Some Parents/Some Children....

[shalom]

Originally Posted by gogo

Regarding the comments about feeling sorry for the kid because of the parents, I don't get that. Just because you are young, is not a reason to find it enjoyable to hit animals.

All kids have to learn that others have feelings, or mature to the point of understanding that. Some kids are very empathic at an early age, but OTOH I've known kids as old as five or six who had an intellectual understanding that others hurt as they did, but they still didn't "get it" on an intuitive level. I wonder if they would have had that intellectual understanding down even that early, if their parents weren't pounding it into their heads on a regular basis.

The kids don't lack compassion -- when they can intellectually understand someone else hurts when whatever happens, they want to help and comfort -- but they lack empathy in the sense of intuitively understanding that "if that were me, it would hurt". Some kids really struggle to acquire that ability to put themselves in another person's place, let alone to recognize that animals feel pain as well.

OTOH, there are adults in my husband's family who still think it's funny their dad used to torture cats, and gleefully retell their various tales. They're old enough to know better, and on some level they do know better (they don't torture cats themselves), but the fact that they were raised that way absolutely has had a negative influence on their compassion and empathy. They may know it's wrong, but it's still an intellectual knowledge, even though they're adults.

So kids absolutely can be taught it is okay to hurt animals, and even encouraged to do so, by the parents. There does come a point when the child has enough information to figure that out on their own that harassing animals is wrong, but with some kids that happens a lot later than it does with others; if the parents don't step up to fill that gap, then absolutely it is the parents' fault. The parents are failing the child, and I feel sorry for those kids. If they're still that oblivious as adults, that's when I start thinking they need to step up and fill that gap their parents left.

[goofy4tink]

Originally Posted by *TheWigs*

I don't beat my children either, but I have a look that can stop them in their tracks! I think they are terrified of what might come AFTER that look if they push any further!!

My mother used to have 'that' look too!!! When we would sit there in church, and do something to rightfully deserve that 'look', we would pray that God would send a lightning bolt down, thru our heads, rather than deal with our mother when we got home!!!

[jimandami]

Originally Posted by goofy4tink

My mother used to have 'that' look too!!! When we would sit there in church, and do something to rightfully deserve that 'look', we would pray that God would send a lightning bolt down, thru our heads, rather than deal with our mother when we got home!!!

And why is it that my mother had that look down, but I can't seem to manage it???

[darkwing818]

Let's face it; "Sometimes the Apple, doesn't fall far from the Tree"

[married2mm]

Originally Posted by jimandami

And why is it that my mother had that look down, but I can't seem to manage it???

my mother didn't even have to turn around and face us-we could tell by her body language!

[gogo]

Originally Posted by shalom

All kids have to learn that others have feelings, or mature to the point of understanding that. Some kids are very empathic at an early age, but OTOH I've known kids as old as five or six who had an intellectual understanding that others hurt as they did, but they still didn't "get it" on an intuitive level. I wonder if they would have had that intellectual understanding down even that early, if their parents weren't pounding it into their heads on a regular basis.

The kids don't lack compassion -- when they can intellectually understand someone else hurts when whatever happens, they want to help and comfort -- but they lack empathy in the sense of intuitively understanding that "if that were me, it would hurt". Some kids really struggle to acquire that ability to put themselves in another person's place, let alone to recognize that animals feel pain as well.

OTOH, there are adults in my husband's family who still think it's funny their dad used to torture cats, and gleefully retell their various tales. They're old enough to know better, and on some level they do know better (they don't torture cats themselves), but the fact that they were raised that way absolutely has had a negative influence on their compassion and empathy. They may know it's wrong, but it's still an intellectual knowledge, even though they're adults.

So kids absolutely can be taught it is okay to hurt animals, and even encouraged to do so, by the parents. There does come a point when the child has enough information to figure that out on their own that harassing animals is wrong, but with some kids that happens a lot later than it does with others; if the parents don't step up to fill that gap, then absolutely it is the parents' fault. The parents are failing the child, and I feel sorry for those kids. If they're still that oblivious as adults, that's when I start thinking they need to step up and fill that gap their parents left.

I get what you are saying, as far as some kids certainly have to be taught empathy and some get it earlier than others. But, some kids as adults are just mean and delight in the suffering of others (people or animal).

If I see a kid being mean, sorry, I don't have sympathy for the kid or parent. My immediate concern if for the person or animal being the victim of the cruelty....it can be sorted out later as to who is at fault the kid or parent.