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Old 12-09-2012, 07:21 PM   #1
scootch
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Child psychologist

I have been taking my 10 year old fourth grader to a psychologist for about 4 months now for anxiety/sleep issues. We always go in together and talk, sessions lasting 45 min- hour. I never talk one on one with the psychologist, nor does she talk one on one with my daughter. I am really wishing I could get some feedback from her. I did call her before one visit and told her I would like to talk to her before we came, but she never returned my call I actually called the day before and again that morning as we had an afternoon appointment. I mentioned it at the appointment "did you get my call?" she smiled, said "yes" and that was it!! Talked with another mom this weekend who has her 9 year old son in therapy and she talks to the psychologist for about the first 10 min.. then her son talks privately after that. I guess I am looking to see what the norm is. I just would really like to see what the psychologist is actually thinking. She does give us tasks to do, like last appointment I am suppose to find ways to point out when she is confident. Thanks.
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Old 12-09-2012, 07:31 PM   #2
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My niece went to see a psychologist for awhile and they psychologist spent most of the session with just her and maybe 10-15 minutes talking with her mom.

In my general opinion the child and the parent should each really have some one on one time with the psychologist. A child may not feel comfortable about some things in front of their parent and a parents time with the psychologist can be spent talking about what the parent can do to help their child.
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Old 12-09-2012, 09:20 PM   #3
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I find it odd she's never had at least even one session alone with your daughter.

If she had, and had then felt the anxiety problems were family issues or involved your relationship with her, I can see the dual sessions. Otherwise, I have no idea why you're in there, honestly. It seems likely counterproductive.
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Old 12-09-2012, 09:33 PM   #4
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DS went briefly this summer due to anxiety issues. She met with both of us the first time. The next time, it was just with DS, then she brought me in for the last few minutes to tell me his goal for the next time. I liked her but due to some insurance issues, we had to stop going.
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Old 12-09-2012, 09:45 PM   #5
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My son did some talk therapy when he was younger. We really mixed it up regarding how each session was conducted. She did spend a lot of time with DS, I usually went in for the last 10 minutes so we could discuss what they had decided he might do before the next session or if there was something he wanted to discuss with both grownups. Often, she would start the conversation to make sure it went in the desired direction. I always took her lead. She also called me several times to talk, briefly, about things she thought I should know they discussed. I would not feel comfortable with a therapist who didn't have any 1 on 1 time with my child-how are they going to develop trust? We moved into that in about 3 sessions. I would her again and tell her I was not coming back until she agrees to discuss things with me-in a nice way, just tell her you feel it's necessary to make further progress. I think 4th grade is old enough to have some private talk with a grownup known to a child.
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Old 12-09-2012, 10:00 PM   #6
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We sought a therapist for DD when she was 10 and we were also dealing with anxiety issues. He actually never met one on one with our daughter, he worked purely with us, she met him on visit one and then he only dealt with us to give us tools to help her deal with her issues.

He told us to give him 6 weeks and if we thought his methods were way off he would help us find someone else. This was the best 6 weeks we ever invested in our kids. The tools he gave us to help her cope are tools we still use to this day.

I personally would not tolerate having my requests ignored. You are the parent, your child is only 10 and you have a right to have your concerns addressed and to have your questions answered
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Old 12-09-2012, 10:08 PM   #7
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My dad was old school "you dont go to sleep, Im gonna kick your butt" . Best of look with your kid, nothing bothers you more then when your kid is hurting
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Old 12-09-2012, 10:26 PM   #8
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If I were you, I would ask to meet with her privately at the start of the session and ask her: 1) what her decision-making is in terms of always meeting with the two of you together; 2) if she thinks there would be value in meeting individually with DD; and 3) how she would feel about meeting with you one-on-one for part of session (since it seems like you'd like that).

It doesn't really matter what "the norm" for child therapy is - what matters is if she has a good rationale for conducting therapy the way she is and whether it's working for your DD.
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Old 12-10-2012, 06:24 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by scootch View Post
I have been taking my 10 year old fourth grader to a psychologist for about 4 months now for anxiety/sleep issues. We always go in together and talk, sessions lasting 45 min- hour. I never talk one on one with the psychologist, nor does she talk one on one with my daughter. I am really wishing I could get some feedback from her. I did call her before one visit and told her I would like to talk to her before we came, but she never returned my call I actually called the day before and again that morning as we had an afternoon appointment. I mentioned it at the appointment "did you get my call?" she smiled, said "yes" and that was it!! Talked with another mom this weekend who has her 9 year old son in therapy and she talks to the psychologist for about the first 10 min.. then her son talks privately after that. I guess I am looking to see what the norm is. I just would really like to see what the psychologist is actually thinking. She does give us tasks to do, like last appointment I am suppose to find ways to point out when she is confident. Thanks.
I would bring up this concern in the session and discuss it right then and there. I would expect that the psychologist will address it with you and your dd. I would directly ask her why she is ignoring your requests.

If you feel that this psychologist is not "meshing", speak with your dd about finding a new one.

