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Old 01-02-2013, 12:50 PM   #31
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Parents don't have to sleep all alone, why do kids? You send your child off to be in a dark, scary room and then you cuddle up next to your spouse.
It doesn't seem fair to me either.
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Old 01-02-2013, 01:02 PM   #32
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Originally Posted by FlightlessDuck View Post
This may be drastic, but have you considered rearranging the rooms so both your room and her room are on the same floor? Is that even possible?
I was wondering the same thing. Is there another room on the same floor as yours that she can have as a bedroom?

My DS17 has Asperger's and anxiety. When he was around 5, he kept saying he was scared of being in his room. He would fall asleep in there and then end up climbing in between us a few hours later. We tried everything, including letting him sleep on the floor in our room. The last straw was one night when he said, "I'm scared of my room! I'm going to die in my room!" That showed us just how much anxiety he had over staying in there. We were ready to move our then 2 year old out of the room right next to ours and into a bigger room (we have 4 bedrooms upstairs). We gave our 5 year old the choice of staying in his room or moving into the another one. He chose to move, even choosing a slightly smaller room. As soon as we moved him and put his brother in his old room right next door, he started sleeping through the night.

Perhaps your DD would do better in another room, if there's one available.
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Old 01-02-2013, 01:30 PM   #33
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If this has been going on a long time, it may be an indicator of a bigger anxiety problem. It was with me and I didn't get better until I was 13 and in therapy and on medication.
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Old 01-02-2013, 01:50 PM   #34
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I was just like this. At 9, I decided I couldnt sleep in my room, someone was going to come in and kill me. I was on the oppisite end of the house from my mom (and closer to the front door). At one point, i bobytrapped my end of the house, worked for awile! I spent almost 3 years sleeping in my sleeping bag on my moms floor on and off. Eventually I went back to my own room. Funny thing is, I still sleep better in a sleeping bag (and use mine in my bed everynight, makes me feel secure, like nothing can get me)
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Old 01-02-2013, 01:55 PM   #35
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One of my friends/neighbor had this same issue with her tween.

Once the mother toned down the drama/neurotic behavior, her DD got much better at bedtime and they've had no issues since then.
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Old 01-02-2013, 01:58 PM   #36
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Do you have a pet (preferably a dog) that could sleep in the room with her? If not, could you borrow one ?

DS went through a stage like this, and we would put our Boston Terrier (who wouldn't hurt a fly, but DS didn't know that) in bed with DS, and tell him, "Don't worry the dog will protect you". He believed it, that's all that matters!

And I agree with the others who say that anxiety issues can be very real, and can grow/manifest in other ways, so it might be worth talking to her pediatrician or a counselor, as well....

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Old 01-02-2013, 02:13 PM   #37
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Originally Posted by SaraJayne View Post
One of my friends/neighbor had this same issue with her tween.

Once the mother toned down the drama/neurotic behavior, her DD got much better at bedtime and they've had no issues since then.
Agreed. Sometimes being dramatic gets rewarded.

When I was 9, I was scared of vampires coming out of my closet. I learned to cope. Being one of 8 children, sleeping in my parents' room wasn't an option, and neither parent was likely to sleep with me!! I learned coping skills instead, and they've served me well in other aspects of my life.
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Old 01-02-2013, 08:28 PM   #38
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Is there a way you could make a bedroom for her on the same floor as yours? Just from a safety standpoint I wouldn't want my child on a different floor. As for the issue of her not wanting to sleep in her room I'd set up some kind of reward system.
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Old 01-02-2013, 08:36 PM   #39
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Some thoughts:

1. A nightlight.

2. A television. When I was a kid I always felt safer when there were cartoons playing while I fell asleep.

3. Make her go to bed well before you do. I always felt safer falling asleep while my parents were still awake...like they could protect me from bad stuff since they were awake.

