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Old 11-20-2012, 08:23 PM   #31
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I don't think this has anything to do with putting on your BGP!

OP, I agree with you 100% it's common flippin courtesy. If the office only has 6 people, it's NOT that hard for one person to ask 5 people what they want for lunch? Even if you don't all sit down and eat it together, they should still have some respect for their fellow co-workers and ask EVERYONE.

I would probably find a way to initiate it everyday. "Hey what's everyone doing for lunch today? I was thinking of ordering _____," and see if they bite. It does sound like the office dynamics have changed and that stinks try not to let it get ya down and maybe learn to enjoy your new quite time.
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Old 11-20-2012, 08:54 PM   #32
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Originally Posted by Hrhpd
The OP said that they don't ask her nor do they ask her assistant. Since it is more than one person, it does not seem to be an intentional exclusion, but a natural one since the OP and her assistant work in private offices while the others work together.

It is natural for those in an open area that work together to plan their lunches, etc. And thinking about the people over there in the private offices doesn't usually happen. Private office people are often thought to be on a different level socially than those working in an open space.
I agree with this. I can see how you were excluded from lunch orders based on what the OP mentioned above. It makes sense. Its easy to forget about someone if they dont share an office with the group.

Although i dont blame you for feeling hurt. I would be too to be honest. Its kinda rude. But honestly, things change in the office all the time. I would forget about that group and just do your own thing if they dont include you.

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Old 11-20-2012, 09:45 PM   #33
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It's an intentional exclusion if the OP has brought it up and asked to be included and they still don't. Especially since they did before and because she still includes them. They're making a choice. That makes it intentional.
I agree. For whatever their reason, they are excluding. I can't imagine someone asking to be included "next time" and then deliberately not asking them. That's not how I am. To me, it's a catty, smug comment to say "you know where my office is".

Sounds like there is some cliquish behavior going on and it's probably magnified and difficult to deal with in a small contained office.

So sorry, OP. Just establish a new norm for yourself alone or with the others that have been excluded. I'd feel hurt too, but remember, friends wouldn't do that to friends. The reality is, it's a job with co-workers, not a social circle. Sometimes it appears friendly, but the bottom line, co-worker alliances change with the wind.
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Old 11-20-2012, 09:58 PM   #34
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No, there are actually 4 of them with the same job and 3 share office space. The 4th is our boss. They always ask her. They don't always ask me or my assistant. But when I initiate the lunch order I ALWAYS make sure everyone is included. I think it is just common courtesy. When you have done this for 5 years you get used to including everyone. Maybe it is just my good manners. I never leave anyone out. I am not going to say anything about it to anyone but I know if the tables were turned they would sure say something to me.
Here's what I'd do.

I'd do a lunch order with my assistant. I'd make the offer to the boss.

If one fo the other peole said something to me, I"d probably say "Oh was I supposed to ask everyone? Because lately that hasn't been happening when you guys order lunch so I though the group lunch thing was finished. Assistant and I were talking and just decided to grab lunch from Joe's Pizza. I figurd you guys had your lunch order all set. Ooops".

The key is to say this in a very casual "yeah whatvere this is how I'm roling now" tone.
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Old 11-20-2012, 10:07 PM   #35
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I have a group of 8 in my department, my feelings would be a bit hurt if 4 of them did something for lunch without asking me. Now we don't always do the same thing but everyone is at least asked, so I feel ya! Could you mention it casually, kind of like you miss y'all's lunch dates and see if they'll Bite.
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Old 11-20-2012, 10:16 PM   #36
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Originally Posted by StephMK
Well, maybe I'm sensitive too but I'd be hurt also. If you used to always order, they know you always order too, then it's deliberate behavior to leave you out. It is not that hard to ask a few people if they want in on an order before you call. And it's not always easy to place your own order if there is a minimum delivery amount.

I'm sorry things have changed, OP. Other than trying to directly ask if you ticked them off, I don't think you can do much more than you already have done.
I agree with this. And it IS hard to deal with a negative change like that. Sometimes people start to get cliquey when they are separated off like the new office is. I'm sorry you feel left out. Perhaps eat with your assistant more or do what you did and go out and eat on your own. Keep your head held high and don't give in to the temptation to be catty back to them when these things occur as it would probably be easy to do. Remain civil and cordial to them. Maybe this will pass or maybe not. But for now accept things are different and don't take the burden that it is about you because most likely it is just office dynamics and not you at all.

Hugs!
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Old 11-21-2012, 07:25 AM   #37
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No, there are actually 4 of them with the same job and 3 share office space. The 4th is our boss. They always ask her. They don't always ask me or my assistant. But when I initiate the lunch order I ALWAYS make sure everyone is included. I think it is just common courtesy. When you have done this for 5 years you get used to including everyone. Maybe it is just my good manners. I never leave anyone out. I am not going to say anything about it to anyone but I know if the tables were turned they would sure say something to me.
I agree with you. I would feel left out. I do agree with some of the other posters that you could go in the morning and ask if they are ordering out and ask if you can put in an order. I would also initiate a couple of orders. Good Luck. I guess I am just sensitive too!
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Old 11-21-2012, 07:39 AM   #38
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Here's what I'd do.

I'd do a lunch order with my assistant. I'd make the offer to the boss.

If one fo the other peole said something to me, I"d probably say "Oh was I supposed to ask everyone? Because lately that hasn't been happening when you guys order lunch so I though the group lunch thing was finished. Assistant and I were talking and just decided to grab lunch from Joe's Pizza. I figurd you guys had your lunch order all set. Ooops".

