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Old 01-09-2013, 02:33 PM   #211
nchulka
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Originally Posted by skater View Post
Sorry, I'm getting weary of the tone of some of the posts. I personally have no problem taking a 9/10 year old boy into a bathroom with stalls. He's doesn't have x-ray vision and he's not climbing under them. It really depends on where the bathroom is. Some places feel safer than others of course. Its obviously not ideal to take a boy into a woman's bathroom, but sometimes it feels safer.
That's exactly it! YOU FEEL safer. When people really break down their reasoning for being overprotective with their kids it's really all about the parent wanting to FEEL safe/in control. You are NOT in control of life, at any given moment anything can happen. Parents want to FEEL calm and as long as they can keep their child in sight they have a false sense of security. Nevermind that their actions are actually counterproductive and making their kid much less safe in the long run. People don't typically have any anxiety over driving a car yet feel nervous on a plane, because they do not FEEL in control in the plane like they do in a car. Realistically you have a much greater danger of being killed/injured in a car. Most people loose all rationality of what dangers there really are in life and spend their time obsessing over the most unlikely ones. In the process you are handicapping your son in order to make yourself FEEL better now. Let him go out on his own, learn to deal with your anxiety, don't let it cripple him!
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Old 01-09-2013, 02:35 PM   #212
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skater

Sorry, I'm getting weary of the tone of some of the posts. I personally have no problem taking a 9/10 year old boy into a bathroom with stalls. He's doesn't have x-ray vision and he's not climbing under them. It really depends on where the bathroom is. Some places feel safer than others of course. Its obviously not ideal to take a boy into a woman's bathroom, but sometimes it feels safer.
I get what you're saying, in theory. But 10 years old? Let's see what happens when he tries that at school. "But the girls' bathrooms are safer! And anyway, I'm not looking at anyone!"
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Old 01-09-2013, 02:36 PM   #213
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Originally Posted by eliza61

Not attacking but at what age can a kid go to the bathroom by himself?
If a kid is 14 but on the small side is it still ok to drag him into the girls bathroom.

the problem with this is that YOU have decided to make others feel unsafe in what is supposed to be their space. YOU are now impacting their experience because of your selfishness and that's not fair.

If some one leaves a kid by himself generally only that person is involved but what you do is not the same.

Yes I would feel uncomfortable seeing a boy in the little girls room especially if I had a little girl in there. I also wouldn't advise my husband to take my 9 year old neice into the mens room with him.

You say you are keeping your son safe but now I have to worry about my female child because of your kid (who since I don't know could be just as dangerous). So the translation I'm getting is yes, I'll break the rules and the heck with every one else.

I've seen some tall 9 year olds so yep, I'd probably be looking for security if I walked in with my 4 yo to see a kid standing up against a stall in the womens room.
I only have DDs, so this doesn't apply much to me (although I guess it applies to my DH...) but I have never understood the big deal about this. The child isn't watching me go to the bathroom- I'm in a stall, private from anyone. I'm not sure what exactly is "uncomfortable" about this? Or especially how a nine year old boy with his mom can make a grown woman feel "unsafe in their space?"

I also know people have children with special needs, and you often can't tell just by looking. So I'm very careful about not judging.
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Old 01-09-2013, 02:37 PM   #214
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nchulka View Post
That's exactly it! YOU FEEL safer. When people really break down their reasoning for being overprotective with their kids it's really all about the parent wanting to FEEL safe/in control. You are NOT in control of life, at any given moment anything can happen. Parents want to FEEL calm and as long as they can keep their child in sight they have a false sense of security. Nevermind that their actions are actually counterproductive and making their kid much less safe in the long run. People don't typically have any anxiety over driving a car yet feel nervous on a plane, because they do not FEEL in control in the plane like they do in a car. Realistically you have a much greater danger of being killed/injured in a car. Most people loose all rationality of what dangers there really are in life and spend their time obsessing over the most unlikely ones. In the process you are handicapping your son in order to make yourself FEEL better now. Let him go out on his own, learn to deal with your anxiety, don't let it cripple him!
Perfectly stated. We need more Andy Griffith style parenting....and alot less BS parenting these days. I really think the above post is spot on.
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Old 01-09-2013, 02:37 PM   #215
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Originally Posted by minnie mum View Post
It apparently feels safer to you. But a 10 year old boy does not belong in a woman's bathroom and women and girls should not have to be subjected to his presence. No he cannot see through the stall doors. But he can certainly stare at everyone waiting to go in or at the sinks/mirrors/vending machines.

If you must hover, then hover outside the door to the men's room. If you hear your son yell, feel free to invade their territory. And when the choice of a family/companion restroom is available, use it.


