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Old 10-13-2012, 06:31 PM   #121
Tinijocaro
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OP here again. I never felt berated or intimidated. More like pressured. I will be emailing he back and letting her know that I would like to keep our appointment.
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Old 10-13-2012, 07:47 PM   #122
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As a teacher I have been through 14 years of conferencing. I don't see a problem with the teacher's email. I have had more than my share of parents that want praise praise praise for their "perfect" child. After I tell them that I have no issues and I think their child is doing very well, they ask questions such as "how much higher is my child than the others?", "does my child make the best grades?", or my all time "fave" is when they want to try and discuss another child's issues. These parents are clearly wasting my time, and preventing me from helping a struggling child. (And no, I never discuss other kids with other parents)

I love all my students, and want them all to succeed. However, some parents come into the conference needing self praise for being fortunate enough to have a great, smart kid. I have three kids of my own. I tell their teachers to let me know if they have any problems with my kids. I check grades weekly on our districts parent page on the Internet. I don't need to hear how amazing they are. I already know they are great kids
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Old 10-13-2012, 08:16 PM   #123
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tinijocaro View Post
At Open House for my 5th grade dd, teacher told me and another parent that if we knew our child was doing well and there were no issues, we could forego the conference since we probably didn't want to have to just listen to her tell us how wonderful our kids were-we already knew that. I went over to the sign up sheets and signed up for a conference anyways.

Today, I got the following email from the teacher. A couple other moms got it too.

"Good Morning,
I wanted to touch base with you regarding the Parent/Teacher Conference you signed up for. As I mentioned at Open House, I am not trying to discourage any parent from meeting with me, but as a parent of a very successful student, I found it frustrating to make all the arrangements for a 15 min meeting where the teacher told me my child was great.

I am letting you know that your dd is doing very well so far this year, working at grade level and at the high end of grade level. Unless you have any concerns, I really don't have anything to discuss at our conference.

Please let me know if you would like to meet, or if a phone conversation would work better for you. Thank you, by the way, for raising such a kind and wonderful daughter - she is a pleasure to have in class!

Mrs. Teacher
Pleasant Valley Elementary School"

What are your thoughts? Discuss.
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Originally Posted by declansdad View Post
Please point out the line in the email that berated the parent? Was it the one about her child doing great or the line about raising a wonderful child?
OP signed up for a conference, teacher was trying to discourage parent from coming in to talk.

The tone of the email is a bit on the "different" side when teacher says "I find meeting you frustrating"...basically. I mean what the heck is that even supposed to mean?

In any even berating is harsh word to use, that is an exaggeration of course but the email itself is odd.

If a parent needs to see the teacher and meet with them, they should be allowed too without the teacher pressuring them to cancel.
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Old 10-13-2012, 08:24 PM   #124
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Mystery Machine View Post
OP signed up for a conference, teacher was trying to discourage parent from coming in to talk.

The tone of the email is a bit on the "different" side when teacher says "I find meeting you frustrating"...basically. I mean what the heck is that even supposed to mean?
I don't think she was saying it was frustrating to see the OP. I think she was saying that when she (the teacher) went to her dd's parent/teacher conference that she was frustrated because she had to make arrangements (work time off, maybe babysitter for younger kids) in order to get there only to be told that everything was great.
She is trying to save the OP from the same kind of frustration.
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Old 10-13-2012, 08:31 PM   #125
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I would have been pleased to hear that from the teacher and I would happily skip the conference. Most of the ones I went to were the same kind - unless I had a real concern I'd stay home.
I agree with this. I would happily skip a conference and as long as my child was happy in class and had no problems with the teacher, I would be fine with this arrangement.
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Old 10-13-2012, 08:32 PM   #126
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The past 2 years I went to the parent/teacher conference for DD, even though she was doing well, so that I could get to know the teacher. They are both young and first or second year teachers and I wanted to know more about them and if they were challenging DD enough.

((Last year, no DD was not being challenged, and it was a very productive meeting in that we agreeed to some extra work and different strategies for her.))

