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Old 01-07-2013, 12:03 PM   #16
kwelch10377
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Originally Posted by wdwmom0f3 View Post
I'm sorry that she can't come, and I am sure he is the jerk that you say that he is, but a from what you have said I see one thing that may be an issue and that is money problems. You said that she is working three jobs and that he told his boss that he would work that weekend instead of being off. Could she just be blaming the husband, but really having money issues? Even a weekend trip would be expensive.

Either way I wouldn't pressure her to much because I'm sure she really feels bad enough already for not being able to come and she will feel even worse that night when she misses all of the fun.

Just a thought.
While money isn't rolling in, she works the other jobs to help out her former bosses and because she is passionate about that line of work and it is something that one her kids are a little older she wants to go back to school for. One is just one night a week and the other is from home for about 10 hours a week. He works retail so if he had off Sat, he would just get the hours another day and right now they don't get overtime. If money were an issue here she would have no problem telling me.

I haven't pressured her about it and I know she feels bad enough about not being able to come.
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Old 01-07-2013, 12:43 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by kwelch10377 View Post
While money isn't rolling in, she works the other jobs to help out her former bosses and because she is passionate about that line of work and it is something that one her kids are a little older she wants to go back to school for. One is just one night a week and the other is from home for about 10 hours a week. He works retail so if he had off Sat, he would just get the hours another day and right now they don't get overtime. If money were an issue here she would have no problem telling me.

I haven't pressured her about it and I know she feels bad enough about not being able to come.
I thought the same thing about the money. It may be that even if your friend doesn't think there's a money issue, he may.
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Old 01-07-2013, 12:54 PM   #18
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I thought the same thing about the money. It may be that even if your friend doesn't think there's a money issue, he may.
I doubt it, she does everything when it comes to the finances and what bills there are. She is super on top of things when it comes to money.

I am 99.9% sure that he is just being spiteful and after seeing them a little over a week ago and how he was acting I am not surprised that he is pulling this.
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Old 01-07-2013, 02:04 PM   #19
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Around here if my wife doesn't want to do something she has my permission to use me as an excuse. "Bob has XXX going on, so I can't do YYY." "Bob and I talked, and I can't do XXX because of blah blah blah."

I may use her as an excuse as need be too.

I KNOW you think you know 100% of the details, I'm just suggesting that there MAY be other explanations.
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Old 01-07-2013, 02:09 PM   #20
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Have her come and bring the kids; find her a babysitter there. There's more than one way to skin a cat and I'm an old pro at cat skinning. Besides, like someone else said: why would she want to leave her children with him? He probably would find an excuse NOT to take the boy to the party.
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Old 01-07-2013, 02:11 PM   #21
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Around here if my wife doesn't want to do something she has my permission to use me as an excuse. "Bob has XXX going on, so I can't do YYY." "Bob and I talked, and I can't do XXX because of blah blah blah."

I may use her as an excuse as need be too.

I KNOW you think you know 100% of the details, I'm just suggesting that there MAY be other explanations.
That's AWFUL!!! Why in the world would you want to blame your husband or wife for something YOU didn't want to do? Makes them look like a jerk when in reality, it's just YOU not trusting your 'friends.' Dumb, just fess up. In later years, you are both going to be very lonely.
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Old 01-07-2013, 02:16 PM   #22
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That's AWFUL!!! Why in the world would you want to blame your husband or wife for something YOU didn't want to do? Makes them look like a jerk when in reality, it's just YOU not trusting your 'friends.' Dumb, just fess up. In later years, you are both going to be very lonely.
Geezus, lighten up.

Usually it's a , "Oh darn, she's working that weekend so I have to stay home for YYY."

It's not "BLAME", it's a little white lie so I don't have to tell my high school friends that "No, I don't want to go see that Allman Bros cover band with ya'll."
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Old 01-07-2013, 02:17 PM   #23
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That's AWFUL!!! Why in the world would you want to blame your husband or wife for something YOU didn't want to do? Makes them look like a jerk when in reality, it's just YOU not trusting your 'friends.' Dumb, just fess up. In later years, you are both going to be very lonely.
Calling me "dumb", really?

