different times of the years, he works a lot of overtime as well. Therefore, most of the kid-carting & activity scheduling is up to me.

I feel guilty sometimes because I feel I've limited the older 2 due to having a younger child - especially when he was younger. He's 3 now, so it's becoming a little easier. But there have been times they've wanted to do something, but I've had to say no due to our family's dynamics.

In your situation, I'd probably try to discuss it honestly w/ your DD to see what her interests are. Also, I would most definitely NOT want my DH to use up all his vacation days for the Saturday games. Our family vacations are sacred to us!
"All you need is faith, trust, and a little bit of pixie dust!"

(DH) (me) (DD, 14years) (DS, 13 years) (DS, 5 years)
Wendy31 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-2013, 06:06 PM   #20
Would love to be able to sit on the couch for a few days, get a good book, and do NOTHING!
Considers the DIS as Bladder Training 101
Join Date: Aug 1999
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 24,031

OP, are you working full time also? You mention that you work and then get home later to pick up all three kids What time do you do the pickups and what time is the practice?

Vacation Home - Indian Creek - July 2012
Vacation Home - Terre Verde Resort - July 2009
Vacation Home - Terre Verde Resort - Easter 2007
Shades of Green - June 2005
Vistana Resort - May 01
Shades of Green - May 99
Shades of Green - Apr 97
CBR & Shades of Green - May 95
Christine is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-2013, 07:03 PM   #21
I had way more than 3 at a time
I would absolutely try to go eat in the castle
Mickeyluver37's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Maryland
Posts: 2,971

Originally Posted by Wendy31 View Post
I don't have any real advice... just posting to say I'm in the same boat, & I understand exactly what you're saying.

There are only 18 months between our older 2 children; however, our older DD is 9 1/2 years older & our older DS is 8 years older than their younger brother.

DH works rotating 12 hour shifts (w/ those shifts falling on 2 weekends of the month), & his place of employment is an hour away from where we live - meaning on his scheduled work days, he's away for 14 hours/day. At different times of the years, he works a lot of overtime as well. Therefore, most of the kid-carting & activity scheduling is up to me.

I feel guilty sometimes because I feel I've limited the older 2 due to having a younger child - especially when he was younger. He's 3 now, so it's becoming a little easier. But there have been times they've wanted to do something, but I've had to say no due to our family's dynamics.

In your situation, I'd probably try to discuss it honestly w/ your DD to see what her interests are. Also, I would most definitely NOT want my DH to use up all his vacation days for the Saturday games. Our family vacations are sacred to us!
I am also in the same boat, and it's tough dragging the little one every where. DS 13 has actually been in travel baseball since 8, so younger DS was just a few months old at a time. However, DS LOVES baseball, and I can't imagine ever taking that away from him. Travel baseball has been a huge commitment for us, but we have also gotten to know most of these families over the years so carpooling when we are in a bind is always an option.

I disagree with most of the replies here- I think this is more DD's choice than anyone elses. I'd find out if she really wants to play or not, without the pressure from either parent, or implying that it's an inconvenience, and then I'd go from there.

I feel like I've seen 50 different fileds over the years, and not once did I have to keep my little one strapped in a stroller, OP. There is always a playground, some closer to the field than others, and sometimes we even pack a picnic. It's good to have a reason to be outside.

(DH) (Me) (DD17) (DS15) (DS- 6)

Mickeyluver37 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-2013, 07:07 PM   #22
Frosty the Snowman scared me as a child
It will always be beautiful no matter what it looks like naked
okeydokey's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: N. Florida
Posts: 9,311

Originally Posted by newMrs.Robinson View Post
I agree with your husband. If she sits out she will be behind. There is a lot of scholarship money that goes to athletes. My daughter is 5 and is being conditioned to be a competitive gymnast. She loves it and as I speak we are at the gym. When she doesn't want to come we still push it because she can't stop now and then decide she likes it later. The more you push the better.
This makes me feel sad for your daughter.

What if next year she says she is not interested in gymnastics, but wants to take a painting class. Less chance of a scholarship with painting. Does she get to choose, or do you base the next 13 years of her life on her responsibility to get herself a scholarship?

What if she wants to go to beauty academy and cut hair instead. Do you tell her no, you must do gymnastics and get a scholarship.
okeydokey is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-2013, 07:12 PM   #23
DIS Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 974

My input is to think of the younger two... and what sort of extracurriculars will they get to participate in?

I have 3 kids close in age (all 2 years apart) They get 1hr a week dance class, 1 scout troop and we have church (younger 2 on wednesdays, older is in confirmation Sunday night)

My point is we have something going on 6 nights a week. I can do it, but if any one were in a travel club, the others would have to sacrifice their activities. There just isn't enough money and time in my family for all 3 to play a travel sport.

We have had friends too, where the oldest is a completive swimmer, travel baseball or soccer, and the family is always at the gym and field.

Then the younger siblings (especially if far apart in age) always get the shaft. If they were babies when older tried soccer, they are later 7 years old following big sis's travel soccer team. No time to try ballet.

My dd's best friend (age 8) have to quit a one hour Brownie troop because sister is at the gym all the time. It's happened to more than one family. The oldest gets to be on the big team, while the youngers have to follow along, never really getting to excel at their "thing".

Just something to consider...
descovy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-2013, 07:18 PM   #24
Wishing on a star
DIS Veteran
Another proud Southerner!
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 14,276

Wow, just wow...

