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Old 12-08-2012, 08:08 PM   #31
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Originally Posted by mhsjax View Post
I am all for religious beliefs, but if it didn't match up with what I wanted for my wedding, then I would have to tell her that she had a choice to make. Why does one person have to dictate what the others wear and why should one's religious beliefs dictate what a bride wants in her wedding look.

Weddings are to expensive and hopefully and one time event. The bride gets to choose, period.
This is an attitude that I hope my future daughters-in-law don't have! My sons have both seen little bits of Bridezillas,and have both been horrified by the behavior of the girls. I find this attitude to be very selfish. When I got married, I felt that it was not MY day, but OUR day -- me and my fiance, my parents, his parents, our friends and family, all turned out to support us and share in our happiness. I had friends who had no money -- it didn't matter to me if they gave us any gift at all, just that they were there. I consulted with my bridesmaids to make sure they were all happy with the dress (we had them made by a seamstress from a Butterick pattern because that was much cheaper). I wanted my parents and inlaws to have a happy experience -- we wanted to continue to have a good relationship for many years to come. In the end, we all had a great time. It wasn't a "budget" wedding, but didn't break the bank, and the family still (nearly 25 years later) talks about how much fun the wedding and reception were.

If one of my bridesmaids had a specific reason why they couldn't wear the dress I chose, I would have looked for a solution -- longer hemline, "modesty panel" in the front, jacket, whatever, but the same general dress in the same color. It's more important WHO is with you then what they look like!
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Old 12-08-2012, 08:21 PM   #32
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I wanted to elope and only invite parents. But my DH's dad wouldn't fly so we decided to do a small (30 people) wedding. We had it a a Bed and Breakfast where we got married in the formal living room, had dinner in the dining room, and sat around in the informal living room with drinks and laughing and telling stories for the reception! When we got home that night my DH had a disco ball spinning with champagne and we danced to Etta James so we could still have our first dance.

I put off buying a dress forever when a good friend finally said "let's just go in the store and look." She and I walked in, I tried on about 8 dresses, and found the one I loved. I told the sales lady that my wedding was in less than three months and she about had a fit! She was telling me that I should have ordered my dress by now and it would take all this time to come in. I looked at her and asked "can I just take this one?" It turns out that I could. I walked out with the dress and didn't need any alterations except the bustle. The lady who did that said the dress looks like it was made for me!
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Old 12-08-2012, 08:27 PM   #33
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When I was wedding dress shopping, I mainly went by myself. After I had settled on a dress, I took my matron of honor to look at it, and a second trip with my mother to look at it. But my mind was made up.

As an aside, I had a mental picture of the dress I wanted, but kept in mind that my mother always said, "Sometimes the dress that looks the plainest on the hanger looks the best on you." I tried on a couple of "vision in my head" dresses and oh lord! I was petite, but busty. I looked like Dolly Parton in those dresses. Awful. So I switched gears and tried on various dresses. And I wound up with a much simpler, yet flattering one. I wore the dress instead of it wearing me.

As for bridesmaid dresses, that was more complicated. One girl was slim and looked good in anything. Another was somewhat overweight, but very busty. Had to be careful with her dress. Two girls were just big girls. Over 200 pounds. But I loved them and wanted them with me. (As opposed to a girl I once knew who refused to have a friend as a bridesmaid because the girl was probably a size 12-14 and "would ruin the way the brideral party looked.") I knew that having two very large girls would limit bridesmaid dress choices but that was okay with me. Back then, the biggest dress you could buy in a shop was a 16, which was more like a 12 or 14. That meant we had to make the dresses. I admit, they were not the most stunning dresses, but they looked fine and my bridesmaids fit in them and looked nice.
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Old 12-08-2012, 09:10 PM   #34
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When I went shopping for my wedding gown I didn't want to hear anything but "OMG YOU LOOK GORGEOUS" (well, my sister would tell me if the dress wasn't flattering, as in, "I'm not sure that's my favorite" and I did pick a great dress but it was NEVER about what SHE or my mother or my MIL wanted to see me in. Only what I loved and looked good on me)

