Hypothetical texting scenario between 2 married people

[Buckalew11]

Originally Posted by Robbi

Buy a tracking device and put it in the car. I wouldn't call a PI cause I'd need the money for my criminal attorney.

when my sister was going through this her lawyer told her it was illegal and to be careful if she opted to do it.

[Robbi]

Originally Posted by Buckalew11

when my sister was going through this her lawyer told her it was illegal and to be careful if she opted to do it.

She wouldn't have to tell him or anyone that she's done it. If they have have teenaged drivers, she could do it and then claim she was keeping track of her minor children.
I sure as heck would and keep a journal. I might also park somewhere and take pictures. If a person doesn't feel comfortable doing this, they could rent a car and keep it parked nearby. When spouse leaves, follow in the rental car.

[Buckalew11]

Originally Posted by Robbi

She wouldn't have to tell him or anyone that she's done it. If they have have teenaged drivers, she could do it and then claim she was keeping track of her minor children.
I sure as heck would and keep a journal. I might also park somewhere and take pictures. If a person doesn't feel comfortable doing this, they could rent a car and keep it parked nearby. When spouse leaves, follow in the rental car.

I think there have been cases when the driver of the vehicle takes the vehicle in for maintenance and it is found there. I'd think twice. DSis hired a PI. We also followed him. He did not have a clue. I guess he had only one thing on his mind. I followed him quite a bit. His own kids followed him (all were old enough to drive)--poor kids. They were more involved since they had had connections to this girl.

[Nancyg56]

This is just what i would do and it does not involve PI's, tracking devices or voice activated recorders. I would hire an attorney and do what was suggested in order to protect myself financially. I would make sure I had copies of all of our financial documents. Then I would file for a divorce.

In my home there needs to be respect for me just as I respect my husband. He knew right from the start that if I took his name I wold honor it and that meant that I would never ever let anyone think I was available when I was committed to my husband. I would never humiliate him. I would never ridicule him. I would never deceive him. I expected the same and it was on the table that I would never "fight" for him. If any other woman could "take" him she could have him. Cheating is a deal breaker for me and in my opinion sneaky calls and texts are cheating.

So I would let him have it with both barrels and if this sneaky behavior was innocent he would need to prove it to me. I would not stoop to following him because what I already knew was enough to place the burden on him. I consider myself to be worth honesty and there is no way I would want to hold onto this guy.

This guys behavior is just not okay with me and I rather doubt I could get past it. He would need to work incredibly hard to prove to me that he was worth keeping, not the other way around.

[Bluestars]

Originally Posted by Buckalew11

when my sister was going through this her lawyer told her it was illegal and to be careful if she opted to do it.

What if both names are on the title for the car? Surely it's not illegal to put a tracking device on a car you own. What if you wanted to do it with a car your teen drives?

[Bluestars]

Originally Posted by Robbi

She wouldn't have to tell him or anyone that she's done it. If they have have teenaged drivers, she could do it and then claim she was keeping track of her minor children.
I sure as heck would and keep a journal. I might also park somewhere and take pictures. If a person doesn't feel comfortable doing this, they could rent a car and keep it parked nearby. When spouse leaves, follow in the rental car.

I also wouldn't be opposed to driving to the gym and watching the parking lot. Four hours a day working out is extreme. When you add the other behavior to it, then it's very suspicious. Of course if the husband calls her to see if she's at home, then driving to the gym might clue him in that he's being watched.

[aaarcher86]

I think the tracking device legal issue can depend on the state. Just like recording phone calls - some states both parties have to know, and some only one party (the recording party) has to know.

I will say, that if you're at the point of tracking devices, key loggers on the computer, and hiring PI's there isn't much that is going to repair the relationship at that point. The trust is gone.

[Bluestars]

Originally Posted by aaarcher86

I think the tracking device legal issue can depend on the state. Just like recording phone calls - some states both parties have to know, and some only one party (the recording party) has to know.

I will say, that if you're at the point of tracking devices, key loggers on the computer, and hiring PI's there isn't much that is going to repair the relationship at that point. The trust is gone.

The problem is that the text message can be explained away. The calls may even be explained away. Sometimes a person needs something more concrete to walk away from a marriage, especially if kids are involved. So sometimes more information is necessary in order to make the break. IMO.

