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Old 10-11-2012, 01:16 PM   #1
lukenick1
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healing your child from rejection :(

First off, I think the DIS should add a Parenting topic. The DIS has always given me so many responses so I always know where to come for anything.

My DS has once again been rejected for a sports team. I think it affects me as much as it does him. He is 11 and is small for his age or at least smallest in his grade at 54" tall. All the kids these days seem to be ginormous!! Anyway, he and his two friends all tried out for a travelling basketball team that has 3 levels of ablilty. A=advanced, B=less advanced and C=rejects from A&B. My DS's 2 friends got picked for A and B, my son was left for C. Now, I am not being biased here but my son is a better player than both the friends. I know politics are involved and its sad. Not really sure how to make him feel better.
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Old 10-11-2012, 01:22 PM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lukenick1 View Post
First off, I think the DIS should add a Parenting topic. The DIS has always given me so many responses so I always know where to come for anything.

My DS has once again been rejected for a sports team. I think it affects me as much as it does him. He is 11 and is small for his age or at least smallest in his grade at 54" tall. All the kids these days seem to be ginormous!! Anyway, he and his two friends all tried out for a travelling basketball team that has 3 levels of ablilty. A=advanced, B=less advanced and C=rejects from A&B. My DS's 2 friends got picked for A and B, my son was left for C. Now, I am not being biased here but my son is a better player than both the friends. I know politics are involved and its sad. Not really sure how to make him feel better.
Can I be honest? Maybe basketball really isn't the right sport for him to focus on considering that he is short? In all honesty, basketball is a tall person's sport, and I think that most coaches will pick the taller kids. Especially if it's a travel team, which, I assume, are pretty competitive.

Really it does stink when this happens, but all you can do is say, "yup, it sucks, better luck next time."

Maybe he would like to get involved in a sport that isn't so focused on size? Soccer or baseball maybe?
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Old 10-11-2012, 01:24 PM   #3
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So sorry for your son! It's horrible to see our kids hurting, isn't it? (I was on the verge of tears when DS was telling me about the "mean kid" in his class a few days ago...)
I don't think there's anything you can do to help your son "heal" from the rejection. It's part of life. A miserable part, but one that we all deal with, and early rejections from sports teams, etc. is the way you actually learn to deal with it later in life. At this point, I think the only thing you can do is to help your son have an awesome, fun, and developmental year on the C team. Remind him that he still gets to play basketball, and may have a better chance at developing his skills on a learning team where he'll get to play more than by being one of the bottom players on the A or B team. Don't mention politics or his being better than the other kids - as his mom, you really have no way of accurately assessing that and, more importantly, it just doesn't matter. The coach gets to decide.
Additionally, 11 years old seems like a great time to make some realistic assessments of his skills and interests. Maybe you can help him get involved in music, theater, scouts, school clubs, different sports, etc. to help him find his 'niche'.

Good luck. I'm not looking forward to middle school with my DS, that's for sure!
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Old 10-11-2012, 01:28 PM   #4
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Can I be honest? Maybe basketball really isn't the right sport for him to focus on considering that he is short? In all honesty, basketball is a tall person's sport, and I think that most coaches will pick the taller kids. Especially if it's a travel team, which, I assume, are pretty competitive.

Really it does stink when this happens, but all you can do is say, "yup, it sucks, better luck next time."

Maybe he would like to get involved in a sport that isn't so focused on size? Soccer or baseball maybe?
Funny you should say this....... he also plays baseball and is VERY GOOD at it. He got rejected in that too. He was the only one of his friends who didn't get on a "majors" team last season. He also just recently tried out for a competitive league for baseball and the coach said although they were really impressed with him, they took the bigger/stronger kid. He should not have to give up and quit because of his size. JMHO I would be the first person to admit if he weren't good at a sport (my other son is not good at sports). He truly is a good athlete.
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Old 10-11-2012, 01:31 PM   #5
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I would tell him that in order to make it better for himself, he can do one of two things:

1. Play on the team and try to improve his skills for next year's try outs.

2. Try a new sport or activity. (and maybe have some ideas of things you think he might be interested in.)

There is nothing you can do about politics in sports. Its there and it sucks.

But, you know, not everyone is going to be the star player or the best at the sport. Some players just love whatever sport they are playing and are content with not being a starter or whatever.

Maybe he would rather have the chance to play basketball and be on "C" than to not play basketball? Or maybe there is a req team somewhere that would be more enjoyable to him.
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Old 10-11-2012, 01:32 PM   #6
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What about gymnastics? The vertically challenged have an advantage in this sport. Plus, as he gets older, the added coordination that comes along with gymnastics will come in quite handy.
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Old 10-11-2012, 01:34 PM   #7
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Funny you should say this....... he also plays baseball and is VERY GOOD at it. He got rejected in that too. He was the only one of his friends who didn't get on a "majors" team last season. He also just recently tried out for a competitive league for baseball and the coach said although they were really impressed with him, they took the bigger/stronger kid. He should not have to give up and quit because of his size. JMHO I would be the first person to admit if he weren't good at a sport (my other son is not good at sports). He truly is a good athlete.

