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Old 12-29-2012, 03:59 PM   #61
Soulsearching
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Originally Posted by mamajo View Post
Hello all. I just need a place to get some perspective. I’ve been married to DH for 25 years and my MIL and one BIL just will not back off the front porch regarding how I “treat” him. They seem to think I tie him up in the basement or something—that he’s mistreated, maligned, abused—whatever. I don’t know why or how they come to that conclusion being that we’re happily married. It’s time for them to move on but they just won’t. I get the sweet treatment to my face, then they snipe behind my back. My DH refuses to “confront” anyone (especially his family) and it has been a bone of contention since we married. They have said some pretty nasty things to me over the years, yet, out of respect for him, I have kept my mouth shut and have always participated in family gatherings, cooking, doing dishes, being respectful to her. Never rocking the boat. I’m very close to my SIL (married to the BIL) and MIL resents it for some reason. Point of the story is I have given up trying to please them and have restricted going to visit in the last year or so. They live quite a distance and my husband can’t go more than 3 mos. without visiting them. I’ve chosen not to go to save my sanity and perhaps lessen the stress for them (though it just gets them wound up that I’m not there as well). I’m danged if I do, danged if I don’t. I’m tired of it. We are leaving tonight to go there and I had tried to get out of it but my husband insists that I go. He doesn’t want to have to explain why I’m not there. I am pretty upset that I have to go but am going because “it’s the right thing”. I just found out from my SIL that MIL is asking what has she done to “upset” me? She doesn’t understand why I don’t seem to want to visit (apparently seeing the pattern). My SIL just threw me under the bus by saying, “You have to ask her, don’t put me in the middle of it.” Everyone is saying if it comes up, I should just have it out and let her know how much she’s hurt me over the years. I am not afraid to say something but 1.) I don’t feel it will do any good as she seems to not have a clue she has done anything to upset me, and 2.) my bigger issue is my husband. His mother asks, and he won’t say anything in my defense, hanging me out to dry (AGAIN). It will kill me psychologically if that’s what happens. He knows he should stand up to her for me but he never has and this will just be the final feather for me. If he says nothing, my feelings for him may never be the same. I’m terrified of the outcome. My question is: should I tell him this may hit the fan or do I just see how it plays and give him no heads up (maybe the element of surprise would induce him to speak up for once)? I would never make a scene there (as that would not solve anything) but I am not afraid of saying what I have bottled up for so long. I’m just not looking forward to what may come. Thanks for listening.
I see that you posted this yesterday. Please come back and let us know how your visit went.
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Old 12-31-2012, 05:40 PM   #62
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MIL issue/Help (Part II)

I want to thank all of you for your responses and guidance. Unfortunately, it didn't go well. For me, anyway. Right now I'm an emotional mess and haven't had a clear thought since yesterday.

I had told my husband I didn't want to go but he insisted as it would be too hard for him to explain why I wasn't there. Why did I care? He said he would lie that I was sick or something and that upset me too. I caved in and said I would go so he wouldn't have to lie and then hated myself for caving.

He is very close to his mother and will never, ever, never defend me to her or his brother. Never. I know this as fact now. Painfully. I said I would go but was going to spend Saturday with my SIL (my best friend) and he could spend the day with his mom. I was not going to while he ran off with his brothers. We went out shopping all day and I had a great day. Lots of fun. I didn't get back until 10 p.m. I walked in and she refused to look at me. I could tell she was angry but didn't know why exactly. I had told my DH that I would be gone till late. Go to bed. I'm thinking this is okay. I only have to make it through to Sunday morning when we leave. Yea!

About 7 a.m. I hear him get up and go downstairs and then I hear her Loudly saying how I'm "rude" and she hopes he would never treat my mother with such disrespect. I'm thinking oh oh. But I have my practiced speech in my head. Not to get mad, but just say that I think it's time that she butt out of my marriage. I can't hear what they are saying but she's doing most of the talking and it's clear she's angry.

He comes up and hang dogging, says, "Can you talk to her?" I lost my mind at that point. 25 years of marriage is shooting down the tube. I feel lost and hurt and sick to my stomach. Clearly, he said nothing and is leaving it to me to slay the dragon. I can't even describe the pain I'm feeling. I was like a possessed idiot. I got up, was all over the room, angry, sick and saying, "Sure, I'll go down there. I'll just wave my magic wand and fix it all! No problem!!"

