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Old 12-06-2012, 11:41 AM   #1
mmackeymouse
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Dating life down the toilet

I was going to post this in the solo thread, but I thought it was something I could use all people's opinions on.

Growing up, and even still, my dream was to find a nice man and get married and raise a family and live happily ever after.

However, I am very opinionated and stubborn and pig headed, and some time ago, I came to the realization that.....could I put up with someone's quirks and all my pet peeved, breathing loud, chewing with their mouth open, falling asleep on the couch but not relinquishing control of the remote- for 40 years? It seemed that my life alone would be much easier than being stressed and annoyed most of the time for the rest of my life.

But, I can't deny that....I still have dreams where I have a little baby inside my belly, and I wake up wanting to bear a child so bad it hurts. And, I listened to "I Dreamed a Dream" about 25 times this morning, while I cried a bit.

I will also add this: I am attracted to men, I am. I don't have a "type." I like them tall, short, brunette, blonde, any eye color, muscular, gangly. I don't necessarily have a personality type either, in the sense that sometimes I like charismatic and outgoing and sometimes I like quiet spoken and shy. However, their personality definitely affects how attracted I am to them. Bearing in mind that I don't have one specific type, when I watch the TV, movies, sports, news, whatever, I always seem to find someone I am attracted to. Whether they are athletic, educated, political, musical, nerdy, kind-hearted, I always find someone I am super intrigued by, wizard and muggle alike.

But, in real life, I cannot find anyone I am attracted to. Not a single one. Mostly, it is by virtue of their personality. They act like idiots or jerks or whatever. Sometimes, it is that I am simply not attracted to them. Which is not to say that they are ugly; it could be someone that everyone in the room finds handsome and attractive, and I just.....don't.

Why can't I find someone that attracts and intrigues me as much as the people I will never meet, sometimes even fictional people....?

And, is this a sign, that maybe marriage just isn't for me? Has anyone else gone through this?
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Old 12-06-2012, 11:58 AM   #2
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I'm sorry that you feel this way.
Beleive me, I have dated a lot of loosers (hence my screen name)
However, several months ago I met the perfect guy for me. He is, to put it bluntly, the male version of me.

I'll be honest, I met him online on OK Cupid. Its a really great site by the way. In any event, at first I blew him off for several weeks, thinking he really wasn't my type, yada yada yada. I told him a date three weeks later that I was available-AND HE WAITED. We went to dinner, had a great time and the rest is history.

So the point of my story is, you WILL find someone. Just be slightly more patient. I didn't read how old you are, but if you are approaching a later age in life and having a child is something you want, maybe you should consider getting pregnant via a non-traditional way?
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Old 12-06-2012, 12:03 PM   #3
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You've pysched yourself out of the game before you even started playing.

Your first sentence you used to describe yourself is nothing but negative. If you really believe that about yourself, you are setting yourself up for failure.
I'm guessing you wonder why even bother doing the whole dating game thing if they aren't going to like you or you know that someone is going to get on your nerves.

I've been married 10 year next week. Let me tell you that I am still opinionated, stubborn, loud and most important I am still me.

The things you don't like about yourself or you think is a turn off someone would I'm sure enjoy about you but you have to enjoy them yourself.
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Old 12-06-2012, 12:17 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovemygoofy View Post
You've pysched yourself out of the game before you even started playing.

Your first sentence you used to describe yourself is nothing but negative. If you really believe that about yourself, you are setting yourself up for failure.
I'm guessing you wonder why even bother doing the whole dating game thing if they aren't going to like you or you know that someone is going to get on your nerves.

I've been married 10 year next week. Let me tell you that I am still opinionated, stubborn, loud and most important I am still me.

The things you don't like about yourself or you think is a turn off someone would I'm sure enjoy about you but you have to enjoy them yourself.
Awesome post. And I am the same way (except I've been married 13 years). You need to love yourself first.
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Old 12-06-2012, 12:41 PM   #5
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Eventually you will find the guy whose quirks you want to put up with for the rest of your life. For some of us, it takes a little longer than others. My sister used to tell me that I needed to lower my standards or I would never get married. I refused. And one day the guy that met my standards came along.
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Old 12-06-2012, 12:53 PM   #6
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(Gah, I had a whole post that I wrote and got randomly deleted)

There was a time where I hadn't had a date in like six years. Then, I lost some weight and gained a TON of confidence. My personality didn't change, but my self worth did. It was the change I needed though. Perhaps a little work on yourself will be the change YOU need too.

