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Old 12-14-2012, 07:54 AM   #91
cornflake
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Originally Posted by pacrosby View Post
Maybe, maybe not. I can't recall imagine many people ever having conversations with my family/friends about this very topic so how would they know? nd really now.....it's not that important in the grand scheme of life so why get so bent out of shape about it? Doing so, to me, suggests that someone is perhaps alittle too wrapped in themselves.



I'd say that's just pretty dumb.



It's not outdated for 'everyone'. Many women still change their name and many despise the silly 'Ms.' designation. I have bigger fish to fry. Personally I don't care what you call me (well, within reason ). I have bigger fish to fry.
Ok, that's how you feel about it. That's fine.

I'm just saying I don't think expecting things mailed to you, by people who know you no less, have your actual name on them makes you think the world revolves around you. It seems kind of a small thing to me to expect one's friends to know your name.
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Old 12-14-2012, 07:59 AM   #92
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Oh, my goodness. It's Christmas. You were sending them good wishes, and they complain about that? I would not be sending them another card, since it's obvious they don't understand what Christmas cards are for.

Regardless of whether "it's 2012" and if a person wants to be "modern", they should respect another person's choice to be "old-fashioned." I personally see no problem in being either way, but people need to respect the choice of others.
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Old 12-14-2012, 08:08 AM   #93
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Originally Posted by sasywtch View Post
She was rude for putting that on Facebook but I am in the camp of hating Mrs John Doe. I use to tell my (now ex) husband, you have mail.

I don't care what Emily Post says, that way of addressing was when men brought home the bacon, women didn't have credit cards in their name (I can remember Wards issuing us two John Doe credit cards and I was an authorized signer (woo hoo). He was considered the one responsible to pay the bills.

Well, those days are considered gone and honestly that way of addressing mail should be too. It just reminds me of the Lucy and Ricky days when he gave her her household budget and got in trouble if she went over. It just made women very weak/meek. I had a much older coworker and she enjoyed it though. All her banking info including checks were Mrs John Doe.

Anyway, the person was wrong in posting it on Facebook.
Yeah, this is how I feel. I'd never publicly complain about a "Mr. and Mrs." card, but anyone who knows us even remotely knows I have always used my own name.

"Mr. and Mrs." is awfully formal for a Christmas card. I wouldn't expect it on anything but a wedding invitation. I just use first names, or the X family, or Cindy Jones and family, for example.

My view is if you know my family, and respect us, you'll use our names properly.
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Old 12-14-2012, 08:14 AM   #94
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Your friend is rude. When I was married I always preferred to be addressed by our first names and last name or the XXX family, but I most certainly didn't get offended if it was addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Last Name. Geez.

Even if she thought you were being old-fashioned, she was rude, which is way worse. To post it on facebook is way out of line.

Some people look for ways to be offended and all we can do it to realize that they are the ones with the problem. Reminds me of when my children were babies and someone would say something like: "what a beautiful girl you have!" when speaking about one of my boys. I didn't get mad because they called my boy a girl, but instead took the compliment as it was meant to be and said thank you. If I had been feeling bold, the most I might have said was, "it's a boy, but thank you", but that would have been said with a smile so they'd know I wasn't offended.

I prefer to look at the positives when dealing with others. That's not my nature and not how I was raised and I very often have to reel myself back in from negative thinking, but it's worth it because when I look for the positives in people and situations, I am much happier.

Anyway, that woman would be crossed off my Christmas card list and if this sort of thing is a pattern I would probably defriend her on facebook because I don't need toxic people in my life. I don't defriend easily, however I have learned that it's ok to limit my friendships. At the very least I would send her a private message on facebook and tell her my thoughts about her post.
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Old 12-14-2012, 08:18 AM   #95
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Originally Posted by cornflake View Post
Ok, that's how you feel about it. That's fine.