I think you're making a little much of this.
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Old 01-07-2013, 03:19 PM   #24
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We had actually became pretty friendly with the band
Wondering exactly what "friendly with the band" means. . .

No advice here. Just another day of men being jerks on the Community Board.

Last edited by Sanchez; 01-07-2013 at 03:58 PM.
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Old 01-07-2013, 03:39 PM   #25
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I am very friendly with a group of women from my church. We often socialize with the entire family, just the women, just the men, just couples etc. We are each others support and source of great fun and joy.

There is a women who we all really like and talk to after church at the social hour part and have invited her out several times, and she said her husband will not let her go out with out him. I just cannot imagine that kind of marriage.
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Old 01-07-2013, 03:50 PM   #26
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Is her family in Philly on her way to the concert? Maybe they can watch the kids while she goes to the concert. Personally, I would not trust someone off their meds to watch my kids. It was a bad choice to consider allowing her husband to do it in the first place.
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Old 01-07-2013, 03:55 PM   #27
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Wondering exactly what "friendly with band" means. . .

No advice here. Just a another day of men being jerks on the Community Board.
Not that type of "friendly"!
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Old 01-07-2013, 10:45 PM   #28
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Around here if my wife doesn't want to do something she has my permission to use me as an excuse. "Bob has XXX going on, so I can't do YYY." "Bob and I talked, and I can't do XXX because of blah blah blah."

I may use her as an excuse as need be too.

I KNOW you think you know 100% of the details, I'm just suggesting that there MAY be other explanations.
That might be. Also,my husband and I have done something similar.

To the OP poster, Be ready to listen when your friend is ready to talk to you, but for now she has enough on her plate w/o thinking how everyone wishes she could be there for the girls weekend. EVEN if she suddenly had the chance to go, could she really have a good time.

I feel bad for her situation.
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Old 01-08-2013, 05:22 AM   #29
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I can see this from the husband's perspective, since I'm on anti-depressants myself and can see myself at least entertaining doing precisely what he did. (The meds don't keep me from having that kind of idea, but they do let me see that it's an irrational and downright mean thing to do.) He's almost certainly seeing this as a situation in which he's making all the concessions and she's having all the fun. Since OP has said that the man has no friends, she has no way at all to reciprocate, and he knows that. That's very likely why he "fixed her wagon" by working so that she couldn't go, and I'm certain that was in his mind when he agreed to work on a weekend. Of course, he also may not agree with the idea of "girls' trips" or "boys' trips", but that's another issue entirely.

He needs to get back on his meds, and it sounds like he may need them adjusted.
This sounds identical to how my husband would feel/has felt. He will say those very things to me in moments of clarity. Not always calmly, but at least its honest.


He's also depressed and medicated. I either take my children with me or have alternate care. There was a few days when I HAD to be away from home and he was primary caregiver. I called frequently, sent constant reminders that he needed to remain cool, etc. but he was fine. That was most probably because I wasn't away by choice, and certainly not somewhere I wanted to be.

So anyway, I agree with this.
It sucks but it's a life she has chosen. I love my husband, and his illness requires me to make sacrifices that my friends don't always understand.
I may vent to them occassionally about it, because it's truly a challenge sometimes, but it is what it is.

I hope your friend can find a resolution to this situation that suits everyone involved.
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Old 01-08-2013, 06:03 AM   #30
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Geezus, lighten up.

Usually it's a , "Oh darn, she's working that weekend so I have to stay home for YYY."

It's not "BLAME", it's a little white lie so I don't have to tell my high school friends that "No, I don't want to go see that Allman Bros cover band with ya'll."
What is wrong with telling your friends the truth? I would rather do that then make my spouse look like a control freak.

As an adult, I think it is ok to be able to tell people how you feel. If you don't want to go to a concert, you just say you don't want to go

Why start spinning lies and blaming spouses?
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