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Old 01-02-2013, 10:30 AM   #16
deserrai
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Personally, I can't stand the thought of my child being afraid and trying to sleep so I would let her sleep with me or put some kind of bed in the room with me or I would sleep with her. That is just what I would do, but I know everyone and every child is different.
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Old 01-02-2013, 10:31 AM   #17
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If sleeping in your room helps, let her sleep on the floor. Don't buy or put up anything new to accommodate her. I know that may sound mean, but if she gets her own cot, why would she ever want to sleep upstairs anytime soon? I'd also let her sleep on the couch if she is not afraid there.
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Old 01-02-2013, 10:36 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Iforgetmypassword View Post
At age 9, I'd say enough is enough. Get to bed, stay in bed, be quiet, and I'll see you in the morning. Punishment will follow if you don't. That's it.
I used to think that way too. I don't suffer fools lightly and can't stand whining and spoiled behavior. I don't put up with much. I have 2 kids. One no issue with bedtime ever. When she did give an issue, it was a look or a threat of punishment and that was it.

My son was a different story. The anxiety was real. It wasn't a spoiled child just pushing limits. It wasn't just whining. He truly was frightened deeply of falling asleep alone. We tried everything, punishment, coaxing, bribery, good guy, bad guy, nothing worked. We had to slowly, step by step get him through it.

It wasn't until he was about 11 that he finally settled down but it took a lot of patience, effort, understanding and yes, at times, a firm hand.
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Old 01-02-2013, 10:52 AM   #19
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We are having night time issues with our 9 y/o DD as well.... it is very frustrating. She never had issues before, this started a few months ago and it's random things that she is "scared" of...scorpions, ghosts, bad songs? lol... she will come up with just about anything!! I remember having nightmare issues as a child too... so I feel bad for her but I'm so annoyed too!!!
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Old 01-02-2013, 10:55 AM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Iforgetmypassword View Post
At age 9, I'd say enough is enough. Get to bed, stay in bed, be quiet, and I'll see you in the morning. Punishment will follow if you don't. That's it.
Harsh. My now 19 y/o dd had some really severe sleep issues. She had never been a 'great' sleeper, but when she got to around 11??? Oh man. She was awake all night. She just couldn't settle down for the night. She kept having concerns with people coming in and taking her. At a younger age, maybe around 8 or 9, it was that someone was going to hurt my dh or ne during the night.
I would get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and would almost walk on the poor kid's head!!! She would bring her blanket and pillow and sleep on the floor at the end of the bed!!!
We ended up sending her to a child psychologist. It took a few months but it finally worked.

Punishment and bribery seldom work. There is some reason a child is this terrified. At the age of 8/9, they are starting to realize that bad things happen..they are worried every time a parent leaves, especially at night. No amount of punishment is going to work...it will just add to the issue. It takes time and sensitivity to make things right again.

IF I had the room on the top floor, all by myself, and I was 9 y/o??? I'd be worried too!!!! That would be way to isolated for me. I would lie there at night, worrying about all the things that 'could' be going on downstairs!!!! I can almost see what your dd is worried about!!!
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Old 01-02-2013, 11:01 AM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by joviroxx View Post
I used to think that way too. I don't suffer fools lightly and can't stand whining and spoiled behavior. I don't put up with much. I have 2 kids. One no issue with bedtime ever. When she did give an issue, it was a look or a threat of punishment and that was it.

My son was a different story. The anxiety was real. It wasn't a spoiled child just pushing limits. It wasn't just whining. He truly was frightened deeply of falling asleep alone. We tried everything, punishment, coaxing, bribery, good guy, bad guy, nothing worked. We had to slowly, step by step get him through it.

It wasn't until he was about 11 that he finally settled down but it took a lot of patience, effort, understanding and yes, at times, a firm hand.
Yes this is my son too. The anxiety is VERY real. Its pretty bad. Trust me i've tried bribery, punishment, you name it. NOTHING worked. In a case like mine, patience is key.

It started out with night terrors when he was younger, he had night terrors for FIVE YEARS. Everyday he'd wake up screaming and crying bloody murder, for five years. After night terrors it was sleep walking. Joyous! Lol!
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Old 01-02-2013, 11:31 AM   #22
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Being in a house alone is still a little creepy for me. I can get to sleep but every little noise makes me wonder what's going on.

I was always afraid of some one breaking into the house at night or through my window. Part of that was brought on by my grandparents and the way they acted. Like coming home at dark because bad people are out there (they would watch me come across the street to get home from a friend's house) and the way they locked up the house at night before going to bed.


Just know that in a couple years, she'll want her privacy and her own room.
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Old 01-02-2013, 11:34 AM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by goofy4tink View Post
Punishment and bribery seldom work. There is some reason a child is this terrified. At the age of 8/9, they are starting to realize that bad things happen..they are worried every time a parent leaves, especially at night. No amount of punishment is going to work...it will just add to the issue. It takes time and sensitivity to make things right again.


