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Old 10-09-2012, 08:41 PM   #31
jesswindsor
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I thought it was great!!! Good Read, Thanks for sharing!!
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Old 10-09-2012, 08:57 PM   #32
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I find it funny that posters are critiquing the format and spacing. When it was copied into a post not how it looked when it was turned
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Old 10-09-2012, 09:02 PM   #33
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Of course it was satire. How can anyone think it is anything else. I liked the wording, but I have to agree that with no spacing for paragraphs, etc. it was a bear to read. Still it was kinda funny and certainly creative. Good job.

But you know, it causes one to think...especially the part about these people preventing others from having a happy enjoyable vacation. Why are their needs more legitimate then the others. If stopping to take a picture is how they enjoy, why not? If walking hand and hand is how they are making the visit memorable, why not? All one has to do is say excuse me and walk around them.

Some of the things were inconsiderate...but not necessarily rude (I hate that word, it is used incorrectly all the time). Crying kids...that is more a case of missing brain cells then anything else. Having a kid on your shoulder...more a case of adults hogging all the spots where a child could see. (they are short you know) Yes, I know WDW is for everyone, not just kids...but I outgrew my need to see parades shortly after puberty.
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Old 10-09-2012, 09:12 PM   #34
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I think it's sad that a 15-year-old would have experienced most of the events depicted in the commentary...
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Old 10-09-2012, 09:18 PM   #35
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DisneyWitch View Post
I'm in agreement with MMay (previous poster), and I read this as a humorous / satirical piece. Seriously...if this young person jumped into Cinderella's moat, they'd be shuffled out of the World faster than you can say "Dole Whip, please!". And one of the best ways to convey humor in writing is to use hyperbole and outlandish actions which can make the audience see the absurdity of the situation.

Sophomoric or not, I was mostly impressed with the quality of the writing and the style used. It's actually really neat to see a young person who can write...I think that's a lost art nowadays.

Heck, I was beginning to think that anyone under the age of 20 was incapable of writing anything that wasn't text-message-shortened, or Twitterized. And if I see another person writing emails like "R U comng ovr 2nite?" or "I m going to c u 2moro", I will consider that the apocalypse is a-coming! LOL

As far as the subject, remember we're reading the words coming from a 15 year old brain, and their idea of humor and satire. Not shabby for a kid who is younger than some of the clothes in my wardrobe!! I recently read some of my teenage stuff back in the day, and it's pretty goofy too. But kudos to the author for being articulate! More of this please!

. I think it's OK at times to tease or make fun of situations...there was no one specifically named. I also think that this was a satirical writing meant to be funny...Good job!
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Old 10-09-2012, 09:54 PM   #36
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I 15 years old (x3), and I think the OP hit it out of the park. Funny, yes. True, HELL YES! And I love all the DISsers who were so quick to critique the formatting, etc. and defend the actions of the "guests" that were written about.

I have personally witnessed many of these actions at WDW, and in other places. And many of these actions ARE rude, or at the very least, inconsiderate.

1. The photo takers. If you are going to stand across a walkway from your subject, you should expect people to walk through your shot. I quit being polite with these people long ago. If I see someone setting up a shot, I will try to walk around the photographer, if I have a chance. But I'm not going to go out of my way to do so. Set your shot up differently! Why is it that the photo pass photographers don't block walkways? Hmmm.

2. People with strollers. Pay attention to where you are going. Pushing a kid does NOT give you the right of way.

3. The arm-in-arm-in-arm folk. These people truly suck, and they are the rudest of all. Who gives you the right to block the entire sidewalk, street, or other walkway? Personally, I have no problem bending down to tie my shoe when I see one of these groups approaching.

Bravo to the OP for posting this piece. But I would have cautioned you about the potential reaction. It's great that some people agreed and/or saw the humor/satire in this (we can't call it sarcasm or we'll get a warning). But posting something like this on this forum is always going to bring out the worst in others. Why? Because the truth hurts. The entitled are always going to come down from their high horses to defend their ilk. It's human nature in much of the bizzaro dis world.
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Old 10-10-2012, 03:56 AM   #37
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I would guess this was written for an English class which was studying the use of satire in literature. They probably just finished reading Johnathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal"--that is about 10th grade work most places.

Personally, I think it is a cute topic. The approach is fine, average work--neither great nor terrible for the age (assuming the formatting is a function of cut and paste and not what the girl actually turned in).

I do think, as is common in this age, that the writer tried too hard to throw big words and "complex" sentences in and it only resulted in jumbling the message and highlighting her weak understanding of some of what she was using.