If I worked in a place where it was difficult to get time off or took longer to get to the school than the meeting, I would probably seriously think hard whether meeting the teacher face to face was important or not. I would appreciate the email that OP got from the teacher.
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Old 10-13-2012, 08:35 PM   #127
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Originally Posted by The Mystery Machine View Post
OP signed up for a conference, teacher was trying to discourage parent from coming in to talk.

The tone of the email is a bit on the "different" side when teacher says "I find meeting you frustrating"...basically. I mean what the heck is that even supposed to mean?

In any even berating is harsh word to use, that is an exaggeration of course but the email itself is odd.

If a parent needs to see the teacher and meet with them, they should be allowed too without the teacher pressuring them to cancel.
She was saying that as a parent of a successful child, she found it frustrating to make arrangements to have the meeting, such as get off work, only to be told your child is great. She didn't say she was frustrated with the parent, but AS a parent. BIG difference. In other words, I know what a pain it can be to make child care arrangements, get off of work, just to meet with a teacher. So here is your free pass to not have to do all that, your kid is doing great.
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Old 10-13-2012, 08:37 PM   #128
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OP, I would ask yourself what additional information do you need to know about your child? What else are you expecting to come out of this conference?
Do you need to know it in person? Or at this point has she already shared it with you? Or can you get it via email?
I think that she has shared with you a lot of information; you can probably skip the conference. I'm kind of surprised you want to go to the conference too - if I was told I didn't need to go, I would be happy and would tell my kid good job, would grab the folder of stuff they would usually give me, review it, sign it, and be on my way.
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Old 10-13-2012, 08:40 PM   #129
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Originally Posted by dznygurl View Post
As a teacher I have been through 14 years of conferencing. I don't see a problem with the teacher's email. I have had more than my share of parents that want praise praise praise for their "perfect" child. After I tell them that I have no issues and I think their child is doing very well, they ask questions such as "how much higher is my child than the others?", "does my child make the best grades?", or my all time "fave" is when they want to try and discuss another child's issues. These parents are clearly wasting my time, and preventing me from helping a struggling child. (And no, I never discuss other kids with other parents)

I love all my students, and want them all to succeed. However, some parents come into the conference needing self praise for being fortunate enough to have a great, smart kid. I have three kids of my own. I tell their teachers to let me know if they have any problems with my kids. I check grades weekly on our districts parent page on the Internet. I don't need to hear how amazing they are. I already know they are great kids
I hope that every teacher fallows your example and just focuses on the child at hand and not the other students in the class it is not the parents business as long as his/her kid is doing his/her best that is all that matters
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Old 10-13-2012, 08:53 PM   #130
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dznygurl View Post
As a teacher I have been through 14 years of conferencing. I don't see a problem with the teacher's email. I have had more than my share of parents that want praise praise praise for their "perfect" child. After I tell them that I have no issues and I think their child is doing very well, they ask questions such as "how much higher is my child than the others?", "does my child make the best grades?", or my all time "fave" is when they want to try and discuss another child's issues. These parents are clearly wasting my time, and preventing me from helping a struggling child. (And no, I never discuss other kids with other parents)

I love all my students, and want them all to succeed. However, some parents come into the conference needing self praise for being fortunate enough to have a great, smart kid. I have three kids of my own. I tell their teachers to let me know if they have any problems with my kids. I check grades weekly on our districts parent page on the Internet. I don't need to hear how amazing they are. I already know they are great kids
I am sorry but I have a problem with this. There is no such thing as "perfect". There is always some way to improve. Maybe the child is doing great but the teacher isn't challenging the child enough. I still think that the same way a struggling child needs the help the so called "perfect" child needs to be pushed to their potential as well. JMHO. YMMV.
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Old 10-13-2012, 10:15 PM   #131
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Mystery Machine View Post
OP signed up for a conference, teacher was trying to discourage parent from coming in to talk.

The tone of the email is a bit on the "different" side when teacher says "I find meeting you frustrating"...basically. I mean what the heck is that even supposed to mean?

In any even berating is harsh word to use, that is an exaggeration of course but the email itself is odd.

