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Old 10-12-2012, 12:12 PM   #61
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DS only got on his school's wrestling team due to lack of participation when he signed up or at least that's what he tells me. He really struggled but after a few years, something kicked in and he got really good at the sport. His coach marveled that he was like a different kid. He likely would not have made the team if there had been more students signing up though.

By the way, this is another sport where size doesn't matter since it's split into weight categories.
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Old 10-12-2012, 12:39 PM   #62
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Has he ever tried soccer?

The thing I really liked about youth soccer was there was a good role out there for all body types of kids.

What's sad is that even in soccer, there are problems for smaller kids. My son is involved in club soccer, and I have watched over the years as the shorter kids were "cut" from the top team. Size does matter in sports, fair or not.

Rejection is so hard. I feel every rejection my kids have ever had. I've hugged my kids when they didn't get a part in the play or didn't get a spot on a coveted team. I try to treat it as a life lesson, and I work hard to find them their niche. For some kids, its harder than others. Some kids are multi-talented, but not a superstar in any one area. It can be hard to convince these kids of how blessed they will be in the future. I wish I had better words of advice for you.
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Old 10-12-2012, 01:00 PM   #63
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This is just me, but I wouldn't label this as "rejection". My kids have tried out for all sorts of extracurricular events (all-state choir, dance team, etc.), but we would just simply refer to this as not qualifying. May be just me...I just never heard any of my friends say their kids were 'rejected' from any team they tried out for and didn't make.
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Old 10-12-2012, 01:23 PM   #64
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Truth is that EVERY parent thinks their kid is the next coming of Jeter or Kobe (or whoever). It's simply not true. When I'm evaluating a player, I'm not looking for the biggest, fastest or strongest. I'm looking for a combination of skill, baseball IQ and projected ability. It's not always about talent and current skill set. If your son is small, the coach may project that there's not much upside for this year in having your son on the team. In other words, your son's projected ability is maxed out this year. Next year (and possibly later this year), is a totally different story.


Is it possible there's something with your DS's attitude? Did he present something during tryouts that suggested that he's not "coachable"? Did he play "team ball"? Did he hustle?

Most coaches can take an unskilled (or "lessor" skilled) player and get them to step up their game, provided they're willing to listen & work. However, I've also seen good players, who if I was a coach, wouldn't want them on my team because of their attitude.

I am sorry this happened to you and your DS. I just want to suggest looking at other aspects of being on a team than just technical skill.
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Old 10-12-2012, 01:41 PM   #65
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Is it possible there's something with your DS's attitude? Did he present something during tryouts that suggested that he's not "coachable"? Did he play "team ball"? Did he hustle?

Most coaches can take an unskilled (or "lessor" skilled) player and get them to step up their game, provided they're willing to listen & work. However, I've also seen good players, who if I was a coach, wouldn't want them on my team because of their attitude.

I am sorry this happened to you and your DS. I just want to suggest looking at other aspects of being on a team than just technical skill.
Absolutely not! My DS is the most behaved kid in sports and he listens very well to instruction. As a matter of fact, when the Coach in charge was teaching them a skill my son was the only one who did it right the first time and the Coach acknowledged him for it by saying "good job for paying attention". I even remember his last season baseball coach saying to him "Hey buddy, your a really good player and you listen well for a 10 year old". I really feel that they put him where he is because of his size. I also know that one of his friends got put on the A team because of his size and the fact that the Mom has been chummy with the Coach. The friend really doesn't have the skill to be on the A team. I feel sorry for him because I know he will struggle.
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Old 10-12-2012, 06:14 PM   #66
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OP, the "C" team will be a great opportunity for your DS to shine. Once he gets a growth spurt he will have a better chance at one of the competative teams. His size could have been a factor because of the potential for him to get hurt against much larger boys. My DS is 54 inches tall at 7-- the same height as your 11 year old-- so they may be also considering injury and liability too.
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Old 10-12-2012, 06:47 PM   #67
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I manage an elite 14U travel baseball team and can tell you that cuts are necessary. Not every parent is going to be happy. It's never fun cutting someone, knowing that you may crush their spirit. That's where parenting comes in.

Truth is that EVERY parent thinks their kid is the next coming of Jeter or Kobe (or whoever). It's simply not true. When I'm evaluating a player, I'm not looking for the biggest, fastest or strongest. I'm looking for a combination of skill, baseball IQ and projected ability. It's not always about talent and current skill set. If your son is small, the coach may project that there's not much upside for this year in having your son on the team. In other words, your son's projected ability is maxed out this year. Next year (and possibly later this year), is a totally different story.

The biggest problem with youth sports today is that EVERY KID is lauded for participation. No effort or ability required. That gives parents and kids a certain sense of entitlement. Back when many of us were growing up, we knew how good we were by our performance. If we sucked, we knew it. If we were great, we knew it. We weren't congratulated for a sub-par performance. It either pushed us to get better or quit. Either way was a win for us because we weren't diluted into thinking that we were something that we're not.