I'm just saying I don't think expecting things mailed to you, by people who know you no less, have your actual name on them makes you think the world revolves around you. It seems kind of a small thing to me to expect one's friends to know your name.
No, I hear you....and I do agree that your friends should "know your name". My name is Pam and that's what my friends should call me of course. But that's very different than knowing how to address me when sending me something in the mail. Are they just going to just write "Pam"? "Pam and Steve"? "Pam and Steve X"? "Mr and Mrs X"? "Mr and Mrs Steve X"? Mr and Mrs Pam and Steve X"? "Pam X and Steve X? Ms Pam X and Mr Steve X"? Actually I never even legally changed my name so 17 yrs later legally I'm still "Pam Y". Should they know that and write "Pam Y and Steve X"? "Ms Pam Y and Mr Steve X"? Does it ever end?????? lol

My point it that is complicated and no matter how you write it some nincompoop somewhere is going to be offended. Sadly for some it will always be a matter of what you did to/for or didn't do to/for me, me, me

ETA: the one exception I would make would be if one's friend was a staunch feminist who always made it clear that this was some sort of major issue with her as in that case it would be inconsiderate to then go against her requests. That would be the exception not the rule however and probably doesn't apply to 99% of the people who would "choose" to take issue with it.

Last edited by pacrosby; 12-14-2012 at 08:39 AM.
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Old 12-14-2012, 08:24 AM   #96
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Some people will find *anything* to complain about, won't they?
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Old 12-14-2012, 08:27 AM   #97
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Hi all! Sorry I fell asleep last night while dis-boarding! This thread sure did take on a lot of pages while I slept. Just to be clear, this woman DID take her husbands last name when they got married, she was offended by the fact that I did not use her first name on the envelope. The funny thing is, I did not take my husband's last name, I kept mine, and I get mail addressed to Mrs Myhusbandslastname all the time. It really never occurred to me to be offended by that. I don't sweat the small stuff.

I did respond to her facebook post, this was my response:

I see you got my card! Glad to see you picked up on the fact that I was making a concerted effort to insult you. Mission accomplished! And now I know that you got the message I obviously intended, I assure you will not have to worry about how your card is addressed next year.


My comment has has 16 likes so far. She has not responded or commented.
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Old 12-14-2012, 08:28 AM   #98
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tigger&Belle View Post
Your friend is rude. When I was married I always preferred to be addressed by our first names and last name or the XXX family, but I most certainly didn't get offended if it was addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Last Name. Geez.

Even if she thought you were being old-fashioned, she was rude, which is way worse. To post it on facebook is way out of line.
I use my husband's last name. I agree, I prefer using both first names, or "Mr. and Mrs. Lastname" or "the Lastname Family" over "Mr. and Mrs. Husband Lastname." However, I'd hardly be offended by it. And posting a big thing about it on FB is horribly rude. I know that Mr. and Mrs. Husband Lastname is still considered acceptable, even thought it is not my preference... and you can't please everyone all the time.

When I was getting married, we sent an invitation to DH's widowed Great Aunt, whom I only knew as Aunt Rosie. I called my MIL to find out how I should address the invitation since I did not know if her given name was Rose or Rosie. (My mother's given name is Betty and she hates when people assume it's a nickname and address things to Elizabeth, so I wanted to check.) Anyway, I sent the invitation to Mrs. Rose Lastname. And heard through the phone tree that she had been offended. She should have been addressed as Mrs. Deceased-husband-who-I-never-met's-first-name Lastname. By the time the news had gotten to me, the whole family had heard about my "faux pas." Welcome to the family to me! (Somehow it was my faux pas even though DH's family had provided the list!) Anyway, in general they are a nice family -- but I was practically in tears that I'd already offended someone and we weren't even married yet. Because of that, you can address my stuff however you wish. As long as I can figure it out it's for me, I won't complain... although I really do not care for "Mrs. Husband Lastname" when it's for *only* me, not both of us. (See, you can't please everyone because that's how Aunt Rosie *wanted* hers addressed.) Even if you send it to "Mrs. Husband Lastname", I promise I'll open it and keep my mouth shut.
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Old 12-14-2012, 08:31 AM   #99
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10:1 odds that she routinely posts, "I just can't stand drama in my life!" at least once a month on Facebook
This is actually quite accurate. She is always having some sort of crisis. She is one of those that posts vague attention seeking statuses. The kind where she wants people to ask questions. "oh what did I do to deserve this bad bad bad luck, my week is ruined"
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Old 12-14-2012, 08:32 AM   #100
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Originally Posted by pacrosby View Post
No, I hear you....and I do agree that your friends should "know your name". My name is Pam and that's what my friends should call me of course. But that's very different than knowing how to address me when sending me something in the mail. Are they just going to just write "Pam"? "Pam and Steve"? "Pam and Steve X"? "Mr and Mrs X"? Mr and Mrs Pam and Steve X"? "Pam X and Steve X? Actually I never even legally changed my name so 17 yrs later legally I'm still "Pam Y". Should they know that and write "Pam Y and Steve X"?
Why wouldn't your friends know that you kept your own name? And if they know you kept your own name, what's the confusion about how to address a piece of mail to you? Seems simple to me.


