If you have kids who have finished college.... - Page 2 - The DIS Discussion Forums

Swimnoid · 10-06-2012, 11:51 AM

This thread is perfect timing as my grown daughter tells me she is going to Cozumel in Jan. What? Wait! You cant go on a trip without me!

Well, of course she can , shes 25!

Huge difference between Freshman and Sr in college and even more so now that she lives 800 miles away. But I still get calls and texts of "how do you do this?"

Life is good.

Nolcrest · 10-06-2012, 12:08 PM

Absolutely!!

Their level of confidence, independence and acceptance of differences has soared. I feel we all now converse as adults. The gap between parent and child has lessened.

I enjoy seeing the adults my children are becoming. What a difference 4 years make.

Snowysmom · 10-06-2012, 01:04 PM

There was definitely a change in maturity especially for my younger DS. Older DS has been mature for his age since he was 2! He is now 27, just got married, and is in his second year of residency. He continues to be very mature, confident, and a good decision maker. We saw a big change in younger DS from freshman year in college to when he graduated. He is now very independent, his confidence has soared, and he makes good decisions.

westjones · 10-06-2012, 03:02 PM

Well I am hoping things get better and that book sounds right on.

The whole....'get out of my life'.....'but wait can you do this?" thing is getting annoying!

Here is an example, one of my DDs was just hired to coach a middle school girls basketball team. This is a HUGE responsibility for her and I am nervous and excited for her. So she sent me a message asking me to help her remember next Wednesday there is a coaches meeting.....OK, so I put it on the kitchen calendar. Then the next day she met with her co-coach and they set up a meeting for the girls at the school so I asked her when THAT meeting was so I could put it on the calendar and she was all annoyed and was like do you really need to know everything I do??????

And I was just thinking about how she wanted help to remember the Wednesday meeting and I was just going to write the second meeting on the calendar to make sure she had a reminder. But I guess since she asked me to remind her of the first it was OK, but I shouldn't have offered to help her remember the second meeting.

It is SO confusing!!!

If you had not asked me to help her remember the first I wouldn't have asked about the second, and I really don't care....I was just trying to be helpful!!!!! AND I don't want her to mess up and forget (and well.....no offense to blondes but not only is my DD a real blonde in hair color, she is a real blonde in the stereotype.....her twin sister who is very different sometimes jokingly refers to her as "Brittany" from Glee but I of course tell her NOT to say that because it is hurtful, but I do see that in her too....and oh my I hope it gets better!).

Anyway...glad to hear things improve, I don't think this DD will be a fully matured for many years, but I do hope things get better.

jujube · 10-06-2012, 04:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by westjones

Well I am hoping things get better and that book sounds right on.

The whole....'get out of my life'.....'but wait can you do this?" thing is getting annoying!

Here is an example, one of my DDs was just hired to coach a middle school girls basketball team. This is a HUGE responsibility for her and I am nervous and excited for her. So she sent me a message asking me to help her remember next Wednesday there is a coaches meeting.....OK, so I put it on the kitchen calendar. Then the next day she met with her co-coach and they set up a meeting for the girls at the school so I asked her when THAT meeting was so I could put it on the calendar and she was all annoyed and was like do you really need to know everything I do??????

And I was just thinking about how she wanted help to remember the Wednesday meeting and I was just going to write the second meeting on the calendar to make sure she had a reminder. But I guess since she asked me to remind her of the first it was OK, but I shouldn't have offered to help her remember the second meeting.

It is SO confusing!!!

If you had not asked me to help her remember the first I wouldn't have asked about the second, and I really don't care....I was just trying to be helpful!!!!! AND I don't want her to mess up and forget (and well.....no offense to blondes but not only is my DD a real blonde in hair color, she is a real blonde in the stereotype.....her twin sister who is very different sometimes jokingly refers to her as "Brittany" from Glee but I of course tell her NOT to say that because it is hurtful, but I do see that in her too....and oh my I hope it gets better!).

Anyway...glad to hear things improve, I don't think this DD will be a fully matured for many years, but I do hope things get better.

I will share what I've done in situations like this. If my daughter asks for my help, fine. If however she gets snippy like your daughter did, I resign and tell her why in a nice way. "______, I was willing to help and asked about the other date for the calendar. You were rude and I don't appreciate the lack of respect. Here's a notebook anf from now on, you manage your own schedule." Let her take over her own responsibilities and it won't take long for her to learn. She will appreciate and respect you more than if you take her guff.
Ask me how I know this.

Things will get better. Just remember that like little ones test you and their boundaries, kids your daughter's age will do the same. If she's ugly, you take it, and keep helping with the same proect, score +1 for her and -5 for you. This is not being critical but it's kind of how they keep score.

