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Old 12-08-2012, 10:41 AM   #1
princesspumpkin
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Bridal Gown Shopping - do you really want opinions?

I watch Say Yes To The Dress and wonder what the family and friends, that are asked to accompany the future bride during her dress shopping, are really supposed to say. The bride supposedly brings them so that THEY can offer their opinions on how the gown looks. But when they state that they don't particularly care for the dress in her, they are vilified for not supporting her.

Now I know that there are some people that are aren't very tactful with their opinions, but are they really supposed to just smile, nod and say "Oh, that looks great on you. Get it!"?

On the same note, I was watching the show where the bridesmaids were picking their gowns and one of them was quite modest due to religious beliefs. Since so many dresses are strapless these days, all of the gowns that the bride liked for her bridesmaids were either strapless or showed a lot of shoulders and some cleavage. Said bridesmaid was very uncomfortable in the dresses, so the bride offered to have her wear a different dress and just be a "hostess". Bridesmaid said that would be fine, but then bride started crying, feeling that her friend could put aside her beliefs for this one day.

Hmmmmm, what do y'all think about that?
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Old 12-08-2012, 10:51 AM   #2
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I think the bride expecting a friend to go against her religious beliefs to satisfy her is absurd and selfish.

I don't get why some women need others opinions on what to wear anyway. I never shop with other people, I can look in a mirror and tell if I like something. I don't fault them for giving the opinion, I fault the bride for dragging 10 people with her dress shopping.
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Old 12-08-2012, 10:54 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by princesspumpkin View Post
I watch Say Yes To The Dress and wonder what the family and friends, that are asked to accompany the future bride during her dress shopping, are really supposed to say. The bride supposedly brings them so that THEY can offer their opinions on how the gown looks. But when they state that they don't particularly care for the dress in her, they are vilified for not supporting her.

Now I know that there are some people that are aren't very tactful with their opinions, but are they really supposed to just smile, nod and say "Oh, that looks great on you. Get it!"?

On the same note, I was watching the show where the bridesmaids were picking their gowns and one of them was quite modest due to religious beliefs. Since so many dresses are strapless these days, all of the gowns that the bride liked for her bridesmaids were either strapless or showed a lot of shoulders and some cleavage. Said bridesmaid was very uncomfortable in the dresses, so the bride offered to have her wear a different dress and just be a "hostess". Bridesmaid said that would be fine, but then bride started crying, feeling that her friend could put aside her beliefs for this one day.

Hmmmmm, what do y'all think about that?
I personally wish the people I'd brought with me to shop for my dress would have given their honest opinions instead of nodding and smiling their approval.

My gown had colored inserts in the back (sort of rose colored in a cream colored dress) in the shape of upside-down "V". When I saw the pictures after the wedding of me from behind ... It looked like all those "V" shapes were pointing right at my behind!

When I asked my bridesmaids, they all admitted they'd noticed it, but were too afraid to go against what they thought I liked.
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Old 12-08-2012, 10:59 AM   #4
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I agree with you. It's like these bride to bes' are very insecure if they need approval so badly.

And it may sound prudish, but I don't get the looking "s**y" as being appropriate for a wedding gown and the church wedding. The time to look "s**y" is before the proposal
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Old 12-08-2012, 11:03 AM   #5
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I have these conversations a lot with my mom and best friend who watch this show. Partly because its an interesting conversation and partly to make sure we're on the same page if/when I get married and if/when she does.

There's a big difference to me regarding when opinions are appropriate in a bridal gown situation, which we see a lot on the show, too. If I'm honestly torn between two dresses, yes, give me your opinion when I ask for it. If you can tell that I'm truly not sure about a dress and I ask for an opinion, let me know. If I come out beaming and saying that this is the one, the only thing coming out of your mouth should be positive things, even if you don't mean it. I'm not saying you have to stretch the lie and start rattling off all the things about the dress that you love (that you actually hate), but something along the lines of "you look beautiful," "you look so happy," or "this is the one!" Why, when it's so obvious that the bride loves a dress (crying, even, in the show), does the posse feel like they need to put it down? You're there because the bride loves you and thinks you important enough to share this with, so you should conceivably love her enough to support this decision, whether it's to your taste or not. My favorite here is when someone says "it's not her" to a dress her daughter/sister/friend/cousin/whomever LOVES. Well clearly, it is her. Time for you to pipe down now.

I saw this say yes:bridesmaids that you're talking about, and it was rough. I'm in the camp (for general situations, not necessarily this specific one) that says once you accept the invitation to be a bridesmaid or moh, you're agreeing to whatever stupid stuff the bride asks of you. This is within reason of course; I'm speaking primarily of buying and wearing whatever dress she wants regardless of whether you particularly like it or not. For this particular bridesmaid and bride, I still stick by that. The religious bride knew (or should have known, I think) that her friend may want her in a dress that she may not like. That's what comes with being a bridesmaid. That being said, I also find it the responsibility of the bride to try to think about her girls when making these decisions. Your friends/family are doing you a favor, so you should be respectful in your delivery at the very least. It should be made clear, too, I think, that the dress didn't go against the bm's beliefs in the way that we typically think of the religion/attire relationship, but rather that she was uncomfortable and tacking her religiousness to it as a reason/excuse as why. If her religion prohibited her from wearing a particular style, then it is her responsibility to bring this up during the 'will you be a bridesmaid' conversation, and the bride can decide whether she's okay with taking this into consideration when picking dresses or choosing another bm altogether (a pretty crummy thing to do, IMHO).

