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Old 11-20-2012, 08:25 AM   #1
jmartinez1895
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Need advice/ support

A little history before getting to main point- On our last trip we meet up with my BIL and his family ( wife and 2 kids). Our son uses a GAC and at one point they saw us use it asked about it and I told them that it was because of our sons medical issues and it was never brought up again.....until last night.
I got a phone call from him asking if he could have one of my sons doctor notes so that they can get a GAC when they go next week . I asked why they need it and was told " we have paid a lot of money for our tickets and we don't want to stand in lines". Of course I told him that it does not bypass lines and that he might have to wait longer, but he was relentless. I thought I had it all worked our because i told him that I do not have a current doctors note and that because of my sons current health his doctor will not write one because he is not fit for travel. Unfortunately for me they called Disney and found out that you don't need a note. I knew this, but I thought it was my easy way out of this situation. Now they keep texting me wanting to know why I'm being a snob and will not tell them how to get a GAC. They have no need for one and this is causing such a rift in the family, not to mention I will be having to sit at the same table with them for Thanksgiving.
Would it be wrong of me to fib a little on how i get the card and tell them wrong info ( Like " just tell the CM that you can't wait in line and they'll take care of you") or should I stick to my guns and be the bad guy in there eyes. I do not feel right helping them cheat and I will not do that at all, but it is no fun being treated like an outcast for doing right.
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Old 11-20-2012, 08:45 AM   #2
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I would stick to my guns. I would tell them that your conscience won't allow you to help them. I would tell them that you won't help because it is people like them (who don't really need the GAC) that are making it difficult for those who do to get and use them. I would tell them that a good touring plan will help more than a GAC and I would give them several web sites to use. I would ask them to think about what they would do if they had a child who really needed help and were unable to get it because so many people had abused the system that it had been shut down!
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Old 11-20-2012, 08:51 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jmartinez1895 View Post
A little history before getting to main point- On our last trip we meet up with my BIL and his family ( wife and 2 kids). Our son uses a GAC and at one point they saw us use it asked about it and I told them that it was because of our sons medical issues and it was never brought up again.....until last night.
I got a phone call from him asking if he could have one of my sons doctor notes so that they can get a GAC when they go next week . I asked why they need it and was told " we have paid a lot of money for our tickets and we don't want to stand in lines". Of course I told him that it does not bypass lines and that he might have to wait longer, but he was relentless. I thought I had it all worked our because i told him that I do not have a current doctors note and that because of my sons current health his doctor will not write one because he is not fit for travel. Unfortunately for me they called Disney and found out that you don't need a note. I knew this, but I thought it was my easy way out of this situation. Now they keep texting me wanting to know why I'm being a snob and will not tell them how to get a GAC. They have no need for one and this is causing such a rift in the family, not to mention I will be having to sit at the same table with them for Thanksgiving.
Would it be wrong of me to fib a little on how i get the card and tell them wrong info ( Like " just tell the CM that you can't wait in line and they'll take care of you") or should I stick to my guns and be the bad guy in there eyes. I do not feel right helping them cheat and I will not do that at all, but it is no fun being treated like an outcast for doing right.
I wouldnt fib at all, I would tell them the GAC is not a pass for entitled people, it is medically necessary for your child.

I would turn it on them and say how dare they use your sons issues for their own enjoyment.
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Old 11-20-2012, 10:33 AM   #4
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How horrible of them! Tell them if they want to lie their way to the front to figure it out for themselves.
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Old 11-20-2012, 10:41 AM   #5
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It's people like him who add fuel to the fire of anti-disability prejudice. When the general public hears about the sort of thing he wants to do, it makes them want to see accommodations taken away from people who really need them, like your son.
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Old 11-20-2012, 10:51 AM   #6
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I totally agree with the other posters. Stick to your guns!!! If you have to embarrass them in front of everyone for trying to lie and cheat (including their kids) then do it! They deserve it!


Maybe you can turn the whole family on them. Call a family meeting on Thanksgiving (kids and all) and ask the rest of the family what their opinion is.

They should thank their lucky stars that they don't need those type of accommodations and how dare they try to use your son's issues as a way to cheat the system!!! That right there would have me jumping down their throats and telling them where to go! What great parents to set the example of how to cheat others out of things that they need!

