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Old 11-08-2012, 01:57 PM   #16
cgolf
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Originally Posted by SamandWill1921 View Post
Here's the deal:

My DH and I want to do a vow renewal on DCL for our 5 year anniversary. Even though it's still a few years away I can't get it out of my mind. We are going to invite family but we don't really want to eat dinner with them every night that week. My in-laws are the kind of people that will find anything to complain about. They don't really like the idea of a Disney Cruise but would come begrudgingly for a vow renewal. I don't want my dining room experience tainted by their constant need to find fault in anything and everything.

Is it wrong and selfish of us to request that we don't sit with them for dinner after they paid so much to come on a cruise for us? How would I even handle that? I can't exactly say "we don't want to sit with you because you're negative, pessimistic jerks" even though that's what it comes down to. I was thinking telling them that who we sit with is just a request and when we aren't with them have a "whoops, oh well" attitude.

Has anyone else been in this situation? How did you handle it? Or how would you if you were in this situation?

Although from your post it doesn't sound like this would be true, but before we went on our first cruise, I made the family miserable telling them how much it would suck. The DW almost banned me from going. That was 5 years ago, now I am the one lobbying for two cruises a year and we will be completing our DCL slam (cruise #7) in January.

I was so blown away by the fun I had and the service that I loved it and didn't complain once, there may be hope for them too.

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Old 11-08-2012, 02:03 PM   #17
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If you book PALO & Remy for yourselves, that's 2 nights alone. If you book Palo or Remy for THEM (on separate nights) that's 4 potential nights without dining together. (Sorry, I didn't notice your exact itinerary, so I don't know how many nights you're sailing.) Surely you can suffer through a couple of grumpy dinners. If it's that miserable, I'd be willing to pay for my in-laws extra dining. Since they are coming to celebrate with you, it seems you may be forced to eating with them, simply out of respect.
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Old 11-08-2012, 02:14 PM   #18
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There's a simple solution to this OP. When said grumpy in-laws start with the grumpyness at dinner, have your DH speak up and say, "Oh, that's too bad, did you complain to Guest Services? No? Well if it's not worth complaining to DCL about, it's certainly not worth ruining a lovely dinner about. So, how about that show tonight/comedian last night/excursion today, was that awesome or what?" (this last to the table in general to encourage additional discussion that isn't complaints.)

I've found that most of the time, the grumpy people are really grumpy because they want the attention that complaining brings. If you cut that off at the knees, then they tend to quit because it's not getting them the attention they want.
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Old 11-08-2012, 02:23 PM   #19
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There's a simple solution to this OP. When said grumpy in-laws start with the grumpyness at dinner, have your DH speak up and say, "Oh, that's too bad, did you complain to Guest Services? No? Well if it's not worth complaining to DCL about, it's certainly not worth ruining a lovely dinner about. So, how about that show tonight/comedian last night/excursion today, was that awesome or what?" (this last to the table in general to encourage additional discussion that isn't complaints.)
I like it.


Sounds like you have good reasons to do a renewal so soon, and to invite them, and to have them go on the cruise with you!

You can request the opposite seating for dinner that they do, you can request that you sit just the two of you. You can encourage them to have a lovely romantic time at their own table for two! Weddings and renewals are romantic, so why not let them have romance, too?




Obviously I don't know your situation, but if there's ANY reason for them to have an expectation of grandchildren, I would NOT use the seasick excuse to get away from them...seriously, don't do that. If there's any expectation, that will set their alarms going.
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Old 11-08-2012, 02:30 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by ColoradoDisneyFreaks View Post
There's a simple solution to this OP. When said grumpy in-laws start with the grumpyness at dinner, have your DH speak up and say, "Oh, that's too bad, did you complain to Guest Services? No? Well if it's not worth complaining to DCL about, it's certainly not worth ruining a lovely dinner about. So, how about that show tonight/comedian last night/excursion today, was that awesome or what?" (this last to the table in general to encourage additional discussion that isn't complaints.)

