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Old 12-13-2012, 11:19 PM   #76
Buckalew11
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Originally Posted by MaryAnnDVC View Post
I'm not sure...I still have the card, but can't find the envelope. I don't recall being terribly horrified at how it was addressed, but that could be because I was so happy you sent one.

And sometimes it's not about how one addresses the envelope, but how one signs the card.
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If you were offended, I'm sure you would have posted it on the DIS.



I did post a card from MY SISTER once on FB (on her page). SHe sent me a b-day card that, on the card itself said, "Happy Birthday to my brother!"

To this day I tell her I am her baby brother-sister!
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Old 12-14-2012, 12:05 AM   #77
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She was rude for putting that on Facebook but I am in the camp of hating Mrs John Doe. I use to tell my (now ex) husband, you have mail.

I don't care what Emily Post says, that way of addressing was when men brought home the bacon, women didn't have credit cards in their name (I can remember Wards issuing us two John Doe credit cards and I was an authorized signer (woo hoo). He was considered the one responsible to pay the bills.

Well, those days are considered gone and honestly that way of addressing mail should be too. It just reminds me of the Lucy and Ricky days when he gave her her household budget and got in trouble if she went over. It just made women very weak/meek. I had a much older coworker and she enjoyed it though. All her banking info including checks were Mrs John Doe.

Anyway, the person was wrong in posting it on Facebook.
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Old 12-14-2012, 12:11 AM   #78
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Well, I've always maintained that FB is of the Devil, but anyway ...

Even if she was offended, it was rude to post a FB rant about it using the envelope.

That said, if you *do* know that a person prefers to be referred to by his or her legal name, it is a bit passive-aggressive not to honor that preference.

I did not change my name when I married. I really do not mind if I am sent things that refer to me as "Mrs. X" in a social context, but if you are sending me anything that is of a legal nature, such as a check or a contract, it will definitely be irritating to me if you use a name that is not mine. I don't have any ID that identifies me by my husband's last name, so in such a case I'll have to send it back to you and ask you to re-issue it with the correct name.

So, a greeting card? No sweat. A gift in the form of a check? Problem. I've been married for over 20 years, and my MIL still sends me "birthday gift" checks written out with my first name and my husband's last name. That creates a nasty little tradition where I have to take the check back to her and ask her to either not bother with a gift or to write a new check -- infuriating doesn't begin to describe this little game of hers.
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Old 12-14-2012, 12:22 AM   #79
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Originally Posted by Gumbo4x4 View Post
10:1 odds that she routinely posts, "I just can't stand drama in my life!" at least once a month on Facebook


HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Awesome.

OP, I would post something resembling an apology on her facebook - so she knows that you saw it. What a jerk! You have nothing to be sorry for though.
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Old 12-14-2012, 12:43 AM   #80
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I had no idea this many people used the Mr. & Mrs. Doe thing.

I have never in my life addressed an envelope that way, nor would I.

That said, agree it was passive agressive to start a fb thing about it instead of just telling you personally.
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Old 12-14-2012, 12:59 AM   #81
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Originally Posted by NotUrsula View Post
So, a greeting card? No sweat. A gift in the form of a check? Problem. I've been married for over 20 years, and my MIL still sends me "birthday gift" checks written out with my first name and my husband's last name. That creates a nasty little tradition where I have to take the check back to her and ask her to either not bother with a gift or to write a new check -- infuriating doesn't begin to describe this little game of hers.
You CAN get somewhat away with it -- we had to do that at our bank when my aunt sent me a check written out in my maiden name -- which was hysterical since I've been married 20 years...she just had a lapse of memory. We did manage to get the check cashed without having her to re-issue it but it was a local bank and it all worked out.

I try hard to make sure to address the envelopes however the people prefer but I get it all messed up. My SIL kept her maiden name so I usually address the envelope Jane Doe & John Smith. Usually, whoever I have the relationship with is who gets listed first on the envelope.

Sometimes though I just don't know...apparently my cousin kept her last name but I had no clue about that until just recently & she is older than me, has been married longer than I have and I think is even a grandparent at this point...happens when you come from a larger family. She had a long last name, her husband had a long last name and then we had to fit "and family" on there & this was for an invite to my parents 50th anniversary so needed to be somewhat formal.

Definitely rude to post on Facebook & I'm assuming the OP's friend did take her husband's last name. Names are so complicated at times. Luckily my family is pretty laid back and however it gets addressed works (I grew up with a difficult to spell last name and even though my current one is easy, it still gets messed up all the time -- so this would be a trivial thing to me).
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Old 12-14-2012, 01:34 AM   #82
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OP, I am so sorry that happened to you. What a horrible thing to do to somebody. That person should be ashamed of herself. I'm sure many, many people read her post and thought her rude.