My son is actually past this age now, but believe it or not, he is fine and I don't think we messed up too many women and girls with his presence. He didn't stare at anyone either. But thanks for the advice. I didn't mess up my middle child either, somehow . I really was just pointing out, that judging other people's parenting usually doesn't help anybody.
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Old 01-09-2013, 02:38 PM   #216
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Originally Posted by jahber View Post
I get what you're saying, in theory. But 10 years old? Let's see what happens when he tries that at school. "But the girls' bathrooms are safer! And anyway, I'm not looking at anyone!"

A lot different than the mall.
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Old 01-09-2013, 02:41 PM   #217
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Originally Posted by tiffjoy View Post
I only have DDs, so this doesn't apply much to me (although I guess it applies to my DH...) but I have never understood the big deal about this. The child isn't watching me go to the bathroom- I'm in a stall, private from anyone. I'm not sure what exactly is "uncomfortable" about this? Or especially how a nine year old boy with his mom can make a grown woman feel "unsafe in their space?"

I also know people have children with special needs, and you often can't tell just by looking. So I'm very careful about not judging.


This is refreshing! I have never minded it either. Even with my perfect little first born daughter (back when I thought I knew everything ). If a parent felt that it was unsafe to send their young boy into a men's bathroom in a big store or WalMart - I just didn't care.
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Old 01-09-2013, 02:42 PM   #218
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Like everyone, only you know her and how responsible / cautious she is. My oldest are 5 months apart (blended). 11 yr old girl - YES in a second. 11 yr old boy - never ever, maybe closer to 15 with him. Our 7 yr old, I am with PP, maybe when she's 30.

ToT and RNR also have chicken exits. She can wait with you, then duck through the exit and meet you in gift shop. CMs will make sure she knows where to go.
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Old 01-09-2013, 02:46 PM   #219
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nchulka View Post
That's exactly it! YOU FEEL safer. When people really break down their reasoning for being overprotective with their kids it's really all about the parent wanting to FEEL safe/in control. You are NOT in control of life, at any given moment anything can happen. Parents want to FEEL calm and as long as they can keep their child in sight they have a false sense of security. Nevermind that their actions are actually counterproductive and making their kid much less safe in the long run. People don't typically have any anxiety over driving a car yet feel nervous on a plane, because they do not FEEL in control in the plane like they do in a car. Realistically you have a much greater danger of being killed/injured in a car. Most people loose all rationality of what dangers there really are in life and spend their time obsessing over the most unlikely ones. In the process you are handicapping your son in order to make yourself FEEL better now. Let him go out on his own, learn to deal with your anxiety, don't let it cripple him!


Well, its too late, I guess I've ruined my sons . Somehow they're not handicapped, and one of them is actually way more independent than other boys his age. Way more driven too. Seriously, I've given you almost zero information to make these kind of statements. Which of us doesn't make safety judgements for our kids? They may be different, but we do it. Perhaps there was some of the "making me feel better" in my decisions, who knows? But like everyone else on this thread, I made the decisions I thought were best for my kids in various situations and I still do. Somehow they seem to be making it through despite my anxiety and attempts to cripple them.
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Old 01-09-2013, 02:48 PM   #220
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Quote:
Originally Posted by catherines_mama View Post
Like everyone, only you know her and how responsible / cautious she is. My oldest are 5 months apart (blended). 11 yr old girl - YES in a second. 11 yr old boy - never ever, maybe closer to 15 with him. Our 7 yr old, I am with PP, maybe when she's 30.

ToT and RNR also have chicken exits. She can wait with you, then duck through the exit and meet you in gift shop. CMs will make sure she knows where to go.


They're all different aren't they? The chicken exits seem to be a great option - she won't be alone for long.
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Old 01-09-2013, 03:02 PM   #221
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tiffjoy

I only have DDs, so this doesn't apply much to me (although I guess it applies to my DH...) but I have never understood the big deal about this. The child isn't watching me go to the bathroom- I'm in a stall, private from anyone. I'm not sure what exactly is "uncomfortable" about this? Or especially how a nine year old boy with his mom can make a grown woman feel "unsafe in their space?"

I also know people have children with special needs, and you often can't tell just by looking. So I'm very careful about not judging.
1. It uncomfortable because when Iv turn the corner in a FEMALE bathroom I don't expect you find a male. That is why they have separate spaces to begin with

2. I've, never seen them go inside the stalls with their mommies, there always hanging outside the stall waiting. Yes that is creepy.

3. There are little girls in there also. Since they are in the restroom they are supposed to be in, they now have to see a boy in there. No I don't want to explain to a 4 or 5 yo neice why a boy (and a big boy at that) is in the girls bathroom.