I went down. I tried to collect myself. She was sitting there, arms crossed waiting for me. I said, "I've been married to him for 5 years, it's time for you to get over it and move on. He's not abused, he's not mistreated. He gets whatever he wants at my expense." She starts yelling about how rude I was to go shopping all day when she had a family celebration planned. How was I to know she had a plan??? No one told me!! I said I had told DH I was going to be gone until late!! I look at him. Nothing. I realize I'm totally alone in this and dying. She said, "I was a fool, treated like a fool and it was all for REVENGE!" What???? It was then I realized she was nuts. Revenge??? I just went shopping with my SIL and he knew it! I said, "It wasn't revenge, it was self preservation!!"

It went worse from there. She wanted examples of how she had ever treated me badly. I gave them: yelling at me on the phone when he got a part time job at Pizza Hut to pay off his student loans. How could I make him do that? Couldn't I live within my means?? How could I humiliate him so?? (Never mind I had no idea he had gotten the job until he got it, I had nothing to do with it). Never happened. "I NEVER DID SUCH A THING!" she yells. How about when my other SIL invited my daughter to girl scout camp and then humiliated her by claiming she had lice! (She did not have lice). Okay, and not once but twice. She invited her down the year after and did the same thing!! Only this time, she had lice so badly, my MIL wanted to burn everything she owned. My DD was very young and traumatized by the whole thing. I never said a word to keep peace. She denied it happened!! Honest to God. It never happened!!

I realized she was full blown nuts and there was no point in going on. My husband did manage a "Mom, it happened twice." NO, NO IT DID NOT!! I would NEVER! She never did any of it. Never called me a ***** to my daughter, never said anything but good things about me to anyone!! I lost my mind. I just wanted to run away. I tried but my husband herded me back. I mean, I was trying to get away barefooted with snow on the ground. I come back and sit down so defeated I can't even express. I can't fight her anymore. I just apologized for all of it. I didn't do anything and I apologized. I just wanted it to be over.

I asked permission to go upstairs to get dressed. Yes, she says all happy I apologized. I go up and freak out. Thinking how do I get home? How does a divorce work? What do I do first. I mean, I was confused!!

My husbands chasing after me, "Calm down! What are you so upset about???" REALLY??? I think I'm in a house of horrors. It only got worse. I had to eat breakfast and then ride home in a car with my husband for four hours!! I cried the whole way home. He said nothing. I'm lost, guys. I'm just drowning in lost.
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Old 12-31-2012, 05:55 PM   #63
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oh sweetie...

you need to do what you feel is right. we'll all be here for you.
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Old 12-31-2012, 06:00 PM   #64
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I would tell my DH that I am never stepping foot in her house again!!! AND that you don't plan to be in her company ever, anywhere!!!

Seriously, I'm a firm believer in not feeding into the madness of others. If you really feel the woman is nuts, never engage with her again.

Sorry you had a horrible experience. Try and think of it in a positive way.... You are now off the hook. You never have to go there again! You are actually free from the expectation of going now. Your MIL just gave you a free pass!!! If your DH ever asks you to go with him, you mention this day and say 'never again'!

Maybe some marriage counseling so you and your DH can work on how his lack of support is very damaging to your marriage. And you could pick up some strategies for dealing with the emotions that you are experiencing because of it.
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Old 12-31-2012, 06:02 PM   #65
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Your husband needs to tell his mom and brother to stay out of his marriage and to stop interfering with things. Then and only then will things improve, i hope. Counselling would also help.

I think its best if you two just don't see each other.

Also, make it clear to them that if they have issues, they should talk to you directly. Not behind your back.