DisneyMim · 10-06-2012, 08:48 PM

Both my kids were always great students anyway, but yes I did see a change from freshman year in college to graduation. My daughter was always very mature and was awarded a full scholarship for her master's which she started right after graduation. My son started off college thinking he wanted one type of school and ended up transferring the end of his freshman year. My husband and I were very impressed in how he went about it without any help from us. Even back then I could sense a real growth in him. He then did a study abroad in London and loved it so much that he applied and was accepted to a college in London for his master's. He's been there a year now (miss him terribly) but he seems soooo grown up, making all his own meals, doing everything for himself, etc. He has finished his master's and now is talking about a PHD. He has grown in leaps and bounds since he turned 18. I think once they really know what they want and realize their future is really up to them they become more mature. It's wonderful to watch and wonderful to see them become real adults. Of course they still want our advice and support, and we wouldn't want it any other way!!

10-06-2012, 12:08 PM	#17
Nolcrest DIS Veteran Join Date: Mar 2000 Location: New York Posts: 1,610	Absolutely!! Their level of confidence, independence and acceptance of differences has soared. I feel we all now converse as adults. The gap between parent and child has lessened. I enjoy seeing the adults my children are becoming. What a difference 4 years make. __________________ Lauri

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10-06-2012, 11:51 AM	#16
Swimnoid DIS Veteran Join Date: May 2003 Location: Lexington, NC Posts: 2,761	This thread is perfect timing as my grown daughter tells me she is going to Cozumel in Jan. What? Wait! You cant go on a trip without me! Well, of course she can , shes 25! Huge difference between Freshman and Sr in college and even more so now that she lives 800 miles away. But I still get calls and texts of "how do you do this?" Life is good.

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10-06-2012, 01:04 PM	#18
Snowysmom If they say "That's interesting" when eating dinner, time for a new recipe! Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 2,095	There was definitely a change in maturity especially for my younger DS. Older DS has been mature for his age since he was 2! He is now 27, just got married, and is in his second year of residency. He continues to be very mature, confident, and a good decision maker. We saw a big change in younger DS from freshman year in college to when he graduated. He is now very independent, his confidence has soared, and he makes good decisions.

10-06-2012, 03:02 PM	#19
westjones Mother of Two Disney Princesses Boy I learn something new all the time on these boards! Join Date: Mar 2002 Posts: 8,132	Well I am hoping things get better and that book sounds right on. The whole....'get out of my life'.....'but wait can you do this?" thing is getting annoying! Here is an example, one of my DDs was just hired to coach a middle school girls basketball team. This is a HUGE responsibility for her and I am nervous and excited for her. So she sent me a message asking me to help her remember next Wednesday there is a coaches meeting.....OK, so I put it on the kitchen calendar. Then the next day she met with her co-coach and they set up a meeting for the girls at the school so I asked her when THAT meeting was so I could put it on the calendar and she was all annoyed and was like do you really need to know everything I do?????? And I was just thinking about how she wanted help to remember the Wednesday meeting and I was just going to write the second meeting on the calendar to make sure she had a reminder. But I guess since she asked me to remind her of the first it was OK, but I shouldn't have offered to help her remember the second meeting. It is SO confusing!!! If you had not asked me to help her remember the first I wouldn't have asked about the second, and I really don't care....I was just trying to be helpful!!!!! AND I don't want her to mess up and forget (and well.....no offense to blondes but not only is my DD a real blonde in hair color, she is a real blonde in the stereotype.....her twin sister who is very different sometimes jokingly refers to her as "Brittany" from Glee but I of course tell her NOT to say that because it is hurtful, but I do see that in her too....and oh my I hope it gets better!). Anyway...glad to hear things improve, I don't think this DD will be a fully matured for many years, but I do hope things get better.

10-06-2012, 08:48 PM	#21
DisneyMim DIS Veteran Join Date: May 2000 Posts: 2,653	Both my kids were always great students anyway, but yes I did see a change from freshman year in college to graduation. My daughter was always very mature and was awarded a full scholarship for her master's which she started right after graduation. My son started off college thinking he wanted one type of school and ended up transferring the end of his freshman year. My husband and I were very impressed in how he went about it without any help from us. Even back then I could sense a real growth in him. He then did a study abroad in London and loved it so much that he applied and was accepted to a college in London for his master's. He's been there a year now (miss him terribly) but he seems soooo grown up, making all his own meals, doing everything for himself, etc. He has finished his master's and now is talking about a PHD. He has grown in leaps and bounds since he turned 18. I think once they really know what they want and realize their future is really up to them they become more mature. It's wonderful to watch and wonderful to see them become real adults. Of course they still want our advice and support, and we wouldn't want it any other way!!