As for your situation, if your son truly loves basketball, he will find a way to get better and compete, no matter what his size is. And, honestly, a little negative feedback every now and again isn't a bad thing for any of us. Everything doesn't always go our way. It'll teach him to adapt and overcome.

Best of luck to you and your son!!
Very interesting post from a coach's point of view.
I read this to DH (also a baseball coach, but age 8/9 at rec) and he said that back in our day "if you weren't that great, you DID get cut."
My ds is playing football (for the 2nd time in his life) and is finding out about politics. It made him pretty p.o.'d but he has worked hard and has earned his starting spot on the JV team. So who knows what the outcome will be for your son?
I also think how we as parents react has a lot to do with how our kids handle things.
(My ds is a lifelong baseball player...so we know the whole deal regarding sports)
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Old 10-12-2012, 10:14 PM   #68
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Not every child gets chosen for every team, production, or whatever. That's life. And those that have learned to deal with 'rejection' are really better off in the long run. I see those 'golden' children, who got every single thing they wanted.....prime teams, perfect positions, the lead in school shows, etc.....and they are now having extreme issues with having to deal with lesser spots in colleges. Some have even left school due to it's not living up to expectations.

My dd is almost 5'11'' tall...she is a theatre major. And let me tell you how many times she has learnt to deal with rejection. Anne of Green Gables??? Yeah, she would have been a perfect Anne...has the red hair, freckles, etc., but she was too tall and would make everyone else look like pygmies. So, they brought in a lesser actress, with blond hair that they dyed red, who couldn't sing, and made my dd a minor townsperson, in the background so that she wouldn't detract from the chosen 'Anne'...that was the only show my dd ever quit.
When she finally got a lead, a year ago, (due to the usual lead girls temper tantrum and not auditioning), many people came up to me and asked why dd had never been cast before?? That she was incredible, and what a waste it was to have her in the background. Well...that's the way the cookie crumbles in theatre. She knows that..and is prepared to go ahead anyway.
So....let your children be rejected. Support them, encourage them to stick with that activity. But please, don't tell them how stupid the coaches (or whatever) are, that their child is wonderful and talented and that they should have been chosen over others that are less talented. Believe me...coaches very seldom allow a talented player sit on the sidelines. Sure, a less talented player may be left behind in order to allow a similar player to be chosen due to politics. But a player that has talent and is gifted will not be left sitting.
Many parents allow their children they are the best thing since sliced bread. Let me share a story with you...
For my dd's entire life, I have told her that she will most likely not be a leading lady on Broadway...due to her height. I have always given her constructive critisicm...she didn't always like it, but if I saw room for improvement or if I saw her doing something that wasn't quite right, I told her. I always told her how wonderfully she had done if that was appropriate as well. I was never mean or nasty..just truthfull. It is my job as her parent to be sure she is grounded.
Well....when we went to her college freshman production a few weeks ago, this is what I told her following the show...'Kate, for the first time ever, I saw only the character...I never saw Kate!! Terrific job.' She jumped up and down and screamed!!! She was so happy. I asked her if it was worth hearing the less than stellar comments I made to her over the years. Oh yes, it was she said...she now understood what I had been trying to tell her...when I say you did something truly great, you'll know I mean it.
So, support those kids, but keep your expectations where they should be. Allow your children to do the best they can do, even if it's less than you think it should be. And when they are rejected, or don't go as high as they may want..support them and try to give them ideas as to how to improve. Then, when they give a truly wonderful performance, they will really believe what you say. This whole 'everyone gets a trophy or a prize' mentality just has to stop.
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Old 10-12-2012, 11:08 PM   #69
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He was rejected from getting into the Majors in baseball. The kids who don't make Majors have to play Minors. In the basketball case he was rejected from Suburban League and got bumped down to CYO. If they didn't have enough kids to make a "C" team he would have been cut. Wasn't a matter of what he "wanted" it was a matter of not getting on to the competitive teams.
Exactly. He ( or his parents ) were team shopping. It was a case of what was wanted in the baseball situation. No familiar with basketball setup.
But, I understand Little League, was on my son's LL Board for 6 years, including a term as President. My own son played Minors as an 11 year old. Gave him a chance to be a one of the best players in the division, and made a couple of Major coaches try to pull him up when they lost players.
This is a very important life lession for kids, you may not get what you want, but at least in the Little League situation, it is very common if a player in Minors is performing above the level they are in, they will be pulled up. Work hard, and you will be rewarded.
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Old 10-13-2012, 12:34 AM   #70
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Were there any children who tried out who weren't selected in the A/B/C teams? IMO your son HAS made a team, even if he has been 'rejected' from the A/B sides, he has still earned a position in a team. How would it look if you pulled him out because he wasn't in the team he deserved to be in? Persistance and resilience are key life skills that too many young people today lack. If something doesn't go their way, mummy and daddy complain until they get what they want - not saying you have done this as you haven't, but I coach many junior girls and it does happen.