Last edited by hidmickey:myantidrug; 12-08-2012 at 11:10 AM.
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Old 12-08-2012, 11:12 AM   #6
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Some of the women on these shows have more people show up to their dress shopping than I had at my entire wedding.

I honestly think any woman who needs 5-10 people with her to pick out a dress HAS to be the bridezilla type who wants her wedding to be the central focus of everyone's life for the year or two that she's planning it. To me it seems to be much more about getting attention rather than getting input.
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Old 12-08-2012, 11:14 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlovesC
I honestly think any woman who needs 5-10 people with her to pick out a dress HAS to be the bridezilla type who wants her wedding to be the central focus of everyone's life for the year or two that she's planning it.
But it's HER wedding!

Last edited by hidmickey:myantidrug; 12-08-2012 at 03:09 PM.
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Old 12-08-2012, 11:17 AM   #8
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I think they just all want to get on TV!
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Old 12-08-2012, 12:09 PM   #9
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My sister's sister in law was on that show. She had a pretty big crew with her giving their opinions. She did not say yes to any of the dresses.
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Old 12-08-2012, 12:27 PM   #10
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My daughter was married the end of Septemeber. When she was dresss shopping she went with myself, her grandmother and my sister (her aunt). Bridal party didn't even see her dress until AFTER it was selected. It was a special day, and a beautiful memory for all of us. My daugher "knew" the minute the right dress was on. There wasn't any drama, just a lovely day where I got to see my daughter as the beautiful young woman she had become. I didn't think I would be emotional, but I was. My daughter refused to watch any of those bridal shows. (I was the one who watched them!..lol)

I have a friend who did go to Kleinfelds for her daughters dress. First, they asked when making their appointment if they would want to be filmed for the program. "No, thank you" was their reply. Which was a good thing because they didn't see anything they liked. Also when you agree to be filmed you also agree to the program having full editorial control. They are able to slant a particular view that may be entirely different than what actually transpired during the appointment.
They are going to find some type of drama, or slant it in a particular direction. Unfortunately a boring old show about how a family spent a lovely day searching for the perfect dress isn't going to get ratings. Sad, but true.
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Old 12-08-2012, 12:35 PM   #11
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I don't think all the brides who bring in a large group really need or want all those opinions. I think sometimes they are just allowing a large number of ladies to share a fun day/experience with her. Some may be too nice or too much of a pleaser to say no to relatives and friends who want to go.
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Old 12-08-2012, 01:01 PM   #12
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i don't mind their giving their opinions, but there are some people on those shows who are just hateful and nasty. i don't like when they impose THEIR style onto the bride. my mom didn't love my dress. it wasn't that it looked bad, it was just that it was very simple. she wanted lots of bling, but that wasn't me. thankfully, she didn't act like some of the moms on that show who tear down their daughters trying to get their own way. she went along with me and my style.

i also think that the bride SHOULD take her bridesmaids' feelings into consideration (within reason, of course). i had a bridesmaid who'd been shot in an attempted bank robbery. she had scarring on her arm and was VERY self-conscious about it. i wanted to make sure that SHE was comfortable with her dress. she had been in another wedding where she just wasn't comfortable in the dress and had felt self-conscious all day long. i didn't want her to feel that way at my wedding. it didn't hurt me at all to ensure she was happy.
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Old 12-08-2012, 01:35 PM   #13
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The only thing I think about when I watch that show is "Wow! The markup on those gowns is outrageous. I hope that they kiss your rear and your toes and any other body part you want, feed you caviar, champagne and kobe beef and then hand deliver the gown to you in a silk cover handsewn by French nuns for that."
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Old 12-08-2012, 01:53 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by princesspumpkin View Post
Bridesmaid said that would be fine, but then bride started crying, feeling that her friend could put aside her beliefs for this one day.

Hmmmmm, what do y'all think about that?
Two of my bridesmaids were Muslim, and wore their hijabs. My mum made their dresses, and little coats so they were covered. Another bridesmaid was Hindu, and the last Catholic. They came to stand with me, an atheist, at my wedding because they love me. I would never have expected them to put their beliefs aside, it's part of who they are.
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Old 12-08-2012, 02:03 PM   #15
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I first went with my Mum & sister and oh my I was tearing my hair out - I'd said from the outset I wanted white and something fitted and not a sweatheart neckline...that's as much as I knew myself from what I know suits me and size! Well they were pulling every ivory or cream dress with full skirts and trains out and many with sweatheart neck lines!

I then went a few months later (took me that long to get over it) with my cousin, she was fab & had the same briefing as them but I had also promised her I would try a random on of her choice if she really thought it me..we went to 7 shops and in total I tried on 3 of her choosing as they were lovely but in the end we back to the very first shop where I had on a dress the lady in the shop had asked me to try it on as she thought it was perfect for me (it was a fuller skirt than I wanted and had a train) ... that's the one I ordered as my cousin & I both agreed it was very flattering and was the best out of the many many tried on.

I would 100% pick her again she was perfect at pointing things out that were not right about dresses on ME and also the things that were good.
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