If I were the one responsible for hauling the kids (including a baby), and I were the one responsible for making sure that school and homework were under control... It would be very simple for me... My DD would't be doing it.

This kind of sport is no small commitment.
Seriously, she would have to be begging.

And, the fact that you feel that your daughter might be saying one thing to him, and saying one thing to you. Ummmm, not good. THE YOU SHOULD BE ONE, SINGLE, UNBREAKABLE, UNITED FRONT. Not the three of you playing each one against the other.

If your DH is so fired up about it, then HE should be the one ready to make sure that she is there for every practice, game, etc...

He is willing so require that you go so much, and give up so much... and now, theoretically, that includes you having a vacation with your husband/family.

Sounds like you and the other siblings are getting the proverbial shaft.

There are just so many issues with parenting and priorities here that it makes my head spin!
Wishing on a star is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-2013, 07:20 PM   #25
DIS Veteran
hereyago's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 8,306

If she doesn't give it her all, then the rest is a moot point. There if no way would I sacrifice my time and the rest of the family for her not giving her all. If dh wanted it then HE wiukd be the one to arrange her transportation.
hereyago is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-2013, 07:24 PM   #26
I was a click-clack champ!!
PollyannaMom's Avatar
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,726

Is there any way you can have a third party (grandparent, aunt, etc.) talk to your DD to find out if it's really something important to her?
"It's all about balance."
"Look for the good in people. Make rainbows. Play the glad game."
"The business of life is the acquisition of memories." - Carson (Downton Abbey)

me, DH, DS(14), and lots of pets
PollyannaMom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-2013, 07:32 PM   #27
Counting the days until our next trip!
skuttle's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 8,912

If my dd really wanted to play, I'd do everything I could to allow her to do so. My DS (9yo) just got out of rec baseball and we are starting a more competitive league. It's a big time commitment. Especially when his brothers are so much younger (2 and 5 mths). DH can help so that makes it easier. I know there will come a time when we will have to split up as the younger two get into something.
WDW July 2013
skuttle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-2013, 07:50 PM   #28
DIS Veteran
StitchesGr8Fan's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 3,825

Originally Posted by newMrs.Robinson
Notjoking at all. I have older children who aren't in sports but my daughter has natural ability and we are pushing it. As far as money for athletes we have several friends whose children are in college on athletic scholarships. My moms best friends daughter is a physical therapist. Her school was paid for with softball. Another friends daughter is pre pharmacy on a softball scholarship. She pays 1,000 per year plus books. That is huge!
By the time your daughter is in college, you will have spent $60-80k in gymnastics if she truly makes it to level 10 or elite. And there is the possibility she won't get a scholarship. If you invested that money you could put more than one kid through college.

If she loves it, fine. But to push her at 5 so she can get a scholarship is ridiculous.

Also be realistic. Every parent wants to believe their kid is the next Olympian, and most coaches will let you think that so you keep paying money.
'86-offsite, '91-Buena Vista Palace, '92-offsite, '97-offsite, '98-Magic Music Days, '06-ASMu, '07-FtW, '09-ASMu,'10-POR,'12-Poly (Honeymoon!)
'14 - Pop
StitchesGr8Fan is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-2013, 07:51 PM   #29
DIS Veteran
horseshowmom's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2000
Posts: 10,307

My perspective is that the only way I would consider it (based on the inconvenience to the family) would be if playing was truly the child's passion. Honestly, she hasn't acted like it is.

My daughter played travel softball a couple of years and liked it okay. She was willing to practice and do whatever, but I never saw a real passion until she got her horse.

Once she started horseshowing, I never once had to tell her to go work her horse - not once over the years. Sometimes she would be out in the barn in the winter working her horse in showmanship in the hallway at 9 at night in very cold weather. In the summer, she would get up early so she could work her horses at 6 a.m. before it got too hot (and then again late in the evening). Since I wouldn't let her ride alone, she was begging me to get up so she could ride (and she was NOT an early riser by nature).

There was a big difference in the two. I would never have gone as far with the softball as I did with the horses. Horses were (and still are) her passion. The OP's daughter hasn't really shown much of an interest in the interim - that doesn't speak for much of a passion to me. JMHO
horseshowmom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-2013, 07:58 PM   #30
DIS Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 2,398

Originally Posted by surfgirl View Post
good luck with that.

so few gymnasts ever make college level - do you know the amount of gymnasts that burn out (how many hours are you at the gym right now?), get repetitive stress injuries, or get too tall? It is probably the highest burnout sport out there.

She is 5! And you are thinking college scholarship? bwah.

You would be better served taking the monthly cost of competitive gymnastics ($200-$300/month at lower levels), uniform costs ($100-$500/year depending on leotards, warmups, etc.), meet fees ($75-$100/meet), private lessons ($40-70/hour), travel costs for the family for 5-8 meets/year (hotel, car, flights, meals), coaches fees for meets (fundraising or paying directly for it), summer camps, etc. (these are the lower levels - beginning competitive gymnastics)

Take that money, save it, and trust me, her education is paid for and she doesn't have a blown out knee, a torn up ankle, an eating disorder, or shoulder problems to go with it.
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!

Do sports because you love them. Not because you think you will get your college paid for - because that probably won't happen.
sookie is offline   Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS Updates

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 07:11 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

Copyright © 1997-2014, Werner Technologies, LLC. All Rights Reserved.