Last edited by peemagg; 11-20-2012 at 11:00 AM. Reason: Added info
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Old 11-20-2012, 10:56 AM   #7
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Turn this around on them with the truth. Tell them how hurtful they're being by trivializing your son's health issues by asking you to help them lie to take advantage of help and support being offered for people who are unable to the same kind of healthy lives that their family lives. And then to try to bully you? They're further compounding their cruelty.
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Old 11-20-2012, 12:08 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by clanmcculloch View Post
Turn this around on them with the truth. Tell them how hurtful they're being by trivializing your son's health issues by asking you to help them lie to take advantage of help and support being offered for people who are unable to the same kind of healthy lives that their family lives. And then to try to bully you? They're further compounding their cruelty.
Agree. I know it will be hard, but you should stick to your convictions. You will only feel worse if you cave into their persisent immorality. You have ethics, they do not.

You can choose a public forum (Thanksgiving dinner table) or a more private discussion, but please stick to you convictions!

Good luck!
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Old 11-20-2012, 12:17 PM   #9
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I understand how dicey family issues can be. Don't know how the rest of your family will respond and wouldn't leave the final say so to them. Like the others, I'd advise to stick to your guns. Don't allow them to make the issue into you not helping them out. The issue is how much do they care and respect you and your son's situation that they might want to jeopardize that for their own selfish enjoyment. Doesn't need to become an argument. Just be calm, even, stick to the facts...and if they don't want to drop it, walk away. Don't feel badly because THEY are such jerks!!! No matter how much they try to paint you as the bad guy, you are not. It's just a way to bully and manipulate you into giving what they want.

A more diplomatic way out of it, at Thanksgiving, is to claim not remembering the specifics....needing to consult some paperwork...either at home or at work...wherever it would be difficult to get to on the holiday. Then "forget" to ever followup so that the blowup, if there is one, is away from the rest of the family at Thanksgiving!
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Old 11-20-2012, 03:52 PM   #10
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I would call him out on thanksgiving whrn lots of people were around. I won't be as nice as others suggested, he sounds like a useless bum.
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Old 11-20-2012, 04:00 PM   #11
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me, I'd probably just ignore it. Getting into a fight over something like this is totally pointless. I can't even begin to understand why it's causing a rift in your family. YOU can't give them a GAC. You can't do anything. If they want a GAC they can go to city hall and request one. That's the only way they can get one. I don't even know why they think it's your problem. That's all you have to say to them. Then change the discussion.

People like that aren't worth the time or aggravation.
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Old 11-20-2012, 04:50 PM   #12
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Be calm and tell them you hope they have a great time. Be nice, be pleasant, but don't give in. If they ask why you won't help them, simply tell them you don't know how to pretend to have a sick child, your child really has medical problems and tell them how happy you are that their children are healthy. If they persist in talking about it, ask them if they wish their children were indeed sick just so they could get a GAC? Have a good holiday, and don't let their bad behavior cause you guilt or discomfort.
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Old 11-20-2012, 05:51 PM   #13
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Thanks all. I think I have a more clear head now and I think I have a plan of action, but I'll let you all know later how it goes. I think it is the the lack of compassion that really rubbed me the wrong way, but after all this is the same guy who told me I was lucky that we have a handicap tag.
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Old 11-20-2012, 09:06 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jmartinez1895 View Post
Thanks all. I think I have a more clear head now and I think I have a plan of action, but I'll let you all know later how it goes. I think it is the the lack of compassion that really rubbed me the wrong way, but after all this is the same guy who told me I was lucky that we have a handicap tag.
Believe me, I know how that is. And it's the same - just walk away. You cannot argue with people like this, people who think that you're getting some real huge benefit out of your child having an illness. I get the part where you want to let your feelings be known to him, but you're just going to end up sad and even more hurt when he doesn't understand. I've been there. Repeatedly. You're trusting your feelings about your child and your child's illness to some insensitive clod who thinks there is some benefit that you're getting that he wants. He's not worth those feelings. He doesn't deserve those feelings.

Or maybe I'm wrong and he'll be the one idiot in the world who says, "OMG I was so insensitive" and he'll change his ways and all will be wonderful.
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Old 11-20-2012, 11:21 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by buffettgirl View Post
Believe me, I know how that is. And it's the same - just walk away. You cannot argue with people like this, people who think that you're getting some real huge benefit out of your child having an illness. I get the part where you want to let your feelings be known to him, but you're just going to end up sad and even more hurt when he doesn't understand. I've been there. Repeatedly. You're trusting your feelings about your child and your child's illness to some insensitive clod who thinks there is some benefit that you're getting that he wants. He's not worth those feelings. He doesn't deserve those feelings.

Or maybe I'm wrong and he'll be the one idiot in the world who says, "OMG I was so insensitive" and he'll change his ways and all will be wonderful.
Just what I was going to write.
If he texts you again, delete it.
If he asks you again, say, "we've already talked about this and I am not discussing it any more." Make that your script.

Short and to the point.
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