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Old 11-26-2012, 07:51 AM   #61
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Originally Posted by NHdisneylover View Post
It very well might not be that easy--but if not then how is the DH any better off than the DW and 16 year old at fixing it
Either it is something relatively simple that a typical homeowner can figure out or else it isn't.

You'll note that I said the husband was not in the right to leave midway and to not explain a valid reason why, I also said that it was not such a huge issue as some have made it out to be. An older teen and an adult with a car at their disposal can certainly handle a few hours without the water on. This is an annoyance, but not life threatening.

Honestly, if it seemed that the fix could still be done that day, I can totally see not cancelling plans with others to stay home and get it fixed 3 or 4 hours faster.
I disagree on the either or thing My dad as well as my next door neighbor are very skilled in all things home repair related, and could repair things that some others can't but they are not professionals. However, there is no way that my DH or me could do the repairs that they do Not everyone can do everything. We all have different skills. I still say that if my DH left me lat home with no water and decided to go see a movie, he wouldn't be very happy for the next few days.
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Old 11-26-2012, 07:58 AM   #62
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The problem as I see it, he started to fix it and then just stopped. To me it is the total lack of consideration that is the problem, not the broken shower. Look beneath the problem. My DH would have never gone to a movie and left me there with no water. He started the project, he should have finished it before going out to play. I also don't believe that some of you wouldn't be mad.

OH adn as far as the shut off valve, our house isn't very old and we do not have a separate one for the showers
Mad sure, ready to peg my husband as an inconsiderate jerk. No.
I try not to make a mountain out of a molehill. believe it or not some times people do really stupid things without some underlying deep emotional issue.

Some times looking "beneath a problem" is an attempt to make "muchado about nothing".

but then I'm not perfect so I try not to insist on perfection from others. I have a time or two in my life, left jobs half done. I've started projects that I've never finished. Heck, I started raking leaves last week and said "the heck with this", then paid a landscapper $200 bucks to do the job and it lasted all of 3 days because the rest of the leaves have now fallen and the yards are still covered with leaves (and I'm still not doing it, so I'll be shelling out another 200 bucks). dumb yep. a big deal? hardly.

IMO dh show a little inconsideration, I've had worst. welcome to Humanity. Being married doesn't make you perfect, you just now have some one who loves you inspite of those imperfections.
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Old 11-26-2012, 08:13 AM   #63
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Mad sure, ready to peg my husband as an inconsiderate jerk. No.
I try not to make a mountain out of a molehill. believe it or not some times people do really stupid things without some underlying deep emotional issue.

Some times looking "beneath a problem" is an attempt to make "muchado about nothing".

but then I'm not perfect so I try not to insist on perfection from others. I have a time or two in my life, left jobs half done. I've started projects that I've never finished. Heck, I started raking leaves last week and said "the heck with this", then paid a landscapper $200 bucks to do the job and it lasted all of 3 days because the rest of the leaves have now fallen and the yards are still covered with leaves (and I'm still not doing it, so I'll be shelling out another 200 bucks). dumb yep. a big deal? hardly.

IMO dh show a little inconsideration, I've had worst. welcome to Humanity. Being married doesn't make you perfect, you just now have some one who loves you inspite of those imperfections.
I can't compare a yard full of leaves to no water. One is cosmetic, the other you need on a daily basis. I have been married for 27 years, my DH wouldn't do that to me.
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Old 11-26-2012, 08:30 AM   #64
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Okay, I'm going to play devil's advocate here. Couldn't you and your son both have gone out with your husband and in-laws rather than staying home and being miserable?

Also, I feel like we're missing the reason why your husband decided to go to the movies with his parents. That makes a difference, IMHO.
DH planned to go to the movie before he broke the shower. The plumber made the shower impossible to use on Saturday, but DH thought he could fix it (on Sunday) and broke something in it which made water shoot out of the handle, so he had to turn the water to the whole house off.
I wasn't planning to go to the movie in the first place because I had no interest in seeing it and I wanted to stay home and get some housework done. I also just assumed that his movie plans would be put on hold when he broke the shower trying to fix something a plumber couldn't fix. First priority should have been the shower, not the movie.