I've found that most of the time, the grumpy people are really grumpy because they want the attention that complaining brings. If you cut that off at the knees, then they tend to quit because it's not getting them the attention they want.
I also like this! When DH or I have used this tactic before during our weekly Sunday dinners it pretty much shuts my FIL up for the rest of the meal which is just fine with me.
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Old 11-08-2012, 02:48 PM   #21
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We plan on doing a family Palo dinner and will probably end up doing several lunches and excursions together.
Unfortunately I can totally relate -- but it wasn't my beloved in-laws that ruined every outing and dinner, it was my mother. She found misery in every single thing we did and it ruined many celebrations, birthdays and anniversaries. As the years went by, we just stopped inviting her and found peace!

My suggestions: Don't do a family Palo dinner -- do a family Palo brunch. The dinner is more intimate and romantic and would be a great thing for you and your husband. The brunch is more casual and bright and wouldn't be as "intrusive".

As for other dinners, if you are doing a 7-night, you'd only have to have 5 dinners if you do Remy and Palo two other nights. You can even just spend one night in Cabanas which is more free or just go upon deck and do the food windows and sit outside. It would give you a little more freedom to get up and walk around if you feel yourself about ready to blow (good excuses: oh, I want to get some pictures; want to get more food; want to go see what that is over there ).

Good luck.
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Old 11-08-2012, 03:30 PM   #22
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I suppose I could also be "seasick" on the nights I just can't take anymore and I just don't want to deal with it and hit cabanas or room service for dinner. I bet I could even get a MDR meal delivered to my room.
OK, I'm probably being rude here, but I was really on your side till I read this.

You have excellent reasons for wanting to do a vow renewal on board (or at WDW). But what I'm seeing is ways of manipulating the situation thru a series of lies/misrepresentations, etc. in order to get things the way you want them. You are talking about lying to the inlaws to get separate tables and pretend it was DCL's mistake, pretending to be seasick as an excuse to return to your room and manipulate DCL into sending an MDR meal to your room, etc.

Why not just deal with the situation honestly? I loved the poster who suggested telling them that if it wasn't worth complaining to DCL, it wasn't worth discussing at dinner.

You are only a couple of years into this marriage and relationship with these inlaws, with hopefully several decades to come. Being honest ("We don't want to hear complaints at dinner; if we can't all have pleasant conversation, we will eat elsewhere") may result in a much better long term basis for your relationship. Lies and deceit, no matter how good the intentions, are no way to build a family. And if you want them to like DCL, arranging things so they will be unhappy and blaming DCL is not the way to accomplish that goal.

I hope it works out and you have a great trip, but I also hope you find an honest way to achieve your objectives.
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Old 11-08-2012, 03:35 PM   #23
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Simple solution. How about you choose main dining and make sure they have second dining, or vice versa? Everyone gets to enjoy the main dining room meals without you having to listen to every complaint they may have.
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Old 11-08-2012, 03:42 PM   #24
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I agree, either speak up and let them know how their constant nit picking ruins your experience, or risk it ruining your trip and every other experience with them. Life is too short to let others ruin your fun.

Give it time, sometimes it takes a few years to get used to your in laws. Hopefully, you can find your stride with them eventually, and see a brighter side to their personalities. Involve them in the planning so they know what DCL is all about. The more they know, hopefully, the less they will complain about. We are lucky that we have all this info about DCL at our fingertips. You can even show them the menus for dinner every night!

I should add, we're sailing on DCL with my inlaws in February. Its their first DCL cruise, I am enjoying giving them the tips we learned prior to cruising and what we learned from our first DCL cruise. My MIL can be a complainer over things too, but I've learned, after 8 years, how to tune a lot of that out or comment back myself if I find it completely ridiculous.
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Old 11-08-2012, 03:50 PM   #25
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If I paid to attend a destination wedding, vow renewal, anniversary celebration or whatever AND I was shunned by the celebrants--I'd be irked.

