Uggghhhhh! I hate being thrust in the middle.

[hereyago]

Originally Posted by honeydiane1953

Men USUALLY don't make those phone calls we women do. Sheesh we women will never learn and stop being the go between. Can you tell I am divorced?? lol Men lawd don't get me started.

Lol. Go between annonymous!

[Nancyg56]

I don't blame your family for staying home this year but someone has to make that call and soon. I will say that it seems that you and DH are disgruntled in general this Thanksgiving because you are annoyed about more than one issue.

Your Dad and Mom are spending the holiday separately and this seems to be a problem for you. Both of my sons have spent a holiday with me when their wives were elsewhere and it was never a problem for me, or for them. My DDIL's have family out of town and my DS's wanted them to be able to share holidays with their family. No big deal. If your Dad is home and you have extra turkey ....

[Mermaid02]

I agree with the poster who said just call with your regrets and leave the drama out of it.

[mjkacmom]

Originally Posted by Gumbo4x4

^^^Yup. He doesn't have to eat like a pig, he doesn't have to get the recommended 8 hours sleep, and you don't have to get there right as the table is being set, either. When we get together for Thanksgiving supper, most folks arrive hours ahead of time leaving plenty of time to socialize pre-meal, and then those that have to leave early do eat and run.

Our family is eating Thanksgiving dinner at 1:30, because my girls have to travel to a dance competition. We are leaving before dessert. Usually, the gathering starts a few hours before dinner is to be served, so we can eat and drink enough to be full before dinner is even served. It's more about the people than the food.

It sounds a bit like your DH had a hissy fit, going out and buying his own dinner, rather than making a phone call. There has been many nights in my adulthood that I know I'm not going to get the best night sleep (especially after having 5 babies). It really isn't the end of the world.

[Wishing on a star]

Yes, the issue is NOT whether they should go or not.

Now, the husband's passive aggressive hissy-fit and refusing to call his family.... THAT might be an issue.

OP: Sorry you kind of stuck in the middle.

Hope you do have a nice Thanksgiving day!

[tcufrog]

I think y'all are well within your rights to call with regrets. It was rude though not call right away and your dh needs to put on his big boy pants and make the call since he was the one who decide that y'all aren't going and it's his family.

[jen0610]

Originally Posted by Hrhpd

I have to agree. Which is perfectly fine if they just don't feel like going, their choice.

But in bed by 7 and up at 3 is a full 8 hours sleep. I don't know any adult that gets 8 hours of sleep in this hectic day and age

Is it possible for your husband to be in bed by 8 and get 7 hours of sleep?

But don't feel bad if you really don't want to go. Holidays should be a holiday, a break from stress.

Just call and let them know. But don't make them feel guilty either that they are having a later dinner.

Why can't your father accompany your mother to your brother's Thanksgiving?

Since DH had his heart attack and quad bypass surgery last summer, 8 hours is a must for him. He sleeps more now, he use to be good on 6 hours. Now if it's less than 8, he pretty much hurts through out the day.

Dad has to work Thursday night thru Sunday night. If he wanted those days off, he would have had to put in for time off months ago. I understand why mom is going, that brother just lost his partner of 16+ years last month. He really doesn't need to spend this 1st holiday alone. I just wish there had been a bit more timely planning, instead of this last minute thing.

Originally Posted by LBIJim

So she calls 2 1/2 days ago and you're just now getting around to sending your regrets? You didn't say whether you spoke to her in person or she left a message, but you should have responded sooner than now. I think 6 days is sufficient notice as to the time of dinner.

I really like the part about DH having a little hissy fit and buying the stuff for your own meal, and not having the gonads to respond on his own, but rather expecting the wife do the dirty work. Lovely.

Jim

She called late Friday and left me a voicemail message, with the info. Said to call her and let her know if I was ok with bringing those items. I was in bed and DH was at his part time job. On saturday, neither DH or I saw each other until 7 pm, at his place of work and it wasn't the time or the place to talk about dinner, as I knew he wouldn't be happy.

We talked late saturday night, he was mad and said he wasn't going. I gave him until the sunday afternoon to cool down - you know making snap judgements when your angry - but he still wouldn't say ya or na on us going.

It wasn't until he called me Monday afternoon and said he went and got our dinner for Thanksgiving, did I know for sure, that we were not going. If he hadn't called, I would have been on his rear to give me an answer, so that the call could be made.

And yes, the man is bull headed and when he digs his heels in, there is no changing his mind. He's pissed and if left up to him, there would be no call to tell them we wouldn't be there. I on the other hand, know the call HAS to be made, I'm just not thrilled to be the one calling to say sorry not coming. After 20+ years, I should be use to it, but there are times when I just don't want the job. But somebody has to do, so I'll be the bigger person and make the call.

Originally Posted by hereyago

You are not in the middle. Your dh can use a phone just as easily. You call,you will be the bad guy. His side of the family,he can learn how to deal. My exdh was one to want me to call,bless his heart he had to learn I was not a messenger service.

See as much as I would love to be able to say, if you don't do, I'm not either but, I just can't do that to my neice. I won't do it to her.

Originally Posted by honeydiane1953

Men USUALLY don't make those phone calls we women do. Sheesh we women will never learn and stop being the go between. Can you tell I am divorced?? lol Men lawd don't get me started.

I have told him that he will need to hire personal assistant to take care of all the things I do for him, like make these types of calls, if we ever get a divorce.

The call was made. They know. The conversation was fine. We - the necies, DD and I - are all still going shopping on black friday.