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Not trying to sound like a complete jerk, but even with Dad gone, there was still an adult and a 16 year old in the house. Perhaps Mom and son could have fixed the shower. If this was reversed - Dad upset that Mom left without doing the laundry, I suspect people would be quick to say "do it yourself". Unless dad was a licensed plumber, which I assume he isn't, he's probably figuring it out as he goes.

Please note, I'm not defending Dad. He shouldn't have even started if he wasn't prepared to finish. But I've also been there as the know-nothing homeowner and it can be very frustrating. Sometimes the smartest thing I can do is walk away from a project for a couple hours, clear my head, let my frustrations subside, and then return to finish the job.
A plumber gave up because he couldn't fix it. I'm not stupid enough to think I can do something a trained professional couldn't do. DH on the other hand was sure he could fix it and ended up breaking it even more.


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I'm confused. The plumber was out on Friday, didn't have the part, came back on Saturday, had problems, and still didn't have it fixed when he left. But DH "broke the shower", went to a movie Sunday afternoon, and you're upset?

What did you do for water on Friday & Saturday?

For the record, we have a master water valve, one for each toilet, each sink, and the master tub. We do NOT have valves for the tub in the second bathroom or the master shower.
The plumber did not leave us without water Friday or Saturday. He left our house Saturday with just the shower unuseable. DH broke something (after the plumber left) when he tried to fix it himself, which caused water to shoot out of the handle and the only way to make it stop was to turn the water off in the entire house. The only day we didn't have water was yesterday (Sunday).
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Old 11-26-2012, 08:46 AM   #65
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I can't compare a yard full of leaves to no water. One is cosmetic, the other you need on a daily basis. I have been married for 27 years, my DH wouldn't do that to me.
I think they are exactly the same.
We're not talking about 1800 pioneer woman, schlepping water from the stream here. You can most definitely survive 24 hours without running water in your house, not only would you probably survive, I doubt very little would change except a few things didn't get accomplished.

We're talking about AT most a minor inconvenience of having to run to the store and buying a few gallons of water to flush the toilet for 1 day.

At 16 my sons have gone to bed without showering, they've thrown on a dirty shirt and sweats and they are not strangers to having to lug water up a flight of stairs.

Definitely agree with the priorities got a little screwed up. No questions there. I totally agree I would have been P.O'ed.

But I'm sticking to my assessment, if the worst thing in my marriage is that my dh makes a dumb mistakes like leaving a home repair half done for 1 day, LOL with college tuition, teen driving, teen drinking, daily finanical issues, retirement decisions, (heck even vacation decisions rank way higher) oh and battling luekema. I'll take it. Personally I'm glad dh doesn't hold me to perfectionist standards either. whoa baby would I be in trouble.

But like I said, I generally don't go around looking for underlying problems to a simply screw up. I really don't sweat the small stuff. On a Saturday or sunday with an impromptu plumbing issue? Yep, I would have been totally inconsiderate, blew off the housework, grabbed the kid, hit the malls and had dinner at my favorite local italian eatery.
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Old 11-26-2012, 08:49 AM   #66
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Zandy - you have the right to be frustrated, don't get me wrong. It was extremely inconsiderate for DH to make the problem worse, then wonder off for hours.
Ultimately, however, I suspect the problem is less about water and more about feeling like DH abandoned the family when you needed him. My guess - he was embarresed, and after trying to play the hero, turned out to be the goat.