OP, instead of bad mouthing the in laws and creating false excuses for not being present, perhaps plan a celebration that doesn't involve having guests there for the entire week. Another poster made a good suggestion of having the VR @ WDW then you and DH take a cruise. That way you're not subjected to their negativity for days on end and they are not subjected to your deceptions.
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Old 11-08-2012, 03:54 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by bumbershoot View Post
I like it.


Sounds like you have good reasons to do a renewal so soon, and to invite them, and to have them go on the cruise with you!

You can request the opposite seating for dinner that they do, you can request that you sit just the two of you. You can encourage them to have a lovely romantic time at their own table for two! Weddings and renewals are romantic, so why not let them have romance, too?

[snip]
If the OP is not going to plan meals with the ILs while onboard, then be honest and tell them this is what you are doing. I hope that there will be others also travelling in the group with whom the ILs can enjoy meals.

If the OP is not honest, then the ILs will likely have a valid complaint to make to DCL: they travelled all this way and cannot even enjoy meals together unless DCL does something to fix it. My guess it will be fixed by the second night and the scheming will have been for naught (best case) or exposed (worst case).

For the OP, this may be one of life's tough choices. Have the VR on DCL and have some of the magic (potentially) ruined by unpleasant guests. Or have a VR somewhere else, then follow it with a vacation you want alone with your DH. -- Suzanne
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Old 11-08-2012, 04:11 PM   #27
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Well I guess my post did ask "Am I an awful person?" my conclusion? Yes I am, since I considered lying even for a millisecond. It's never the right answer even if it's the easiest one. I do not want to lie to anyone, nor do I want to make DCL look bad and give my in-laws MORE to complain about. another poster mentioned I may have to suffer through it out of respect and she's absolutely correct. I think what I should do is:

1.) Have a serious (but respectful) heart-to-heart with the entire family about their tendency to dwell on the negative and how that is not in the spirit of a VR.

2.) Have fewer breakfasts/lunches with the unpleasant people so that I can be ready for it when dinner comes.

3.) When (not if, when) the conversation leans toward negativity do my best to steer it to something that was good.

4.) Enjoy every moment of the private dinners I have with my DH.

5.) Not be overly concerned whether or not they are having a good time, and not let their complaints ruin the entire cruise. There is plenty to do, if they choose to stay in their stateroom and drink the entire time and then complain about how boring the ship is, it's their money, not mine. It's MY vow renewal, and I WILL enjoy it.

6.) (and most important) Save enough money so that they get off the ship and we stay to do a b2b. That way the next week we can do anything we want without being judged.
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Old 11-08-2012, 04:12 PM   #28
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Honestly, I can't see the point of getting all worked up over something that is years away. Life can change in a flash.
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Old 11-08-2012, 04:20 PM   #29
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Honestly, I don't understand why you'd bring anyone so negative on vacation. It's probably hard enough to deal with them when you HAVE to (holidays, birthdays, etc) so why being them on an expensive vacation where you want to have fun and relax? I'd do a vow renewal on a beach or something or by a lake or wherever, have a nice small dinner, and then go on a cruise by yourselves. Life is too short to deal with other people's drama. Your only going away for a few days. Just go and enjoy yourselves.
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Old 11-08-2012, 04:21 PM   #30
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Honestly, I can't see the point of getting all worked up over something that is years away. Life can change in a flash.
It's not really that far away... People plan vacations 5+ years in advance, and this is way closer than that. We have to start putting money away for this now and this is something that my DH especially can't get off his mind. We don't want to get our hopes up and get any more excited than we already are and have it be ruined just like many other family events tend to be because of the attitudes of these people. My DH also has a real problem standing up to his family when something upsets him. I want to put his mind at ease ASAP and have a plan in motion before he decides that it's not worth the fight his Dad and uncle will turn it into and then decides to cancel the entire thing.
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