Disney Information Station Logo

Go Back   The DIS Discussion Forums - DISboards.com > Just for Fun > Community Board
Find Hotel Specials & DIScounts
 
facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS Updates
Register Chat FAQ Tickers Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read


Reply
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 01-08-2013, 10:42 AM   #46
smitch425
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Dayton, OH
Posts: 11,718

Quote:
Originally Posted by kwelch10377 View Post
I do know all the details I need to know to know that she isn't using him as an excuse. #1 I was at their house several days after Christmas and saw first hand how much of a jerk he was being and honestly I wasn't totally surprised that he pulled this. #2 We are very close and do share a lot with each other so if she just didn't want to go or if she didn't have the money she would be honest and up front about it. I do also know her husband pretty well without her having to tell me certain things.

Someone mentioned that maybe she doesn't want to go, well considering that she was the one who came up with the idea of us all going I am pretty sure that isn't the case. She has been excited about it for over a month and in talking to her she is upset about not being able to go, especially since this is the first time in quite a few years that we have all been able to see each other at once.
Haven't read the whole thread, so I apologize if this has already come up, but why don't the rest of you ditch the concert and just go straight to her? Maybe you could do stuff local to her so she can still see everyone and take her son to his party.
smitch425 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-08-2013, 10:46 AM   #47
burnurcomputer
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: PA
Posts: 913

Quote:
Originally Posted by kwelch10377 View Post
Haha! It's Mr. Greengenes. They are playing at the Chameleon in Lancaster.
I <3 the Chameleon! I have also misspent some of my youth at the club, on both the upper and lower floors I still think I had a better time when I was underage because I thought I was so cool.....but that floor gets so hot and crowded
burnurcomputer is offline   Reply With Quote
|
The DIS
Register to remove

Join Date: 1997
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 1,000,000
Old 01-08-2013, 10:46 AM   #48
kwelch10377
DIS Veteran
 
kwelch10377's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 3,142

Quote:
Originally Posted by smitch425 View Post
Haven't read the whole thread, so I apologize if this has already come up, but why don't the rest of you ditch the concert and just go straight to her? Maybe you could do stuff local to her so she can still see everyone and take her son to his party.
We all aren't coming from one place. For example I am coming from Boston instead of it being about a 5 hour drive for me, it would be almost a 9-10 hour drive each way and for 2 days that is way too much.
kwelch10377 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 01-08-2013, 10:49 AM   #49
kwelch10377
DIS Veteran
 
kwelch10377's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 3,142

Quote:
Originally Posted by burnurcomputer View Post
I <3 the Chameleon! I have also misspent some of my youth at the club, on both the upper and lower floors I still think I had a better time when I was underage because I thought I was so cool.....but that floor gets so hot and crowded
It has been YEARS since I have been there, but I do remember how hot and crowded it would get. There are a few times where we got lucky and got a spot by the railing on the top floor and didn't have to deal too much with the crowds.

We also use to get lost every time we went there, if course this was back before GPS was popular.
kwelch10377 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 01-08-2013, 10:50 AM   #50
cabanafrau
DIS Veteran
 
cabanafrau's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: michigan
Posts: 5,312

Quote:
Originally Posted by DeaverTex View Post
I can see this from the husband's perspective, since I'm on anti-depressants myself and can see myself at least entertaining doing precisely what he did. (The meds don't keep me from having that kind of idea, but they do let me see that it's an irrational and downright mean thing to do.) He's almost certainly seeing this as a situation in which he's making all the concessions and she's having all the fun. Since OP has said that the man has no friends, she has no way at all to reciprocate, and he knows that. That's very likely why he "fixed her wagon" by working so that she couldn't go, and I'm certain that was in his mind when he agreed to work on a weekend. Of course, he also may not agree with the idea of "girls' trips" or "boys' trips", but that's another issue entirely.

He needs to get back on his meds, and it sounds like he may need them adjusted.
I find it interesting that the depression and the lack of treatment for it are acknowledged for the irrational and downright mean thought processes at play in a situation like this -- whilst simultaneously reserving the right to disapprove of a spouse (of either gender) making plans solely with their friends. There is an ancient writing about what love is that is frequently read at weddings for good reason, it speaks true. Begrudging your spouse an innocent night out is selfishness, pure and simple.
cabanafrau is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-08-2013, 10:51 AM   #51
Wishing on a star
DIS Veteran
Another proud Southerner!
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 14,277

OP, by all means... she should stay home and make sure that her son comes first in this one situation.
She should also never, ever, put herself in a position where she is depending on her husband, and allowing him to do this to her again.

