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Old 11-08-2012, 05:23 PM   #31
MinnesotaMouseketeers
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Originally Posted by Luv2Diz View Post
Wow! If the in-laws don't like the idea of a Disney cruise and are going to come only "begrudgingly", you won't have a good time at dinner or otherwise.

I would do the DCL vow renewal with those family members who are excited to come. Maybe have a get-together at home for the family members who can't/don't want to do the DCL cruise.
Have to agree with Luv2Diz, make coming along optional for the people/family members you invite to share your special occasion. And have a special gathering with those that opt out for when you get home.

I would love to do vow renewal on DCL. And I have in-laws that are absolutely positive they would have a horrible time on a cruise, when they have NEVER BEEN ON ONE. And if we do it someday (which I hope we can), I would have NO PROBLEM leaving them behind. And I really don't believe my DW would mind either. She is as big a Disneyholic as I am and would jump at the chance to do this on a Disney ship.

And if your in-laws go along, I would let them know that dinning together is optional and don't feel guilty spending some 'away time from the in-laws'. This is your special time don't let them ruin it.

Just make sure you explain the same story to all the parties involved. If you single out just the problem people they will probably figure it out. When you are eating every dinner with other people in your party.
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Old 11-08-2012, 05:28 PM   #32
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Honestly, I don't understand why you'd bring anyone so negative on vacation. It's probably hard enough to deal with them when you HAVE to (holidays, birthdays, etc) so why being them in an expensive vacation where you want to have fun and relax? I'd do a vow renewal on a beach or something or by a lake or wherever, have a nice small dinner, and then go on a cruise by yourselves. Life is too shorty to deal with other people's drama. Your only going away for a few days. Just go and enjoy yourselves.
I understand where you are coming from, and that idea is still being thrown around. But after reading Trip Reports, and seeing photos we really have our hearts set on a DCL ceremony. But like I said before, no matter what idea we throw out there (and believe me this is a discussion every Sunday night at dinner) they shut it down and find SOMETHING wrong with it. But then have no ideas or inputs of their own. My MIL always says "it's you're thing, you plan it" (ie she doesn't want to do any research or give it any thought). So we have decided to do what WE want and if they really hate it that much they have the option of not attending, but that's not like them at all. Trust me it's not that I WANT to vacation with these people, it's that I have no way of not inviting them to another "wedding".
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Old 11-08-2012, 05:29 PM   #33
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If my DS and DIL invited us on a cruise, but then didn't want to eat dinner together, I would be hurt greatly. The way you are describing it I would do the following:

1. Invite the family to a vow renewal at WDW.
2. Then just the two of you take the cruise as part of a honeymoon celebration.

Otherwise, dinner is only two hours and just deal with it. After dinner you have plenty of time to be alone.
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Old 11-08-2012, 05:30 PM   #34
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Originally Posted by SamandWill1921

I understand where you are coming from, and that idea is still being thrown around. But after reading Trip Reports, and seeing photos we really have our hearts set on a DCL ceremony. But like I said before, no matter what idea we throw out there (and believe me this is a discussion every Sunday night at dinner) they shut it down and find SOMETHING wrong with it. But then have no ideas or inputs of their own. My MIL always says "it's you're thing, you plan it" (ie she doesn't want to do any research or give it any thought). So we have decided to do what WE want and if they really hate it that much they have the option of not attending, but that's not like them at all. Trust me it's not that I WANT to vacation with these people, it's that I have no way of not inviting them to another "wedding".
Do the vow renewal again on DCL with just the two of you.
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Old 11-08-2012, 05:45 PM   #35
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Personally, I think if people are going to spend an obscene amount of money to share in your special day (and remember, a 5 year vow renewal is really only special to you), then I think you have an obligation to at least spend dinners with them - at a minimum. I would make an exception for maybe one night at Palo.

You don't have to spend all day with them. On my family cruise, we often split up during the day, and came together at dinner. Dinner is only a couple of hours out of the day. You can be an adult and deal with the in-laws.