Hang in there.
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Old 12-31-2012, 06:35 PM   #66
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamajo View Post
I want to thank all of you for your responses and guidance. Unfortunately, it didn't go well. For me, anyway. Right now I'm an emotional mess and haven't had a clear thought since yesterday.
I had told my husband I didn't want to go but he insisted as it would be too hard for him to explain why I wasn't there. Why did I care? He said he would lie that I was sick or something and that upset me too. I caved in and said I would go so he wouldn't have to lie and then hated myself for caving. He is very close to his mother and will never, ever, never defend me to her or his brother. Never. I know this as fact now. Painfully. I said I would go but was going to spend Saturday with my SIL (my best friend) and he could spend the day with his mom. I was not going to while he ran off with his brothers. We went out shopping all day and I had a great day. Lots of fun. I didn't get back until 10 p.m. I walked in and she refused to look at me. I could tell she was angry but didn't know why exactly. I had told my DH that I would be gone till late. Go to bed. I'm thinking this is okay. I only have to make it through to Sunday morning when we leave. Yea! About 7 a.m. I hear him get up and go downstairs and then I hear her Loudly saying how I'm "rude" and she hopes he would never treat my mother with such disrespect. I'm thinking oh oh. But I have my practiced speech in my head. Not to get mad, but just say that I think it's time that she butt out of my marriage. I can't hear what they are saying but she's doing most of the talking and it's clear she's angry. He comes up and hang dogging, says, "Can you talk to her?" I lost my mind at that point. 25 years of marriage is shooting down the tube. I feel lost and hurt and sick to my stomach. Clearly, he said nothing and is leaving it to me to slay the dragon. I can't even describe the pain I'm feeling. I was like a possessed idiot. I got up, was all over the room, angry, sick and saying, "Sure, I'll go down there. I'll just wave my magic wand and fix it all! No problem!!" I went down. I tried to collect myself. She was sitting there, arms crossed waiting for me. I said, "I've been married to him for 5 years, it's time for you to get over it and move on. He's not abused, he's not mistreated. He gets whatever he wants at my expense." She starts yelling about how rude I was to go shopping all day when she had a family celebration planned. How was I to know she had a plan??? No one told me!! I said I had told DH I was going to be gone until late!! I look at him. Nothing. I realize I'm totally alone in this and dying. She said, "I was a fool, treated like a fool and it was all for REVENGE!" What???? It was then I realized she was nuts. Revenge??? I just went shopping with my SIL and he knew it! I said, "It wasn't revenge, it was self preservation!!" It went worse from there. She wanted examples of how she had ever treated me badly. I gave them: yelling at me on the phone when he got a part time job at Pizza Hut to pay off his student loans. How could I make him do that? Couldn't I live within my means?? How could I humiliate him so?? (Never mind I had no idea he had gotten the job until he got it, I had nothing to do with it). Never happened. "I NEVER DID SUCH A THING!" she yells. How about when my other SIL invited my daughter to girl scout camp and then humiliated her by claiming she had lice! (She did not have lice). Okay, and not once but twice. She invited her down the year after and did the same thing!! Only this time, she had lice so badly, my MIL wanted to burn everything she owned. My DD was very young and traumatized by the whole thing. I never said a word to keep peace. She denied it happened!! Honest to God. It never happened!! I realized she was full blown nuts and there was no point in going on. My husband did manage a "Mom, it happened twice." NO, NO IT DID NOT!! I would NEVER! She never did any of it. Never called me a ***** to my daughter, never said anything but good things about me to anyone!! I lost my mind. I just wanted to run away. I tried but my husband herded me back. I mean, I was trying to get away barefooted with snow on the ground. I come back and sit down so defeated I can't even express. I can't fight her anymore. I just apologized for all of it. I didn't do anything and I apologized. I just wanted it to be over. I asked permission to go upstairs to get dressed. Yes, she says all happy I apologized. I go up and freak out. Thinking how do I get home? How does a divorce work? What do I do first. I mean, I was confused!! My husbands chasing after me, "Calm down! What are you so upset about???" REALLY??? I think I'm in a house of horrors. It only got worse. I had to eat breakfast and then ride home in a car with my husband for four hours!! I cried the whole way home. He said nothing. I'm lost, guys. I'm just drowning in lost.
So sorry to read your update. It sounds like you went through hell and back.

I said it before, and I'll repeat it. NO one is invested in making things better for you, but you. Everyone is in DENIAL but you.

I don't know about how you want to proceed with your marriage. That's something you need to think over long and hard.

I do know, I would NOT step foot in that woman's house again. I would NOT speak with her on the phone. I would NOT be in her company. That would be a non-negotiable, an "understood", within the marriage if the marriage were to continue. That is just me.

Some people are just toxic and it sounds like your MIL is one of them. You can't change her. You can't change the dynamic between your DH and MIL in regards to your treatment IF history is any indicator. BUT you CAN change YOUR circumstances.

At some point you have to accept this is your reality. You have to deal with it in a manner that is peaceful and satisfactory to you. You are the only one you can count on to do it.

