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Old 12-13-2012, 05:09 PM   #31
Ephany
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I don't like it either. I'm not John, I have my own name thank you. I understand it's an old-fashioned way of addressing mail, but meh, it's 2012. I'd ignore it if it came from an older family member and if it came from a friend, I'd probably send off a light-hearted email. Would I post it on Facebook? Never. Would I be offended? Only if it came from my MIL.
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Old 12-13-2012, 05:12 PM   #32
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I usually just write "The xxxxxx Family" and leave it at that. It's so much easier. If I know they don't have kids then I do write Mr & Mrs xxxxxx. No first names so it hopefully won't bother anyone, but you never know
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Old 12-13-2012, 05:12 PM   #33
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceila View Post
Wow! I would have had to respond with something snarky, like "It is 2012, I have my own FB account where you could contact me in private to express your displeasure of my holiday greetings."
Yup, totally calls for a witchy response.

How rude! (in my best Stephanie Tanner voice )
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Old 12-13-2012, 05:12 PM   #34
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Not to dig at you, OP, but I do think you might want to consider apologizing via facebook since she's now been embarrassed on her facebook page by your thoughfulness.

Perhaps something like, Point taken, I apologize for any offense caused. Be assured it was not intentional and will not happen again.

Corrects your social faux pas and no doubt provides a memorable etiquette lesson. Bet her face will be a festive shade of red for the holidays.
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Old 12-13-2012, 05:16 PM   #35
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Originally Posted by FlyingDumbo View Post
I sent a Christmas card to a family friend and her spouse, and today on facebook there is a picture of the envelope I addressed to them. I had addressed it to " Mr & Mrs (husbands name, last name). The status says something along the lines of it is 2012 and I have my own name and identity. Apparently I should have included both first names? I honestly was not trying to offend anyone. Just trying to fit it all in on the address line. But I can tell you who is OFF the card list from now on.

Anyone else get offended by having your mail addressed this way? I'll be honest, I don't put that much time into getting offended.
UGH!

I get offended with my husband's relatives - every single one addresses mail to Mr. and Mrs. Lastname. For birthdays, anniversaries, holidays etc. However I NEVER took his name and we have been married for 16 YEARS.

It is just frustrating since no one else does that.
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Old 12-13-2012, 05:16 PM   #36
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What an idiot. And rude, to boot.

Just curious-- is this her first year on your card list? Or was the way you address your cards OK with her last year??
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Old 12-13-2012, 05:19 PM   #37
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Very rude and tacky of the recipient of the card.
I agree, I would not only mark her off my card list but as a friend too. Those are the type I don't want to be friends with.
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Old 12-13-2012, 05:24 PM   #38
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While I wouldn't like getting a card addressed that way I'd either let it go or send a very friendly and kind email saying something like

"Thanks for the card. It was wonderful to hear from you and I'd love to get together with you sometime soon. Just so you know for future reference, I ended up keeping my name so if you'd address mail to us separately in the future I'd appreciate it.

Give my love to your husband and kids and I hope you have a wonderful Christmas."

Posting it on Facebook like that is just tacky and rude.
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Old 12-13-2012, 05:30 PM   #39
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Originally Posted by Duchie View Post
I'll be the first to disagree and state that I really hate things addresed to Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. I gave up my last name when I got married, but I did keep my first. Stuff address like that goes straight to DH because his name is on it, not mine. I don't mind Mr. and Mrs. Doe though. When addressing cards I usually address it to The Doe Family.

However, saying something on FB that way really was rude. I agree that she should have said something to you privately. I'm curious to know if anyone of her other friends have commented on or "Liked" what she wrote.
I agree with you. I am not a female version of DH and I bristle at being called Ms. Husband's name. I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm offended and I'd never embarrass someone (or make a jerk of myself) by posting it on FB.
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Old 12-13-2012, 05:31 PM   #40
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Originally Posted by cabanafrau View Post
Not to dig at you, OP, but I do think you might want to consider apologizing via facebook since she's now been embarrassed on her facebook page by your thoughfulness.

Perhaps something like, Point taken, I apologize for any offense caused. Be assured it was not intentional and will not happen again.

Corrects your social faux pas and no doubt provides a memorable etiquette lesson. Bet her face will be a festive shade of red for the holidays.
How has the other woman been embarrassed? I don't think she thinks she embarrassed herself.

And the OP did NOT make a social faux pas as, last I knew, her way of addressing envelopes is still considered correct by the current etiquette rules.

Also, I think any form of diplomacy and subtle decorum would be lost on the other woman. Anyone who would not personally, privately address a small offense such as that, but tries to openly, publicly embarrass, poke fun of or humiliate another person who was being thoughtful & sending well wishes, seems to be lacking that level of social grace.
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Old 12-13-2012, 05:37 PM   #41
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Completely tasteless on her part. Doesn't she know you'd probably see it? How old is she??

What you did wasn't wrong, although it is a little old fashioned. I have gotten to where I usually will skip the Mr. and Mrs./Ms., and just write "John and Mary Smith" when I address things. But I hardly ever address things to two people anymore. Usually it's just a birthday card to one person.

I will admit that it does bug me somewhat when mail from a business comes with "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" - especially if it is from a church that we have visited. That's an instant "We can cross that church off our list!" red flag for me.
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Old 12-13-2012, 05:38 PM   #42
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I'm not going lie, it does annoy me a bit, but my grandma always addresses things like this. I know she doesn't mean anything by it, but yes its annoying that my husbands name is somehow morning important than mine. Having said that ur friend was really rude.
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Old 12-13-2012, 05:40 PM   #43
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Imzadi View Post
How has the other woman been embarrassed? I don't think she thinks she embarrassed herself.

And the OP did NOT make a social faux pas as, last I knew, her way of addressing envelopes is still considered correct by the current etiquette rules.

Also, I think any form of diplomacy and subtle decorum would be lost on the other woman. Anyone who would not personally, privately address a small offense such as that, but tries to openly, publicly embarrass, poke fun of or humiliate another person who was being thoughtful & sending well wishes, seems to be lacking that level of social grace.
I don't think it is correct...maybe in the 1950s, but not now. Either way, I don't think a facebook post is appropriate. A nice, private email would have been nicer and more effective.

I never changed my last name and being addressed as Mrs. Hubby annoys me no end but I understand it from strangers who don't know any better. I usually gently correct them. If someone addressed me as Mrs. Chubby Hubby using DH's first name, I think I would blow a gasket (still wouldn't post on facebook, though).
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Old 12-13-2012, 05:40 PM   #44
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I would have FBed back a picture of text snipped from one of Emily Post's etiquette books on the proper way to address an envelope AND another one on the etiquette of keeping private issues between the two people involved.

I personally would have just addressed the envelopes "John & Jane Doe & family." Or "John Smith & Jane Doe & family," if she has a different last name.
It was obviously uncool to post that on facebook, but you would have to go back pretty far to find an Emily Post that suggested Mr & Mrs. John Doe.

The Facebook friend could simply post a recent clip that had the corect way of addressing cards. Hint its the way you addressed your cards.
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Old 12-13-2012, 05:41 PM   #45
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If you are facebook friends I would have not been able to not post a reply.

I would have said something along the lines of "Oh yes it is clearly 2012 where people have lost all semblance of manners"

Or "No worries you are off the list"
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