Try to keep things in perspective. Not having water for a day is a first-world problem. There are people on this earth who will never have running water in their homes, who bath in filth, drink dirty water, and would literally kill for a house like yours. I have witnessed people in Nigeria fight for "food" far less appealing than Arby's. Your family is lucky. Yes, you have a water issue, but based on your signature, it appears you went on your second Disney Cruise less than a month ago. Your DH's parents are still alive. Your family is still together. I think DH not even trying would have been worse. The guy tried. He's not perfect and never wll be. Give him credit for the effort, grief for the inconsideration, and move on.

I hope you, your DH, and DS have a great holiday!
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Old 11-26-2012, 08:52 AM   #67
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I think they are exactly the same.
We're not talking about 1800 pioneer woman, schlepping water from the stream here. You can most definitely survive 24 hours without running water in your house.

We're talking about AT most a minor inconvenience of having to run to the store and buying a few gallons of water to flush the toilet for 1 day.

At 16 my sons have gone to bed without showering, they've thrown on a dirty shirt and sweats and they are not strangers to having to lug water up a flight of stairs.

Definitely agree with the priorities got a little screwed up. No questions there.

But I'm sticking to my assessment, if the worst thing in my marriage is that my dh makes a dumb mistakes like leaving a home repair half done for 1 day, LOL with college tuition, teen driving, teen drinking, daily finanical issues, retirement decisions, (heck even vacation decisions rank way higher) oh and battling luekema. I'll take it. Personally I'm glad dh doesn't hold me to perfectionist standards either. whoa baby would I be in trouble.
I'm not going to air all my dirty laundry here. Believe me, this plumbing issue is not even close to the worst thing DH has done. I needed a place to vent about this situation and I didn't have anyone else to talk. It helped calm me down.
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Old 11-26-2012, 09:01 AM   #68
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Zandy - you have the right to be frustrated, don't get me wrong. It was extremely inconsiderate for DH to make the problem worse, then wonder off for hours.
Ultimately, however, I suspect the problem is less about water and more about feeling like DH abandoned the family when you needed him. My guess - he was embarresed, and after trying to play the hero, turned out to be the goat.

Try to keep things in perspective. Not having water for a day is a first-world problem. There are people on this earth who will never have running water in their homes, who bath in filth, drink dirty water, and would literally kill for a house like yours. I have witnessed people in Nigeria fight for "food" far less appealing than Arby's. Your family is lucky. Yes, you have a water issue, but based on your signature, it appears you went on your second Disney Cruise less than a month ago. Your DH's parents are still alive. Your family is still together. I think DH not even trying would have been worse. The guy tried. He's not perfect and never wll be. Give him credit for the effort, grief for the inconsideration, and move on.

I hope you, your DH, and DS have a great holiday!
You're exactly right. I was more upset about DH leaving than actually being without water. I was also upset that he thought he could fix something a plumber gave up on and then made it a lot worse.
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Old 11-26-2012, 09:05 AM   #69
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I'm not going to air all my dirty laundry here. Believe me, this plumbing issue is not even close to the worst thing DH has done. I needed a place to vent about this situation and I didn't have anyone else to talk. It helped calm me down.
Vent away!! Don't know about everyone else but I've definitely had moments where I envisioned Dh tied to a stake with hungry red ants marching toward him! :-)

It will pass.
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Old 11-26-2012, 09:06 AM   #70
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Eh, sometimes we all get in over our heads on something we start. I wouldn't get that worked up over it (thought I would have invited myself along to the movie and suggested dinner out or take-out). But I would have either DH or a plumber install a shut-off, if not specifically for the shower than at least on the supply lines to that bathroom, so that any future problems don't require shutting off the main valve. That was one of the first things we did in our house - the plumbing in the living spaces isn't very accessible so the shut-offs went in the basement where the lines split off to each room, but at least I can just shut down the upstairs bath or the kitchen sink without doing without water entirely.
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Old 11-26-2012, 09:10 AM   #71
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I can't even begin to see that there are two sides to this argument...
The husband broke the shower.. Then broke it more... leaving the family without WATER for TWO days, while he went to see a movie.

