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Old 01-04-2013, 02:21 PM   #31
MAJPLO
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Get mom her own copy if the navigator each night. Bring her a highlighter in her favorite color and you and the kids can mark yours and plan for the next day and she can make her own plan. Point out things you think she might enjoy and when they fall during a time you aren't booked, consider joining her. I like kcashner's post it suggestion too.
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Old 01-04-2013, 02:37 PM   #32
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first off...hugs!

I know this won't be the first time you've heard this...you have to grow up too. I say that gently. You DO have to stand up to her and not let her bully you, it's not good for you and not a good example to your children. I'm sure you already know this.

The other posters have given you great ideas to enjoy your cruise with your children. If you keep the one room, you definitely need to request that those beds are split into two so you each have one. That is a must.

Please enjoy your cruise.

Regrets are a terrible thing. I wanted to take my mom with us to a beach when my daughter was very young. My DH wouldn't hear of it. Within a couple of years, though, she was in no shape to travel at all, and now sadly, she's been gone almost 4 years already. How I still wish I had insisted on that beach vacation with my DH, Mom and DD!
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Old 01-04-2013, 03:00 PM   #33
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It sounds like she will not be happy no matter what you do. You booked her on the cruise in her own cabin, then she got to join yours and had you cancel a very special experience for you and your kids. And it sounds like she STILL isn't happy.

It started with 1 unhappy person and 3 happy people, now it is 4 unhappy people. If it were me, and it very much isn't, I would call my Mom and have a talk about something you are planning, and when she complains (and it sounds like she will) tell her she has a choice in the matter. She can come, or she can stay home, but what she cannot do is get in the way of anything else. If she ends up mad who cares? You have already bent over backwards three times. She is mad anyway, and then you can go have a good time and have a deep breath. Or maybe she will be reasonable, who knows.

I've heard begging forgiveness is better than asking permission... generally I don't agree but in this case 100% behind it.
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Old 01-04-2013, 03:11 PM   #34
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I totally agree with giving her the navigator and having her choose what she wants to do. If it is the same as you guys, great. If different, great.
As for the excursion-that for me would be a no way in heck would i cancel. For most of us, that is a once in a lifetime splurge and for her to ruin that for you is downright awful. I would call her and say "After further thought and discussion with the kids, we've decided to do the dolphin swim. We would love to have you there as an observer so you can share the experience in the capacity that is appropriate due to your condition. So, if you want to observe, let me know. If you'd prefer to do another excursion alone, let me know and I can book it for you or you can find something to do on the ship like go to the spa or the like."
If she gives you guff about "Well you cancelled it once because I don't want to observe!" then say, "I realize this, but it has been weighing on my heart and the kids were really disappointed. This is a family trip that you requested to come along with. You can come with or go your own way. I'm just telling you our plan for Nassau."
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Old 01-04-2013, 03:15 PM   #35
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Put on the big girl pants and make the best of it.
My mother died over the summer just after we returned from out cruise. I would love it if she were still here and my biggest issue with her was handling a vacation together.
Choose your battles and draw your lines in the sand wisely.
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Old 01-04-2013, 03:32 PM   #36
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Oh, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. Family can be extremely difficult (trust me, I know...we have family issues with my DH's side). Just be sure to make it clear this is your vacation with your kids and she is just coming along for the ride. She can join you in anything she chooses to, but if she would rather not then it is up to her to find something to keep her busy (and trust me, there is plenty on the DCL ships and in ports to keep her busy!).

Rebook your dolphin encounter for you and the kids...if she decides she wants to watch, then add her on when she makes that decision.

Go and have a wonderful time making memories with your two children!
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Old 01-04-2013, 03:39 PM   #37
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Definitely rebook the dolphins and if she doesn't want to go to just observe, she doesn't have to. I was an observer when my daughter did it and I was thrilled to just take pictures and watch. But if she complains, leave her on ship.

If your cruise goes to CC, sign up for snorkeling or the stingrays - lots of fun. Again, she can watch or sit. It is such an easy beach day. You are steps from the food and bathrooms. You can walk around or just sit. I could spend an entire week just on CC.

Just keep moving and you'll be fine. If your kids want to go to the club and you're 'stuck' with your mother, find a class for her or just go to the 4th floor and sit outside on the deck chairs. Pretend you're on the titanic! That is my favorite deck and I had a wonderful afternoon just reading out there.

