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Old 10-06-2012, 08:02 AM   #1
ADisneyQueen
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Is this party favor just going to cause hurt feelings?

I'm a Girl Scout leader. Yesterday, one of the girls came to my meeting wearing a t-shirt with a photo on it of about 12 girls in their grade at a slumber party. There are only a total of 26 girls in the grade. The girl that had the party gave out this same favor(photo t-shirt) another year, b/c my dd has gone to the parties. I don't let her wear the shirt anywhere she would be around classmates. Well, as you can imagine with 6th grade girls there were some hurt feelings when they saw the shirt at school and at our meeting and realized that they were not invited to the party( party giver was in our troop last year). Just venting and thinking about how inappropriate this party favor is. Doesn't the mom know that the girls will wear the shirts to school?
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Old 10-06-2012, 08:10 AM   #2
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I'm so glad I had three boys , none of this drama. Yes, that is such a mean thing to do, those poor girls that will see that shirt. Mean, mean mean.
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Old 10-06-2012, 08:25 AM   #3
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My daughter has shirts like that, we even made sweatshirts at one of her birthday parties. My daughter is not friends with everyone in her class and I never expected her to invite everyone to each party.

Unless a friend did something really wrong I gave her the freedom to pick her own friends and if someone was wearing one of these shirts and she was not invited, she would have been fine. They realized that not everyone gets invited to all parties.
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Old 10-06-2012, 08:27 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ADisneyQueen View Post
I'm a Girl Scout leader. Yesterday, one of the girls came to my meeting wearing a t-shirt with a photo on it of about 12 girls in their grade at a slumber party. There are only a total of 26 girls in the grade. The girl that had the party gave out this same favor(photo t-shirt) another year, b/c my dd has gone to the parties. I don't let her wear the shirt anywhere she would be around classmates. Well, as you can imagine with 6th grade girls there were some hurt feelings when they saw the shirt at school and at our meeting and realized that they were not invited to the party( party giver was in our troop last year). Just venting and thinking about how inappropriate this party favor is. Doesn't the mom know that the girls will wear the shirts to school?
I don't see a problem with it. I, as a Mother of 3 girls (19, 16 and 12) I have brought up my girls to understand they are not included in every party, every activities others in their class may be doing. NOW..if the Tshirt had a picture of 24 out of the 26...yes..That would not be nice...but about half....not something I nor my girls would blink an eye at.
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Old 10-06-2012, 08:32 AM   #5
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I don't think it is mean, especially for upper elementary. I think it is a cute idea and doubt it was created to show "exclusive membership." How would it be different than someone mentioning something that happend at the party?

Kids need to understand they're not going to be included in everything and it isn't like she invited all but 1 or 2 girls.
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Old 10-06-2012, 08:37 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ADisneyQueen View Post
I'm a Girl Scout leader. Yesterday, one of the girls came to my meeting wearing a t-shirt with a photo on it of about 12 girls in their grade at a slumber party. There are only a total of 26 girls in the grade. The girl that had the party gave out this same favor(photo t-shirt) another year, b/c my dd has gone to the parties. I don't let her wear the shirt anywhere she would be around classmates. Well, as you can imagine with 6th grade girls there were some hurt feelings when they saw the shirt at school and at our meeting and realized that they were not invited to the party( party giver was in our troop last year). Just venting and thinking about how inappropriate this party favor is. Doesn't the mom know that the girls will wear the shirts to school?
I think that it is a cute favor.

These girls are in 6th grade and it is time for them to get over "being hurt". Not everyone gets invited to everything. Give her a hug and move on like it is no big deal.
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Old 10-06-2012, 08:39 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kacaju

I don't see a problem with it. I, as a Mother of 3 girls (19, 16 and 12) I have brought up my girls to understand they are not included in every party, every activities others in their class may be doing. NOW..if the Tshirt had a picture of 24 out of the 26...yes..That would not be nice...but about half....not something I nor my girls would blink an eye at.
This is my feeling as well. We can't include everyone all the time. That is life. The kids who learn that early are in good shape for the long run.

I actually had someone (with good intentions) call me once to tell me that half of DD's class was invited to a party of someone on our block, and that since DD wasn't, I might want to arrange a play date for her so she doesn't feel bad. I was like ??????? To me, that was silly. DD, at 8, knew there were events going on to which she was not a party. And that she herself can't invite everyone to her events.