I WOULD have a talk with my DD (how old is she?) about boundaries and what is acceptable and not for herself. SHE needs to know it is fine and GOOD to stand up for yourself. It is NOT acceptable for her grandmother to call her (and you) evil. She should stand up to her and leave if her grandmother continues. Tell your DD she does not have to visit someone that puts her down! Your DD ignoring it will not help her or change a thing. It only continues a very bad, hurtful pattern that began 25 years ago with you.

Bottom line: We teach people how to treat us. The things they get away with they continue and multiply. Cut out the avenues for you to be mistreated. Teach your DD it's okay for her to do the same.

I hope you find peace soon.
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Old 12-31-2012, 06:45 PM   #67
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamajo View Post
I want to thank all of you for your responses and guidance. Unfortunately, it didn't go well. For me, anyway. Right now I'm an emotional mess and haven't had a clear thought since yesterday.
I had told my husband I didn't want to go but he insisted as it would be too hard for him to explain why I wasn't there. Why did I care? He said he would lie that I was sick or something and that upset me too. I caved in and said I would go so he wouldn't have to lie and then hated myself for caving. He is very close to his mother and will never, ever, never defend me to her or his brother. Never. I know this as fact now. Painfully. I said I would go but was going to spend Saturday with my SIL (my best friend) and he could spend the day with his mom. I was not going to while he ran off with his brothers. We went out shopping all day and I had a great day. Lots of fun. I didn't get back until 10 p.m. I walked in and she refused to look at me. I could tell she was angry but didn't know why exactly. I had told my DH that I would be gone till late. Go to bed. I'm thinking this is okay. I only have to make it through to Sunday morning when we leave. Yea! About 7 a.m. I hear him get up and go downstairs and then I hear her Loudly saying how I'm "rude" and she hopes he would never treat my mother with such disrespect. I'm thinking oh oh. But I have my practiced speech in my head. Not to get mad, but just say that I think it's time that she butt out of my marriage. I can't hear what they are saying but she's doing most of the talking and it's clear she's angry. He comes up and hang dogging, says, "Can you talk to her?" I lost my mind at that point. 25 years of marriage is shooting down the tube. I feel lost and hurt and sick to my stomach. Clearly, he said nothing and is leaving it to me to slay the dragon. I can't even describe the pain I'm feeling. I was like a possessed idiot. I got up, was all over the room, angry, sick and saying, "Sure, I'll go down there. I'll just wave my magic wand and fix it all! No problem!!" I went down. I tried to collect myself. She was sitting there, arms crossed waiting for me. I said, "I've been married to him for 5 years, it's time for you to get over it and move on. He's not abused, he's not mistreated. He gets whatever he wants at my expense." She starts yelling about how rude I was to go shopping all day when she had a family celebration planned. How was I to know she had a plan??? No one told me!! I said I had told DH I was going to be gone until late!! I look at him. Nothing. I realize I'm totally alone in this and dying. She said, "I was a fool, treated like a fool and it was all for REVENGE!" What???? It was then I realized she was nuts. Revenge??? I just went shopping with my SIL and he knew it! I said, "It wasn't revenge, it was self preservation!!" It went worse from there. She wanted examples of how she had ever treated me badly. I gave them: yelling at me on the phone when he got a part time job at Pizza Hut to pay off his student loans. How could I make him do that? Couldn't I live within my means?? How could I humiliate him so?? (Never mind I had no idea he had gotten the job until he got it, I had nothing to do with it). Never happened. "I NEVER DID SUCH A THING!" she yells. How about when my other SIL invited my daughter to girl scout camp and then humiliated her by claiming she had lice! (She did not have lice). Okay, and not once but twice. She invited her down the year after and did the same thing!! Only this time, she had lice so badly, my MIL wanted to burn everything she owned. My DD was very young and traumatized by the whole thing. I never said a word to keep peace. She denied it happened!! Honest to God. It never happened!! I realized she was full blown nuts and there was no point in going on. My husband did manage a "Mom, it happened twice." NO, NO IT DID NOT!! I would NEVER! She never did any of it. Never called me a ***** to my daughter, never said anything but good things about me to anyone!! I lost my mind. I just wanted to run away. I tried but my husband herded me back. I mean, I was trying to get away barefooted with snow on the ground. I come back and sit down so defeated I can't even express. I can't fight her anymore. I just apologized for all of it. I didn't do anything and I apologized. I just wanted it to be over. I asked permission to go upstairs to get dressed. Yes, she says all happy I apologized. I go up and freak out. Thinking how do I get home? How does a divorce work? What do I do first. I mean, I was confused!! My husbands chasing after me, "Calm down! What are you so upset about???" REALLY??? I think I'm in a house of horrors. It only got worse. I had to eat breakfast and then ride home in a car with my husband for four hours!! I cried the whole way home. He said nothing. I'm lost, guys. I'm just drowning in lost.