[dawnhaze]

Originally Posted by aaarcher86

I will say, that if you're at the point of tracking devices, key loggers on the computer, and hiring PI's there isn't much that is going to repair the relationship at that point. The trust is gone.

This, so much. If I was married to someone who put a tracking device on my car or a key logger on my computer, that marriage would be over. You either trust someone or you don't. Just my opinion.

[cabanafrau]

Originally Posted by Bluestars

The problem is that the text message can be explained away. The calls may even be explained away. Sometimes a person needs something more concrete to walk away from a marriage, especially if kids are involved. So sometimes more information is necessary in order to make the break. IMO.

When people are willing to accept explanations, they don't want to make the break or aren't ready to make the break.

When people actively start seeking out evidence they either want to make the break after protecting themselves, or they're hoping to prove their doubts wrong. Lots of people stay in it even after their doubts are proven reality. The heart wants what the heart wants.

[aaarcher86]

Originally Posted by Bluestars

The problem is that the text message can be explained away. The calls may even be explained away. Sometimes a person needs something more concrete to walk away from a marriage, especially if kids are involved. So sometimes more information is necessary in order to make the break. IMO.

Oh sure. I'd never get a divorce over text messages or a phone call or something.

I just think you either trust someone or you don't. If you believe what he said, let it go. If you don't... I guess you do what you gotta do. IMO someone is going to cheat if they want to. I'm not going to chase someone around - it will come out. I don't have the time.

My Uncle did the whole following, email checking, phone checking thing with his now ex wife (and she was cheating - for 2 years!) but naturally every time he followed her it was nothing. Checked, there was nothing. He found out by chance one day. Seemed like a lot of time wasted he could be with his kids, or working, or doing something productive to me.

[cheerful chickadee]

just coming to check on the OP, haven't heard from her in a bit, hope everything is ok

[Halloweenqueen]

I would check with state laws before trying to record anyone. My uncle's wife left him for another guy. Their divorce was finalized and he won physical custody. His wife was between boyfriends and asked him if she could stay at his house on her visitation weekends. He agreed and stayed at his brother's on those days.

A couple months into this arrangement he started to notice things were missing from the home. Plus his oldest told him that mom was having a guy friend at the house. My uncle set up a camera in his living room, similar to a nanny can.

He found out that the wife was bringing in a guy, as well as a bunch of other interesting friends. He confronted her and she denied it. He told her about the camera in a fit of anger. Later that day the police came and questioned him. A day later they came and arrested him. He was charged with a felony. It took him almost a year and many thousands if dollars to clear him. It seems it is illegal to tape someone without their consent in his state.

Be careful!

[Tuffcookie]

Originally Posted by cheerful chickadee

just coming to check on the OP, haven't heard from her in a bit, hope everything is ok

If the OP is smart, she will stop giving us updates. Now that he knows she is suspicious he could be keeping tabs on her, including any web sites she frequents.

TC

[Bluestars]

Originally Posted by aaarcher86

Oh sure. I'd never get a divorce over text messages or a phone call or something.

I just think you either trust someone or you don't. If you believe what he said, let it go. If you don't... I guess you do what you gotta do. IMO someone is going to cheat if they want to. I'm not going to chase someone around - it will come out. I don't have the time.

My Uncle did the whole following, email checking, phone checking thing with his now ex wife (and she was cheating - for 2 years!) but naturally every time he followed her it was nothing. Checked, there was nothing. He found out by chance one day. Seemed like a lot of time wasted he could be with his kids, or working, or doing something productive to me.

What about the spouses who really are cheating? Should their wives or husbands trust every word they say without trying to find out more information? Another problem is that when a cheater is confronted, the cheater usually lies. So again, should the spouse trust the answer?

So your uncle was right. Maybe he needed confirmation. There's nothing wrong with seeking additional information when signs point to cheating. A person shouldn't feel guilty for doing what it takes to protect her health or emotional well being. A cheating spouse can bring home an STD or HIV. I think it would be unwise to ignore signs of cheating and just trust your spouse, just like I think it's unwise to immediately jump to conclusions.