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Old 01-21-2012, 08:27 PM   #1
disneymommy78
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Angel mommies?

Just wondering if there are any other angel mommies out there. I am a new Angel mommy and absolutely struggling right now. I cry off and on all day long, the other part of the day I sit in silence, just wishing and hoping my sweet girl was still here with me. Sometimes it feels like it was only hours ago that she became an angel, others it feels like it has been years. The house is empty and more quiet, silent almost without her here. Nothing feels right, I don't know when it will feel right. When will the pain and ache and emptiness stop? Will my life ever feel "good" again?

I miss you, Leann. Rest in peace, sweet girl.

Mommy loves you and misses you.

Karen, forever a mom of two girls and expecting two more,

^\Leann/^ (7-09-1997- 1-17-12, forever 14), Cailyn (8), and eagerly anticipating arrivals of Ena Hope and Alanna Grace
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Old 01-22-2012, 02:12 AM   #2
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Hi Karen,

I saw your post on the community board and my heart aches for you, I have been thinking of you and your family

Having never suffered as you have I have no idea how a mother can move on from the ultimate loss of a precious daughter, Leann

I hesitate to suggest this because I don't know if it would help but some dear friends that lost their daughter did find some comfort from getting grief counselling....................I wish I had something more to offer.

Honestly I have no answers for you but I will continue to keep you and your family close to my heart.

Please post here whenever you feel the need to have a chat, we are here to listen and offer a cyber hug when you need us.
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Old 01-22-2012, 11:49 AM   #3
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Karen,
My story is far different than yours as my first child, DD, was stillborn at 23 weeks. We never had the opportunity to know her but it has defined who I am as a mother. I now have two children, DD - 11, and DS - 4, both healthy babies after months and months of bedrest. From your posts, I understand that you are on bedrest with the twins. As far as your life ever being normal again, I think it will be a new normal for you and your family. In my situation, my grief was at its worst when DD was 3-4 months old. This didn't make sense to me since we lost our first baby over a year before that. I've learned that grief hits people in many different ways. But know it is ok to grieve and it is a very long process for many people. After what we have been through, I will never tell anyone I know how they feel unless I've been through the exact same situation. With this being said, I can't imagine losing a child at age 14 like you did with Leann. I've thought of you often since reading some of your posts. Feel free to PM if you think I can offer any type of advice to you or if you just want to chat. As the previous poster said, I do believe everyone is here to listen and offer encouragement!
Prayers continue for you and your family!!!
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Old 01-22-2012, 05:21 PM   #4
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Karen, I am so sorry..... I know that a million sorries will never fix it, but please know that my heart is open to you for anything.

My hope is that others will share their stories, their sadness, and perhaps it will give you some additional support for you.

Sometimes just posting, knowing someone is here for you is helpful.

My thoughts and prayers
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Old 01-22-2012, 10:40 PM   #5
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Thanks, guys.

Everyone is struggling right now and it is so hard. Even our pets are sad and acting off. For months, Meeko and Izzy (our cat and yorkie), slept with Leann in bed or on the couch when she wasn't at the clinic or inpatient. My younger daughter isn't sleeping through the night and has been sleeping with mom and dad at night, my husband isn't sleeping and has to go back to work next week, and of course there's the stress of our sweet babies.

Leann's friends are struggling. They are faced with something normal fifteen/fourteen year olds should never face. Leann actually never made it back to public school since her dx, had to do everything homebound due to the treatment and the complication after complication she faced. Everyone tells us to remember the good days, but even that is hard because since her relapse in November, heck since her original dx in July of 2010 she hardly had a break. She faced intense nausea/gi upset, was fed via gtube, had severe neuropathies, a stroke like episode, epilepsy, battled multiple infections, spent 200+ days inpatient, over 40 total days on a ventilator, had multiple surgeries, spent most of her last few months in a wheelchair, unable to walk. She was a mere shell of what she used to be two years ago and I HATE what this stupid disease did to my daughter and what it took from our family. Hate it!
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Old 01-23-2012, 07:47 PM   #6
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Karen,

I am so very sorry for your loss. I know no words are going to help you understand why this happened to you, and I'm truly sorry for that. I have not experienced your pain, so I don't know what you are going through. However, I have known people who have lost a child at a young age. Every family member had to go through grief therapy. The therapy gave each family member the tools to deal with getting out of bed every day. All the family member wrote in a journal about their feelings. One friend of mine said that she had to find a different normal because every day she woke up with a piece of her was missing.