Big difference between a 9 year old and a 5 year old. Of a9 year old cash function at school he can survive 4 minutes in the mens room with his mom guarding the entrance
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Old 01-09-2013, 03:10 PM   #222
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AS previously posted, I would not leave my kids at 12. Now, at home, my daughter watches her little brother without thought. But these days, I don't trust strangers to be kind,decent and safe.In my line of work I see the very worst of human life form, and what they can do to others. My kids are confident and strong and know how to take care of themselves, but they are KIDS, not little adults. They should never HAVE to defend themselves. I am their mom, their gaurdian and protector. I know that they are safe in our home. But, I am also the same mom who will absolutly drag my 9 year old SON into the ladies room, if I feel like it is unsafe for him to go to the mens room alone..... So I hope the Women who claims that this is rediculous isn't in there. I would HATE to make her feel uncomfortable for MY son's safety
I managed to avoid comment for 14 pages and was proud of myself, but I bolded the above statement and have to point ut..you KNOW nothing..you hope, you are hedging the odds, but you know nothing. 27 people went to an elementary school one day knowing it was one of the safest places to be..sadly theirs is a different story now.

We can drag our older sons to the womens bathroom and care less how we are affecting those around us or if we are even affecting our sons. Or we can be safe and considerate and simply stand outside the mens room and wait
for our sons or when in Disney use companion bathrooms which are everywhere

But to dream we KNOW our children are safe at home, shows we know nothing , but have some false sense of security about home and a false sense of insecurity when out in public.
The number one person to do a crime against you is someone you know..its your preacher that molests your sons, or your boyfriend who beats you senseless..it is rarely the stranger in the disney bathroom or standing at the ride exit that is ready to run off with some 12 yr old kid..

life is dangerous..we didnt come born surrounded by bubble wrap
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Old 01-09-2013, 03:14 PM   #223
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eliza61

1. It uncomfortable because when Iv turn the corner in a FEMALE bathroom I don't expect you find a male. That is why they have separate spaces to begin with

2. I've, never seen them go inside the stalls with their mommies, there always hanging outside the stall waiting. Yes that is creepy.

3. There are little girls in there also. Since they are in the restroom they are supposed to be in, they now have to see a boy in there. No I don't want to explain to a 4 or 5 yo neice why a boy (and a big boy at that) is in the girls bathroom.

Big difference between a 9 year old and a 5 year old. Of a9 year old cash function at school he can survive 4 minutes in the mens room with his mom guarding the entrance
Thanks for explaining. I don't personally share any of your worries, especially finding an average nine year old "creepy." I've never been bothered by it, and I don't have concern over taking my DD3 with me if there is a boy in the restroom.

To me, it's just not something worth getting worked up over, like I see happen so often on the DisBoards.
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Old 01-09-2013, 03:17 PM   #224
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Originally Posted by pickles View Post
I managed to avoid comment for 14 pages and was proud of myself, but I bolded the above statement and have to point ut..you KNOW nothing..you hope, you are hedging the odds, but you know nothing. 27 people went to an elementary school one day knowing it was one of the safest places to be..sadly theirs is a different story now.

We can drag our older sons to the womens bathroom and care less how we are affecting those around us or if we are even affecting our sons. Or we can be safe and considerate and simply stand outside the mens room and wait
for our sons or when in Disney use companion bathrooms which are everywhere

But to dream we KNOW our children are safe at home, shows we know nothing , but have some false sense of security about home and a false sense of insecurity when out in public.
The number one person to do a crime against you is someone you know..its your preacher that molests your sons, or your boyfriend who beats you senseless..it is rarely the stranger in the disney bathroom or standing at the ride exit that is ready to run off with some 12 yr old kid..

life is dangerous..we didnt come born surrounded by bubble wrap
I agree.
And, case in point, our pellet stove went haywire a few weeks back and set of the carbon monoxide detector. We were home and fixed the problem, but now I use my heat pump instead of the stove when I'm out of the house for any period of time. My dogs wouldn't know what to do if it happened again and I wouldn't want to come home and find them dead. Something else could still happen, but since I know about that problem now, I just err on the side of caution...
and don't get me started on the whole boyfriend that beats you senseless thing...I could never understand that one...
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Old 01-09-2013, 03:25 PM   #225
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The women's restrooms do have stalls, but they are not airtight. Some are FAR from airtight. Heck, plenty of them don't even latch properly and can wander open after you sit down.

And as the mother of an adolescent girl who will soon be dealing with very personal bathroom issues, I'm quite sure she'd prefer to deal with that without wondering if the boy standing outside her door can see through the gap between the door and frame of her stall.
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