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Old 01-06-2013, 03:08 PM   #76
Nancyg56
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Quote:
Originally Posted by happygirl View Post
okay, going to play devil advocate, does he have a flirty personality? Maybe he doesn't realize how he's coming off. Hang in there

Flirty personality, phone on silent and no one knows he is married. No way to play devil's advocate under these circumstances. He knows what he is doing and is actively trying to hide it. In my home this would not be okay.
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Old 01-06-2013, 03:08 PM   #77
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My professional opinion as a husband that hates cheaters: Rip his ***** off and feed them to him.
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Old 01-06-2013, 03:09 PM   #78
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Yes, that changes everything, that's not just one message but a very szrange behaviour, you should talk to him.
Definitely! The conversation as a stand alone as I said could be taken all sorts of different ways. However, with the added information -- definitely changes the meaning.

I would definitely put this all on DH -- I just started going to a gym and quite frankly -- I am oblivious of who is around since I'm more focused on attempting to actually finish the workout in one piece since I'm out of shape.

I would think the woman doesn't even know he's married (although the OP said she knew the woman was married -- unless that is what her DH told her).

whatever happens it's going to be hard to recover but you will one way or another.
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Old 01-06-2013, 03:13 PM   #79
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nancyg56

Flirty personality, phone on silent and no one knows he is married. No way to play devil's advocate under these circumstances. He knows what he is doing and is actively trying to hide it. In my home this would not be okay.
Exactly what i was thinking. At first i thought, ok, he might just be really flirty. Nothing wrong with that. Then i thought about how he's actively trying to hide his phone activity and also the fact that he's married, that's not a good sign at all.
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Old 01-06-2013, 03:16 PM   #80
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Originally Posted by Nancyg56 View Post
Flirty personality, phone on silent and no one knows he is married. No way to play devil's advocate under these circumstances. He knows what he is doing and is actively trying to hide it. In my home this would not be okay.
I know many many people who keep there phone on silent I don't see this as evil??
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Old 01-06-2013, 03:16 PM   #81
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Old 01-06-2013, 03:17 PM   #82
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UGH - sorry to read the update. OP if you are feeling this way, that sick feeling, you are likely "right." I know you don't want to be.

Be prepared to hear all sorts of justifications as to how this is nothing or your fault. It's not. He knows his behavior is wrong. He was be SHOCKED and APPALLED that you would even think such a thing. Be prepared to be painted as "crazy."

You aren't. Not at all. His behavior is NOT ok.

Even if there is no actually cheating happening, I would suggest the surviving infidelity website. You don't need to get all involved with the drama there but read the FAQs on "cheater's handbook" and gaslighting.

For me, I believed my (now ex) husband's denials and lies for too long. Hopefully, for you, this will be the 180 your marriage needs. I wouldn't blow this off. It is time to have some serious conversations, get some help and make some changes.
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Old 01-06-2013, 03:33 PM   #83
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I know many many people who keep there phone on silent I don't see this as evil??
As a sudden change (it was aparently previously not on silent) coupled with furtive behavior and stopping texting when you enter the room, it IS a big deal.

No one said a general rule of phone on silent was evil.
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Old 01-06-2013, 03:43 PM   #84
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Quote:
Originally Posted by happygirl

I know many many people who keep there phone on silent I don't see this as evil??
Wow really? We're taking about the OP here. It certainly is suspicious when they go from not silencing their phone, to silencing it and not answering texts in the presence of their spouse.
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Old 01-06-2013, 03:46 PM   #85
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You took the words right outta my mouth. Couldn't have said it any better. The word date, to a man, definitely means more than just an innocent coffee etc. And those texts are definitely very suspicious. Im also surprised at those who thought otherwise. Trust your gut OP.
Please don't speak for all men... even if you are one (I honestly don't know).

OP, the information about meeting in the gym causes slightly more suspicion, but still wasn't enough for me to convict, probably not even enough to prosecute. The follow up information though (conversation with mom, hiding text usage) to me is enough. Good luck.
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Old 01-06-2013, 03:49 PM   #86
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nmmom95
Clean the toilet with his toothbrush.
LMAO! this really made me laugh.

Its a good start i think. Lol!
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Old 01-06-2013, 03:51 PM   #87
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sam_gordon
Please don't speak for all men... even if you are one (I honestly don't know).

OP, the information about meeting in the gym causes slightly more suspicion, but still wasn't enough for me to convict, probably not even enough to prosecute. The follow up information though (conversation with mom, hiding text usage) to me is enough. Good luck.
Sorry your right. I was typing quickly while watching a movie. Lol. Im not speaking for all men. Definitely not.
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Old 01-06-2013, 05:13 PM   #88
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I think you should definitely get to the bottom of it tonight.

The gym I go to is a freakin' meat market. There are hook ups all the time. I know many people who have been in relationships from people they meet at the gym. I guess it is a safe place for people to meet with common interests. Plus, people are half naked there anyway.
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Old 01-06-2013, 05:14 PM   #89
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If my husband texted someone like that, he would be out the door in about 2 seconds, after I, of course, smashed his cell phone.
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Old 01-06-2013, 05:32 PM   #90
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Thanks for the support everyone. It felt weird putting the whole situation on this board at first but I feel better that I let it out to someone! I haven't said anything to him yet because I know right now I can't be rational about it. I want to take my earrings out and just pummel his stupid face to be honest. So I am going to wait until I have my thoughts collected and I can say something rationally and calmly. Everyone's hugs have made me feel not so alone right now. Thanks
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