If you really don't like their attitudes, then you need to have a private event and not invite them. But, you invite them, you are their host and should eat dinner with them.
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Old 11-08-2012, 06:01 PM   #36
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Personally, I think if people are going to spend an obscene amount of money to share in your special day (and remember, a 5 year vow renewal is really only special to you), then I think you have an obligation to at least spend dinners with them - at a minimum. I would make an exception for maybe one night at Palo.

You don't have to spend all day with them. On my family cruise, we often split up during the day, and came together at dinner. Dinner is only a couple of hours out of the day. You can be an adult and deal with the in-laws.

If you really don't like their attitudes, then you need to have a private event and not invite them. But, you invite them, you are their host and should eat dinner with them.
I agree. If you invite them, you have to spend time with them. I'd be upset if my son and DIL treated me like that and avoided me too. Again, personally I wouldn't bring them. Vacations shouldn't be filled with misery.
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Old 11-08-2012, 06:15 PM   #37
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Don't bring them. Period. If you decide that, I promise you a weight will be lifted off your shoulders. A vow renewal is between you and your husband. Show them pictures when you return.
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Old 11-08-2012, 06:40 PM   #38
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Samantha, your post number 27 looks like a good plan. Hope it all works out for you to enjoy a special time with your husband and that whatever happens with the other family members, it is a time of dignity and respect. Sounds like you are on your way!
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Old 11-08-2012, 07:19 PM   #39
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Honestly, why bring them?

It's years away, right? Plans change. Then, at that time, book the trip but say it was "last minute".

If they manage to book it last minute too, don't link the reservations. Lots of people don't realize you can do this, or think it's some magical thing the TA can do when you book thru the same one at the same time. We're going with friends and I'm the only one who knew we could link reservations even tho we're booked from different places. They thought we'd just have to meet up before and after dinner.

I'd also not tell them about the vow renewal. Less is more with some people.
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Old 11-08-2012, 11:41 PM   #40
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OK, I'm probably being rude here, but I was really on your side till I read this.

You have excellent reasons for wanting to do a vow renewal on board (or at WDW). But what I'm seeing is ways of manipulating the situation thru a series of lies/misrepresentations, etc. in order to get things the way you want them. You are talking about lying to the inlaws to get separate tables and pretend it was DCL's mistake, pretending to be seasick as an excuse to return to your room and manipulate DCL into sending an MDR meal to your room, etc.

Why not just deal with the situation honestly? I loved the poster who suggested telling them that if it wasn't worth complaining to DCL, it wasn't worth discussing at dinner.

You are only a couple of years into this marriage and relationship with these inlaws, with hopefully several decades to come. Being honest ("We don't want to hear complaints at dinner; if we can't all have pleasant conversation, we will eat elsewhere") may result in a much better long term basis for your relationship. Lies and deceit, no matter how good the intentions, are no way to build a family. And if you want them to like DCL, arranging things so they will be unhappy and blaming DCL is not the way to accomplish that goal.

I hope it works out and you have a great trip, but I also hope you find an honest way to achieve your objectives.
AMEN!!! I was very disturbed reading this thread until I read this post. Perhaps I see this from the other side, as we have been married for 30 years and I am a new Mother-in-law.

Please DON'T begin your marriage and relationship with your in-laws like this. Everyone has family members that can be difficult from time to time. Manipulation and lying just causes hard feelings and the truth ALWAYS comes out! You are now a family. Remember, when you married him, you married the whole gang!! Try to work things out honestly and shut them down (nicely) when they start to complain. Sorry to preach, I have seen too many families that no longer talk to each other because of stuff like this.
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Old 11-09-2012, 12:48 AM   #41
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Please DON'T begin your marriage and relationship with your in-laws like this. Everyone has family members that can be difficult from time to time. Manipulation and lying just causes hard feelings and the truth ALWAYS comes out!
Unless of course you marry into a family where lies and manipulation are the standard. Then, I can tell you that being open and honest will destroy you. There is no "always" here; families are different, with weird dynamics sometimes, and I bet telling the in laws "you guys are huge complainers and make us miserable and we're only inviting you because we had a solo wedding that you weren't invited to and couldn't figure out a way to exclude you from this, too" would NOT result in sunshine, daisies, and happiness.