If a parent needs to see the teacher and meet with them, they should be allowed too without the teacher pressuring them to cancel.
I think you are reading that wrong.
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Old 10-13-2012, 10:29 PM   #132
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dznygurl View Post
As a teacher I have been through 14 years of conferencing. I don't see a problem with the teacher's email. I have had more than my share of parents that want praise praise praise for their "perfect" child. After I tell them that I have no issues and I think their child is doing very well, they ask questions such as "how much higher is my child than the others?", "does my child make the best grades?",
I can't imagine asking a teacher if my kid was higher than any other kid in the class! I had a teacher tell me my daughter was "one" of her top students but I never asked that and I certainly didn't say well who is above her LOL....as long as my daughter is doing as well as she can I don't care who is "above" her! My brother teachers high school and he says the parent teacher conferences there are a joke, only the better students parents come, the ones he really would want to see don't ever come!
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Old 10-13-2012, 10:32 PM   #133
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Originally Posted by Mouse House Mama
I am sorry but I have a problem with this. There is no such thing as "perfect". There is always some way to improve. Maybe the child is doing great but the teacher isn't challenging the child enough. I still think that the same way a struggling child needs the help the so called "perfect" child needs to be pushed to their potential as well. JMHO. YMMV.
I put "perfect" in quotation marks for that reason. I have had parents that feel their child is just that. They come to conference day seeking praise and assurance that their child is smarter than others. Sure a bright child can and needs to be pushed to their full potential (and more). I do just that in my classroom. I would rather spend 30 minutes with a parent of a struggling child, giving them loads of resources and suggestions rather than spend 15 minutes telling little Susie's mom that she is amazing and well behaved and always does what she is told, etc.
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Old 10-14-2012, 01:51 AM   #134
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I would not have appreciated getting that e-mail. Mentioning it once was fine....let the parents know the teacher would think poorly of them for not going. But the note after the parent did sign up was over the top.

I have a 4th grader who is doing very well in school. She always has. I would be shocked if a teacher ever said she was anything but well behaved in class. (At home she is very good also, but.....no good is perfect and there are times she makes me need a time out!) And I still would not miss the fall conference. (our school offers conference to everyone in the fall, and in the spring invites parents of kids who have some issues....although any parent can request a slot).

Since she is of no real problem to the teacher, I get a bit concerned she will fall through the cracks. She is an authority pleaser and at times is very quiet. The teacher could practically ignore her and all would be fine from the teachers side. And DD would never say anything at home. I feel by going in to the conference, I make my daughter more of a real person. And I can find out if the teacher does get my daughter. I like getting to know the teacher a bit and how they perceive my child. And I like the teacher knowing that DD does have concerned involved parents at home. Yup, DD can be insecure. Getting good grades and being "good" isn't the whole story on a student.

My DS, 10th grade, is the classic smart kid, not living up to his potential. Heck, there have been times he has buried his potential so well, the teachers didn't even know he had it. He also has ADHD. We spoke to all his teachers more than I would have liked for the first 7 years. We fell into the category of parents who obviously needed to see the teacher DS still needs to know we are only one e-mail, phone call or conference away from his teachers. But conferences are usually much more relaxed....and no way would I miss going and hearing the teacher has no issues. No "buts" at the end of positive comments! Heck, I have earned that big sigh of relief!

Not speaking for any other parents, but for us, I think our interest in their learning and partnership with their teachers has helped make them the good students they are. And before somebody gets all defensive, I don't think you HAVE to go the conference to be interested..I just think in OUR case it is one more brick in the wall...cue Pink Floyd.

At our school, back to school night is really for the teacher just to give us all the info on class procedures, what will be studied, etc. No time to even really say hello. Conferences come in late October...school starts after Labor Day. Our teachers expect to speak with all parents, always seem happy to relax a bit at the easy ones, and are sad when the parents they NEED to see don't show.
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Old 10-14-2012, 06:30 AM   #135
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I go. My children might behave well in school, but I still need to know if there is anything I should be working on at home. My oldest is a freshman in college and my youngest is in second grade. I've seen my share of conferences. I go to also see if the teacher knows my child.

I also like to hear their expectations for the school year so that my child can stay on top of it. Our school system is going through a transition with a variety of " curriculum ideas" I want to see how the teachers are implementing them in the classroom.

I find I have to redirect a meeting often away from how "perfect" my child is to what he can improve upon. There are things I can improve on, I know my children have to have some as well.
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