He gets NO understanding or sympathy here, AT ALL....
I do not care why or how... NOT ONE BIT.

He left his family without water for two days, then took off for hours, supposedly to see a movie.

He should be responsible for the fallout here.
The OP has every right to be upset and to address this with him.

Why is it that just because he has some male parts between his legs, he gets a free pass. Hell to the no.

Look, my husband has been guilty of both...
BOTH putting others (his parents) as a priority.
And, also just not taking care of things and just leaving them... if not actually physically leaving, leaving and disconnecting in a very passive aggressive way.

You know what...
I don't care why....

I no longer have any problem holding him to be held responsible as an adult, husband, home-owner, father.... He gets no free passes.

OP, I am sorry that this happened!!!!

Just a note: Next time, send the plumber packing and call another plumber right away... Seriously... I do not know of a plumber who would not be able to fix a simple busted water pipe/fixture, on the spot.

Yes, we have had to call plumbers...
Once on a Sunday on a holiday weekend...
You know what, the problem was taken care of, on the spot.

Once it was our shower...
And, like many, ours does not have a separate shut-off.
The plumber had to take a dry-wall knife and cut a square of drywall out on the other side of the wall to get to the plumbing.
Sucked having to put that back in and plaster and paint... but our water problems were solved in an hour or two.

It sounds like this was just a busted water pipe/fixture leak...
Not some sophisticated system that needed some part flown in from TimBukTu.

Next time, call a more reputable plumber.
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Old 11-26-2012, 09:10 AM   #72
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Zandy I would have been pretty pissed too if I were in your shoes.

I am assuming that this shower has some way to control where the water goes when you are showering ( a door, or a shower curtain )

I would have just closed that and went out and turned on the main water valve when I wanted to flush the toilet, cook or even have a shower in another bathroom. Then when I was done I would have shut it off again.

Unless the force of the water coming out of the broken shower was too much to make that a possibility?

You could have even filled some buckets or pots or whatever with some water while you had the valve on so that you would have had water.

That wouldn't have fixed the problem but it would have made life a little more bearable while I was fuming about him running off and leaving the situation behind
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Old 11-26-2012, 09:21 AM   #73
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Zandy--I don't blame you for venting or being annoyed at all. I would be annoyed too and likely vent somewhere. Then again, if my DH had said "four more hours without the water is no bg deal ,lets keep the move plans and deal with it after a break" (which I understand is not what your DH said), I would have been 100% fine with that too.

It was other posters making this into some horrendous issue of "OMG no water for a woman and CHILD" as if it were some sort of life threatening or dangerous situation and suggesting spending money you don't really have on a nice hotel to get back at him that seemed over the top and out of line to me.

I agree that if a plumber could not fix it, I would not be trying to do so either; but on the other hand, we would have tried on our own before calling a plumber in the first place--so we are of totally different mindsets there.
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Old 11-26-2012, 09:24 AM   #74
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Zandy I would have been pretty pissed too if I were in your shoes.

I am assuming that this shower has some way to control where the water goes when you are showering ( a door, or a shower curtain )

I would have just closed that and went out and turned on the main water valve when I wanted to flush the toilet, cook or even have a shower in another bathroom. Then when I was done I would have shut it off again.

Unless the force of the water coming out of the broken shower was too much to make that a possibility?

You could have even filled some buckets or pots or whatever with some water while you had the valve on so that you would have had water.

That wouldn't have fixed the problem but it would have made life a little more bearable while I was fuming about him running off and leaving the situation behind
When the main water valve was on, water was not only shooting out of the handle, but leaking behind the wall. So turning it on to flush the toilet was not an option.
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Old 11-26-2012, 09:24 AM   #75
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To clarify, NHDisneylover, I think that most of the people who did make those 'in your opinion' over the top suggestions did so after realizing that the OP was going on TWO days without water, it was getting late at night, and her husband had been AWOL for hours.

We will have to agree to disagree on that one.
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