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Why not just deal with the situation honestly? I loved the poster who suggested telling them that if it wasn't worth complaining to DCL, it wasn't worth discussing at dinner.
That's still not being *honest*, though. It's covering up how they really feel with something kinder and more socially acceptable. It's doing the "pass the bean dip" method of dealing with difficult people.

If you're already doing that, might as well *also* use the "hey, be romantic and have a table for 2" method. That way at least gets them thinking about having a romantic time, which might help them enjoy the cruise a bit more. Or at least more than if the OP and her husband were *honest* with them...


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5.) Not be overly concerned whether or not they are having a good time, and not let their complaints ruin the entire cruise. There is plenty to do, if they choose to stay in their stateroom and drink the entire time and then complain about how boring the ship is, it's their money, not mine. It's MY vow renewal, and I WILL enjoy it.
Yes indeedy. You guys already were strong with having the wedding you wanted. Now have the VR you want. She can't come up with anything she might like that you can ponder? Then she's fired, LOL. My MIL refused to help, too, when I was planning the big white poofy wedding DH begged for (I wanted Vegas) (I've been planning our MY WAY renewal since we were having our first dance at the wedding). If only I'd fired her from my head. I compromised for her, I compromised for my stepdad, I compromised for what I thought my husband wanted (he wanted the big poofy wedding then whenever I'd ask him what he wanted he would become Mr Typical Groom).... bah. Life's too short. If people don't have ideas, then they can deal with the ideas you come up with.
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Old 11-09-2012, 06:42 AM   #42
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When we lived in Ohio & decided to have a destination wedding with just us, our parents, my brother & a maid of honor & best man at Disney, my mother in law was pissed. She said she was devastated. We got married in June of 2005 & the Christmas before, she told us she cried every night. She tried to manipulate my DH by telling him that she wanted us to have a traditional wedding so that everyone else could see how proud she was. She had my father in law try to talk us out of it. My DH wouldn't stand up to his overbearing family EVER. But I could & did. We had our Disney wedding. Fast forward a little over a year later at my baby shower in Jan 2007. We were moving to Tampa over my maternity leave (baby due March 2007). She told my Mom she was on Valium (mind you we lived 2 hours away from our families in Ohio anyways) because of the wedding & now the move........

Now, our relationship is excellent! The medication helped her, but I believe so did my attitude My DH stands up to his family when needed now - something he NEVER did. We live in FL & our families in Ohio but text, email & FaceTime several times a week. They come every Thanksgiving & I look forward to spending time with my mother in law! We will go shopping a lot "just the girls."We were together for 7 years before we got married & have been married for 7 years. My point is that things CAN change for the better sometimes. Include them. Be honest & firm, but do it nicely. Don't lie or manipulate or be fake. Hopefully, they will respect you for it.

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Old 11-09-2012, 08:59 AM   #43
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When my DH's mother and stepfather came on the Magic, I just didn't even mention dinner or linking ressies. They booked on their own and us on our own. Needless to say we were not on the same dinner rotation and they didn't even realize it would have been an option.
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Old 11-09-2012, 09:20 AM   #44
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Um...... Ok..... Doesn't OUR parents equal YOUR mother in law?!?

Glad it has worked out in the end!
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Old 11-09-2012, 10:09 AM   #45
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It sounds like you are planning on inviting other people besides just them. If everyong that comes all sits in the same section of the dining room with same servers, wouldn't you want to be sitting with different people each night so they can celebrate with you.

Its like you act like they will be the only ones there.
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