I also thought the intro, while a cute idea, did not really work with where she went with the rest of the essay. It is so hard for young writers to learn when to let go of an ideaif it is not working, and it seems this one is still learning that.
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Old 10-10-2012, 04:23 AM   #38
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OP--I enjoyed her declaration and please tell her "good job" and "too funny!".

Many of the PP here need to take a Xanax or three and get their knickers unknotted. GEEZE! I wonder what you would do if it was YOUR kid writing something! Very rude, IMHO. (PPs not the OP)

My favorite was the water-gunning of the kids on shoulders and diving into the moat. LOL! Quite a little video in my old head!
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Old 10-10-2012, 05:28 AM   #39
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NHdisneylover View Post

I do think, as is common in this age, that the writer tried too hard to throw big words and "complex" sentences in and it only resulted in jumbling the message and highlighting her weak understanding of some of what she was using.


I completely agree. It made me think of people who say things like 'whereas' and 'heretofore' and use unneccesary adjectives in order to fill space or sound more knowledgeable. My P.E. teacher would have graded that a low 'C' and my English, History, or Creative Writing teachers' heads would have imploded if I had ever turned in a paper like that. Good idea with lots of potential, but it missed the mark as a satirical piece. Drop the smug, pretentious, condescending tone, throw in a little self-deprecating humor, and she will have a much more tolerable (maybe even enjoyable) little Mickey Manifesto.

PLUS, she forgot the fastest growing, most dangerous, and hands-down most annoying segment of the Disney populace: the 'walk & phoners.' These are the fools who try to weave through Fantasyland at high noon while looking straight down at their iPhones, thumbs tapping out some staccato message like a precision drum line. What are they doing?!? Checking Facebook? Harvesting crops on FarmVille? Texting their Bff who is stuck back at home? Bidding on a kidney on eBay? Or maybe taking notes for their 'other people are sooooo rude and stupid but my tomfoolery & hijinks are hilarious' school paper contest entry? Last month I saw people walk into doorways, walls, other guests, over children, fall off curbs and one actually t-boned my stroller pretty hard while we were in line for a corn dog one evening. Never looked up til she tripped over it & her phone flew out of her hand. My two year old daughter's face screwed up into a mask of righteous indignation, and she yelled, "Heyyyy!! Dat's NOT nice! Your knee hurted my buddy!" Op's daughter could have written a picture book about these people, no words needed at all!

So, in conclusion, keep practicing. The more she writes, the better she will get. Being able to take constructive (and some not so constructive) criticism & apply it so she naturally evolves into a writing style that works for her is key. She's 15! Tell her not to strive to write LIKE someone...find her own voice and tune it.
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Old 10-10-2012, 05:35 AM   #40
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KrazyKollector View Post
OP--I enjoyed her declaration and please tell her "good job" and "too funny!".

Many of the PP here need to take a Xanax or three and get their knickers unknotted. GEEZE! I wonder what you would do if it was YOUR kid writing something! Very rude, IMHO. (PPs not the OP)

My favorite was the water-gunning of the kids on shoulders and diving into the moat. LOL! Quite a little video in my old head!
It was posted on a public forum as a work submitted for school - so, I'm not sure what you expected? Empty platitudes about how this child is a genius, brilliant, OMG, tears are rolling down my face as I read this, ROFLMAO, and twenty pages of thank yous?
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Old 10-10-2012, 08:53 AM   #41
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What a hot mess. Impossible to read and I as a parent would have made my child edit the crap out of it.

I'd also be working with my child not to be so self centered. Because they don't like something doesn't mean they are entitled to be rude. Or that theirs is the only reasinable opinion on the subject.

Did the op ever say which class this was supposedly for.
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Old 10-10-2012, 09:25 AM   #42
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Loved it. It's a very funny satire piece so I'm surprised to people critiquing it as though it's meant for a scientific journal.
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Old 10-10-2012, 09:56 AM   #43
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Satire needs to be well written just as any other piece. And really is satire amusing when it is just "people suck, and I know everything?" There has to be a credibility in it to make it amusing.
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Old 10-10-2012, 10:03 AM   #44
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I put it into my word processor and did a little technical clean up. Also, I ran spell check (instead of "spell as you go") and there were two pair of doubled words.

But I have printed it and am taking it into work with me tomorrow.

The clean up I did was:
1. Indent each paragraph.
2. Put a blank line between paragraphs
3. Removed all the hyphens; the hyphenated phrases were already within quotation marks.
4. Capitalized "Imagineers".

I'll report back what other CMs think of it.
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Old 10-10-2012, 10:11 AM   #45
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Love it!! Just the points of the many groups of people, no one is perfect even at WDW!
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