As a minor, I have never had the psychologist speak privately with either of us.
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Old 12-10-2012, 09:41 AM   #10
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Thank you very much for all your replies. I really appreciate them I think I will bring it up next week when we go. DD does most of the talking in the sessions but usually the therapist will look to me for what anxious moments dd might not have covered. (example... we just went on a disney cruise and when she asked her about her trip, of course she just told her the great stuff. She failed to mention that she had several panic attacks, especially one while we were snorkeling) I would really like some feedback without dd there, even to just hear what she is thinking is DD's major issues.... and maybe dd would tell her something without me in there, which would be great!!! as she was truly almost too confident most of her life and this change in her has been a bit of a mystery. We have had some tragedies that had brought up some anxiety in the past(my 21 year old niece and my mom both dying).. but why she is lacking confidence and having the panic/anxiety issues now, I cannot quite put my finger on. DD doesn't really like going and while she doesn't dislike the lady, she isn't overly thrilled and excited to talk to her either. I think dd thinks we are punishing her by making her go there, she hasn't quite seen that her anxiety affects others too and that we are really just trying to help her and prevent panic issues for her. Thanks again everyone!!!
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Old 12-10-2012, 04:15 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by scootch View Post
Thank you very much for all your replies. I really appreciate them I think I will bring it up next week when we go. DD does most of the talking in the sessions but usually the therapist will look to me for what anxious moments dd might not have covered. (example... we just went on a disney cruise and when she asked her about her trip, of course she just told her the great stuff. She failed to mention that she had several panic attacks, especially one while we were snorkeling) I would really like some feedback without dd there, even to just hear what she is thinking is DD's major issues.... and maybe dd would tell her something without me in there, which would be great!!! as she was truly almost too confident most of her life and this change in her has been a bit of a mystery. We have had some tragedies that had brought up some anxiety in the past(my 21 year old niece and my mom both dying).. but why she is lacking confidence and having the panic/anxiety issues now, I cannot quite put my finger on. DD doesn't really like going and while she doesn't dislike the lady, she isn't overly thrilled and excited to talk to her either. I think dd thinks we are punishing her by making her go there, she hasn't quite seen that her anxiety affects others too and that we are really just trying to help her and prevent panic issues for her. Thanks again everyone!!!
As others have mentioned, this just may not be the dr. for her.

As to the latter - have you not discussed that with her?
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Old 12-11-2012, 09:12 PM   #12
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As others have mentioned, this just may not be the dr. for her.

As to the latter - have you not discussed that with her?
Yes, I have discussed it with her. I guess I am just completely lost why the therapist has not talked to both of us one on one. I am open to her telling me that I am doing something wrong... and would really like to see if dd tells her something when I am not in there. We go ext tuesday, so will let you guys know. I have decided that if that doesn't go well, to switch the first of the year. I appreciate all the responses. Say a prayer if you can as she is in a big production of the Nutcracker this weekend. Hoping it all goes well.
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~~WDW for ONE day in 1980(it was 105 degrees!!)
~~Nov 2004 Polynesian with my 2 princesses ages 2 1/2 and 5
~~Nov 2005 Contemporary
~~November 2006 Contemporary Making memories with my 21 year old niece with cancer
Sweet Lindsey passed March 2007
~~November 2007 WL
~~Nov 08 VWL
~~Nov 09 WDW BLT DiscoveryCove SeaWorld and DCL Wonder
~~April 2011 B2B Disney Dream
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~~ June 2013 DISNEYLAND/CALIFORNIA ADVENTURE
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Old 12-11-2012, 11:18 PM   #13
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Yes, I have discussed it with her. I guess I am just completely lost why the therapist has not talked to both of us one on one. I am open to her telling me that I am doing something wrong... and would really like to see if dd tells her something when I am not in there. We go ext tuesday, so will let you guys know. I have decided that if that doesn't go well, to switch the first of the year. I appreciate all the responses. Say a prayer if you can as she is in a big production of the Nutcracker this weekend. Hoping it all goes well.
It's not so much about you doing something wrong, per se, as, given anxiety is one of the things she's having a problem with right now, about your daughter having the ability to discuss things that may be bothering her without you present. Which, sure, those things may have to do with you - or they may not at all.

Just a note that if the dr. does agree to have separate sessions or separate times (and if she doesn't, she should really explain that to you, as to how she came to the decision not to without ever having had any.) she should clarify beforehand, for both of you, the confidentiality rules she intends to adhere to.

In general, because it's important for the client to have a relationship of trust with the dr., child psychologists will usually make clear what their parameters are. They may say that unless it's about a situation involving danger or this or that kind of trouble, they won't discuss what's said in a session between them and the child with the parent except in general terms, or unless the child is present, or with the child's prior knowledge, or whatever. Some may go for a blanket order the other way, and say they'll discuss things with the parent unless the child says such and such is private (in which case danger rules would usually still apply under a certain age and depending on what type of danger, obvs., etc.), etc., etc.

Whatever, it's open for discussion - just saying because you said you were interested to know if your daughter will say more when you're not there, that the dr. should clarify before private sessions, among all of you, what the expectations and rules are about discussing what with whom. If she doesn't, I'd ask so you're all clear.

Good luck on the Nutcracker!
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Old 12-12-2012, 07:20 AM   #14
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This is going to sound odd but I am so glad I found this thread this morning. I am going to call the Dr today to have them recommend a child psychologist for my 4th grader, almost 10 year old. Seeing how many of you said that age/grade just set me at ease if that makes sense. I dont feel so alone. So in a weird way...thank you to all that posted.
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Old 12-12-2012, 07:34 AM   #15
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This is going to sound odd but I am so glad I found this thread this morning. I am going to call the Dr today to have them recommend a child psychologist for my 4th grader, almost 10 year old. Seeing how many of you said that age/grade just set me at ease if that makes sense. I dont feel so alone. So in a weird way...thank you to all that posted.
Join the club.

That is how I got a great psychologist for my dd when she was in 6th grade. A nurse recommended the psychologist, esp. for anxiety.

She went right to work doing behavioral therapy, she was really good.

Now my dd is seeing a "teen psychologist". In fact she is going to a seminar tonight conducted by on of the psychologists.

There is only so much you can do as a parent, esp. if you have other things going on in your family. It is good to give your child a place to discuss, vent, & improve themselves.

Now my dd went willingly because she suffers from anxiety but has HIGH goals for herself. She drives me nuts....
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