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Old 10-11-2012, 04:53 PM   #31
Rylee
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Give him a hug. Acknowledge his feelings. Tell him you are sorry this happened to him and you understand how disappointed he is. Explain he is not the only one to experience this, it is not just this team, his school, etc., but that it happens everywhere... ball teams, theater, classrooms, even in the work force. Pamper him for one night, dine at his favorite restaurant, go out for sundaes, or order his favorite pizza.

Tomorrow - It's a new day, move on. Don't dwell on it or continue to make a big deal out of how wronged he was because feeling sorry for oneself has never help anyone. Point out the positives of playing on the "C" team, (if he chooses to) and talk to him about trying other activities where height is not an issue.

DS14 is only in the 3rd percentile, (his brother who is 3 years younger, and also short for his age, wears a size larger in shirts and shoes.)

DS14 is an amazing baseball player! We were lucky, the first coach he had, and was with for 4 years, was SHORT! He kept saying, "He reminds me of myself when I was his age." He gave our son a chance at playing the key positions, and now that our son plays for other coaches, they have to play him... he's that good!

He wants to try out for JV basketball this year... I am concerned we'll also be dealing with rejection.

A basketball coach once said to DH... "I'll take a tall kid that can't play over a short kid that can, any time. I can teach a tall kid to play but I can't teach a short kid to be tall."
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Old 10-11-2012, 05:17 PM   #32
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I would say that if he really wants to play basketball long term, he should play on the C team or join a rec. league. He's only 11, so likely the height thing will even out in a couple of years when puberty hits full bore. By playing until it happens, though, he'll be demonstrating commitment and building his skills. Then, when he grows he'll have a better chance of getting onto one of the advanced teams.

If he quits now, he'll have a harder time getting back in, even if he grows to eight feet tall. His skills will have atrophied. If basketball's not that important to him, it may be time to find some other fun activity.
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Old 10-11-2012, 05:22 PM   #33
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Last year, my daughter went to her soccer coach and asked him what she could do to improve. Most coaches would live that. This guy told her "grow six inches and gain 50 lbs." Gee, thanks for the helpful advice.

Anyway, two days after she scored the winning goal that put the team in first place and caused them to win the division, she was cut from the team (she'd been on the team 3 years, but this had been a new coach). We know it was due to her size. We told her to take this year to work on her skills and aggressiveness, and prove to him at next year's tryouts that she should be there. That's really all that could be done.

Everything is a learning experience. She was more annoyed than upset, however.
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Old 10-11-2012, 05:35 PM   #34
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mdsoccermom
Last year, my daughter went to her soccer coach and asked him what she could do to improve. Most coaches would live that. This guy told her "grow six inches and gain 50 lbs." Gee, thanks for the helpful advice.

Anyway, two days after she scored the winning goal that put the team in first place and caused them to win the division, she was cut from the team (she'd been on the team 3 years, but this had been a new coach). We know it was due to her size. We told her to take this year to work on her skills and aggressiveness, and prove to him at next year's tryouts that she should be there. That's really all that could be done.

Everything is a learning experience. She was more annoyed than upset, however.
Unfortunately, despite what people have said on this thread, size does matter in soccer. A short kid has to be extraordinary for most coaches to value them. It sucks but its true.
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Old 10-11-2012, 05:44 PM   #35
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Unfortunately, despite what people have said on this thread, size does matter in soccer. A short kid has to be extraordinary for most coaches to value them. It sucks but its true.
Yep. Maybe it doesn't matter in rec, but they definitely take it into consideration at higher levels, like it or not. The coach told me that she has good skills - she has outstanding foot skills and is fast - but he didn't think she could stay on the ball with much larger opponents.

Anyway, that's not a problem this season. She's taken this experience to heart and has definitely proven that she can knock around the bigger girls. She worked a lot over the summer and has definitely gotten more aggressive. Didn't hurt that she grew a few inches over the summer, LOL! She just needs to hope this all translates for HS and club tryouts next year.

