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Old 01-06-2013, 07:00 PM   #1
FlyingDumbo
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Having a pity party

Ok, I am pregnant with my first baby. No one has offered to throw a baby shower, and I know no one probably will. I have thrown numerous baby and bridal showers, I have spent thousands to be in friends weddings, but when it comes to me, no one seems to care or notice. I have thrown birthday parties for my friends, but I am lucky if they even remember mine. I never had a bridal shower. After the fact my best friend said "Oh I meant to do it but got busy, and you are the party thrower in our group". My mom and sister just never said a word. Now I live out of state, so I know it will never happen. I am starting to feel very alone and like my friends are not really my friends or there when I need them. The only thing that can make you feel worse in this situation? My husband blabbed to his best friend that I was upset about this and I got an email from his wife (who is an acquaintance) that basically said her husband is trying to make her throw me a shower and isn't there anyone else that can do it. So now I am humiliated and depressed. I know the hormones are making it worse but I am a mess.


PS I should say my coworkers have been wonderful and are going to throw a work party. So they at least make me feel loved.
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Old 01-06-2013, 07:15 PM   #2
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Ok bestfriend's wife is a witch

I love to throw baby showers. So fun! Brunch ones are my favorite.

How about we throw you a virtual baby shower? I'll bring the mimosas, virgin one for you!

By the way I loved my work shower. I worked with a bunch of guys. Big tough guys. Who went all baby out! Little blue monkeys everywhere. They bought lunch for everyone. Gave me a giant stuffed FAO Schwartz monkey and a biggi card. Best part they got me a car service to take me home.(long NYC commute 2 subways and then a train)

I hope someone surprises you with a shower if that's what you want.

Congratulations on your baby!
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Old 01-06-2013, 07:19 PM   #3
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I'm really sorry this is your situation. Honestly, it sounds like you have a bunch of user friends.
I would respond to the classless woman who emailed you, thanks but no thanks.
Personally, I'd much rather have no shower than one given by someone who could obviously couldn't care less.
And then I'd make 2013 the year of making new friends. Join a mommy group with your baby and see if you can find other moms that you have a lot in common with and go from there.
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Old 01-06-2013, 07:23 PM   #4
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Aww... I am so sorry. (((hugs))) First, I'd tell my DH "thanks for nothing" and let him know you did not appreciate that. Be nice but firm and that you do not want an argument, you are simply stating the fact that her response humiliated you. Next, I'd email her back and tell her that your co-workers are taking care of you so no need for her to step in. Keep it short and sweet and STRONG.

Then, I would step back and be thankful for those kind co-workers. My co-workers threw me a nice shower and my GFs did not. My church did though--it was a very nice shower.

I'd then rethink those friends. YOU may be the "party thrower" in your group but they should all be WANTING to do something for your acts of kindness. That is an horrible EXCUSE and yeah, I'd be rethinking every single one of those friends in the future.

Next, I'd say you are more emotional because of the hormones and being away from your family too. Keep your chin up and enjoy the life growing inside of you. There's nothing else like it.

I'd say we could "throw a shower" here on the DIS but the gifts would be pretend, just good ideas of links we have loved for our babies etc. That would be kind of fun, actually, but you would not have real gifts to open and keep and use. :/
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Old 01-06-2013, 07:24 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by java View Post

Ok bestfriend's wife is a witch

I love to throw baby showers. So fun! Brunch ones are my favorite.

How about we throw you a virtual baby shower? I'll bring the mimosas, virgin one for you!

By the way I loved my work shower. I worked with a bunch of guys. Big tough guys. Who went all baby out! Little blue monkeys everywhere. They bought lunch for everyone. Gave me a giant stuffed FAO Schwartz monkey and a biggi card. Best part they got me a car service to take me home.(long NYC commute 2 subways and then a train)

I hope someone surprises you with a shower if that's what you want.

Congratulations on your baby!
GMTA!!!
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Old 01-06-2013, 07:33 PM   #6
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Just wanted to give you a
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Old 01-06-2013, 07:43 PM   #7
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I am so sorry. I know how it feels not to be remembered. Sending hugs to you!
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Old 01-06-2013, 07:44 PM   #8
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I am sorry you are having such a down time right now. I would not hesitate to let DH know that he made a mistake speaking about your private feelings to his friend. His wife is not worth wasting another thought over.

How pregnant are you? Could it be that some of your friends are waiting to plan a shower for you?

I understand how hurt you feel by not being acknowledged by your friends. Maybe this is a sign for you not to be so concerned with them. After all, soon your won't have much spare time for awhile.

Congratulations!
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Old 01-06-2013, 07:48 PM   #9
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I'm sorry, that stinks.

I would tell dh that I would NOT be seeing his friend and wife anymore. It's not a big deal to host a small shower and she shouldn't have complained. Some people just can't be bothered.

It's GREAT that your work friends are throwing a shower for you and I'm sure you'll have a fun time. I was surprised with a work shower, I honestly did not expect it, and it was very much appreciated.

You don't think your family or in-laws will plan something? Are they too far away and you can't travel there or vice versa? I'd come right out and say something to your mother or sister, or a friend that you've thrown a shower for. Let them know what you would like.

You're already having the work shower, and even without a 2nd one, I'm sure you will get gifts from your family and friends.

Congrats and enjoy this time!
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Old 01-06-2013, 08:08 PM   #10
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I think there are many people that understand being overlooked and forgotten. It hurts even more when you are the type of person that HAS remembered others and made efforts to make things special for them. Life just isn't fair sometimes.

These kinds of inequities fall upon many of us, even though you may feel like you are the only one. Concentrate on what you DO have. A husband who loves you (try and forgive him for 'blabbing'), a new little life growing inside you, a job with friends who care about you. Look at all your blessings, and try not to let the hurts define you.
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Old 01-06-2013, 08:18 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Saphire View Post
I think there are many people that understand being overlooked and forgotten. It hurts even more when you are the type of person that HAS remembered others and made efforts to make things special for them. Life just isn't fair sometimes.

These kinds of inequities fall upon many of us, even though you may feel like you are the only one. Concentrate on what you DO have. A husband who loves you (try and forgive him for 'blabbing'), a new little life growing inside you, a job with friends who care about you. Look at all your blessings, and try not to let the hurts define you.
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Old 01-06-2013, 08:30 PM   #12
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I think your dh was sincerely trying to help/fix this for you. Men just don't understand some women things. He knows you are sad about not having a party so he tried to get you one. The wife was the rude one. If I were her, I'd gladly throw you a shower.

I'm the party person in my family. I try to make things special for others. And I've been hurt several times. Not by my immediate family, but by a particular in-law. I keep having to learn over and over that that person is a user.

I hope your work shower is wonderful!! Having kind coworkers is a great thing to have.
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Old 01-06-2013, 08:39 PM   #13
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Hugs to you and CONGRATS on your baby.
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Old 01-06-2013, 08:50 PM   #14
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I would probably put a thinly-veiled message on Facebook about how great my co-workers were for throwing me a shower since it seemed like no one would. Hopefully the friends that benefitted from your kindness would see it and maybe feel bad. But then again, people like that never think what you are saying applies to them.
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Old 01-06-2013, 08:54 PM   #15
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Maybe they will send gifts when the baby is born. I have some friends out of state and I usually look on their registry and have it mailed to them.
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