Mystery Machine, I do not think that Sue meant anything in the way that you are taking it!!!!
I actually agree with both of you and see a lot of commonality.
It is one thing to be addressing an illness.
It is another thing to have negative neurological and psychological issues.. and let them enable you to to control and have a very, very, negative affect on ones spouse.
Forever, over and over. The OP seems to know enough to see that this is the pattern here.

And, You are right.... I was going to copy and agree with your earlier post.
If the OP wants to handle this in a positive way... She needs to understand that SHE needs to take care of any child-care needs....
Sucks... Not fair... Etc...
But, the reality is that her husband is what he is.
By even assuming that she might be able to depend on him, and get away for a weekend... she was enabling him to do this and put a huge end to her plans.

And, about the lying....
I will just say this. No way in heck would I have the kind of relationship with my friends where I felt that I had to lie to and make my spouse out to be some kind of scapegoat... ever... It is clear that you are not seeing how you are enabling your friends to have a skewed and negative view of your spouse. It is clear that you are not seeing that you are enabling them to feel like they are free to place you in the middle... and going on and on and on, without ceasing, trying to exert control and to get you to choose THEM over your own spouse. To make sure that they are some kind of priority over your own spouse.

Last edited by Wishing on a star; 01-08-2013 at 11:01 AM.
Wishing on a star is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-08-2013, 10:53 AM   #52
goofyintoronto
Proud foot flusher
I really wanted to like it, but I didn't
 
goofyintoronto's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 9,380

Quote:
Originally Posted by Art 1 View Post
My guess is she doesn't want to go and is using the husband as an excuse for not going. Happens all the time to me.
That did cross my mind as well.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bob NC View Post
Let me explain.

My friends want me to do things with them. If I say I just don't 'feel' like doing something they will spend countless hours trying to 'convince' me that I really should do it. Sometimes it's just easier to say you 'can't' do something rather than you don't 'want' to do something.

It's simple really. I would hazard a guess that everyone has done it at one time or another.

I believe, though, that you are purposely trying not to understand this.
So true. And I have done this a few times for the very same reason you had indicated, I dont want to deal with the whining and convincing "oh come on you HAVE TO come". I dont use my spouse as an excuse thou, cause i dont have one anymore. LOL!
__________________





........."Please stand clear of the doors. Por favor, mantengase alejado de las puertas".........







AUGUST "2013" DINING REVIEW / AUGUST "2012" DINING REVIEW





I've been BOO'ED by Forum Jumper!!!
goofyintoronto is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-08-2013, 11:21 AM   #53
Social Worker Sue
Mouseketeer
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 377

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Mystery Machine View Post
What I find staggering is the insensitivity of this post.

I wish I had a 100% healthy DH. Now excuse me while I go and take his blood pressure and give him his meds from his triple bypass.

Sorry he is depressed and healing but until you walk a mile in those shoes you really do not understand.


It’s insensitive to say somebody is being manipulative?

And, mental illness or not, it is VERY manipulative to pick and choose when you are going to treat your spouse with respect.

Going out of town for something you don’t enjoy? Yay. Hubby isn’t going to give you a difficult time. He is going to do a great job as a father, because wife isn't having fun at her current location.

Going out of town to do something that you enjoy? Boo! Hubby is going to be depressed and have a difficult time watching his own children. And be natsy to wife. How dare she enjoy herself!

That is what I saw when I read Betsy82’s post when she said: .."but he was fine. That was most probably because I wasn't away by choice, and certainly not somewhere I wanted to be."


I deal with people like this all day. I know the intensity of mental illness. I lived it with my own mother. I know it destroys and hurts families. I also know people who are mentally ill are very good at manipulating other people.