Last edited by mdsoccermom; 10-11-2012 at 05:50 PM.
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Old 10-11-2012, 05:46 PM   #36
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It is hard to see your child rejected. I think kids are actually pretty resilient and in some ways take it better than parents. On the flip side, my DD 9 was on the "B" travel team for soccer last year. She was doing great and loved it. Then she made the "A" team this year...and is unhappy. She is no longer the star of her team and feels down on herself after every game and practice. She wishes she had never made the top team. Just something to think about...
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Old 10-11-2012, 05:48 PM   #37
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Yes exactly....his being small doesn't give him much strength behind his hits. Although he is a great hitter, he just doesn't have the strength to hit the ball out of the park like some of the big kids can do. He is very good as a short stop, or any infield position and he is a lefty pitcher. He does have assets.

I also want to add, one of his friends is 5'5 and weighs 125lbs at 11 years old. The kid is bigger than me! Granted his parents are both very tall people. My hubby is 5'7 and I am 5'4 so there isn't much hope for my boy to be a big kid.
At middle school age, sports become about size. High school sports will be even more brutal. Unfortunately, your ds is going to be too short for basketball, football, baseball, soccer, etc. unless he is an extraordinary athlete. You say he lacks upper body strength so it doesn't sound like he's going to be that exception. I would not encourage him to try out for travel level sports unless you want him to go through more rejection. Sure, there will be plenty of examples of excellent short athletes but the odds of being that exceptional athlete are so small (no pun intended).

You would do him a favor by encouraging him to pick a sport where size is not an issue. Gymnastics, diving, wrestling, karate, rowing, equestrian events, etc. would be more viable options for him. Alternatively, he could play rec level in basketball, etc.
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Old 10-11-2012, 05:51 PM   #38
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DS is 15 and a HS Sophomore. He was the only sophomore who made the varsity soccer team out of tryouts. He starts and plays a LOT of minutes. This is a kid who was pretty undersized until last year. Also, for his entire career in our town's soccer program he never once made the top team in his age group. Politics kept him off those teams. As a result, he was lucky enough to be with the same coach from u10 thru u14, and evolved into a true leader on that team. Add that to the training he's received from his club team, and he has beaten out 3 seniors on his HS team.

For us, DS was able to embrace his role as a leader on the lower team, and really had a chance to shine. And yes he was bummed he never made the "A" team, but many of those kids are either still playing JV, or not starting on Varsity, so the payoff may come, it will just take a while.
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Old 10-11-2012, 06:08 PM   #39
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Sometimes politics does play a role. My daughter made the JV basketball team as a Sophomore, but did not play a lot. The girls on varsity her age all played AAU for the head hs coach in Junior high. Anyway, went back to her AAU team that spring and blew away the AAU teams the other girls played on in route to an AAU state championship. She was her team's point guard and second leading scorer. It was actually pretty funny to watch her stealing balls and blowing by the girls on her high school team. She also had a great showing at nationals that the other girls were not eligible to attend. She never complained and got her revenge. She ended up quitting the basketball team. She is now a college lacrosse player and has been a starter since day one and helped lead her college team to their first ever league championship and first ever undefeated league season.

My son was cut from the HS soccer team as a freshman. He was a good player, but like your son not very big. He ended up concentrating on swimming where he helped them win four state championships and one national championship.

You never know what the future holds and you just have to roll with the punches.
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Old 10-11-2012, 06:21 PM   #40
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First, if your son is small football is the wrong choice. Coaches look for size and speed.
Second, let him learn to play his instrument before he auditions for smaller groups. There are so many musical opportunities between musicals, community theater, marching bands, jazz and pep bands, etc.

If he is set on sports, track is great for undersized athletes. Lots of different events and practice relays are the best.
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Old 10-11-2012, 06:45 PM   #41
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First off, I think the DIS should add a Parenting topic. The DIS has always given me so many responses so I always know where to come for anything.