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Old 01-04-2013, 04:19 PM   #38
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AquaDame View Post
It sounds like she will not be happy no matter what you do. You booked her on the cruise in her own cabin, then she got to join yours and had you cancel a very special experience for you and your kids. And it sounds like she STILL isn't happy.

It started with 1 unhappy person and 3 happy people, now it is 4 unhappy people. If it were me, and it very much isn't, I would call my Mom and have a talk about something you are planning, and when she complains (and it sounds like she will) tell her she has a choice in the matter. She can come, or she can stay home, but what she cannot do is get in the way of anything else. If she ends up mad who cares? You have already bent over backwards three times. She is mad anyway, and then you can go have a good time and have a deep breath. Or maybe she will be reasonable, who knows.

I've heard begging forgiveness is better than asking permission... generally I don't agree but in this case 100% behind it.
Excellently put!

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Old 01-04-2013, 04:23 PM   #39
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haven't read the whole thread so not sure what all you have for advice but here's my cent and a half.......
put your big girl panties on and tell her what your plans are. if she decides she wants to or can come than that would be lovely but there is to be no whining or complaining about anything.
its your vacation, if she ruins it then you have allowed that to happen. stand your ground. your only obligation is to you and your children to have fun. your not your mothers keeper.
this is just imo. its what I would do but I can have a strong personality when it is needed. you can have fun with me, I will share, however you can not ruin my hard earned vacation, it doesn't come around all that often.
good luck what ever you decide.
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Old 01-04-2013, 04:49 PM   #40
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I am so sorry to hear that the vacation you have worked hard to plan now has this cloud cast over it. It sounds like the issues you are having are clearly a very long time in the making. I think anyone can understand that patterns that develop over years are nothing to brush off. That being said, it may be helpful for you to (take a deep breath!) try to distance yourself a little from the emotional side of the situation. Remember she only has the power to make you feel bad if you let her. You can't control her words or motivations, you can only control your response. Maybe listing some potential problems would help you to be prepared with an arsenal of responses. (e.g: We are going to do this... I'd love it if you would join us., or "I'll be in an appointment until noon- want to meet for lunch at cabanas?, or I'll be BLANK doing BLANK, you should check out the cooking class going on at the same time). It may not hurt to recruit some back up. Try the meets board for your cruise to make a few connections with folks. Don't let her hold you back from meeting new people and having fun with your girls. Also, may help to have some thought out responses ready- "I" statements: "I am not able to change our excursion this late, but they have a great viewing area there" or " I am really looking forward to my spa appointment. It's not my intention to exclude you. There is a rainforest there you might enjoy"... Period.
I really hope you have a truly magical vacation despite the wrench in your plans. A deep breath and a cocktail go a long way (so do earplugs! Lol!)
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Old 01-04-2013, 04:50 PM   #41
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Quote:
Originally Posted by violetmonarch View Post
Yeah that's hard to stand up to my mom....she is kind of a bully in the sense that she uses all she can to get her way. I try to think, look for the good in people, give a second chance (as I have been given many). I am running out of cheeks to keep turning.
You are right, of course.
You are allowing your mother to bully you by consistently "turning the other cheek". Honestly, you need to have a "come to Jesus" with Mom BEFORE the cruise. I would present her with a list of your plans. If, she would like to participate...fine. Otherwise, she can fill the time slot, however she pleases.

I think, things will come to a head, sooner or later. Personally, I'd prefer the confrontation BEFORE the cruise and on my on terms.

Good luck!
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Old 01-04-2013, 04:58 PM   #42
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Originally Posted by iloverags2 View Post
Oh, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. Family can be extremely difficult (trust me, I know...we have family issues with my DH's side). Just be sure to make it clear this is your vacation with your kids and she is just coming along for the ride. She can join you in anything she chooses to, but if she would rather not then it is up to her to find something to keep her busy (and trust me, there is plenty on the DCL ships and in ports to keep her busy!).

Rebook your dolphin encounter for you and the kids...if she decides she wants to watch, then add her on when she makes that decision.

Go and have a wonderful time making memories with your two children!
Hello there, and thanks. Yes, I am keeping the stingrays, but not the dolphins...will save that $$ for a future trip WITHOUT mother dearest. Already I have told her I am re-booking on board, and her reply is well tell me how much my portion is, and I keep saying back to her...I am booking the kids and I only. It's not sinking in, lol!
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Old 01-04-2013, 05:13 PM   #43
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Originally Posted by violetmonarch View Post
Hello there, and thanks. Yes, I am keeping the stingrays, but not the dolphins...will save that $$ for a future trip WITHOUT mother dearest. Already I have told her I am re-booking on board, and her reply is well tell me how much my portion is, and I keep saying back to her...I am booking the kids and I only. It's not sinking in, lol!
Good for you! Now STICK TO IT! Another thought. We enjoyed Discovery Cove in Orlando more than any dolphin thing on any island. You might be able to combine a day there with a future cruise or WDW trip.