Quote:
Originally Posted by FlyingDumbo View Post
I did respond to her facebook post, this was my response:

I see you got my card! Glad to see you picked up on the fact that I was making a concerted effort to insult you. Mission accomplished! And now I know that you got the message I obviously intended, I assure you will not have to worry about how your card is addressed next year.


My comment has has 16 likes so far. She has not responded or commented.
Ha! You rock!
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Old 12-14-2012, 08:32 AM   #101
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FlyingDumbo View Post
Hi all! Sorry I fell asleep last night while dis-boarding! This thread sure did take on a lot of pages while I slept. Just to be clear, this woman DID take her husbands last name when they got married, she was offended by the fact that I did not use her first name on the envelope. The funny thing is, I did not take my husband's last name, I kept mine, and I get mail addressed to Mrs Myhusbandslastname all the time. It really never occurred to me to be offended by that. I don't sweat the small stuff.

I did respond to her facebook post, this was my response:

I see you got my card! Glad to see you picked up on the fact that I was making a concerted effort to insult you. Mission accomplished! And now I know that you got the message I obviously intended, I assure you will not have to worry about how your card is addressed next year.


My comment has has 16 likes so far. She has not responded or commented.
LOVE this response!!!
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Old 12-14-2012, 08:36 AM   #102
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When Mary the Mother of Jesus got Christmas cards, I wonder if she was offended when they were address to "Mrs. Joseph of Nazareth". Somebody should check her Facepapayrus timeline to see.
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Old 12-14-2012, 08:37 AM   #103
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FlyingDumbo View Post
Hi all! Sorry I fell asleep last night while dis-boarding! This thread sure did take on a lot of pages while I slept. Just to be clear, this woman DID take her husbands last name when they got married, she was offended by the fact that I did not use her first name on the envelope. The funny thing is, I did not take my husband's last name, I kept mine, and I get mail addressed to Mrs Myhusbandslastname all the time. It really never occurred to me to be offended by that. I don't sweat the small stuff.

I did respond to her facebook post, this was my response:

I see you got my card! Glad to see you picked up on the fact that I was making a concerted effort to insult you. Mission accomplished! And now I know that you got the message I obviously intended, I assure you will not have to worry about how your card is addressed next year.


My comment has has 16 likes so far. She has not responded or commented.
Good for you.
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Old 12-14-2012, 08:44 AM   #104
Tigger&Belle
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FlyingDumbo View Post

I did respond to her facebook post, this was my response:

I see you got my card! Glad to see you picked up on the fact that I was making a concerted effort to insult you. Mission accomplished! And now I know that you got the message I obviously intended, I assure you will not have to worry about how your card is addressed next year.


My comment has has 16 likes so far. She has not responded or commented.
Even though I would have felt like doing that, and she most certainly deserved it, however I wouldn't have send a comment like that back to her publicly. First of all, it's sarcastic, second of all it turns things into a pissing match, and third, I prefer to take the high road, even when someone has been rude. I think it would have been better to have sent a message privately or to have sent a less sarcastic message publicly (IE, something along the lines of, "I addressed the envelope per the guidelines of proper etiquette, which you obviously have a right to disagree with. However, posting it here is rude, plain and simple. Personally, I would rather be old-fashioned than rude.") . Like I said, she deserved it and I would have certainly thought the thought you did, but rude is rude, even if she did out-rude you.
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Old 12-14-2012, 08:46 AM   #105
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FlyingDumbo View Post
Hi all! Sorry I fell asleep last night while dis-boarding! This thread sure did take on a lot of pages while I slept. Just to be clear, this woman DID take her husbands last name when they got married, she was offended by the fact that I did not use her first name on the envelope. The funny thing is, I did not take my husband's last name, I kept mine, and I get mail addressed to Mrs Myhusbandslastname all the time. It really never occurred to me to be offended by that. I don't sweat the small stuff.

I did respond to her facebook post, this was my response:

I see you got my card! Glad to see you picked up on the fact that I was making a concerted effort to insult you. Mission accomplished! And now I know that you got the message I obviously intended, I assure you will not have to worry about how your card is addressed next year.


My comment has has 16 likes so far. She has not responded or commented.
LOVE your response!!!
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