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Old 12-31-2012, 06:59 PM   #68
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Sorry to read your posts and how hurt and lost you are.

My recommendation to you is to seek some personal counseling. You have too many long term issues that have been festering and you are not able to handle them at them moment.

That is how you start standing up for yourself. You go and get yourself help. Then you take baby steps and tackle these issues one by one in a methodical manner.

In addition it is critical that you do not "tell" your dh that you are getting counseling UNTIL you are IN counseling.

I say this because I can read between the lines in your posts that you are desperate for his attention with this issue and you want feedback from him, which is normal of course.

However I don't want you to fall into the trap of self-sabotoge in which you are thinking he needs to go with you or get his permission.

Healing yourself starts with taking steps without him. I know that is scary but you can do it.

Many hugs.
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Old 12-31-2012, 07:00 PM   #69
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First, I offer you this

Next, I offer you this:
I cannot possibly know all the history or backstory. I am only going by what you have revealed in these posts. I know that there is no way you can adequately reveal a complete backstory. Nor do I want you to. But from what I glean in reading your posts, I found so many similarities between your MIL and my own mother. I've only recently begun a healing journey for the life I've lived with her. Let me say, I understand your frustration & hurt towards your husband. I am in no way diminishing your pain. It's completely and uniquely yours & only you know where your limits are.

However, I also, want to give you this. If you'd like to gain insight into the reasons your husband bows & scrapes to appease his mother, I may be able to give an explanation. Not an excuse. Just a reasoning. If you're like me, understanding the WHY of the situation will help you decide how you'd like to deal with that situation.

Here goes: Your descriptions lead me to suspect that your husband is operating under a lifelong role. The role of the child of a narcissistic mother. He probably does not know it. It's insidious. And can wreck marriages. If you would like a perspective on what it's like to grow up in this dynamic, the best resource I have found is at the web site "Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers." In the articles, you will find descriptions of the kind of dynamic your husband very well may have grown up in & is still enmeshed in. Based on just anecdotal evidence you've provided I believe, that like me, he may have been cast as a scapegoat by an engulfing Narcissistic Mother. And his brother sounds like he was cast as the Golden Child.

Please take the time to read through the descriptions under "Characteristics of a Narcissistic Mother." You may very well get chills. While these articles directly address daughters, sons are also victims of this type of mother. And this can lead to challenges in all areas of his life. Especially marriage.

Again, this is only an alternate viewpoint from someone who has some insight into this dynamic. Both for myself, and for my husband. We both grew up with this type of dysfunction. While mine was much more severe, my husband still has challenges he faces from a lifetime of indoctrination.

If the information brings you a bit of peace, I will be very glad. If it does not, I will still be glad you took the time to read it as it seems as if this woman has heaped years of abuse on you all and getting a glimpse into the workings of that type of personality disorder can be freeing in the extreme.

I will close with this. Hug your daughter. Hug yourself. Give yourself some time to come down from the emotional roller coaster you've been on. And whatever decision you make, try to make it after the worst of the emotional turmoil has settled. Situations like these are never easy & I am truly sorry you are where you are. But know that there are people out here that truly wish you the best.

Good luck, OP. I will keep you in my thoughts & prayers.
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Old 12-31-2012, 07:07 PM   #70
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Sounds like you have kept things bottled up for so long. Its good you finally got to release it all. DO NOT go back, she is toxic and you do not have to subject yourself to her. Your husband has probably always given into her so he doesn't have to put up with her insanity. I hate when people lie about what they have done in the past, they try to make you think you are crazy and it didn't happen that way.

Please stay away from her, work on your marriage....25 years is a long time and if she is your only problem, then you guys can work it out. My ex MIL was the same way (Ex turned out to be a cheating jerk though)

Take a hot bubble bath, get a glass of wine and relax. New year......turn over a new leaf. Don't let others dictate your happiness. Happy New Year sweetie.
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Old 12-31-2012, 07:30 PM   #71
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Scooby, I just read Characteristics of a Narcissistic Mother, this sounds just like my ex MIL, her oldest son was the golden child and my ex was the scapegoat. I always said he is the way he is because of her. Unfortunately, he is my DD's father, and he and my DD have had problems off and on. Right now the two of them aren't really speaking (since June) I see some of these behaviors in my DD sometimes, I hope since she has been around me more, that she won't act this way to her own children one day.