Mother dearest is a big girl. If she wants to book a cruise for herself, she can do so...and it doesn't have to be the same one that you book.
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Old 01-04-2013, 05:15 PM   #44
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Your mother acts this way because she knows you will give in. You have two choices...allow her to ruin your trip or don't allow it. You will never change her behavior, but you can change yours. Do what you want to do, go on the excursions that will make you happy, and don't cater to your mother's whining. Hopefully once she sees that you won't give in to her she will change her behavior. Even if she doesn't, you will have the trip you want to have.

Personally, I would have a one-on-one chat with her. Speak kindly but firmly (pretend you are speaking to a child who needs some guidance) and explain the situation. Tell her that you will be doing the things that you want to do and she is welcome to join you at whatever level in which she is able to participate. Tell her that if she would rather not join you that is fine and give her a list of things that she could do instead. Leave NO room for negotiation. None. Explain that you will definitely have family time every day, but that you are not willing to let her decide every bit of the trip.

Again, she may not change her behavior, but you can't control that. Think of it this way...you can either stand up to her, have the trip you want and possibly have to deal with her annoyance or you can give in to her, let it ruin your trip and possibly have to deal with her annoyance.
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Old 01-04-2013, 05:17 PM   #45
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TLSnell1981 View Post
You are allowing your mother to bully you by consistently "turning the other cheek". Honestly, you need to have a "come to Jesus" with Mom BEFORE the cruise. I would present her with a list of your plans. If, she would like to participate...fine. Otherwise, she can fill the time slot, however she pleases.

I think, things will come to a head, sooner or later. Personally, I'd prefer the confrontation BEFORE the cruise and on my on terms.

Good luck!
Thank you. An hour ago, I told her that I was considering bowing out of the cruise, to which she said that if I don't go she won't either. I told her that if that was the case then she needs to understand that I am doing all the work because she is too scared to bother learning how to use the internet or doing any research and work of her own to get on a cruise EVER, and that she needs to cut me some slack. Then she says, well just cancel me and you and the kids go. But that would mean that she is out of 75% of her $$ and I would lose the KSF. I told her that, while I am not mad at her, she has no reason to get mad with me when I have been planning my whole year around this for me and the kids....she needs to just back off a bit, but that we can work it out somehow. Now she is adamant that she will not go at all...and my TA says I'm outta luck for all the savings. (sigh) Lord help me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by carolinamom View Post
I am so sorry to hear that the vacation you have worked hard to plan now has this cloud cast over it. It sounds like the issues you are having are clearly a very long time in the making. I think anyone can understand that patterns that develop over years are nothing to brush off. That being said, it may be helpful for you to (take a deep breath!) try to distance yourself a little from the emotional side of the situation. Remember she only has the power to make you feel bad if you let her. You can't control her words or motivations, you can only control your response. Maybe listing some potential problems would help you to be prepared with an arsenal of responses. (e.g: We are going to do this... I'd love it if you would join us., or "I'll be in an appointment until noon- want to meet for lunch at cabanas?, or I'll be BLANK doing BLANK, you should check out the cooking class going on at the same time). It may not hurt to recruit some back up. Try the meets board for your cruise to make a few connections with folks. Don't let her hold you back from meeting new people and having fun with your girls. Also, may help to have some thought out responses ready- "I" statements: "I am not able to change our excursion this late, but they have a great viewing area there" or " I am really looking forward to my spa appointment. It's not my intention to exclude you. There is a rainforest there you might enjoy"... Period.
I really hope you have a truly magical vacation despite the wrench in your plans. A deep breath and a cocktail go a long way (so do earplugs! Lol!)
Thank you. Earplugs, prayers, and alcohol is RIGHT! I am going to use your quotes for sure, because as much as she seems to dislike all I do, she tends to not ever go far away from me...like what I do is so interesting, lol.

