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Old 12-04-2012, 06:01 PM   #1
java
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College freshman bringing home

His girlfriend for Christmas break. I don't think she will be here on Christmas as her family is heading to Disney! How great is that.

He is going to a school that is 75% male to female ratio, and somehow he found a. Disney loving girl!

Now the big question. I know the my house my rules thing. Should I lay down the you can't sleep together in my house(we have other kids in the house) I am not sure how strongly I feel about it.
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Old 12-04-2012, 06:04 PM   #2
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Your home = your rules!
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Old 12-04-2012, 06:07 PM   #3
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Well, I think you need to decide how you feel about it.

My rule was always "If and when you develop a sex life you leave me out of it. It doesn't happen anywhere or anytime where me or anybody else in the family is made uncomfortable by it."

I did back off of that recently with my oldest son. He's into his twenties and has been living with the girl for over a year and I went ahead and put them in the same bedroom the last time they were here for the night. It's not like we're crawling with spare bedrooms around here and to be honest -- it was easier.

Oddly enough, I was really okay about it but my husband wasn't happy.
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Old 12-04-2012, 06:07 PM   #4
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First, has he asked if they can share a room? I wouldn't look for the issue before it arrives. I would work on the assumption of separate beds until he brings it up.

Personally, with younger children and his age, I would stick with the house rules. I believe it really comes down to your beliefs. If you are uncomfortable with them sharing a bed, then ask them to respect your wishes.
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Old 12-04-2012, 06:47 PM   #5
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Yes he brought it up. I think I feel like my Mother right now.
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Old 12-04-2012, 06:53 PM   #6
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My older two kids are 7 years apart, so while DS was in his late teens and 20s, his younger sister was in middle school. I never even had to have *that* conversation--DS knew better than to expect he could bring girlfriends for pajama parties. There was no reason to expose my younger kids to that stuff.

I'm not a prude and it doesn't bother me that my adult kids have a sex life. I just don't want to have it in my house, in the bedroom adjacent to mine. I might feel differently if they had a long time GF or BF, but that is not the case.
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Old 12-04-2012, 07:08 PM   #7
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Oh boy, thats a tough one and one that I know my opinion has changed on as DS has gotten older BUT I agree with my house = my rules

When DS was a Freshman, he lived in a dorm, he had a full time GF whom he was having sex with, heck, I was paying for her birth control. However, no way would I have let them shack up in my house.

Now, DS is 23, and getting ready to graduate. He lives on his own and supports himself mostly. He does not have a GF at the moment but if he did, I would not condone it unless they were in a committed relationship, formally living together, sharing expenses etc. Most college Freshman are not to this point.

I think its wonderful you are welcoming her into your home and I do think it is fair to say she is welcome but needs to be in another room. I think personally its a respect issue
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Old 12-04-2012, 07:48 PM   #8
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College freshman, so I'm guessing 18 years old.

He asked if his girlfriend could share his room?

Why didn't you just say no then, and avoid the issue?

And frankly, if I was the girl I'd be very uncomfortable sleeping in my boyfriend's bedroom in his parents' (who I just met) house.
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Old 12-04-2012, 08:10 PM   #9
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Just make plans for where she will sleep before they arrive, then show or tell her the plans when she arrives. Your pre-planning should make your feelings clear. I doubt your DS would want to fight with his mom in front of his girl. What guy wants his gf to see him get reprimanded by mom?
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Old 12-04-2012, 08:12 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by java View Post
His girlfriend for Christmas break. I don't think she will be here on Christmas as her family is heading to Disney! How great is that.

He is going to a school that is 75% male to female ratio, and somehow he found a. Disney loving girl!

Now the big question. I know the my house my rules thing. Should I lay down the you can't sleep together in my house(we have other kids in the house) I am not sure how strongly I feel about it.
You can ask him, but chances are he isn't even wanting to do that - do you know your kid, and does he even WANT that?

What kind of kid is he? Does he push things like this? What kind of girl is she? You know your kid.
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Old 12-04-2012, 08:13 PM   #11
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For me, part of the decision would be based on how old the other kids are.
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Old 12-04-2012, 08:18 PM   #12
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We had this problem this summer. Ds1 and his gf are getting ready to move in but they have not made the move. We told them that they couldn't share a bed while we were all on vacation. If he wanted to he would have to get his own room. He didn't want to do that since we were staying at BLT with TPV

Our house our rules until they move in together or get engaged.

We did talk to ds1 before the trip so he knew what to expect.
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Old 12-04-2012, 08:28 PM   #13
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I am interested in how people handle this. I do not like this 'young adult' stage. My DD has a wonderful BF and they think they are going to marry one day (but a lot can happen, they are only 19) and I am not comfortable with this, but I am curious what other families are doing.
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Old 12-04-2012, 08:43 PM   #14
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Because of the younger siblings in the house, I would tell them separate rooms. It's only for a few nights, they can handle it.
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Old 12-04-2012, 08:47 PM   #15
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Quote:
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Because of the younger siblings in the house, I would tell them separate rooms. It's only for a few nights, they can handle it.
Same here.
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