Again, I'm so sorry for your lost.
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Old 01-25-2012, 02:17 AM   #7
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Karen, am I reading your twins are due in February? Wow, this must certainly make things a little harder right now.

I Just wanted to post in to say Hello, and ask if there is anything I can do? Sometimes there may be, no matter here or far... If so, please don't hesitate.
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Old 01-25-2012, 10:07 PM   #8
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My heart just aches for you and your family. I wish I could do or say more...

I am so sorry for your loss.
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Old 01-26-2012, 09:36 AM   #9
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Karen,

Not a mommy but a daddy.

Our daughter Sara passed away suddenly in late 2007 at the age of 15 from post-surgery complications after gall bladder surgery. I can definitely relate to what you are going through...my wife and I could barely function for awhile.

The pain never goes away and the loss will stay with you. It will lessen after awhile, but do not let anyone tell you how to grieve. Each one of us has to deal with loss in their own way. Sara's room still has not been gone through; her toothbrush is still in the holder. We leave them not to dwell on it, but it's a small comfort to see them as she left them.

Your greatest help in getting through this will be your family. Our two remaining children (both boys) were able to remind us that we had to keep moving. Our oldest son was in college when it happened and his gf at the time (his wife now) was also a blessing.

You and your family will be in our thoughts and prayers.

Will
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Old 01-26-2012, 09:02 PM   #10
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There are no words to express how sorry I am that this tragedy has struck your family. My heart goes out to you. I hope when you are ready you will reach out to support groups and/or counseling. I am so happy for you that you are having the twins. I'm sure you are completely overwhelmed. One day at time or sometimes one minute at a time. I pray for you and your family.
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Old 01-26-2012, 09:39 PM   #11
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We also lost a baby at 23 weeks pregnancy... Not nearly the same but she is our Angel Baby... My heart aches for you completely.... We never got to know our Kaylei... and in ways I thank God for that because I would not know how to make it through that... My prayers are with you
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Old 01-29-2012, 01:25 AM   #12
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Karen... Will...

I have no idea how you manage to survive from one day to the next. I cannot imagine how I would deal with the loss of a child or the grief that brings. I have thought of Karen and her sorrow multiple times since her post about losing Leann. It breaks my heart to think of what you are going through. Please know that there are parents out here who keep you in their hearts and prayers.
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Old 01-29-2012, 11:09 AM   #13
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Karen,
Yes I am an angel Mommy too. My son passed away in Aug of 2010 at the age of 11. It has been a really rough road. I am sorry for your loss. Life will never be the same. We are planning our first Disney trip without my son. Last time we went to Disney he was with us so this trip will be bittersweet. It never goes away.

Jenny
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:13 PM   #14
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Hi disneymommy78,

I'm not an angel mommy or mommy of any sort, but I do know quite a few of them. My little sister died at the age of 16 three years ago, and for some weird reason, six of my friends have died randomly and unexpectedly (completely unrelated and at different dates and places) since I was 12 (I'm 22 now) and I still keep in contact with the parents of four of them. My mom runs a support group for parents of kids with disabilities (my sister was born with a genetic illness) and three of the other mothers there are angel mommies, too. I guess I just wanted to say that you and your family are not alone.

I know I have no clue how you feel and I know this is a silly thing to say, but do try to relax when you can. Don't be too hard on yourself. Everyone who has to deal with it struggles with it. It's an awful and unnatural thing to lose a child. Sending prayers and good wishes your way.

HUGS,

Lisa
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Old 02-01-2012, 11:29 PM   #15
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My heart aches for each of you who have suffered such losses.

I believe that the OP (from reading another thread) is hospitalized for Pre-Eclampsia. I haven't read if she has been released, but she is still a long way away from her due date. I think she needs whatever we all can offer her. Whether it be thoughts, prayers, anything..
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