When I send Christmas cards I usually address it to "The insert-last-name-here Family." So, sorry, no one gets an identity. You're a family, here's your card, deal with it.
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Old 12-14-2012, 01:52 AM   #83
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It would bother me but I would never let the sender know; I would assume she was just a lovely person with an outdated way about her. I'd take it for the goodness of the act of remembering me at Christmas and let the rest go.
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Old 12-14-2012, 07:51 AM   #84
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We usually do "Husband & Wife Lastname" or "The Lastname Family".
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Old 12-14-2012, 07:56 AM   #85
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I sent a Christmas card to a family friend and her spouse, and today on facebook there is a picture of the envelope I addressed to them. I had addressed it to " Mr & Mrs (husbands name, last name). The status says something along the lines of it is 2012 and I have my own name and identity. Apparently I should have included both first names? I honestly was not trying to offend anyone. Just trying to fit it all in on the address line. But I can tell you who is OFF the card list from now on.

Anyone else get offended by having your mail addressed this way? I'll be honest, I don't put that much time into getting offended.
Wow, uptight much?

I send things "The Lastname Family".
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Old 12-14-2012, 08:04 AM   #86
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All these people who insist "I have my own identity" need to get over themselves IMO. Of course you have your own identity......addressing an envelope in a manner that has been considered acceptable for generations is not suggesting otherwise. Call yourself whatever you want but be adult enough to realize that the world doesn't revolve around you. Why the need for so much drama?
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Old 12-14-2012, 08:12 AM   #87
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All these people who insist "I have my own identity" need to get over themselves IMO. Of course you have your own identity......addressing an envelope in a manner that has been considered acceptable for generations is not suggesting otherwise. Call yourself whatever you want but be adult enough to realize that the world doesn't revolve around you. Why the need for so much drama?
I don't think thinking mail addressed to you, especially by someone who actually knows you, should have your name on it, is really thinking the world revolves around you.

I've known more than one person who simply chucks anything doesn't have their name on it, because it can't be important as wasn't sent to them on purpose or by someone who knows them, one would think.

It's also hardly some new idea that the whole Mrs. thing is outdated - my parents didn't address cards that way either.
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Old 12-14-2012, 08:18 AM   #88
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On the names and banks - it depends whethere this is something you want to take a stand on or not. I didn't, and I'm a Southern girl, and we've always had a work around, because the woman's family is just as important as the man's when it comes to navigating things socially.

You simply tag your DH's last name after your maiden name and keep them all. Then any time you have to give all legal names you just note the Akas.

For example, if my husband is Sleeping Wolf, upon my marriage that would make me Snarling Coyote Wolf aka Snarling Coyote aka Snarling Wolf.

It's not exactly fair - my husband is just plain ole' Sleeping Wolf and will never get to be Sleeping Wolf Coyote or Sleeping Coyote - but it works for me for navigating social/familial/business/education waters. No matter what name a check is issued in, for example, I can cash it. No matter how someone draws up a legal document, I can sign it. (I may write in an aka somewhere.) And I don't get into petty arguments over how my name is supposed to be.

Mrs. Sleeping Wolf. . .hmm. I don't know that I've ever been called that before. If someone did call me that outside of say, being announced at court (like that would ever happen!), I'd answer to it while thinking "wow, do I need to buy a circle skirt and a crinoline? Is it the 1950's and someone forgot to tell me?" But I'd never say anything out loud and would probably just mark the person off as somewhat old fashioned and remember not to give them technology gifts; I wouldn't think badly of them.

I definitely wouldn't be a petty blankety blank who posted a picture of it on Facebook. If something like that happened to me, think I would just let it go - anything I could think of to post in response would start a comment war - and would probably block the friend's posts from my Facebook feed.
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Old 12-14-2012, 08:25 AM   #89
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Just another reason to do away with Christmas card all together.
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Old 12-14-2012, 08:52 AM   #90
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Originally Posted by cornflake View Post
I don't think thinking mail addressed to you, especially by someone who actually knows you, should have your name on it, is really thinking the world revolves around you.
Maybe, maybe not. I can't imagine that too many people ever have conversations with family/friends about how to address their envelopes so how would they know? Bottom line is it's really not all that important in the grand scheme of life so why get so bent out of shape about it? Doing so, to me, suggests that someone is perhaps alittle too wrapped up in themselves.

Quote:
I've known more than one person who simply chucks anything doesn't have their name on it, because it can't be important as wasn't sent to them on purpose or by someone who knows them, one would think.
I'd say that's just pretty dumb. I bet they are probably are the same ones who then get all bent out of shape saying that they never got invited to Cousin Besty's wedding.

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It's also hardly some new idea that the whole Mrs. thing is outdated - my parents didn't address cards that way either.
But it's not considered outdated by everyone and that's the point. Many women still change their name and even embrace the idea of being thought of as "Mrs. John X". In fact many (including myself) actually despise the silly 'Ms.' designation and all the pomp and circumstance surrounding this "I am a person too" debate. Are we now supposed to call everyone before we address their envelope to determine how how they prefer to be addressed? I guess this stuff just never ceases to amaze me. Don't people have bigger fish to fry? I know I do...I don't care what you call me (well, within reason ).

Last edited by pacrosby; 12-14-2012 at 09:04 AM.
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