Quote:
Originally Posted by tinkerone View Post
haven't read the whole thread so not sure what all you have for advice but here's my cent and a half.......
put your big girl panties on and tell her what your plans are. if she decides she wants to or can come than that would be lovely but there is to be no whining or complaining about anything.
its your vacation, if she ruins it then you have allowed that to happen. stand your ground. your only obligation is to you and your children to have fun. your not your mothers keeper.
this is just imo. its what I would do but I can have a strong personality when it is needed. you can have fun with me, I will share, however you can not ruin my hard earned vacation, it doesn't come around all that often.
good luck what ever you decide.
Thank you, and yes you are right....I have big panties, just filling them is harder to do.

Quote:
Originally Posted by neg58 View Post
Definitely rebook the dolphins and if she doesn't want to go to just observe, she doesn't have to. I was an observer when my daughter did it and I was thrilled to just take pictures and watch. But if she complains, leave her on ship.

If your cruise goes to CC, sign up for snorkeling or the stingrays - lots of fun. Again, she can watch or sit. It is such an easy beach day. You are steps from the food and bathrooms. You can walk around or just sit. I could spend an entire week just on CC.

Just keep moving and you'll be fine. If your kids want to go to the club and you're 'stuck' with your mother, find a class for her or just go to the 4th floor and sit outside on the deck chairs. Pretend you're on the titanic! That is my favorite deck and I had a wonderful afternoon just reading out there.

Nancy
Thank you. I intend on spending a lot of time moving around because I love to just walk and walk.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2aredhead View Post
Put on the big girl pants and make the best of it.
My mother died over the summer just after we returned from out cruise. I would love it if she were still here and my biggest issue with her was handling a vacation together.
Choose your battles and draw your lines in the sand wisely.
I am sorry for your loss. I do love my mother, but she makes it hard to be around her.

Quote:
Originally Posted by bahacca View Post
I totally agree with giving her the navigator and having her choose what she wants to do. If it is the same as you guys, great. If different, great.
As for the excursion-that for me would be a no way in heck would i cancel. For most of us, that is a once in a lifetime splurge and for her to ruin that for you is downright awful. I would call her and say "After further thought and discussion with the kids, we've decided to do the dolphin swim. We would love to have you there as an observer so you can share the experience in the capacity that is appropriate due to your condition. So, if you want to observe, let me know. If you'd prefer to do another excursion alone, let me know and I can book it for you or you can find something to do on the ship like go to the spa or the like."
If she gives you guff about "Well you cancelled it once because I don't want to observe!" then say, "I realize this, but it has been weighing on my heart and the kids were really disappointed. This is a family trip that you requested to come along with. You can come with or go your own way. I'm just telling you our plan for Nassau."
Thank you. I should have thought of that from the beginning, I guess I still keep giving benefit of doubt all the time.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AquaDame View Post
It sounds like she will not be happy no matter what you do. You booked her on the cruise in her own cabin, then she got to join yours and had you cancel a very special experience for you and your kids. And it sounds like she STILL isn't happy.

It started with 1 unhappy person and 3 happy people, now it is 4 unhappy people. If it were me, and it very much isn't, I would call my Mom and have a talk about something you are planning, and when she complains (and it sounds like she will) tell her she has a choice in the matter. She can come, or she can stay home, but what she cannot do is get in the way of anything else. If she ends up mad who cares? You have already bent over backwards three times. She is mad anyway, and then you can go have a good time and have a deep breath. Or maybe she will be reasonable, who knows.

I've heard begging forgiveness is better than asking permission... generally I don't agree but in this case 100% behind it.
Thank you. You have a great point, true.

Quote:
Originally Posted by love280mickey View Post
first off...hugs!

I know this won't be the first time you've heard this...you have to grow up too. I say that gently. You DO have to stand up to her and not let her bully you, it's not good for you and not a good example to your children. I'm sure you already know this.

The other posters have given you great ideas to enjoy your cruise with your children. If you keep the one room, you definitely need to request that those beds are split into two so you each have one. That is a must.

Please enjoy your cruise.

Regrets are a terrible thing. I wanted to take my mom with us to a beach when my daughter was very young. My DH wouldn't hear of it. Within a couple of years, though, she was in no shape to travel at all, and now sadly, she's been gone almost 4 years already. How I still wish I had insisted on that beach vacation with my DH, Mom and DD!
Sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing. You are right...I do love my mother and that was the whole point of allowing her to come, was so that she can make some god memories with us all together.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MAJPLO View Post
Get mom her own copy if the navigator each night. Bring her a highlighter in her favorite color and you and the kids can mark yours and plan for the next day and she can make her own plan. Point out things you think she might enjoy and when they fall during a time you aren't booked, consider joining her. I like kcashner's post it suggestion too.
Thank you, will do!
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