Oh, that stinks. I'm not saying he should quit, but like the PP said, maybe just say, "hey, you're on the team, make the best of it." I I have to agree, though, I wouldn't comment about politics or whatever, I would just kind of go with a "make he best of it" attitude, and tell him to just keep trying. Eventually he will find his niche.

Remember, too, that not all the "big" kids will stick with it either. I'm tall, very tall for a woman, and I HATED basketball. So maybe if he keeps playing and works hard maybe a spot will open up.

...and, admittedly, my 11 year old isn't really into sports.
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Old 10-11-2012, 01:39 PM   #8
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My husband is 5'6" and a tremendous athlete. He did play high school football and was the smallest player on the team. But very fast and very tough. He stayed away from things like basketball due to his height although he is very skilled at anything he plays.

It's a shame to say but there is a bias in sports against short people. It's going to be very hard for your son to get by this unless he comes across a coach who is open minded and looks strictly at his skills.

My husband has learned to direct his activities into things that don't rely on height. He is an avid cyclist, runner, and swimmer. He gave up the other sports long ago when he was dwarfed by everyone!!

Anyway, I know it's tough at your son's age because the things that he will be able to excel in won't come until middle or high school. If his height is going to be a long-term issue (does he just need a growth spurt or is he likely to be on the shorter side all his life), you should encourage him to take up things like track and field, lacrosse, soccer, etc, where speed and agility or the main factors.

Now the baseball leaves me scratching my head because I don't think his height should come into play there. I wonder if they think he can't hit hard because he's small?
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Old 10-11-2012, 01:40 PM   #9
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I also should add that he is in the process of trying out for the school jazz band as a Saxaphone player. He is new to the Sax (only started playing it a month ago). He has picked it up very quickly (being a previous clarinet player) but not sure he will be able to compete with those kids that have been playing for a while. Ugh... another rejection is not what this kids self esteem needs. Being a parent is the hardest job ever!!
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Old 10-11-2012, 01:41 PM   #10
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I am sorry this is happening to your son. It truly does stink when your kid is rejected.
My son is also on the small side (well, he's 50th percentile, but everybody else seems to be in the 90th!) His sport is ice hockey where size also seems to be an advantage.

My son is a good player. He's not a prodigy by any means, but he's a pretty good player. He tried out for the Select team for 3 years and didn't make the "A" team while bigger kids, who I don't think are as technically skilled, made the team. (Not sure how much "politics" were involved. They brought in outside coaches to judge... but sometimes I think size is more immediately noticeable than skill, in something like a tryout. Sometimes I think the smaller kids need to be EXTRA good to even get noticed.)

Anyway, he was disappointed. We were disappointed. But he played on the "B" team and took the opportunity to be a leader. A couple of seasons of being one of the best on the B team really boosted his confidence and last year, he finally made the "A" team. And I think the victory was all the sweeter, if you know what I mean. He was so proud to have made it, and really took it seriously. If it "came easy" I don't think it would have meant as much to him.

So while I don't think there's a whole lot you can do to soothe the disappointment now, hopefully it will work out well for him in the long-term. (And I would be careful about talking about "politics" in front of him. My FIL was kind of incensed that DS didn't make the "A" team one year and said some things about the "unfairness" of the decision in front of DS. DS glommed onto that and instead of thinking "what can I do to improve?" he changed to "I was good enough, and it's not fair that I wasn't picked." Even if that's true, it's not helpful for the kid to hear, IMHO.)
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Old 10-11-2012, 01:44 PM   #11
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I was going to suggest trying another sport like gymnastics or cheerleading (at the high school and college level many males off season from football, baseball, basketball are now cheerleading to keep in shape)
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Old 10-11-2012, 01:45 PM   #12
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Now the baseball leaves me scratching my head because I don't think his height should come into play there. I wonder if they think he can't hit hard because he's small?
Yes exactly....his being small doesn't give him much strength behind his hits. Although he is a great hitter, he just doesn't have the strength to hit the ball out of the park like some of the big kids can do. He is very good as a short stop, or any infield position and he is a lefty pitcher. He does have assets.

I also want to add, one of his friends is 5'5 and weighs 125lbs at 11 years old. The kid is bigger than me! Granted his parents are both very tall people. My hubby is 5'7 and I am 5'4 so there isn't much hope for my boy to be a big kid.
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Old 10-11-2012, 01:50 PM   #13
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Has he ever tried soccer?

The thing I really liked about youth soccer was there was a good role out there for all body types of kids.
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Old 10-11-2012, 01:51 PM   #14
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I was going to suggest trying another sport like gymnastics or cheerleading (at the high school and college level many males off season from football, baseball, basketball are now cheerleading to keep in shape)
No offense to male gymnasts, I LOVE the sport! Knowing my son, its not for him. He would look at me like i had 4 heads if I even mentioned it to him. He is not the least bit flexible and doesn't have much upper body strength.
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Old 10-11-2012, 01:55 PM   #15
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Has he ever tried soccer?

The thing I really liked about youth soccer was there was a good role out there for all body types of kids.
Yes as a younger boy and never liked it. He wasn't very aggressive at the time he played so it wasn't for him. I think he would probably be good but he just doesn't have any interest. He has expressed an interest this season in football but there are way too many injuries with football so I won't allow him to play. Scares me to death! A friend of mine just lost his cousin to a broken neck in high school football. I will look into flag football for him next fall though.
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