My DS has once again been rejected for a sports team. I think it affects me as much as it does him. He is 11 and is small for his age or at least smallest in his grade at 54" tall. All the kids these days seem to be ginormous!! Anyway, he and his two friends all tried out for a travelling basketball team that has 3 levels of ablilty. A=advanced, B=less advanced and C=rejects from A&B. My DS's 2 friends got picked for A and B, my son was left for C. Now, I am not being biased here but my son is a better player than both the friends. I know politics are involved and its sad. Not really sure how to make him feel better.
Get him involved in wrestling. One on one. Best wrestler wins. No politics. IMO the best sport for a youngster to be involved in, if they can take it.
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Old 10-11-2012, 06:55 PM   #42
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I manage an elite 14U travel baseball team and can tell you that cuts are necessary. Not every parent is going to be happy. It's never fun cutting someone, knowing that you may crush their spirit. That's where parenting comes in.

Truth is that EVERY parent thinks their kid is the next coming of Jeter or Kobe (or whoever). It's simply not true. When I'm evaluating a player, I'm not looking for the biggest, fastest or strongest. I'm looking for a combination of skill, baseball IQ and projected ability. It's not always about talent and current skill set. If your son is small, the coach may project that there's not much upside for this year in having your son on the team. In other words, your son's projected ability is maxed out this year. Next year (and possibly later this year), is a totally different story.

The biggest problem with youth sports today is that EVERY KID is lauded for participation. No effort or ability required. That gives parents and kids a certain sense of entitlement. Back when many of us were growing up, we knew how good we were by our performance. If we sucked, we knew it. If we were great, we knew it. We weren't congratulated for a sub-par performance. It either pushed us to get better or quit. Either way was a win for us because we weren't diluted into thinking that we were something that we're not.

As for your situation, if your son truly loves basketball, he will find a way to get better and compete, no matter what his size is. And, honestly, a little negative feedback every now and again isn't a bad thing for any of us. Everything doesn't always go our way. It'll teach him to adapt and overcome.

Best of luck to you and your son!!
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Old 10-11-2012, 06:59 PM   #43
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Can I be honest? Maybe basketball really isn't the right sport for him to focus on considering that he is short? In all honesty, basketball is a tall person's sport, and I think that most coaches will pick the taller kids. Especially if it's a travel team, which, I assume, are pretty competitive.

Really it does stink when this happens, but all you can do is say, "yup, it sucks, better luck next time."

Maybe he would like to get involved in a sport that isn't so focused on size? Soccer or baseball maybe?
Actually not true.

My nephew didn't break 5 ft till this summer (he is barely over 5 now I think they put him at 5'1 at the end of august). He's 13 and a seventh grader. He was invited to a national ranking camp for basketball this summer based on coaches and scouts watching him play compitition and recreation ball.

He is the number 4 guard in the nation, 15 overall for the entire camp in ALL positions according to a national agency (not the group who put on the camp but an independant ranking body).

That being said he is a phenom, and if you are small in basketball you have to be good to overcome the preconception that if you're not tall you can't be a basketball player. If a coach will take a tall kid over one who has better skills than he's a crappy coach. (at least at point and wing, center well that is a position where short is not going to cut it)

I would let your child play on the C team. Let him show them his skills, if he's good than they will move him up, but because he is small he's going to have to accept the fact that he needs to just GET on the team and then work and prove that he is a player.
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Old 10-11-2012, 07:10 PM   #44
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Sorry to hear about this, I feel your pain. My son is in the 7th grade and is the smallest. He never wanted to play bball or football because of his height. Thankfully he discovered ice hockey! Size isn't a factor but quickness and agility are! He found his calling!
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Old 10-11-2012, 08:19 PM   #45
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Thanks everyone for the advice and encouragement. It helped a lot. He hasn't talked much about it today and seems in a better mood. I'm sure he will be completely ok with it all once practice and games start. I do know one thing, he won't be struggling like those kids who made the A & B teams, so that makes me feel better. He will be having fun
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