4. A puppy or kitten. Seriously. Something for her to snuggle up with in her room.

5. Closed circuit tv. Don't laugh. If she could see you were still there all night it might help.
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Old 01-02-2013, 08:49 PM   #40
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I had a problem with my youngest child when he turned 11 and his older brother moved out of the house. He became afraid to sleep upstairs by himself. My husband would go up to his room and talk to him for five or ten minutes to help him relax. My son would fall asleep, but he would sometimes wake up at night and come downstairs to our bedroom. He was scared and didn't know why.

We ended up just putting an air mattress in our room. He wouldn't wake up every night, but he knew it was there in case he needed it. We didn't want him to feel embarrassed or bad.

That went on for a year or so and one day he stopped coming downstairs. One thing that has stayed the same is that every night my husband will go upstairs before he goes to sleep and just have a one on one talk about how his day was. It's not necessary, but I think it's kind of cool.
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Old 01-02-2013, 09:04 PM   #41
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Old 01-02-2013, 09:11 PM   #42
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Originally Posted by ge0rgette2 View Post
Not rude at all...

As for privacy I get ya, but, my husband works nights, arrives homes at 1am sometimes a little later, so I'm by myself anyways :D

She wants to sleep with me til he gets home, then he's too tired to carry her.

I think the cot is a simple fix for now, so she's not right NEXT to me all night long, maybe it'll help her fear a little.
One of my boys (both 9) started this about 4 months ago. The difference though is that we all have upstairs rooms and he shares with his brother.

My husband works a 24/48 hours shift, so every third day, DS thinks he can sleep in my bed. He'll even start out in his bed, but arrive sometime during the night. (He also wants to sleep in our room when DH is home, too.) I gave in a fixed a pallet of blankets near the bed - he can come in and sleep on that.

Strange thing though, he slept GREAT on our cruise - all in the same room I guess. He also slept GREAT duing the holidays when we had guests or the boys had sleepovers. As soon as the guests left, he trailed back.

DH is losing patience though. I'm thinking it's a normal stage and this too shall pass.
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Old 01-02-2013, 09:15 PM   #43
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One of our sons went through it, too. We made an air mattress available either in our room or his brother's room. He outgrew it and has no fears or neuroses now.
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Old 01-02-2013, 09:20 PM   #44
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Originally Posted by Jennasis View Post
Some thoughts:

5. Closed circuit tv. Don't laugh. If she could see you were still there all night it might help.
Just don't forget it's on if you and DH have "a moment". That might really scare the girl!
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Old 01-02-2013, 09:44 PM   #45
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My 13 year old nephew still will not sleep alone. Most nights he ends up in his mom's room. She has let him sleep in her room his whole life even when her and my brother were married and let it continue after they broke up. He has some minor anxiety (which she fosters because she is afraid to sleep alone and will often guilt him into coming home on his nights at his Dad's because she is afraid). He loves having sleepovers because he has a built in roommate.

His twin on the other hand could sleep alone in a house by himself. He also refuses to give into his mom's insecurites and dramatics and tells her she's supposed to be a grown up and get's on to her about letting his brother sleep in her room and her encouraging him to be insecure. He is however more accepting of his brothers quirks and will often bunk down on the couches in the front room so his brother will sleep on the other couch.

When he's at my brothers he either goes and sleeps in his brothers room in the recliner or both boys fall asleep on the couches in the family room. Also my brothers house is THE house and whenever he has the twins there is almost always a few extra boys as well so it just becomes a huge pile up in the upstairs rooms and there are kids sleeping everywhere. LOL He will also fall asleep watching tv in his dad's big king size bed, so my brother will sometimes just let him stay, but he really does try to discourage that, but it's hard when mom let's him do it every night that he's at her house in fact she expects him too.

We all said it's just a phase, and it's not like he's going to be a teenager and still sleeping in his parents room, oh and the best....he'll eventually want his own space. Nope.

I wish we had done something more drastic when he WAS 9, maybe we still wouldn't be dealing with it now.
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