Encourage your son to keep trying, if that's what he wants to do. Maybe as others have suggested try another sport, but if he enjoys the game then there is no reason for him to stop. When I was 10, I tried out for a representative team and was selected in the 'reject' team. I felt like crap when the A/B teams referred to us as the 'rejects' but I kept trying and improved so much that I made the A team the following year.
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Old 10-13-2012, 12:04 PM   #71
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Maybe I can put this a little more clearly which may be more helpful.
Right now your son is at an age and in organizations (such as Little League) where everyone who signs up makes a team, and everyone is guaranteed minimum play.
Come High School, which is about 3 or 4 years away for your son, it's real world time. Probably every kid trying out will have been an Allstar for years in other organizations, and Allstar level players won't make the High School team. It may be because of politics, an oversight or bad judgement by a coach, or because the child geniunely isn't skilled enough to play at that level. The sooner a child learns to enjoy where they are, and the things they need to do to try and move up, the better. And yes, there will be times when a deserving child does not move up.
IMHO, many adults did not learn this growing up. These are the adults that fueled the recent financial crisis, because they could not understand you can't get everything you want, you can only get what you can afford.
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Old 10-16-2012, 02:51 PM   #72
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Maybe I can put this a little more clearly which may be more helpful.
Right now your son is at an age and in organizations (such as Little League) where everyone who signs up makes a team, and everyone is guaranteed minimum play.
Come High School, which is about 3 or 4 years away for your son, it's real world time. Probably every kid trying out will have been an Allstar for years in other organizations, and Allstar level players won't make the High School team. It may be because of politics, an oversight or bad judgement by a coach, or because the child geniunely isn't skilled enough to play at that level. The sooner a child learns to enjoy where they are, and the things they need to do to try and move up, the better. And yes, there will be times when a deserving child does not move up.
IMHO, many adults did not learn this growing up. These are the adults that fueled the recent financial crisis, because they could not understand you can't get everything you want, you can only get what you can afford.
This is true. My 15 year old sophomore played freshman baseball last year. He was a 5 time all star on his little league teams (including when he moved up to the bigger field). He started exactly 2 games as a freshman and only had 30 at bats in a 26 game season. He's a great ballplayer, but there were kids that were better and he had to adjust.
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Old 10-16-2012, 02:59 PM   #73
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Absolutely not! My DS is the most behaved kid in sports and he listens very well to instruction. As a matter of fact, when the Coach in charge was teaching them a skill my son was the only one who did it right the first time and the Coach acknowledged him for it by saying "good job for paying attention". I even remember his last season baseball coach saying to him "Hey buddy, your a really good player and you listen well for a 10 year old". I really feel that they put him where he is because of his size. I also know that one of his friends got put on the A team because of his size and the fact that the Mom has been chummy with the Coach. The friend really doesn't have the skill to be on the A team. I feel sorry for him because I know he will struggle.
And this is going to be the case for the rest of his life. There is nothing you can do to prevent it. As I said, my dd was consistently passed over for things in order to allow the child who's parents, were in the directors face, to get the parts.
Now, she is coming into her own and doesn't even think about those days. The same will happen for your ds. He will be much better off as he goes through life. Those that have had mommy or daddy pave the way for them are going to be in for huge surprises when they realize that they can't make it on their own.
Rejection is hard...it's almost harder on the parents than it is on the child. Just support your child wherever he gets placed. Let him shine where he is planted!! Then, others will see what he has to offer. Being on the A Team isn't all that and a bag of chips..so to speak.
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Old 10-16-2012, 03:20 PM   #74
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Maybe I can put this a little more clearly which may be more helpful.
Right now your son is at an age and in organizations (such as Little League) where everyone who signs up makes a team, and everyone is guaranteed minimum play.
Come High School, which is about 3 or 4 years away for your son, it's real world time. Probably every kid trying out will have been an Allstar for years in other organizations, and Allstar level players won't make the High School team. It may be because of politics, an oversight or bad judgement by a coach, or because the child geniunely isn't skilled enough to play at that level. The sooner a child learns to enjoy where they are, and the things they need to do to try and move up, the better. And yes, there will be times when a deserving child does not move up.
IMHO, many adults did not learn this growing up. These are the adults that fueled the recent financial crisis, because they could not understand you can't get everything you want, you can only get what you can afford.
Thank you......
I really hope he doesn't plan to try out for HS teams because as it is right now in my city, it's mostly politics. Its sad but true. Hopefully by the time he gets into HS he will be happy just playing the sport recreationally. Even in Little League....I really hope once majors is over with he doesn't want to try for Babe Ruth but just play for Senior division instead. He will save himself a lot of hurt.
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Old 10-16-2012, 03:29 PM   #75
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This is just me, but I wouldn't label this as "rejection". My kids have tried out for all sorts of extracurricular events (all-state choir, dance team, etc.), but we would just simply refer to this as not qualifying. May be just me...I just never heard any of my friends say their kids were 'rejected' from any team they tried out for and didn't make.
This is along my thought as well. When I tried out for stuff and didn't make it, I didn't feel rejected, I just thought I didn't make the cut. I was in band, choir, etc and would try out for more specialized activities.

I wonder if you (the OP) are taking it harder than your son? Does he call it rejection or do you? Are you vocal about it being about politics?
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