Wishing isn't going to get you very far. I used to wish for my weight to come off, you know what worked? Working at it! The same goes for wishin for a man to come and be a prince charming. Aint gonna happen. You gotta work at it, you gotta compromise. Funny, the other day I listening to my iPod and Boys II Men came on "I'll make love to you" and I laughed out loud listening to the lyrics. They are so ridiculous!! No man is ever that selfless

I would strongly suggest a dating website if you aren't on one already. They are great in that you can get to know someone before the dating and hating begins.
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Old 12-06-2012, 01:23 PM   #7
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I think you need to find some sort of hobby/skill that interests it. The more you sit and feel sorry for your self, the deeper the hole you're going to dig. The last thing a potential partner is going to want is somebody who is depressed and unhappy with life.

Hang in there OP.
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Old 12-06-2012, 01:30 PM   #8
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When I first met mu husband, I could not stand him....He drove me crazy. AFter about 3 months of him asking me out every day, I finally went out with him just to leave me alone.
We have been together 22 years. Let me say there are some things that drive me crazy that he does. But, I love him and try and over look them. I know there are things about me that drive him crazy.
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Old 12-06-2012, 01:30 PM   #9
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We live near Phila, PA. I have a 38 year-old son. Do you want to meet him? His Dad & I would love to have the retired couple household to ourselves!
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Old 12-06-2012, 01:36 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mmackeymouse View Post
I was going to post this in the solo thread, but I thought it was something I could use all people's opinions on.

Growing up, and even still, my dream was to find a nice man and get married and raise a family and live happily ever after.

However, I am very opinionated and stubborn and pig headed, and some time ago, I came to the realization that.....could I put up with someone's quirks and all my pet peeved, breathing loud, chewing with their mouth open, falling asleep on the couch but not relinquishing control of the remote- for 40 years? It seemed that my life alone would be much easier than being stressed and annoyed most of the time for the rest of my life.

But, I can't deny that....I still have dreams where I have a little baby inside my belly, and I wake up wanting to bear a child so bad it hurts. And, I listened to "I Dreamed a Dream" about 25 times this morning, while I cried a bit.

I will also add this: I am attracted to men, I am. I don't have a "type." I like them tall, short, brunette, blonde, any eye color, muscular, gangly. I don't necessarily have a personality type either, in the sense that sometimes I like charismatic and outgoing and sometimes I like quiet spoken and shy. However, their personality definitely affects how attracted I am to them. Bearing in mind that I don't have one specific type, when I watch the TV, movies, sports, news, whatever, I always seem to find someone I am attracted to. Whether they are athletic, educated, political, musical, nerdy, kind-hearted, I always find someone I am super intrigued by, wizard and muggle alike.

But, in real life, I cannot find anyone I am attracted to. Not a single one. Mostly, it is by virtue of their personality. They act like idiots or jerks or whatever. Sometimes, it is that I am simply not attracted to them. Which is not to say that they are ugly; it could be someone that everyone in the room finds handsome and attractive, and I just.....don't.

Why can't I find someone that attracts and intrigues me as much as the people I will never meet, sometimes even fictional people....?

And, is this a sign, that maybe marriage just isn't for me? Has anyone else gone through this?
My dating life was horrible... I dated such losers and the sad part is that I put up with being treated like dirt just to feel loved. I went through a period of 7 years where I dated 2 men.. one for 5 years, one for 2... both relationships ended so bad that I decided not to date for a while. About 2 years went by.. and I decided to start dating again... I was much more picky and less needy... I met my husband... its amazing the things you put up with when you are in love......

Take some time off from dwelling on this... love will find you

I wanted to update this to say, I didnt meet my husband until I was 36..married at 39.... sometimes it takes time to find the right person....
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Old 12-06-2012, 01:37 PM   #11
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I always read this advice.
Ask your friends to give you an honest opinion how they see you.
Why do you keep meeting the same type of person, the idiots and jerks.
Maybe you need to stop going to the same place-bar, resturant, gym and find different outlets.

I have 2 sons in their 20's and they both think they are going to find super models at our local small town bar. I told them, they need to volunteer at Habit for Humanity or other organizations were they can meet people their age. The bar isn't it. Last Valentine's Day, my son went out with his friend to a resturant were they thought women would be. And they didn't see anyone. I told them, they needed to go to the grocery store and stand in the ice cream aisle.
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Old 12-06-2012, 01:45 PM   #12
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Do you have people in your life that you love? Your parents, siblings, friends? Are they perfect? If not, do you love them anyway?