You don’t get a free pass to play Head Games just because you are mentally ill.
Social Worker Sue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-08-2013, 11:26 AM   #54
Social Worker Sue
Mouseketeer
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 377

Quote:
Originally Posted by cabanafrau View Post
I find it interesting that the depression and the lack of treatment for it are acknowledged for the irrational and downright mean thought processes at play in a situation like this -- whilst simultaneously reserving the right to disapprove of a spouse (of either gender) making plans solely with their friends. There is an ancient writing about what love is that is frequently read at weddings for good reason, it speaks true. Begrudging your spouse an innocent night out is selfishness, pure and simple.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wishing on a star View Post
Mystery Machine, I do not think that Sue meant anything in the way that you are taking it!!!!
I actually agree with both of you and see a lot of commonality.
It is one thing to be addressing an illness.
It is another thing to have negative neurological and psychological issues.. and let them enable you to to control and have a very, very, negative affect on ones spouse.
Forever, over and over. The OP seems to know enough to see that this is the pattern here.

I agree with you both
Social Worker Sue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-08-2013, 11:29 AM   #55
Social Worker Sue
Mouseketeer
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 377

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sadie22 View Post
Exactly. This is a good time for others to learn more about clinical depression, its causes and treatments. It's not someone being a jerk. The husband is sick.

And it is a good time for others to learn that a mentally ill person should not be allowed to manipulate and treat others poorly just because they are mentally ill.
Social Worker Sue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-08-2013, 11:46 AM   #56
kwelch10377
DIS Veteran
 
kwelch10377's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 3,142

Quote:
Originally Posted by Social Worker Sue View Post
And it is a good time for others to learn that a mentally ill person should not be allowed to manipulate and treat others poorly just because they are mentally ill.
He totally manipulates situations. For example I mentioned that he was giving her a hard time about getting a new phone. He was doing it in hopes of getting her to give him her new phone and taking his phone. On the day that I was leaving there afte my Christmas visit they had gotten into a fight about how instead of staying home and helping clean the house and spend time with the kids he was going to his parents to watch the Steelers game. As he was leaving he says to the kids (as both my friend and I are standing there) "Daddy's going to grandma and grandpa's to be selfish and watch the football game". Apparently after that they got into a fight over text message and he starts going on about how his kids hate him and don't want to spend time with him and that is why he didn't stay home. Meanwhile his kids asked more than once when daddy was coming home so they could play Wii with him.
kwelch10377 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 01-08-2013, 11:53 AM   #57
FlightlessDuck
Pluto's personal nose scratcher
Dumb people spoiling my fun makes me a sad Panda
 
FlightlessDuck's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Bethlehem, PA
Posts: 12,064

I think your friend needs to worry more about getting her husband back on the meds than going to a concert.
__________________
FlightlessDuck
DH of MouseEarsJenny

'87: Off Site, '94: GF, '02: FWC, '06: POP, '09: CSR, '10: POP, '12: CSR
FlightlessDuck is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-08-2013, 11:56 AM   #58
Phil'sFrontier
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Yukon
Posts: 1,154

I think this guys should be cut some slack....first of all there are two sides to every story. His, Hers, and the truth. Second, it was mentioned he has depression, or had depression. I am not saying he needs meds to help, but he does need support from family and friends.
__________________
Phil'sFrontier is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-08-2013, 11:58 AM   #59
kwelch10377
DIS Veteran
 
kwelch10377's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 3,142

Quote:
Originally Posted by FlightlessDuck View Post
I think your friend needs to worry more about getting her husband back on the meds than going to a concert.
She has been dealing with that battle on and off for about 5 years. There is only so much she can do at this point.
kwelch10377 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 01-08-2013, 12:02 PM   #60
Social Worker Sue
Mouseketeer
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 377

Quote:
Originally Posted by kwelch10377 View Post
As he was leaving he says to the kids (as both my friend and I are standing there) "Daddy's going to grandma and grandpa's to be selfish and watch the football game". Apparently after that they got into a fight over text message and he starts going on about how his kids hate him and don't want to spend time with him and that is why he didn't stay home. Meanwhile his kids asked more than once when daddy was coming home so they could play Wii with him.


This is where the mental illness becomes very volatile in the life of a child. This is where children can become scarred for life. When the mentally ill parent starts involving them and getting their “digs” in to the children, it's time to make some tough choices and draw some lines.


This is when a spouse must say: Be a faithful spouse or protect my children?
Social Worker Sue is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply



Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS Updates
GET OUR DIS UPDATES DELIVERED BY EMAIL



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:07 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

Copyright © 1997-2014, Werner Technologies, LLC. All Rights Reserved.