When it comes to bridesmaid dresses, I had a tiny wedding and let my sis (MOH) pick her own and then my niece and step daughter to be pick matching dresses that went with my color scheme. When it comes to these shows? On one hand: sit down, shut up and wear the damn dress. On the other: if your objections to the dress have to do with modesty because of religious issues: bride needs to get over it or give her a different role in a dress she feels comfortable wearing. It's NOT always all about the bride. There are other people's feelings that can carry some weight. I don't like that color/dress isn't enough unless you have true religious objections.
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Old 12-09-2012, 11:24 AM   #35
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I looked very young. For example: I was almost 8 months pregnant with my 2nd child and went to the movies. I was 21. I went up to the counter and of course the person behind it could only see my face. I said one and put money up. She gave me the change back. Later I counted it and realized that she had given me the childs fare. This was of course in the 70's when they didn't have all the computerized things. Looking back at the pictures I looked about 13.
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Old 12-09-2012, 11:44 AM   #36
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Originally Posted by Shugardrawers View Post
When I went shopping for my wedding gown I didn't want to hear anything but "OMG YOU LOOK GORGEOUS" (well, my sister would tell me if the dress wasn't flattering, as in, "I'm not sure that's my favorite" and I did pick a great dress but it was NEVER about what SHE or my mother or my MIL wanted to see me in. Only what I loved and looked good on me)

When it comes to bridesmaid dresses, I had a tiny wedding and let my sis (MOH) pick her own and then my niece and step daughter to be pick matching dresses that went with my color scheme. When it comes to these shows? On one hand: sit down, shut up and wear the damn dress. On the other: if your objections to the dress have to do with modesty because of religious issues: bride needs to get over it or give her a different role in a dress she feels comfortable wearing. It's NOT always all about the bride. There are other people's feelings that can carry some weight. I don't like that color/dress isn't enough unless you have true religious objections.
Years ago I was in a friend's wedding with this exact scenario - she let us pick our own dresses. The MOH picked out a lovely wedding appropriate little formal "suit" at JCPenney and then, to our bride's great shock, both I and the other bridesmaid decided we liked the suit so much we bought the same thing! The men all work dark suits, and the petite bride and flower girl wore little dresses their moms had made that were similar to the bride's dress.

It was a beautiful wedding and, best of all, we bridesmaids had dresses we could and did wear to other events!
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Old 12-09-2012, 06:03 PM   #37
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DGD is in a serious relationship, so her mother and I are clandestinely poring over wedding magazines! While there are still a great many strapless wedding gowns shown, I'm surprised at how many are more modest now. When I got married a hundred years ago (well, really only 47), a strapless dress would have been a no-no in my conservative church.

So I commissioned my cousin, a haute couture dressmaker, to design and make my dress, a satin sheath with an antique Spanish lace bodice overlay and long sleeves of the same lace. It had a six-foot detachable train.

I had hoped that my DD would be able to wear my dress when she got married, but she outweighed me by 25 lbs. and has much broader shoulders. DGD can't wear it for the same reason.

Bottom line is that no one saw my dress (except my cousin) before the wedding and that suited me just fine. I loved it and DH loved it and we were the only ones who counted. Parents of the bride may be allowed a TACTFUL opinion IF they're paying for the dress, but the bridesmaids get no voice in the choice.

BTW, DGD is kinda looking at dresses, too, and her taste is running toward a lace overlay bodice too! Good taste must run in the family.

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Old 12-09-2012, 06:43 PM   #38
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Originally Posted by erincon23 View Post
This is an attitude that I hope my future daughters-in-law don't have! My sons have both seen little bits of Bridezillas,and have both been horrified by the behavior of the girls. I find this attitude to be very selfish. When I got married, I felt that it was not MY day, but OUR day -- me and my fiance, my parents, his parents, our friends and family, all turned out to support us and share in our happiness. I had friends who had no money -- it didn't matter to me if they gave us any gift at all, just that they were there. I consulted with my bridesmaids to make sure they were all happy with the dress (we had them made by a seamstress from a Butterick pattern because that was much cheaper). I wanted my parents and inlaws to have a happy experience -- we wanted to continue to have a good relationship for many years to come. In the end, we all had a great time. It wasn't a "budget" wedding, but didn't break the bank, and the family still (nearly 25 years later) talks about how much fun the wedding and reception were.