The key is to say this in a very casual "yeah whatvere this is how I'm roling now" tone.
That seems passive aggressive.

As for the situation, I am more of a maverick and probably wouldn't have been participating in the group lunches anway (I have things I need to do during my lunch break) so I probably don't have the best advice. I wouldn't keep asking though. Whatever. Their loss.
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Old 11-21-2012, 07:47 AM   #39
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Maybe I am being too sensitive but when you work in a small office and work hard to get along you don’t leave one person out.
Who knows what the prob is? There's 2 sides to everything.

Maybe these 3 for some reason felt the other 3 in the group were ordering lunch from places they weren't crazy about. Rather than mention it, they just decided to separate from the flock.

Maybe these 3 didn't like the way the money to pay for lunches was being handled by the group of 6, and they just decided to fork off on their own.

Maybe, maybe, maybe.....

It could be anything, but, I think you might be taking it a little too personally.

Just look it as ordering lunch, not an earth shattering indication that people that used to like you now hate you with the fierce intensity of a thousand suns.

You say you are easy going and let things run off your back, I think you should let this one go too.
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Old 11-21-2012, 08:51 AM   #40
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Here's what I'd do.

I'd do a lunch order with my assistant. I'd make the offer to the boss.

If one fo the other peole said something to me, I"d probably say "Oh was I supposed to ask everyone? Because lately that hasn't been happening when you guys order lunch so I though the group lunch thing was finished. Assistant and I were talking and just decided to grab lunch from Joe's Pizza. I figurd you guys had your lunch order all set. Ooops".

The key is to say this in a very casual "yeah whatvere this is how I'm roling now" tone.
I don't see how this fixes anything. It's just kind of junior high politics, isn't it? "You didn't ask me, so I didn't ask you, nyah, nyah, nyah." And the whole "playing innocent" thing -- Oh ... I was supposed to ask everyone ... ? > innocent smile, blink, blink <

I don't understand how that puts OP in a better light than the people she's complaining about.

Someone has to be the grown-up here -- no reason why it can't be the OP.

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Old 11-21-2012, 09:14 AM   #41
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And I do initiate lunch as much as anyone else but it seems when I do no one is interested so I let it go. I have decided I will probably just start eating outside the office alot more. We are supposed to do that anyway, company policy and all.
Sorry. I'm going against the majority. I think there is some problem between the coworkers & you. They leave you out of their plans & they don't want to participate in yours. Snippy comments about being left out won't help. I wouldn't push the issue, just be friendy & wait til things blow over.
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Old 11-21-2012, 09:41 AM   #42
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We had 7 people that worked in a room. When someone would order out or would want to go out they would ask 'anybody want to go get XXX today' or 'I'm going to XXX anybody want anything'. We had 1 instigator that loved to great drama. For some reason she all of the sudden got mad at me and another woman in here. The instigator would IM 2 others in the group and only those 3 would go out. They would leave the room a few minutes apart and meet up in the parking lot so no one would see them. It was so childish and these 3 really weren't close friends. The one was trying to turn the other 2 against us and since she was the stronger personality they were going along with it. It felt like Jr High in there.

I finally had to let it go. I didn't care if the instigator or really even the other 2 liked me. I am there to do a job not to make life long friends (if that happens its a bonus). But it did change the whole atmosphere in the room and dept. Luckily the instigator got another job (and only have a 1 day notice). We were jumping for joy when she left.
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Old 11-21-2012, 10:32 AM   #43
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StephMK View Post
Well, maybe I'm sensitive too but I'd be hurt also. If you used to always order, they know you always order too, then it's deliberate behavior to leave you out. It is not that hard to ask a few people if they want in on an order before you call. And it's not always easy to place your own order if there is a minimum delivery amount.

I'm sorry things have changed, OP. Other than trying to directly ask if you ticked them off, I don't think you can do much more than you already have done.
I agree....and I would also be hurt. Doesn't mean there's not more going on than meets the eye, but it's hard to control what hurts us. I wouldn't say anything more to them about it, though. If they do sometime include you, that's fine. But don't expect it since they've shown they don't have any intention of including you.

It sounds very cliquish to me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Disney Doll View Post
Here's what I'd do.

I'd do a lunch order with my assistant. I'd make the offer to the boss.

If one fo the other peole said something to me, I"d probably say "Oh was I supposed to ask everyone? Because lately that hasn't been happening when you guys order lunch so I though the group lunch thing was finished. Assistant and I were talking and just decided to grab lunch from Joe's Pizza. I figurd you guys had your lunch order all set. Ooops".

The key is to say this in a very casual "yeah whatvere this is how I'm roling now" tone.
Passive aggressive and I would not do this. Not that I wouldn't *think* about doing it, however.
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Old 11-21-2012, 11:18 AM   #44
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I agree that it is rude to order out and not ask everyone in the office if they are interested. There are half a dozen of you not 20 . I would feel a bit hurt too.

Do you volunteer to go pick up the food when they do include you?
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Old 11-21-2012, 11:35 AM   #45
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I don't see anything wrong with the other half of the office deciding to order on their own. My guess is that the half that started ordering first would just think "they finally get it, we want to do separate orders!"

To me, the first group was the passive aggressive one. They should have just said it's more conveninent for them to order with just the three of them.
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