A relationship is like that. You take the good with the bad. At the beginning of a relationship, you have to decide if there is enough "like" there to see if you continue long enough to get to the "love" part is there.

Are you open to liking people in general? It sounds to me like that's where the problem is. You have to start with letting people get close enough to like, without panicing and feeling as if doing so commits you to anything.

Baby steps. Try to be open to having new people in your life. Look for things to like about them. Don't look for future spouses, look for new aquaintances, new friends. Expand your circle. From there, you might meet someone or someone who introduces you to someone.
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Old 12-06-2012, 01:55 PM   #13
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Let me preface my comments by saying that I am a fellow single. I meet very few men that I'm interested in. Since college and law school, I just don't meet that many available men, and an even smaller number of men that interest me. So it's been a looooooong time since I've been on a date.

Others have given you great input, but there's one thing I noticed in your post. You are attracted to men on TV and in movies, but not in real life. I wonder if you aren't so focused on the fantasy, that you are too easily giving up on the reality in your life. No man can live up to the fantasy that I build in my head when I watch a romantic movie, or read a good book. Then when I meet someone in real life that could be a possibility, I build a story in my head within a couple of days only to be disappointed when this other human being doesn't follow the script I wrote for him. Maybe that's something you are doing without realizing it.

Here's hoping that we both meet our Prince Charmings!
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Old 12-06-2012, 02:05 PM   #14
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Oh i can so relate. Lol. I could have written this. I am not really trying to meet someone. No interest really. But i do find it strange that i dont seem to be attracted to anyone. Nobody. And i dont have a specific type either. Im easy going. I just dont seen to find myself attracted to anyone. For a while now. I have tried online dating and i lost my patience with it. No interest at all. Ever since my divorce I've been turned off from relationships in a way. If that makes sense. Lol.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mmackeymouse
I was going to post this in the solo thread, but I thought it was something I could use all people's opinions on.

Growing up, and even still, my dream was to find a nice man and get married and raise a family and live happily ever after.

However, I am very opinionated and stubborn and pig headed, and some time ago, I came to the realization that.....could I put up with someone's quirks and all my pet peeved, breathing loud, chewing with their mouth open, falling asleep on the couch but not relinquishing control of the remote- for 40 years? It seemed that my life alone would be much easier than being stressed and annoyed most of the time for the rest of my life.

But, I can't deny that....I still have dreams where I have a little baby inside my belly, and I wake up wanting to bear a child so bad it hurts. And, I listened to "I Dreamed a Dream" about 25 times this morning, while I cried a bit.

I will also add this: I am attracted to men, I am. I don't have a "type." I like them tall, short, brunette, blonde, any eye color, muscular, gangly. I don't necessarily have a personality type either, in the sense that sometimes I like charismatic and outgoing and sometimes I like quiet spoken and shy. However, their personality definitely affects how attracted I am to them. Bearing in mind that I don't have one specific type, when I watch the TV, movies, sports, news, whatever, I always seem to find someone I am attracted to. Whether they are athletic, educated, political, musical, nerdy, kind-hearted, I always find someone I am super intrigued by, wizard and muggle alike.

But, in real life, I cannot find anyone I am attracted to. Not a single one. Mostly, it is by virtue of their personality. They act like idiots or jerks or whatever. Sometimes, it is that I am simply not attracted to them. Which is not to say that they are ugly; it could be someone that everyone in the room finds handsome and attractive, and I just.....don't.

Why can't I find someone that attracts and intrigues me as much as the people I will never meet, sometimes even fictional people....?

And, is this a sign, that maybe marriage just isn't for me? Has anyone else gone through this?


Lol. Gotta love boys in their early 20s. Their expectations are hilarious. Love your advice thou, ice cream aisle. Ha ha!
Quote:
Originally Posted by OhMari
I always read this advice.
Ask your friends to give you an honest opinion how they see you.
Why do you keep meeting the same type of person, the idiots and jerks.
Maybe you need to stop going to the same place-bar, resturant, gym and find different outlets.

I have 2 sons in their 20's and they both think they are going to find super models at our local small town bar. I told them, they need to volunteer at Habit for Humanity or other organizations were they can meet people their age. The bar isn't it. Last Valentine's Day, my son went out with his friend to a resturant were they thought women would be. And they didn't see anyone. I told them, they needed to go to the grocery store and stand in the ice cream aisle.
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Old 12-06-2012, 02:15 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by I Love Pluto View Post
We live near Phila, PA. I have a 38 year-old son. Do you want to meet him? His Dad & I would love to have the retired couple household to ourselves!
Second offer on our 38 year-old son. Anyone???
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