If one of my bridesmaids had a specific reason why they couldn't wear the dress I chose, I would have looked for a solution -- longer hemline, "modesty panel" in the front, jacket, whatever, but the same general dress in the same color. It's more important WHO is with you then what they look like!
You sure do assume a lot about me, from a couple of statements regarding a bridesmaid's dress.
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Old 12-09-2012, 06:53 PM   #39
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You sure do assume a lot about me, from a couple of statements regarding a bridesmaid's dress.
I'm sorry, I wasn't assuming you have the attitude -- I was commenting on a general attitude that I'm seeing more and more of -- read Dear Abby or watch Bridezilla, and you'll see that more and more girls seem to have this "me me me" way of thinking about their weddings. It was your comment that started me off on this -- all I said was that I hope any future daughters-in-law I have don't have the bridezilla way about them. I didn't say "you're a terrible bridezilla type of person and I hope you never meet my sons."
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Old 12-09-2012, 06:57 PM   #40
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I'm sorry, I wasn't assuming you have the attitude -- I was commenting on a general attitude that I'm seeing more and more of -- read Dear Abby or watch Bridezilla, and you'll see that more and more girls seem to have this "me me me" way of thinking about their weddings. It was your comment that started me off on this -- all I said was that I hope any future daughters-in-law I have don't have the bridezilla way about them. I didn't say "you're a terrible bridezilla type of person and I hope you never meet my sons."
Ok. OH and trust me you wouldn't want me to meet your sons for lots of reasons. Starting with the fact that I am 49.

FWIW I do agree with you, but really I see nothing wrong with a bride wanting a specific type of dress for her wedding. However, that is part of the fun of these shows, DRAMA. Not sure I believe all of it.
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Old 12-09-2012, 07:05 PM   #41
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Some of the women on these shows have more people show up to their dress shopping than I had at my entire wedding.

I honestly think any woman who needs 5-10 people with her to pick out a dress HAS to be the bridezilla type who wants her wedding to be the central focus of everyone's life for the year or two that she's planning it. To me it seems to be much more about getting attention rather than getting input.
Very good post. I agree. I think its all about attention.

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Old 12-10-2012, 12:41 AM   #42
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I didn't want a wedding, so I took my matron of honor and she picked my dress for me. My mom and grandma did love it. I had a friend who has a sister who was not ok with the bridesmaid dress for religious purposes. The sister made a little jacket to wear over it in the matching color and material. If the Bride knew the relgious beliefes she should not have had a fit regarding the dress.
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Old 12-10-2012, 07:22 AM   #43
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I am all for religious beliefs, but if it didn't match up with what I wanted for my wedding, then I would have to tell her that she had a choice to make. Why does one person have to dictate what the others wear and why should one's religious beliefs dictate what a bride wants in her wedding look.

Weddings are to expensive and hopefully and one time event. The bride gets to choose, period.
A one-time event???!! Are you kidding? These days people get married and break-up as quickly and easily as I go to the grocery store.

If a bride is concerned about how her wedding will "look" rather than who will share in it and why they are special to her, then she should probably not ask a friend who she knows has specific beliefs that might impact the "look" she desires.

I am assuming that if a bride asks someone to be a bridesmaid, that it is someone she knows relatively well and therefore would know the limitations of the bridesmaid's religious beliefs...
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Old 12-10-2012, 07:34 AM   #44
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Sure I would discuss it before hand, but this is TV and without the perceived drama, it just wouldn't work. Have you eve noticed how a mom or a bridesmaid can 100% hate the dress but as soon as the bride says "yes to the dress" they are all smiles and clapping and hugging, it isn't real.
A little off topic: On many episodes of the Say Yes Atlanta show, everyone, especially the mother of the bride, hates the dress the brides loves. Then they "jack her up", put a veil on and all of a sudden, everyone loves the dress. Really? A veil has that much power? Perhaps they should get a $500 dress instead of a $3,000 one and no matter what it looks like, the veil will make it all good.
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Old 12-10-2012, 07:40 AM   #45
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A little off topic: On many episodes of the Say Yes Atlanta show, everyone, especially the mother of the bride, hates the dress the brides loves. Then they "jack her up", put a veil on and all of a sudden, everyone loves the dress. Really? A veil has that much power? Perhaps they should get a $500 dress instead of a $3,000 one and no matter what it looks like, the veil will make it all good.
Crazy isn't it?
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