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Old 01-09-2013, 12:20 PM   #181
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It makes perfect sense sam gordon. Your analogy using a job is a good one.

So many people have such issues with self-esteem that any positive attention from anyone, regardless of how skanky they might be, gives them a rush. In the case of a man it's like "Hey I got a wife but other women still want me". In the case of a woman, it's like "Hey, look, I must still be sexy because he's hitting on me". Then there is the possible kookiness of the ther Person". Some people get off on being able to "steal" someone from their spouse...it's a challenge...the thrill of the hunt.

Kind of like Sally Field..."You like me! You really like me!" Frankly, it's behavior that I find quite sad.
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Old 01-09-2013, 12:24 PM   #182
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I would place all of the blame on my husband. This other person owes me nothing. He does.

I would take a screen shot of the exchange and send it to myself. Then I would confront my husband and ask for an explanation.
Exactly, exactly, exactly.

I'd be very suspicious and very upset.
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Old 01-09-2013, 12:37 PM   #183
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As a general rule of thumb, records that a customer can obtain from a telephone provider are not accepted by the courts. In every circumstance that I have ever seen where those types of records are accepted as evidence by the court they are obtained under subpoena, generally by the prosecutor's office, even in non-criminal cases like divorce settlements and child custody disputes.

It is wise for someone in a situation like this to gather as much documentation as possible, preferably without the other party completely unaware. What most people do not realize is that how that documentation & other proofs are obtained is incredibly important. If you have reached the point where you know you need to protect yourself and your finances, consult w/ your attorney & they will advise what steps you can take yourself, as well as direct you to an investigator for areas where you cannot be a part of the chain of evidence directly. Do not reveal to your attorney that you are hiding any assets yourself if you are doing so. Your attorney does not need or want this information.

It is definitely recommended that you stay out of a spouse's email account, as any evidence gained that way will be inadmissible -- and may get you prosecuted if obtained in certain ways.
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Old 01-09-2013, 01:08 PM   #184
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cabanafrau
As a general rule of thumb, records that a customer can obtain from a telephone provider are not accepted by the courts. In every circumstance that I have ever seen where those types of records are accepted as evidence by the court they are obtained under subpoena, generally by the prosecutor's office, even in non-criminal cases like divorce settlements and child custody disputes.

It is wise for someone in a situation like this to gather as much documentation as possible, preferably without the other party completely unaware. What most people do not realize is that how that documentation & other proofs are obtained is incredibly important. If you have reached the point where you know you need to protect yourself and your finances, consult w/ your attorney & they will advise what steps you can take yourself, as well as direct you to an investigator for areas where you cannot be a part of the chain of evidence directly. Do not reveal to your attorney that you are hiding any assets yourself if you are doing so. Your attorney does not need or want this information.

It is definitely recommended that you stay out of a spouse's email account, as any evidence gained that way will be inadmissible -- and may get you prosecuted if obtained in certain ways.
This is good advice. I just wanted to point out that in most states they don't care who is at "fault" so evidence doesn't matter. I could have had legally obtained video of my ex commuting adultery & it wouldn't have mattered in my settlement at all.

Suing for adultery isn't generally worth it unless you have a lot of assets at stake. It's expensive, hard to prove & time consuming.

The evidence is for the OP not necessarily for the courts.

My divorce was pretty "easy" as far as divorces go & we were still both hit 5 figures.
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Old 01-10-2013, 08:24 AM   #185
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Just wanted to know how the OP is doing. Hang in there!
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Old 01-10-2013, 08:31 AM   #186
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Just waiting for an update about the emails....Fingers crossed they were just boxing tips.
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Old 01-10-2013, 09:10 AM   #187
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Originally Posted by RadioNate View Post
This is good advice. I just wanted to point out that in most states they don't care who is at "fault" so evidence doesn't matter. I could have had legally obtained video of my ex commuting adultery & it wouldn't have mattered in my settlement at all.

Suing for adultery isn't generally worth it unless you have a lot of assets at stake. It's expensive, hard to prove & time consuming.

The evidence is for the OP not necessarily for the courts.

My divorce was pretty "easy" as far as divorces go & we were still both hit 5 figures.
You are right. The evidence can sometimes make "negotiations" go a bit smoother.
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Old 01-10-2013, 12:18 PM   #188
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Hmmm yeah its called having an affair, maybe its not major in the sense as the person is going to run off with the other, but definite affair, "date" and "love" is not innocent IMO, if it was I think there would be other discussions, like, when are you going to let me show you those interior designs, or whatever, this seems all personal and pretty much romantic.
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Old 01-10-2013, 12:25 PM   #189
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Hmmm yeah its called having an affair, maybe its not major in the sense as the person is going to run off with the other, but definite affair, "date" and "love" is not innocent IMO, if it was I think there would be other discussions, like, when are you going to let me show you those interior designs, or whatever, this seems all personal and pretty much romantic.
Well the fact that he had a DIFFERENT cell phone that he was hiding from her, thats obviously telling something right?
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Old 01-10-2013, 12:49 PM   #190
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I'm wondering how the OP is doing. We are thinking of you. Hang in there.
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Old 01-10-2013, 01:58 PM   #191
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"Hypothetical" situation(don't ask for more details-hard I know- just go on what is posted- discussion between me and a friend, wanted to see other opinions)

You see a string of text messages between your spouse and a person of your gender.Don't assume it was 100% snooping, spouses sometimes use each others phones if their own battery is dead.You have heard this persons name but never met them.
The text conversation goes something like this
X-will be other person(who is married and knows your spouse is married) O-will be your spouse
X- Hi Love, you are a hard person to get a hold of lately .
O- Yeah I've been really busy
X- Is that a good thing or a bad thing
O- a little of both
X- we haven't had our date yet
O-Yeah, I still do owe you a date.

Your first 100% honest initial gut reaction is what? (this doesn't mean what would you actually do, what would you like to do)

Then what do you actually do?

Discuss(I always think of the "Coffee Talk with Linda Richman" SNL skit whenever I say that )
Well assuming X isn't from a country where they call everyone "love" or "mate." I'd be concerned. I'd be tempted to call that show "cheaters" where they follow your mate around and see if he or she is cheating.
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Old 01-10-2013, 02:27 PM   #192
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If the other cell phone he was using is not on their joint account can she still track it? He may have erased older messages.
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Old 01-10-2013, 06:19 PM   #193
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Well assuming X isn't from a country where they call everyone "love" or "mate." I'd be concerned. I'd be tempted to call that show "cheaters" where they follow your mate around and see if he or she is cheating.
Buy a tracking device and put it in the car. I wouldn't call a PI cause I'd need the money for my criminal attorney.
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Old 01-10-2013, 08:15 PM   #194
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Buy a tracking device and put it in the car. I wouldn't call a PI cause I'd need the money for my criminal attorney.
Yes, this is a good idea. I would also buy a voice-activated recorder and put it in the car. He probably calls her as soon as he's in his vehicle.
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Old 01-10-2013, 08:18 PM   #195
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Yes, this is a good idea. I would also buy a voice-activated recorder and put it in the car. He probably calls her as soon as he's in his vehicle.
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