Now if someone is intentionally bragging and being mean about not inviting someone somewhere, that is a different story. But the OP doesn't sound that way; seems like the girl was simply wearing the shirt
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Old 10-06-2012, 08:42 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ADisneyQueen View Post
I'm a Girl Scout leader. Yesterday, one of the girls came to my meeting wearing a t-shirt with a photo on it of about 12 girls in their grade at a slumber party. There are only a total of 26 girls in the grade. The girl that had the party gave out this same favor(photo t-shirt) another year, b/c my dd has gone to the parties. I don't let her wear the shirt anywhere she would be around classmates. Well, as you can imagine with 6th grade girls there were some hurt feelings when they saw the shirt at school and at our meeting and realized that they were not invited to the party( party giver was in our troop last year). Just venting and thinking about how inappropriate this party favor is. Doesn't the mom know that the girls will wear the shirts to school?
I'm in the minority in feeling like you do OP. Just not necessary. I have only sons, and they all realize that they will NOT be invited to every event. They also are kind enough not to discuss parties they attended in the presence of people that weren't included. I almost feel the intent of such a shirt is to show who was included, and thus, excluded. I would never do it. There are so many great things you could give.
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Old 10-06-2012, 08:51 AM   #9
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No its not mean, its life. Kids can't be included in everything and by 6th grade they really should be able to understand that.
Invite all 26 girls, or if you don't the 12 that were can't have/do/say anything that reminds the other 14 they weren't invited? Not in my world, I don't believe in making things like this fair for everyone, that just isn't realistic.
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Old 10-06-2012, 08:56 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katy Belle View Post
I'm in the minority in feeling like you do OP. Just not necessary. I have only sons, and they all realize that they will NOT be invited to every event. They also are kind enough not to discuss parties they attended in the presence of people that weren't included. I almost feel the intent of such a shirt is to show who was included, and thus, excluded. I would never do it. There are so many great things you could give.
I think that attitude is part of the problem. There is nothing wrong with the shirt, there is nothing wrong with the girl who wore it. Automatically assuming that someones actions are meant to cause harm can lead to more hurt feelings especially when a parent talks about it in a negative light instead of reminding their child that they are not the center of all universes.
I have never expected my kids to be invited to everything nor do I consider including all just to stop hurt feelings a wise path to follow.
I think we need teach our kids that the world does not revolve around them.
I have a boy and a girl and I love the shirt idea.
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Old 10-06-2012, 08:58 AM   #11
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I don't know if its mean, a bit insensitive maybe. there is so much drama with young girls that if it wasn't the shirt it would be something else. I'm sure they heard the girls talking about the party anyway.

I think it's a good life lesson. You are not going to be invited to everything, you are not always going to win etc. Kids need to learn life does not always go there way.
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Old 10-06-2012, 08:58 AM   #12
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If these were 6 year old girls, I might say "inappropriate". But 6th graders? Nope, have at it. It's also possible girls were invited but couldn't make it. So they're not in the picture.

Kids that age need to learn (if they haven't already) not everyone is "included".
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Old 10-06-2012, 09:14 AM   #13
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At that age, it would depend how the girls wearing the shirt acted about it. If they acted like it made them superior in some way and part of the "in group" and made a point that other's were left out--THAT would be mean.

Just wearing the shirt, no not mean at all.
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Old 10-06-2012, 09:37 AM   #14
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I see no offense either.

I cannot imagine having to invite 24 6th graders to a slumber party in order to not make anyone feel left out! I have 3 daughters, and I too am a girl scout leader for 7th grade. As much as I can handle girls, you could never force me to invite 24 of them for a sleepover!

I do not see it as a point of exclusion, and if someone is feeling that way, then they need to learn this life lesson. Not every friend has to be invited to everything. True friends understand.

My own kids can only invite 4-5 to their birthday parties. Frankly that is all my budget and sanity will allow. We also like to have the freedom of piling them all in a minivan and going to the pool or ice cream or whatever. Do my kids have more than 4-5 friends? yes. They have on average 10 girls in their girl scout troops as well. This means that we host birthday parties with some girl scout friends, but not all.

My daughters (12, 10, 8) hear about other friends having birthday parties that they aren't invited to, and they don't get all sad about it either. I think it is because they have learned that you don't have to include every friend all the time... and yet the friendship still survives!

My 7th grade troop comes from 2 schools. This means some are naturally closer than others (friends they see at school too) I also have some girls who are "mellow" and others that are lets say "more animated." Again, the girls may gravitate to certain friends outside of scouts. At troop events we work together. It's great that they aren't all the "same type of girl" We enjoy the different perspectives and ways of doing things.

But I would never force them all to be BFF outside of the troop. As long as they are kind and respectful, that should be good enough.

Sorry, I do not see the shirt to be a problem. I do not think the birthday girl intended to rub it in anyones face. I do not think the wearer of the t-shirt meant to hurt any feelings. If anyone needs a talking-to it is the girl who is feeling left out. Someone needs to reassure her and help her be strong enough to not perceive offense, when offense wasn't meant.
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Old 10-06-2012, 09:41 AM   #15
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I don't see a problem with it either. I remember in 6th grade I was not friends with everyone in my class and wouldn't have invited everyone to a party. I think the t-shirt idea is great and something I would do for my daughters friends.
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