IF I had the room on the top floor, all by myself, and I was 9 y/o??? I'd be worried too!!!! That would be way to isolated for me. I would lie there at night, worrying about all the things that 'could' be going on downstairs!!!! I can almost see what your dd is worried about!!!
It totally depends on the kid. DS13 has been in his converted attic room since the age of 9. The room is HUGE (big enough that is fits a double bed (for my step-son17 when he visits), two twins, a couch as well as shelving and there is tons of room to spare). There are also sky-lights so that when it is rainy or windy it is noisy. It has never fased him. I, on the otherhand, don't think I could sleep in there alone and I know DD9 would not be comfortable there.

OP- I am assuming that your DD is an only child? A number of years ago DD had trouble sleeping in a room by herself so we let her sleep on a mattress in her brother's room temporarily (this was in a different house.) That worked. She just needed someone else in the room with her.

A couple years ago, she started having some problems sleeping again. She was scared by herself. We have a big, black lab who adores her so we let her bring the dog into her room at bedtime telling her that if anything went wrong the dog would hear it and alert us/ her with his barking and that he would be able to protect her. It worked. These days, she is fine almost all the time, but occasionally she still brings the dog in with her.

Good luck.

ETA: She also listened to music for years when going to bed. That worked much better than TV for her. TV would just keep her up.
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Old 01-02-2013, 11:36 AM   #24
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I helped a friend whose child did the same thing.

Here is what I told her.

Stop talking about it. Dont discuss it anymore at all. Dont let relatives, friends, anyone who knows about it talk about the problem any more.

Do whatever you normally do. Let her act how she has been. Dont discuss it, if she gets out of bed and sleeps with you, let her go (for now).

Wait until the following day. Kid wants to go somewhere or do something? You VERY VERY calmly (and with a little of your best acting skills) say "I am sorry, we can not do that today. You did not sleep well. I am sooooo exhausted." This is not a punishment. Do not even one time say "You would not stay in your bed" Use the words "we did not sleep well." or "you did not sleep well".

This really did work for my friends child. They took the attention off of the child not staying in her bed and turned it around to what that caused. No bribing, no punishing.
When the child saw her behavior was making everyone tired and then they missed out on things, she got her fanny back in that bed every night.
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Old 01-02-2013, 11:37 AM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Iforgetmypassword View Post
At age 9, I'd say enough is enough. Get to bed, stay in bed, be quiet, and I'll see you in the morning. Punishment will follow if you don't. That's it.
I don't have kids but I've been a nanny for 11 years and I'm a strict "tough love" type of nanny but I don't agree in this case because I've been there. When I was a kid I'd get stomach pain so bad at night that my parents took me to the ER more than once before we figured it was anxiety. I got so scared at bedtime that I made myself sick. One of my aunts gave me some soft jazz music to listen to as I fell asleep and I'd just have that on repeat. It did help some because it kept my mind off being scared. To this day I don't like being alone at night but obviously things have gotten much better
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Old 01-02-2013, 11:42 AM   #26
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Is this a one-bedroom house, or is there another bedroom downstairs that you are using as an office or something? If the latter is the case, how about moving the office upstairs and giving her the actual other bedroom?
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Old 01-02-2013, 11:54 AM   #27
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This may be drastic, but have you considered rearranging the rooms so both your room and her room are on the same floor? Is that even possible?
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Old 01-02-2013, 12:03 PM   #28
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Quote:
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I don't have kids but I've been a nanny for 11 years and I'm a strict "tough love" type of nanny but I don't agree in this case because I've been there. When I was a kid I'd get stomach pain so bad at night that my parents took me to the ER more than once before we figured it was anxiety. I got so scared at bedtime that I made myself sick. One of my aunts gave me some soft jazz music to listen to as I fell asleep and I'd just have that on repeat. It did help some because it kept my mind off being scared. To this day I don't like being alone at night but obviously things have gotten much better
I agree. I never really had many problems at night and sleeping alone, not to that extent. But I did have anxiety about other things and stomach pains too. Though love wouldn't have worked, it would have made (and did make) the anxiety worse.

It may not be the case with OP's DD, but if it's really anxiety I would not bribe, punish or anything like that. I wouldn't change the entire house either, because I think one needs to learn how to deal with anxiety as you can't avoid every situation that makes you anxious.

What I would do is try to help her overcome this by being supportive and teaching her how to cope.

If that wasn't enough I'd consider a child psychologist like another poster suggested because I would not want to risk the anxiety getting worse and becoming a part of her. I know first hand how bad that is and even if it doesn't happen to everyone, I would rather be safe than sorry.
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Old 01-02-2013, 12:26 PM   #29
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I had anxiety about going to sleep at about age 11.. I think puberty had something to do with it... I'm an only child, and I think I was lonely. Had never had sleep problems before. I would lay awake for hours... long after my parents had gone to bed. It was awful!
I finally just grew out of it... went off to college and always had a room-mate. that helped a lot.
No issues today!

Tough love would have just increased the anxiety I think
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Old 01-02-2013, 12:33 PM   #30
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i think her fears at her age are normal..............sleeping on a different floor can be kinda scary......all 3kids slept on our same level until my turned 15 and he took over the downstairs guest bedroom... honestly i would not fee comfortable having my young kids on a different level........... my good friend did for years.....her main level... her elderly parents downstairs and her 3 kids upstairs.........well they had a major fire the day after newyear at night....burnt house to the ground........ she barely was able to get up the stairs to get her daughters out.......while her husband was trying to get her parents out............ she rebuilt the house and NOW everyone is on the same level
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