Now that I think back, my Ex MIL's mother was the same way to her. I haven't been around any of them in 16 years. You would think they would want to make things better. You wonder why they can't change and be kind.
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Old 12-31-2012, 07:54 PM   #72
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mamajo, I'm very sorry that you had a rough weekend. You are the only one who can change your situation. Your husband will let you drown. Check out your bank balances, transfer the money into an account that you open for yourself and get the heck out of there. I usually would not advocate leaving but geez, you have to come a crossroad. Either you stay, be miserable, suck it up and don't complain or you decide to get out and try to have a happy life. Your husband will not change. Your in laws will not change.

OR, you can go to therapy and see if that helps you to cope. Do not expect your husband to accompany you. Ask though and if he does, yay.

I am speaking from experience on the leaving part. In my case, I decided that when I got to be an elderly lady looking back on my life, I did not want to see misery. It was rough, I was basically a single mother living on very little money but it was worth it because I regained my self esteem and a couple of years later, I met my wonderful husband.
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Old 12-31-2012, 08:23 PM   #73
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OP: I so agree with Scooby9932's post. My mom has NPD narcissist personality disorder. And it wreaked growing up around that nuttiness. Not everyone can break free. It I'd easier for him to go along and enable or so he thinks then to not put up with it. Also you yo work have to work on how you think in regards to sacrificing your self worth and self respect for your husband. I am not saying treat him badly but you need to always respect yourself no matter what
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Old 12-31-2012, 09:21 PM   #74
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tink20 View Post
Scooby, I just read Characteristics of a Narcissistic Mother, this sounds just like my ex MIL, her oldest son was the golden child and my ex was the scapegoat. I always said he is the way he is because of her. Unfortunately, he is my DD's father, and he and my DD have had problems off and on. Right now the two of them aren't really speaking (since June) I see some of these behaviors in my DD sometimes, I hope since she has been around me more, that she won't act this way to her own children one day.

Now that I think back, my Ex MIL's mother was the same way to her. I haven't been around any of them in 16 years. You would think they would want to make things better. You wonder why they can't change and be kind.
Tink - I know how hard being a part of that dynamic can be - for all affected by it. I think if you and your DD have an open discussion about NPD and look at how it affected your ex, it would be a good place to begin. I doubt she'll grow to be like your exMIL. I'm nothing like my mother. Thank goodness! In being aware of there being a problem, it automatically negates having the disorder. Because a true Narcissistic person NEVER admits there's anything wrong with them or questions their own actions.

Quote:
Originally Posted by hereyago View Post
OP: I so agree with Scooby9932's post. My mom has NPD narcissist personality disorder. And it wreaked growing up around that nuttiness. Not everyone can break free. It I'd easier for him to go along and enable or so he thinks then to not put up with it. Also you yo work have to work on how you think in regards to sacrificing your self worth and self respect for your husband. I am not saying treat him badly but you need to always respect yourself no matter what
hereyago- I'm sorry you went through that. I know how tough it is. And I agree about always respecting yourself.



OP - I hope my post didn't come across as trying to discourage or encourage any decisions regarding your relationship with your husband. What you ultimately decide to do is completely up to you and only you truly can make that choice. I only wanted to point out some possible reasons behind his actions to help you better understand what might be driving his actions. Not that you have to excuse them. Again, leaving your marriage is no fly by night endeavor. I know, because I had to do that with my first husband (daughter's father & son of a Narcissist - yeah, I married 2 of them! But at least the 2nd one is uber supportive of me and had reached a place where he doesn't let his parents control his actions.). Whatever you decide to do, I hope it brings you to a better place emotionally, spiritually, and psychically.
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Old 12-31-2012, 11:10 PM   #75
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((hugs))
I wouldn't make any big decisions for a few days. And I think counseling could be a big help for you.

Your MIL is way out of bounds...but so is your husband. If MIL was planning some big family event, it was his job to let you know about it (and how does it not include SIL)? I understand not going back, and would certainly support it, but if that's not possible, it's time for some CLEAR, WRITTEN guidelines for your DH.
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